BlackBelt: I do not own Naruto, and I am so sorry on how many stories I took off. I don't really want to explain it but to put is simply they were not going anywhere, I tried to make more chapters but I was unable to do anything. So I took them off, it actually will make my life easier. I will concentrate on the stories I have now, and place more up later. But the next story that will be placed up will be my Harry Potter story Darkness Heir since I took off my only one I had in that section. The next Naruto story will probably be Dark Desire.
Double Dare
(Part Three: Parental Advice)
Hikaru, a boy's name—she knows this already, smiled as she listened to her baby girl speak rapidly, happiness radiating off of her. "So Neji-Kun asked you on a date?" Her gentle smile then vanished, replace by a psychotic grin, something Sakura's inner-self holds. "About damn time! I thought that moron was GAY! What with his long hair and girly appearance—and he never gave you a second glance whenever he waltz pass you! Men have to be gay if they don't look at my baby!"
Sakura twitched as her mother ranted. "U-um Mama, Neji was a different person when I first met him and I was hung up on Sasuke-San an--."
"Uchiha Sasuke." Her mother hissed dangerously and Sakura knew she made a mistake. Her mother was very protective, and quite mentally unstable, and just the mention of the man who broke Sakura's heart drove Hikaru insane with rage. "That fuck'in bastard—he dared to hurt my precious baby? Ohohoh! He will rot in hell along with that good for nothing--son of a bitch that was your father."
'Oh dear, Mama is in 'Must-kill-all-men' mode again.' The girl winced when her mother cracked her knuckles. 'Yep, she's lost it.'
"YOU HEAR ME YOU BASTARDS! I WILL FIND YOU, HUNT YOU DOWN, AND MAKE SURE THAT THOSE PINS YOU CALL DICKS WILL STRANGLE YOU!"
Completely use to her mother's outburst Sakura just waited patiently, a word she hardly ever uses, for her mother to calm down. When the woman began to cough violently, Sakura held up a glass of cool water to the woman's lips.
After taking medication and a few good deep breaths, the pale Haruno gave her daughter a sheepish grin. "I went over-the tope again didn't I?" Sakura shrugged, signaling she was use to it, though worry was clearly etched on her face. "Sorry sweetie, its just when I think about what those bastards did too you I get so mad I just want to scream!"
"Don't over-due yourself. Take some breaths and make sure you do not let another rage-wave," This is what they call it when the Haruno women get angry. "Loose. Remember what Tsuande-Sensei said, your lungs are getting weaker, you need to keep them healthy." Once again, Sakura's doctor instincts were coming forth, something that normally occurred when dealing with her sickly mother.
Looking at her daughter, the woman reached over and stroke her hair. "You know sweetie, you don't have to live here with me. You're a grown woman, you need a place of your own, especially since it looks like you'll be getting some really soon." She laughed when her innocent daughter squealed out Mother! her face bright red. Normal girls Sakura's age have already lost their virginity, not saying they were whores, but it was rather normal. Their first true love and boyfriend usually were the ones to do it. But Sakura has never had a boyfriend, and even though she is a medical-nin she does not understand the concept of sexual intercourse, yes she knew the process but not the feelings that was suppose to be shared.
She loved her baby girl so much but she was so worried she wouldn't find the right man.
Of course this was before Sakura came home, happier than she has been in a long time, stating what happened to her that evening with the handsome Hyuuga. It was obvious the girl was already head-over-heels in love with the man. It can happen, just spending one evening, talking about random things and you knew where your feelings for the person laid.
Haruno Sakura loved Hyuuga Neji.
Hikaru grinned, they would get together, even if she had to help them see it.
And by help she means force.
(With Neji)
"I see, so you have to court Haruno Sakura. I must say, the Hokage has made an excellent choice for you. She is strong, powerful, and intelligent—but of course you already know this." Neji really wondered if he was hearing his uncle correctly. He was actually praising someone, actually saying that someone was worthy to take the name Hyuuga? Neji knew he had to be hallucinating.
