November 14, 2011

A/N: So, it has been awhile, but I was having a little difficulty with this prompt. I wanted to explore a different form of writing, so I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 3: Humor

Laugh at Life

A small whimper escaped Scarlett as she cocked her head to the side, perplexed and fatigued. Snake Eyes laid a strong arm around her shoulder, his eyebrow arching in question. Scarlett sighed, "I can't believe we ran out of paint," she looked out the large floor windows to the darken sky, "it's too late to buy more."

Snake Eyes pointed to a magazine in which the inspiration for the warm, lily pad, green wall color came from. Scarlett scoffed. "You can't call it an ascent wall, Snake. Not when you've already painted three and a half walls," she clarified, narrowing her eyes at the stark, white, semi-painted wall.

Scarlett dropped her paint roller and sat on the floor, before laying back to stare at the ceiling. Snake Eyes rested his paint brush down next to hers and joined her. After a moment, Snake Eyes twisted onto his side to look at her. Taking his hand he caressed her face, pulling stray strands of hair away from her eyes. He stiffened, clearly distraught. "What?" Then she felt it.

Earlier the ninja had spilt some paint (what was probably the amount they were short) and cleaned it up, but forgotten to cleanup himself. Scarlett scrunched her face, the paint from Snake Eye's hand drying like glue on the side of her face. Then out of nowhere, she laughed and her laughter grew. Infectious, Snakes Eyes smiled, and she watched him begin to laugh, too. This was just life, and if this was the worst of it, she could deal with that.

Bonding Moment

Slurping noises of the utmost unattractive kind bounced around between Scarlett's ears as she trudged through knee deep swamp sludge. They, the Joes, were looking for Roadblock and Heavy Duty when the Joes were temporality separated. Sure, they had com-links, but how do you signal your coordinates in a swamp that looks all the same? You don't.

Thankfully, Scarlett was paired with Snake Eyes, who was effortlessly crossing through the swamp as if it was water and not sludge. And despite what most believed, other creatures inhabited the murky water of the Mississippi waterway. Small, unforeseen animals, which Scarlet had mistakenly stepped on, led to her to losing her footing and falling. Her descent was quick and blurred by rapid arm flailing and a meek cry, ending in a plunk.

She surfaced just as quickly, mumbling to herself that for the hundredth time private side ventures always led to something bad. Snake Eyes slithered next to her, not a break in speed or composure as he evaluated her. Only her pride wounded, Scarlett was covered from head to toe in brown and mossy green water.

Her eyes narrowing, she retorted, "Not a word."

His visor lifted just the slightest from his eyebrows jumping in shock. Who, me?

Slap Stick

Sometimes, despite her deepest wishes, Snake Eyes was a guy's guy. And guys, well, they could be . . . difficult, especially when around their own kind. The redhead recalled her high school biology teacher saying that some primal habits derived from the ape never faded, and showing off was one of those unnecessary things that had stuck around through evolution.

Building a shelter was difficult all by itself: collecting supplies, constructing the shelter, and then doing everything damn near possible so the shelter stayed secure. Oh, of course there was the tank, but four guys and a girl in one tank – to sleep – not happening.

The quartet of men had "borrowed" some wood from a Cobra lumber yard and was making a makeshift camp. In all the chaos that ensues with people trying to build a suitable, temporary outdoor home, a three stooges' scenario popped up . . . unfortunately.

It started when Roadblock turned around to address the others that he accidently cracked a piece of lumber into tunnel rat's back. Propelling the sewer-wreaking militant into Duke; thus, pushing said "leader" into the stoking fire.

Leaping from the campfire, holding his foot in efforts to douse the flames that danced on his boot, Duke collided into Snake Eyes, who had until then ignored the commotion, since really this was a common occurrence. Sadly, that negligence cost Snake Eyes his balance. As the ninja tumbled back, he landed on a piece of wood. That wasn't all that bad, except the wood was acting as a seesaw against a log, which on the end of the newly cut plank sat a pale. The pale that was full to the brim with water was to be used to kill the campfire when everyone went to rest for the night. Instead, the bucket became the hat of the one and only Shana O'Hara . . . who was now very, very wet.

The debacle was exasperated by the howls and cackles of her team. Lifting the bucket just over her eyes, in fury only a woman could attain, she watched as Snake Eyes did something she never would have imagined. The ninja leapt up high and chest bumped Duke after raising his hands into the 'field goal' position.

"Men," Scarlett seethed.

