We're No Longer Ten
By Uchiha Xairylle

Part 3 : Children Cancel Clandestinology

"THIS IS NOT FAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIRRR!"
"Ara." Urahara fanned himself as he looked at the closed fusuma, "What is wrong with Kon?"
"I WANT WOMEN, TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"
"I don't think I want to ask." Urahara shrugged.

After Ryu and Hideki dragged (yes, they did not carry him) Kon back to Urahara's store, they immediately resorted to staying there for a while to talk to Hideki some more. It was a closed-door meeting between them, according to Ryu, and he did not want anyone to be prowling around to eavesdrop. They even put a sign with a red diagonal line over the image of a black cat (Hideki could draw well).

"Okay, Hideki." Ryu leaned forward towards Hideki as Kon continuously sobbed in delirium, "Tell me, in detail what happened?"
"Why?"

The boy was skeptical as ever.

"Iam your brother's best friend."

Hideki did not look convinced. Ryu was the only one he could comfortably talk with who was out of the family but that didn't erase his natural skepticism. Whatever. Ryu had his ways.

"Yui-chan's twin brother, too."

"Well…" Hideki began and Ryu stopped himself from smiling. Yui's name could really do wonders and the youngest Kurosaki son started to talk.

"When I came home, the door was locked so I tried the window." Hideki narrated, "Kiichi-nii's room had a window with a tree nearby so I thought I could enter there. At first there wasn't anything unusual about the surroundings buuut…"

"But?" Ryu raised an eyebrow. He was having an idea of what Hideki would say next. The boy looked at Kon behind Ryu and contemplated for a while. The mod soul had not stopped yapping about Yui, the valleys and his long overdue virginity if there was even such a thing. Ryu took a glance at Kon and found him sitting stupidly like a lifeless doll as he mumbled things in broken Japanese.

"Don't mind him." Ryu shrugged.
"Make him stop." Hideki pouted, "He's talking about Yui-oneechan."
"He's always like that."
"I know and Otousan told us to hit him whenever he talks like that about any female." Hideki was still pouting as he looked at Kon, "Always hit Kon-kun when he's like that."

Ryu sighed and shrugged.

Was that a countermeasure for Mai's future?

"Do the honors, then. I'm not wasting any of my effort on him again."

It seemed fair enough for Hideki. He could somehow vent. Ryu did not get the point of Kurosaki Ichigo telling his son that it's okay to hurt other people regardless of age if they seem stupid from their point of view. Whatever happened to non-violence and reasonable parenting? Well, Ichigo-san was probably a very open-minded person then. And for her wife to tolerate it, she must have the same outlook in life. None of that now. Hideki had just finished marking Kon's face with his little fist.

"WHAT THE CRAP DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" Kon yelled at the small boy.
"You're in no position to be asking questions!" Hideki shot back like a little Kuchiki Byakuya, "What the hell do you think you were talking about anyway!?"
"Oh, you want to know, you little prick?" Kon raised an eyebrow and aimed to grab Hideki by the throat but the kid swatted his hand away, "Your brother, and Ryu's sister — your biggest crush of your time — just took their time and devir—"

"SANTEN KESSHUN! I REJECT!"

WHAM!

A large three-point shield pinned Kon face first towards the floor. He grunted and cursed at Ryu's versatility in using the Rikka. It was just not fair.

"Would you like a tongue piercing, Kon-senpai?" Ryu was smiling at him, "Quincy arrows are sharp and would probably alleviate any pain."

Kon looked away in annoyance. The tri-link shield disappeared.

"Now, Hideki, what did you see?" Ryu assumed his lazy sitting position and Hideki sat ceremoniously in front of him.
"He was holding her with one hand… I don't know what his other hand was doing."

Ryu nodded.

That hand was definitely not being kept to himself.

"He was holding her rather tightly and she was… squirming?" Hideki was doing a face as he looked up in contemplation, "He asked her if it hurt and she replied with something that was a bit muffled…"

She wasn't fighting back, then.

Ryu continued to listen.

"Then he… bit… he bit her neck, I think and that was when I got worried and yelled at him."

Ryu raised an eyebrow.

You bastard, Ken'ichi. I wasn't even able to Hirenkyaku to base one and you were able to Shunpo to freaking home run! You are NOT being fair!

For a guy who just heard a hint that his twin sister was groped and probably deflowered, he was taking it rather lightly. Well, it was probably because he had already been expecting it to happen so many times now. And since it was Ken'ichi involved with his sister, Ryu knew so well that he'd be better off sitting back and watch them fuss over each other than tell them what to do. They've got brains of their own. Now if Ken'ichi raped his sister then that would be another story all by itself but Yui was really not the type to be pinned down against her will.

"If they were arguing, that was a very strange way of bickering." Hideki was saying now and Ryu smiled faintly.
"If I told you your brother is a vampire, would you believe me?" Kon was thinking out loud and Hideki shrugged him off.
"I'm annoyed. I'm really annoyed." Hideki was talking to Ryu.
"There are things… that… well…" Ryu began and rubbed his chin, "Things that had started even before you were born."
"What things?"
"For one, Ken'ichi and Yui-chan called each other by name the day they first met each other."

And that was thanks to me. Shit, Ken'ichi, you owe me YEARS of payback!