"Uncle, are you saying that you are permitting this-this nonsense? The Hokage is obviously just trying to set both her and myself up, he finds us a perfect match--" He was unable to say any more as his uncle gave him a look.
"And you don't think you are? Tell me Neji, is there any other female in the midst of Konoha that you find would be suitable to be your wife?"
"Er…"
"And is there any female strong enough to take on our name—to bear your children?"
"Children? Uncle--"
"She is also very well-respected; the former Hokage's apprentice, part of the famous Rookie team seven, pupil of Hatake Kakashi, and teammates of Uchiha Sasuke and our very own Hokage Uzumaki Naruto."
"Please don't mention either the bastard's or the dobe's name. And Sakura--"
"Yes we wouldn't want to mention Uchiha would we? He is a bit of a bastard, everyone is so appalled at how poorly he has treated you fiancée."
"Fiancée? But I have just started to court her and only because it's a missi--"
"And let's not forget how he betrayed Konoha just for selfish gain."
"I agree with you there--"
"Now let's drop the subject and get onto more important things. Now let's begin with the lesson."
"Less--"
"Now the first step of courtship."
"Say what!"
(With Sakura)
"Ok sweetie, when you go out with Neji you just want to be yourself, basically the opposite way on how you handled your infatuation with that Uchiha-Bastard."
"Thanks for the remainder mom." Sakura snapped sarcastically as she crossed her arms over her chest, a frown covering her pretty face.
"Oh stop it—now the first date you will let him take charge, see how he handles things, cause we all know how ignorant men can be when it comes to women. We just want to see how exactly he will play the first date; you should be able to get a bit of how his mind works when dealing with females."
Sakura blinked, "But Neji-Kun is extremely intelligent and would be able to handle a date perfectly—just like a strategy when coming up against your enemies."
Hikaru looked blankly at her daughter, "Ooooh fuck."
"Mama!"
"Sorry sweet heart but I didn't think I was going to need to teach you how to handle a date." Inhaling the pink-haired woman closed her eyes in concentration before she looked at her daughter. "Ok, most shinobis, and notice I say shinobis—as in the males—will look at a date as a mission—this is the wrong way to go."
(With Neji)
"This is a mission Neji, as simple as that. Your goal is Sakura-San, and she is also one of your toughest obstacles."
Neji blinked as he listened to his uncle's wisdom. "Can you elaborate, uncle?"
"Hmm." Taking a deep breath, the leader of the Hyuuga clan looked serious. "Women are complex and mysterious creatures that no man on earth can or will ever figure out. Even the esteemed Kazekage does not know."
(In Suna)
"TEMARI! OWW! STOP USING YOUR FAN—OW!" Gaara ran away at full speed as his PMSing older sister ran after him screaming like a banshee with her large fan swinging after him so fast his sand was having difficulty protecting the red-head. "All I did was answer your stupid question! Yes you looked fat in that dress! AAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEE!" A girly screamed erupted from his throat as the girl sped up, her rage now intensified."
"YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU WILL DIE!"
(With Neji)
"Well I never doubted that he wouldn't be the one to know." Neji huffed, not liking the Kazekage all that much, regardless if he saved his teammate or not. "And besides how difficult can a female be?"
(With Sakura)
"Really? Men are that simple-minded?" Sakura asked in awe.
"Well not all men, everyone is different, but pretty much they only have a few things in mind; food, training, and girls—mostly sex or dealing with something naked. Now men can be rather sensitive, despite their macho-ass ways. Now I know how much you hate too lose, but it is on a whole different level concerning men. To men they have to beat the shit out of each other too see which guy gets the girl."
Sakura had the decency to blush seeing how both she and Ino did the same things when it came to Sasuke.
"Let me put it this way—you can read a single book and learn all you need to know about men. For women it will have to be a set and even then men wouldn't understand us. They are just programmed that way. Even your own Neji-Kun and Uchiha-Teme, though the bastard had more revenge in mind than anything else. I swear that man is an idiot. He wants to revive his clan yet he pushed every single damn female away from him. The line is going to end with him, I just know it."
