Chapter 3
JJ
You might actually just make it. Henry's finally sleeping upstairs and the lamb is marinading in the fridge. The sweet potatoes are sliced and just waiting to be placed on the tin. A quick glance at the watch informs you that you've got three hours left to shower, vacuum the kitchen and the living room, get changed and put the dinner in the oven.
You wink at your own reflection in the mirror in the hall, quite pleased with yourself. The rush from the last few hours has driven every thought beyond meal preparations and time management far from your mind and for a second, you just want to enjoy the feeling of having managed to get everything done on time.
It feels good and you realize how much you actually miss the challenge of being confronted with a situation that's bigger than you. This is the most of a challenge you have faced ever since you gave birth to the baby sleeping peacefully upstairs.
And you know that tonight, you're just about to face an even bigger challenge, though a challenge of an entirely different matter. Tonight you'll see Emily again. And it makes you re-evaluate your newfound fondness of challenges. This is one challenge you'd just love to turn your back to.
But you don't really have much of a choice and so the only thing you can do is give yourself a little mental pep talk and try to lose yourself and your thoughts in a blur of activity once more as you start vacuuming the floor.
It's a hot day and your T-Shirt is sticking to you like a second skin. You can't wait for that shower. Suddenly you're pulled out of your thoughts by the ring of your doorbell. Who the heck- you start, but reach your front door and look through the glass triangle that's at just about shoulder height. You feel the blood drain from your head.
They're here. The team's here. But it's only 4pm and they said they'd be there at 7 o'clock! You don't know what to do, you're hyper aware of the sweat on your body, the old, ragged shirt you're wearing and the gash in your jeans, on the backside of your right thigh. They can't see you like this. You don't want to open that door. You contemplate acting as if you're not there and just having them come back at the time you set, but then Reid's voice drafts to your ears through the polished wood of your front door
"That's weird. Her car's in the driveway."
And that's when you know you'll have to open that goddamned door in front of you and you'll have to let them in, even though your hair's a mess, you stink and you're wearing torn, almost colourless clothes that you wouldn't even wear for a night-time trip to some anonymous drive thru in the city. And now, the first impression they're gonna get after months of not seeing you will be this. Emily is going to see you like this.
Sometimes you really hate your life.
But it is as it is and you push your discomfort aside, put on a wide, open smile and with a last, grim look at the vacuum cleaner on the floor beside you you swing open your front door.
A multitude of voices and body parts moves past you, Garcia wraps her arms around you as if you just came back from the dead and while they are talking among each other and to you at the same time, you discretely try to move the vacuum cleaner ourt of everybody's way. In the end you apologize and bend down quickly to pick the offending item of the floor. When you straighten your back again you meet her eyes. She's still standing in your door, just on the doorstep, caught in between inside and outside. She takes your breath away.
"Emily" is all you manage to say and your voice is heavy with words unspoken and feelings shoved to the far back of her mind.
"JJ" she acknowledges and it's a bit awkward, because you're standing there, vacuum cleaner in one hand, with an old, sweaty shirt on and she's standing opposite you, all immaculate beauty with her long dark hair and her spotless suit. You feel like an idiot. She's staring at you and it makes you wonder what she expected to find.
"Come in" you say and the warmth in your voice doesn't really cover the confusion over everything that's happening. You realize that on some level you're glad for the vacuum cleaner in your hand, because it saves you from hugging her. It's not that you don't want to. It's more that you want it too much and you're already off-balance enough without feeling the heat of her body against yours.
Your smile shaking on your face, you show her the way to your living room. For a second she just stands and stares, taking it all in before she sits down on the couch opposite to Morgan and next to Reid. You get everyone a drink and remember to inquire about their flight (Your mother would've been proud of you) before actually posing the question you really want an answer to
"So how come you're early? Case solved itself?"
Your laugh is shaky and you hate yourself for it. In a room full of profilers, keeping the shaking to a minimum just isn't good enough.
"Pretty much, yes." Hotch replies, before apologizing and explaining that the police caught the killer just as their plane touched the ground.
"We thought about waiting til 7, but we're all family after all, so we figured it might be alright if we just kind off dropped in. I hope our early arrival doesn't cause you any inconvenience, JJ?"
Well, what are you supposed to answer to that?
"No of course it doesn't. As long as you don't mind waiting for your food a bit longer?"
Everyone denies and someone mentions that they had snacks on the plane.
And from opposite the room you can feel Emily's dark gaze on you, whenever you open your mouth. And sometimes when you don't.
"Excuse me for a second, please. I really need to take quick shower and get changed, as you see, I was just cleaning…"
Everyone waves away your apology, telling you to go ahead, do as you please. Why do you suddenly feel like you were the stranger in your own place?