~The Marvelous Adventures of a Mary-Sue: Chronicles of Narnia~
Chapter Two – The River of Almost-Death, and Beaver Bashing
They gathered again in the "Reading Room," as it had been called as of late. It was really just a small corner of the Cair's library. The chair they had pulled in front of the couch designated the reader of the Book. Peter looked at it in trepidation, and wondered he was about to read of his future molestation.
"So, who will read this time?" asked Susan. Her eyes shifted to her younger brother, and pinned him where he stood. Edmund sighed in defeat.
"Oh, fine," he said, sitting in the chair. He picked up the Book, which sat innocently on a small, round table, belying its true, evil nature.
We walked until we came upon a huge cliff. It made way to a waterfall, and a steep drop. But the ice that had kept the river still had begun to melt, and chunks of ice broke off with the flowing water.
"We need to cross, now!" said Peter.
"Don't beaver's make dams?" Lucy asked innocently.
"We're not that fast, dear," said Mr. Beaver, shaking his head.
"Let's go!" Peter urged, grabbing my hand tightly in his. I blushed as he pulled me and his sister along, but I wasn't complaining.
"Wait, maybe we should think about this for a minute," Susan protested.
"We don't have a minute, Susan. The wolves will surely get us if we stay a moment longer!" I said in agitation. She really needed to learn when to shut her yap.
"The indignity!" exclaimed Susan.
"She has a point…" Edmund mumbled.
"What was that?" Susan grounded out.
"Nothing." Discreetly, he inched the chair away. He cleared his throat, and continued.
"I'm just trying to be realistic," she replied defensively.
"No, you're trying to be smart," I said.
"As usual," added Peter. He led us down the cliff, slowly and carefully. There was a moment when I accidentally miss-stepped, and my foot slid off the glazed rock. I shrieked in terror as I nearly fell, but a strong arm braced around my waist. I looked up sharply into pale blue orbs, and saw both panic and fear for me in their depths.
"Thanks," I murmured.
"No problem," said Peter. He slowly let go of me, helping me down the slope. But I noticed that he stayed directly behind me until we reached the ground. And believe me, I was happy to see it. Peter tested the ice of the river, and quickly stepped backwards as it broke a bit under his foot.
"Wait, maybe I should go first," said Mr. Beaver.
"Yes, maybe you should," Peter agreed. I did as well. Better the buck-tooth meat patty with rubber feet fall into the ice cold water than me. I had a skirt on, for heaven's sake.
"What an insulting thing to say! Mr. and Mrs. Beaver would be outraged!" said Lucy.
The ground cracked slightly as the beaver made his way across the river, stepping carefully while patting his tail on the ice to test the stability.
"You've been sneaking second helpings again, haven't you?" asked Mrs. Beaver. I could see why she would think that, since the ground under Mr. Tubby-Fat-Ass was about to crumble beneath him.
"You never know which meal is gonna be your last—especially with your cooking," he replied. Sure. Blame your wife for your poor dietary habits. So typical of a male.
"Look!" Lucy shouted, pointing above us. The wolves were there, and ran to the other side, blocking our way of escape. We turned to run in the opposite direction to see more wolves behind us. We were utterly trapped, with no means of escape.
"No!" Mrs. Beaver shouted as a wolf's jaws clamped around Mr. Beaver's neck. 'Quick, eat him!' Oh well, I supposed I was the Queen of Wishful Thinking if I thought that the beaver would get himself killed. The wolf would probably spit him out in distaste…or would that be if it ate Susan? I would probably never know. Oh wait, was that me wishing again?
"We won't even discuss that," said Edmund, moving on from Susan's protest.
Peter unsheathed his sword.
*Girlish giggles*
"Wha…Lu!"
"What?"
He pointed it shakily at Maugrim, who leapt in front of them.
"Put that down boy, someone could get hurt," the wolf growled.
"Uh, duh. That's kind of the point," I said, taking my own sword from its sheath.
"Don't worry about me!" Mr. Beaver said out of nowhere. Um…don't worry. I won't. "Run him through!" I would have, but I thought this was more Peter's battle than mine. But only because he looks so damn sexy killing wolves.
"Wow, she shows pride and humility in one sentence. How is that even possible?" Lucy asked.
"It's a wonder to me," Peter said. He shrugged in spite of his blushing self at the girl's comment.
"Leave now while you still can, and you're brother goes with you," said Maugrim. It was a blatant lie, even I could see right through it.
