So…I was just sitting at work, typing and stuff, when this idea struck me…like lightning! I remembered reading a few fanfictions where Ratchet had this special…shot he would give people that would magically make everything better and heal all of their broken bones and stuff, and they would experience the side effect of…sleeping for a week.
But then, I stopped what I was doing to think for a moment. (Insert gasp of shock here)
What would happen if…if…IF!
I apologize in advance. I can't really explain it, but I know what I must do! Tally-ho the crackiness!
Summary: After a prank gone awry, Zackery is left in the capable hands of our favorite CMO. Oh, this is going to be fun.
Complete and utter insanity on my part, ignore my twitchy-ness if you please
Warnings: Nothing like drug-induced stupidity and mellow smart-assery to start your day.
Disclaimer: I own the plot and Zackery…so yes, all of her issues are my fault. I can only laugh.
The Miracle Drug
"So…I see Skids and Mudflap have exacted their revenge on you for the frozen paintball incident…."
Zackery Witwicky, 22 years old and very pissed off, glared in return while crossing her arms. Her current position was quite entertaining and Jolt had to prevent himself from poking the femme just to watch her swing back in forth. The grin stuck on his faceplates, however, was a different story.
There had been a call from one of the soldiers saying they had witnessed the smaller set of twins racing off, cackling in glee, and went to investigate the situation (seriously, who wouldn't?). Apparently they had somehow managed to reach the ceiling panel Zackery was currently hanging from, upside down with a bungee cord. The blue mech was quite shocked at first when he had turned the corner. Not only was she hung high enough to come up to his chasis but only her right leg seemed to be holding her there while the left seemed loosely wrapped. If it hadn't been for her bandana, he might have actually run into her and caused some serious damage.
Jolt also realized how lucky he was to have gotten there before Ratchet did. Primus only knows how irate the medic had been as of late…
He was in no mood to witness how creative a 'Crankier-Than-Normal' Ratchet could be in a room full of potential weapons that were seemingly always within arms reach, but that didn't mean he couldn't tease her….if only a little.
"As much as I love the view, I'd very much appreciate to have my feet back on the floor, thank you." The unfortunate victim ground out between clenched teeth. "If Pops sees me like this, I'm going to be in so much trouble!"
"You're supposed to be on bed rest…aren't you?"
A quiet huff and sharp turn of the nose confirmed the assumption. Now Jolt feared the worse had yet to come, his grin slowly withering away…one of Ratchet's patients? Avoiding bed rest?
The perfect formula for suicide was in motion.
"And you're worried about Barricade finding out? What about Ratchet?" He inquired with a slight tilt of the helm. It was always good entertainment to listen to the Witwicky sisters' explanations. They were quite uncanny and many mechs have warned Prowl to avoid these explanations unless the younger sibling was there…the blue mech counted at least 15 times within the past year where Prowl had his logic circuits completely freeze on him, but those incidents were either unintentional on his part or very intentional on Zackery's part. It was really a 50/50 chance when Prowl and Zackery were in the same room...
"Me? Worried? Are you nuts? I think the term 'scared of being mauled by gigantic robot nanny-medic' is far more fitting, don't you think? It's not even my fault! I swear!" She ranted, her body now idly swinging back and forth.
"I was just looking for Pops since I couldn't sleep, and then Mudflap came out of nowhere and knocked me out! I'm not a happy camper, here! If my giant robot nanny found out I was wandering, I'm fu-"
"I assure you that I am no nanny, Zackery." A voice sharply cut her off. A very, very angry sounding voice that seemed to make the metallic walls ring in an evil sort of way…Jolt's frame cringed as he stepped aside for Ratchet to get to the woman. Things were going to get ugly, if the medic's revving engine, growling vocaliser and pinched facial plates were anything to go by.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Zackery chirped a little too happily.
"Oh-ho, dear child, my thoughts are free seeing as they're about to become a reality as soon as you explain to me whyyou are outside of the Medical Ward against my orders?"
If there is anything more frightening than Ratchet on the fritz, it was when he used the tone of voice he was using now. A certain tone that made your self preservation scream 'DANGER! RUN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION!'. The Witwicky child either hadn't realized this by now, she stopped caring altogether, or she never really had that little voice that knew better than to mess with the CMO.
Jolt could only stand by and watch as Ratchet crossed his arms over his chasis and glowered at the woman before him.
"It wasn't my fault, please forgive me?" Zackery then whimpered, finally catching the situation. She began to twiddle her thumbs and avoid Ratchet's gaze until he snapped at her again.
"Zackery. Explanation. Now."
"It was the midgets! I swear!" She whined. Ratchet does not like whiney voices.
"It's not my fault this time! In no way shape or form should I be in trouble! I've been upside-down for ten minutes and I'm starting to get dizzy! Get me down, Ratchet!"