Needless to say, Snake Eyes ate and slept alone that night.

Sarcasm

It was a small published article in a boondocks' town paper that led the team to recon the area. Believed to be an underground weapon facility of Cobra's, Scarlett insisted the Joes check out the mountainous area. Everything had proved true and the mission to destroy the warehouse was successful until Flint and his men had been tipped off to search that area. Splitting up to lose the small US troops that were sent to arrest them was a smart idea. Sadly, black stands out in a bright, green forest on a cloudless, sunny day. Flint had placed the duo, Scarlett and Snake Eyes, between a rock and a hard place, literally. The ninja and military intelligence officer were surrounded. Their backs pressed against the bottom of the mountain, their only exit was through armed military. Flint jumped out of his jeep and proceeded to take the lead, looking almost befuddled on how he had cornered them.

In a surprise move, the Falcon leader holstered his gun and crossed his arms. "What the hell are you doing here? After Cobra again, trying to prove your outlandish theory?"

"No Flint, I just always wanted to see Yellowstone National Park, that's all."

Even years later, Snake Eyes believed that had Scarlett kept her tongue in check, they would not have been fired at. Luckily, he had one smoke screen grenade left.

Dry Humor

Between all the shoot outs and car chases the last place anyone would suspect military fugitives would be a carnival hosted in a public park. Reds, blues, purples, and every other rainbow color relaxed the six Joes, now having Ripcord reunited with them. They were dressed in civilian clothing, enjoying the festival atmosphere in the park. They were located somewhere in North Dakota, nature finally awaking after a long winter nap.

Cackles from sugar-high kids and giddy chattering from zealous parents were just parts to the beautiful song the carnival played. All sorts of acts: magic, strength, and comedy shows debuted for the anxiously awaiting crowds.

It was only when three hours later, when the group was sitting together at a picnic table eating that Scarlett's head stiffened like a prairie dog on the alert. Snake Eyes, whose face was covered by the collar of his jacket, was first to notice. Then Duke, Tunnel Rat, Ripcord, and finally Roadblock stopped eating and conversing to watch Scarlett.

"Cobra." She rose following the agents who were entering the dressing room of the man dubbed "Strongest Man Alive."

Duke rose from the table, tossing the remainder of his lunch into the nearby receptacle. He dusted the remnants of his hamburger off his hands. Snake Eyes was already next to him about to proceed in the direction Scarlett had left.

"At least she waited until we ate before picking a fight with'em," Duke said in a deadpan voice.

Witty Humor

It was Tunnel Rat's idea to attend the convention. Aliens, wizards, mermaids . . . Did people seriously believe in this stuff? Well, apparently, as hundreds flocked to the Roswell Convention Center every year. The plan was to hunt for any suspicious Cobra activity since their trail had run dry recently. And alien conventions reeked of weird and crazy.

Suddenly Snake Eyes picked up on a local talking about disturbing lights passing on the highway that would flicker all sorts of colors. It was peculiar to the rough and unshaven farmer because flying saucers normally traveled in the sky – not the ground. Scarlett quickly moved to the front of the growing crowd, Snake Eyes on her heels, determined not to lose her.

It was almost instantaneous that the indignant looks of the convention goers rippled through the mass of people. "What?" Scarlett demanded, wanting answers.

"Cobra? Are you on crack, lady? Cobra's got nothing to do with flickerin' lights." The farmer and his entourage laughed. Soon everyone dispersed, leaving Scarlett and Snake Eyes by themselves.

In utter disbelief and shock, Scarlett turned to her partner. Struggling to say anything, they watched a woman dressed as a troll with vibrant purple hair cross their path.

Was that a troll? And we're the crazy ones?

"I know!" Scarlett said, more loudly than she wanted. "So, we can't be taken seriously unless we have aluminum foil hats on or something?"

Humor at Someone's Expense

"Wow, talking about walking in another person's shoes," joked Tunnel Rat. It was suppose to be a cheer up session for their teammate who had just undergone a tonsillectomy.

I hate you, mouthed the sore throated redhead.

"Wait, wait," Tunnel Rat begged, "think about, Snake Eyes has been blessed, all the perks of having a girlfriend, now with a mute button. Ladies and Gentleman, Snake Eyes is the luckiest man alive!"

"Uh," Roadblock interjected seeing the frown on both the ninja's and his fiancée's faces. "Maybe you should stop."