"Peter, maybe we should listen to him!" Susan said. Stupid bitch. Always ready to jump on some bullshit.
"Ed! Don't read that!" Peter said in more of a whisper. "Think of Lucy."
"I'm right here you know, and I'm not a child anymore, Pete," said Lucy.
"But…oh fine." Peter slumped slightly in his seat.
"No! Don't listen to him! He's lying through his teeth!" I said.
"Look, just because a man in a red coat hands you a sword, it doesn't make you a hero!" Susan shouted. "Just drop it!" Damn skank! STFU! You're going to get us all killed!
"I thought Mary-Sues were supposed to be pure and have perfect morals," commented Lucy.
"Mary-Sue? What in Aslan's name is that?" asked Peter.
"Some sort of devilry?" questioned Edmund.
"Well, I've read that it's a fictitious character that is utterly perfect in every way, shape and form. Essentially, she is a too-perfect character, generally modeled after the author herself. She gets the 'hot guy,' in this case Peter. She beats everyone in fights (except when the 'hot guy' [Peter] saves her), always has a witty comeback, and is outstandingly gorgeous. Also, her past? More tragic than humanly possible," Lucy said.
"Ah…I see. So, this is a Mary-Sue?" Peter asked, gesturing to the Book.
"Yes, I would say a grade two level."
"Grade two level?" Susan clarified.
"Yes. Grade one would generally be: 'barely a Sue, but heading there.' Grade two would classify as: 'Definitely a Sue, no questions asked.' And Grade three…well…Grade three would be: 'Such a Mary-Sue, it's painful to look at.' That pretty much sums it up."
"Oh…alright then," said Edmund.
"What will it be, Son of Adam? I won't wait forever, and neither will the river." Almost directly after Maugrim said this, I heard a loud crack above us.
"Oh no!" yelled Lucy. The ice was melting so quickly that the frozen waterfall broke, releasing tons of water upon them.
"Hold onto me!" Peter shouted above the noise of the crash. He didn't have to tell me twice. Susan, Lucy, and I held onto his coat fast as he plunged the sword he was holding into the ice berg below them. I felt the water crash onto me, and then nothing at all for what was probably the briefest of seconds, but felt like an eternity.
"Long sentence much?" Edmund commented, taking a sip of water that a dryad had brought for him.
I knew we were under water, but I held on tight to the fabric of Peter's coat. Just when I thought that I would suffocate from the absence of air, our heads broke through the water's surface. We gasped for breath as we floated along the river, and finally waded out of the water when our little ice berg landed along the bank.
When I made my way where the water meets the shore, I stumbled with the rogue wave that slapped against the back of my calves. But I never fell, as an arm had once again wrapped around my waist.
"We can't make this a habit," Peter said wryly, looking deeply into my eyes. I smiled, despite my reddened cheeks. But my eyes widened in fear when I looked down at the empty coat in Peter's hand.
"Peter! Look!" He looked down, also seeing that he had Lucy's jacket in his hand. But there was no Lucy!
"What have you done?" Susan asked shrilly. "Lucy! Lucy! Lucy!" We all called to her, but none of us saw her in the water. Peter became frantic, his eyes scanning down the river for a little head bobbing on the surface.
"Has anyone seen my coat?" Lucy asked from behind them, where she was dripping wet and slowly making her way out of the water. Peter quickly approached her, laying her coat over her shoulders.
"Don't worry, your brother has you well looked after," said Mr. Beaver. 'Aww, he's such a good brother!' I gushed.
"Oh, give me a break," muttered Edmund.
"That, I can agree on. I am a good brother," Peter said with a grin.
"Yes you are, Pete," said Lucy. "But you'd be a great brother if you hadn't let me slip out of your hands while you fondled this 'Leana' woman."
"That wasn't me!"
"And I don't think you'll be needing those coats anymore," Mrs. Beaver commented. She was right. The snow had almost completely melted, and flowers were beginning to bloom in its wake. Spring was here.
"End chapter," said Edmund, heaving a sigh. He paused, dully noting that Peter and Lucy were still squabbling over the previous "good brother versus great brother" comment. Oh, well. At least he could sleep well without the nightmares the previous chapter had given him. But then again…the next was surely to bring his doom.
Hehehe, I know it's been a while. I apologize for that, but better late than never! Oh, and I'll keep the audience in suspense for as to whom Susan was referring in her inner musings in the previous chapter—at the end, for those of you who missed it. The mystery person shall be revealed in due time…
-E2189 (and Witchy Pixie)