"What's this I hear? Are you demanding me to do something, child?"
Uh-oh…
"Uhm…if I said I loved you with all my heart, would you forgive me?"
It took all of Jolt's will power to prevent himself from doing what the humans called a 'face-palm'.
"And if I said nothing will prevent me from stripping you of all your privileges and base clearance before taping your aft to a bed?"
"I would say I'll do anything to make it up to you?"
Zackery immediately wished she could take back her words when Ratchet's faceplates suddenly curled into the most evil smirk the medic has ever created. She privately swore, thinking that only Megatron was capable of such an evil and foreboding look as Ratchet snipped away at the bungee cord and caught her. He then motioned towards Jolt who then proceeded down the direction of the medbay, muttering in glee before following.
"Now you're sounding reasonable."
Samantha Witwicky, 19 years old, stood at the edge of the berth she had been placed on and stared as Ratchet trudged into the medbay with her older sister in tow. "What'd she do now?" She asked, earning the middle finger from Zackery.
"Shove it or save it, Sam." She growled, yelling out and indignant 'Hey!' when the medic dropped her the last 5 feet onto another berth. Zackery did not dare to speak up about it, though. If Ratchet's eerie temperament were to worsen, she would find herself on the receiving end of one hell of a rant that usually consisted of promises to physically maim someone with a rusted chainsaw.
Not a pretty conversation, mind you.
"Your sister has actually has just volunteered herself to be my test subject." Ratchet's fake and cheery 'I'm-going-to-have-fun-poking-your-insides' voice rumbled as he stepped away and began digging through a few drawers. It took only a moment before he then pulled out what looked like a Cybertronian-sized Petri dish with a thick brown liquid sloshing around.
Samantha suddenly paled; Zackery only blinked.
"Isn't that the stuff you used to fix Sam's arm?" The oldest wondered out loud. Her sister faintly shook her head and gulped as one of the medic's hands suddenly exploded into an impressive array of medical tools.
From experience, Samantha dared to not tell her sister that Ratchet had been tweaking the vile, metallic tasting liquid he was now placing into a syringe. Optimus had specifically ordered that the supposed 'miracle drug' be used only in emergencies since the horrible side effects usually last a good week or so, and the cost to make just an ounce of the liquid would take away three years of her and her sisters' salary combined. After Samantha willingly volunteered to test the first batch after accidentally breaking her arm, she vowed never to do it again, even if he offered to pay her for the time off she would need!
Tweaked or not, Samantha wouldn't even give the stuff to a Decepticon P.O.W.
And Ratchet seemed to have loaded a hefty amount into his chosen tool; her poor older sibling was completely oblivious to the horror that awaited her.
"Uhm, Ratchet?"
"Hm?"
"You're…not going to seriously use that stuff, right? I mean…it took you a while to save the money to even make that much! And you're going to use half?"
There was a slight tilt of the helm and a loud hum of his engine as he supposedly pondered the current situation. It did take him about a year to successfully tweak this batch….let alone come up with the money for materials and time he spent on it.
Did he honestly care, though?
"I'm sure it won't be too hard to come up with the funds, seeing as your sister is far more than willing to help pay for the dosage she is about to consume."
"No way in hell am I swallowing that stuff or even paying for it!" The eldest snapped, already looking for an escape route. "You must have a glitch or something, nanny-bot!"
Samantha watched in utter horror as Ratchet made a lunge for her sister, who didn't seem to want to go down without a fight as she twisted just out of his reach and made a leap of un-faith off the side of the berth. The poor girl stood no chance as the medic quickly caught her.
The youngest sibling actually had to force herself to look away as the medic began wrestling with the woman who, in turn, was struggling to get away.
"Either accept this as punishment or live the rest of your life in the Pit!"
"As if I wasn't already? Get that thing away from me, you Physco Nanny-Bot!"
Today was not going to end well…
One of his optic ridges immediately hitched upwards when the medic presented his ward to him…or what Barricade thought was his ward.
"The Pit did you do with my charge?" He asked, glancing at the medic.
"Why, it's Zackery, of course." The medic said gleefully. "It's just a small side-effect to some medication I gave her, no worries. She'll be fine within the next few hours. Go on, take her and get out of my MedBay!"
The Ex-Con just stared at whatever it was the medic was trying to shove into his servo.
This…thing could not be Zackery, in any way shape or form. ITs expression seemed slow, ITs posture was too relaxed; IT just would not stop giggling at him. Its pupils were also dilated and sort of foggy...
He shot a questioning glance towards the younger sibling, who just shrugged and went back to sorting through the metal fragments around her. "It's Zackery, don't worry. She's just a little…happy is all."
Happy?
Barricade looked back down at the thing.