"Hold on, I got one more," Tunnel Rat urged. The Brooklyn native was hunched over in the hospital room, desperately wiping away tears that had collected from laughing so hard.

"I'd stop clowin' around," warned Duke who was watching Snake Eyes stare at the replenished bowl of ice cream, layered in whip cream and crowned with a cherry.

"Think about how quiet it will –"

WHACK! Everyone laughed, except Tunnel Rat; even Scarlett who was in still in pain from the surgery. Tunnel Rat caught the empty bowl as it fell into his hands. His face painted in vanilla ice cream and whip cream was funny, but the cherry precariously perched on his nose topped it off.

"Nice shot," Duke commented to Snake Eyes.

Vulgar Humor

Soon after the anaconda strain incident, the Joes had been lured into a trap with some false tips thought to be from Breaker. In a devious and meticulously plotted plan, the Baroness had finally captured the Joes, harboring the fugitives in an old shoe factory. No longer suspended like meat at a butcher's shop, Snake Eyes recounted the last few minutes, trying to justify his actions as objective and purely strategic.

While normally under the capture of enemies Snake Eyes would listen for anything that may be helpful to the Joes' cause; however, something inside triggered Snake Eyes to break free and not only disarm the guards, but also beat them into unconsciousness. Thinking back, it must have been the one guard's sense of humor.

Hanging with his hands chained over his head, Snake Eyes was content to stay until he sensed it was time to leave. While his friends were all captured, including Scarlett, he knew they would escape without any serious harm and in the mean time would have gathered intel, which is what he was collecting until the deep-throated and obnoxious watch guard decided to heckle him. Ongoing for at least ten minutes the other guard assigned to Snake Eyes watched in amazement that not one of the insults his partner had thrown had angered – or even ruffled the feathers of the ninja. But everyone has a breaking point – an Achilles heel.

The bearded, ostentatious guard huffed in frustration. Then seconds later smiled as his metaphorical light bulb clicked on.

Face to face with the black clad captive, the guard snickered. "I got a joke for you. What comes hard and loud?"

Snake Eye, unbeknownst to the man, narrowed his eyes.

"Your girlfriend when I'm doing her."

In retrospect, Snakes Eyes came to a conclusion that his decision had no objective perspective. And that was okay with him because it could still be considered justifiable. The guard did something that could not go without punishment – and that was talk about Scarlett, his Scarlett. Stepping over the bleeding, broken guards, Snake Eyes opened the door and exited looking for Scarlett . . . and the others.

Snake Eyes had a sense of humor, it was just very selective.

Quirky Humor

Snake Eyes craned his neck, as if looking at the costumes at another angle would help him to like them any better. Really, did she have to pick Tarzan and Jane? Snake Eyes may not have been able to speak, but he was able to think, which was more than the muscle- headed Neanderthal could say. Sure, Halloween was suppose to be fun, but having it be their first one as a couple, he wanted to kick if off . . . a little differently. It was two days until the costume party Lady Jaye and Flint were throwing and Snake Eyes was determined not to let this happen.

It was the night of the party when Scarlett, dressed in a terrycloth robe, flew into the living room, accusations etched all over her face. "Where are the costumes I bought for us?" Her foot tapped and Snake Eyes took the same precaution as if navigating a minefield.

He shrugged, turning the TV off. Passing her and moving to the bedroom, Snake Eyes could hear the brush of her slippers grazing the wood floor in hot pursuit of him. When the newly appointed major entered their bedroom, she immediately crossed her arms of her chest, trying not falter at the picture in front of her.

Innocently standing in the middle of the bedroom was Snake Eyes with an alternative costume in his hands.

"Okay, so if you're going as Superman, who am I suppose to go as?" She looked upset, but the twitch of her lips said otherwise. Pulling out a business suite with glasses, note pad, pencil, and press pass that read 'Daily Planet' with the name 'Lois Lane' answered her question. "Are you saying I'm some type of damsel in distress just waiting for you to save me?"

'You do tend to get into a lot of trouble in searching for truth and justice.' He smiled shyly.

"Uh-huh, fine." Scarlett conceded, taking the costume from him. She sauntered over to their private bathroom, only to stop in the doorway and address him. "I'm letting you know this, if I cross that Harriet Jameson from personnel, again, the one that's always making comments about my promotion and playing favorites – what I will do to her will make Lex Luthor cringe."

Snake Eyes smirked and nodded, knowing she wasn't kidding. But, at least he would have to wear that damn loincloth.

~ End Prompt 3

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