The pink-haired girl winced slightly at the mention of Sasuke. He hurt her so bad when he came back. She really wanted to punch the bastard in the face.
"Now take this instant, right now I bet at least one member of the Akatsuki, the feared and terrifying assassin group, someone is scratching their ass, belching the ABC's and drooling at porno magazines."
(Akatsuki Lair)
"Dediara! Look!" Kisame chirped as he chugged down a gallon of root-beer. In haling he let out a large burp that sounded like an "A-B-C-D" The blonde laughed and head butted the shark-like character.
"AWESOME! Let me try!" He also nearly drowned himself with a soda. He got to I in the alphabet. "BOO-YEAH! I got you jack-ass!"
"DAMN IT!...I bet my farts smell worse than yours."
"YOUR ON! Then afterwards lets go sneak into Itachi's room and steal some of those great magazines—didn't he paste the head of the cute pink-haired chicks on each model's face?"
"Yeah, he has a thing for her."
"Oooh…Oh! Wedgie!"
(With Sakura)
Sakura blinked at the mention of the infamous group who keep trying to steal Naruto. Last time they fought she was captured by Itachi, but his hands went to her butt and she kicked him in the face. In the end she was the hero—not Sasuke, Naruto, or Kakashi. She felt so proud after that moment, even though Sasuke was an ass and said she took away his want for revenge.
Bastard.
"So all men are basically the same."
"Pretty much."
(With Neji)
"No two women are the same?"
"Basically."
Neji looked troubled at this information, he thought he knew Sakura but according to his uncle there was another whole level, more than likely levels, to her character. "Just how many Sakura's do you think I will have to deal with?"
"That I cannot answer. My precious wife had many—when she was pregnant, when she was on her time of the month, when she wanted sex, when she didn't wanted sex, when she was hungry, when she was full—you will more than likely meet with all of these and it is your duty to deal with each of these with stride…and when I mean stride I mean not run away scared."
Now that took Neji by surprise. "You've wanted to run away, in fear, uncle?"
Sighing, the man went pale, "No one can survive the rage of a woman who is either pregnant or is on her 'time the devils eat the inside of her stomach' month. No one."
Neji shuddered and thought about his cousin, his sweet and gentle cousin, scary enough to want to run away.
(Konoha Street)
"RUN AWAY!" Naruto screamed as he ran down the street of his village a knife-wielding Hinata right on his heels spitting out curses and death-threats.
"GET BACK HERE YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A MAN! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! HERE ME? KILL YOU!"
"WHAAA!"
(With Sakura)
Sakura scratched her head, "I have to show breast?"
"Yes but not too much, leave something to the imagination but show him you have something he will definitely like and want. Trust me, once Neji, hell any man, gets a whiff of the curves you have under those baggy doctor robes, he will jump your bones. Oh! And it hurts."
"What hurts?"
"When you have sex." Hikaru stated simply.
"What part?"
"Er…Get me a donut and a banana, and I'll explain everything to you."
"Oh—you hungry?"
Hikaru slapped her forehead.
(With Neji)
"Uncle, please don't tell me about your sex life, please." Neji pleaded.
"No? Well how about your father's?"
"DEAR HEAVENLY GOD NO!"
(In Suna)
Kankuro looked at his bloody and beaten younger brother with pity. He too learned the hard way on telling a girl the truth when concerning her looks or weight. Gaara must be very well-loved because he didn't have anything broken. And trust him, not even all the sand in Suna's territory could withstand a pissed of Temari and her fan of doom.
(Author)
This was mainly a humor-filler chapter, next is the date of Neji and Sakura which will provide more fluff and humor! Sakura's past, Sasuke's appearance, and a mission will be appearing very soon! Oh and my computer can suck at times, it didn't pull up the disease pneumonia (probably misspelled it again right now) in the last chapter for Hikaru, which pissed me off to know end. Please review!