"Femme?"
The thing giggled more before leaning backwards to look up at him, only to fall flat on her back. Ratchet adjusted himself to accommodate.
"Heeey Pops!" Came a chirped (and…slurred?) reply as the thing attempted to regain whatever non-existent balance it had had before.
"What did he do to you?"
"Nuffin, muffin…" Another giggle fit. "I waaaant this stuffz for go. I freel…so damn awesome. Did I…et like sum…awesome sauce?"
Barricade shot a glare at the CMO before carefully picking up the thing. "She can't even speak properly! What in the Pit did you give her?" Oh, he so wanted to beat that look off of Ratchet's face…with a rusted sheet of jagged Earth metal.
Who did he think he was, giving her 'medication' that made her vulnerable and…high?
"It's a mixture I came up with to counteract the effects of her…" A short glance to his right confirmed Samantha wasn't paying attention. Or pretending not to.
"Her handicap."
Only a half truth, but it would do for now.
The Ex-Con glanced down at his charge, who was now occupying herself by singing (can that even be called singing?) and waving her hands around in circles. "Me be a toaster~, Me be a toaster~ Ratchet's good at making toasters~!" Whatever the medic gave her had seriously messed her up.
"It's only a test batch, so it isn't as…potent as the end product is going to be."
"And what if it doesn't work? Please tell me this reaction isn't permanent, because if it is, we're going to have a serious problem here, medic."
"Then your audios must be glitching since I have already said that the effects are temporary. The only unpredictable variable here is the side effect."
Something about this whole situation made Barricade very uneasy as Zackery went from giggling, to humming, to downright screeching whatever Primus-forbidden song she created. There had been no warning to the CMO's message saying that Zackery needed to be picked up, and he had just dropped her off the previous week on Ratchet's orders of bed rest.
The Hatchet does not like his patients overworking themselves.
And when he arrived, she had been whirling around in circles and yelling something about making a tornado before Ratchet picked her up and presented her.
"You want me to take her back to the states in this condition?"
"Are you fore-seeing any Decepticon attacks we are unaware of in the immediate future?"
With that, the conversation was forcibly ended as Ratchet turned to assist Samantha with sorting metal. Zackery stopped whatever she was doing and gave Barricade the toothiest grin he had ever seen on a human.
"I can freel mah braaaain! The zombie can, too!" and stated as proudly as she could before proceeding to poke her cranium.
The Ex-Con cycled a bit of air in a sigh before leaving.
Not even six hours later, Ratchet received an emergency comm. link communication from Barricade.
.: MEDIC!:.
Oh, the processor ache he was going to get in the morning…
.: Calm yourself, Barricade. What is the problem?:.
.: The femme is having a negative reaction to the medication you gave her! She can't even eat without it coming back up! :.
There was a moment of tense silence before Ratchet's system hummed.
.: I believe I forgot to mention that the mixture contained a substantial amount of nanites. It's nothing too harmful. Right now her body is attempting to expel the now non-functional nanites I had her ingest. Had they been inject to her system through her bloodstream, she would be having a far more serious reaction:.
.: YOU HAD HER INGEST NANITES?:.
.: She. Will. Be. FINE, Barricade. Make sure she drinks plenty of water and gets plenty of rest. If she asks any questions, then just tell her that if she ever disobeys one of my orders again, I'll make her ingest more. Do you understand?:.
.: If you knew this was going to happen then why did you give her the medication?:.
.: If ingesting nanites is all it takes to keep her in my medbay for even a week then I will, by all means, do it again.
Before the Ex-Con could yell any further, Ratchet cut off the communication before preparing his systems to re-enter recharge.
The day just ended as well as he had planned.
For this chapter, I really don't care if anyone is OOC. X3 I mean, this idea came to me on a whim! Boredom! Entertainment!
No, not really, hehe. This chapter wasn't really well thought out, but if I didn't type it up soon I was going to go insane. I'm still trying to work on the chapter with Sunstreaker, but not only is it looking to be a two-parter, but it's really hard keeping Sunstreaker in character!
Anyone want me to do a different mech? I could attempt Prowl…NO I'd kill myself! Dx A list of bots available would be…uhm…Bluestreak, The Midget Twins, Wheeljack, maybe Ratchet, Sideswipe, another Barricade shorty, and Optimus. Or maybe interacting with some of the N.E.S.T personnel? I don't know v.v; I'm all open for whatever you guys want to say. These little snippets get me in the writing mood to get the original story edited….
Kiren: I knooow and I'm sorry! I feel like such a half-asser now! TvT Hopefully in the near future it won't happen again. X3
FlamingBitch1408: I'm so happy you reviewed! Thank you! I'll do my best from now on!
And I might have something special posted on Christmas…keyword being might.