"They did?" Hideki muttered thoughtfully, "Then why did s… s… stu… stupid Kiichi-nii have to wait for how many years to be together with her?"
"You know, that's everybody's question." Kon replied carelessly as he resorted to lying down on the floor of the empty room, "I bet even they're asking that question."

Ryu bit his thumb.

If those two really got together in Ken'ichi's room, they were going to need some back up especially if Mai had been lurking around the place like the stealth princess that she was. If anything, Mai was unconsciously very good in hiding reiatsu that even her brother couldn't sense her when she didn't want him to. In this case, the only people who can find her are her own parents or her Byakuya-ojisama.

Ryu got up.

"Come on, Hideki, we're going to your place."
"What for?"
"To warn the prince and the damsel from the demon that is Quincy."

Hideki raised an eyebrow but said nothing as Ryu walked out. Ryu just felt like something was up. And indeed, something was up. Or rather, down.

They had just gone down from another climax.

Yui's chest heaved as she lay on the bed and looked at a topless Ken'ichi who was buttoning up her blouse. She could not remove her eyes from his visage. If anything, Kurosaki Ken'ichi was one hell of a fast learner. That or he had done this before. If not, then he was definitely good. She did not count how many times he was able to make her see that white light while holding back his own but she was sure it was more than just two times. He told her she'd be so tired that she couldn't hit him at all and, oh boy, was he right! She thought the bed would collapse and that the neighbors could hear her screams muffled by the pillow. His name was still in her head and his touch had still not left her senses.

"You can walk straight but you won't be able to Hirenkyaku for quite a while." He snickered, "I assure you that."

She smirked. He was stressing that he could catch her when he wanted to.

"We're just lucky no one's around." Yui commented.

Ken'ichi shrugged. Well, he knew it was possible that someone could knock any moment and find them out but everything felt so good that the whole of Karakura could've been eaten by Hueco Mundo and he wouldn't care at all. Yui felt so good and her moans were like fuel to his desire. It was addictive — very addictive. They had just done it but he couldn't wait for them to do it again.

"It's a good thing we locked the door." Ken'ichi said as he started putting on his white shirt.
"As if that's going to stop my dad." Yui sighed and turned to her side and sniffed Ken'ichi's scent on his pillow.

Sexy.

"What's he going to do?" Ken'ich said as his arms slipped in of the sleeves, "Break down my door?"

Tzing!

There was a strong reiatsu. Ken'ichi was unable to finish putting on his shirt and immediately grabbed his Shiigami Representative badge.

CRASH!

The window splintered and shattered and Ken'ichi immediately picked up Yui by the waist as the girl squeezed her eyes shut. Ken'ichi was about to shift to his Shinigami body but realized that it was Ryu and Hideki climbing into his window.

"What's the meaning of this?" Ken'ichi raised an eyebrow and Yui was busily giving him obvious hints to put her down. His arm was around her waist and her toes were not touching the floor.

Ryu blinked at this image and whistled lowly.

"Ryu, you can knock, you know!" Ken'ichi put Yui down and walked towards his shirt on the floor.
"I was afraid you wouldn't hear me." Ryu was grinning mischievously.
"At least don't act like a barbarian breaking in through the window." Ken'ichi pulled his head out of his shirt as Yui proceeded to walk towards the window. Ryu followed with his eyes.
"Hey, I warned you with reiatsu, didn't I?" Ryu walked towards the bed and picked up one of Ken'ichi's magazines. Ryu felt the sheets with his palm.

Warm. It had been used.

"Oh, that's helpful." Ken'ichi picked up his gray uniform and all of a sudden, a small hand was handing something.

A gray coat.

Ken'ichi looked up as he took it.

"Hideki?"

The magazine was open but Ryu was looking at Hideki. Yui was not saying anything as she rejected the broken window but Ryu knew that she knew she was doomed.

Oh, the blackmail!

"Hideki." Ryu said as he tossed the magazine, "Would you find Mai for me?"
"Huh?" Hideki looked at Ryu, "She's probably with Otousan again but okay…"

Hideki shrugged and turned away but stepped back, looked at Ken'ichi and said, "Slowpoke."

"WHAT!?" Ken'ichi's eyes widened but the boy immediately ran out of the room, slamming the door as a reply. Ryu started laughing and Ken'ichi turned to him instead with a questioning look. Yui was not saying anything as she attended to using the Rikka on the window.

"What's so funny, Ryu?" Ken'ichi started towards the Ishida boy who did not answer. Ken'ichi scratched his head heavily, "If you're not going to tell me at least stop laughing like a hyena already."

But Ryu merely smiled at him. Such a disturbing smile! It almost made Ken'ichi feel that Ryu was up to something again.

"Stop smiling at me like that."

Ryu smiled wider.

"STOP THAT!" Ken'ichi threatened to hit Ryu with Yui's coat.
"I'm just smiling desuuuu…" Ryu planted his palms on the bed and leaned back.
"What are you smiling for?" Ken'ichi leaned forward in annoyance. He hated not knowing something especially when he felt like it's about him, "Tell me!"
"Hey, Yui-chan." Ryu turned his head towards his twin sister, "What happened to your socks?"

The girl gasped and looked down. Shit.

"Oi, you baka." Ken'ichi nodded at Yui who merely glared at him, "Catch!"

He tossed the gray material to her and she lifted a hand and caught it with much ease. With a smirk, she spread it and tied it around her waist. Ryu was still smiling. Yui sighed and walked towards her brother. Moments passed and the twins stared at each other.

WHAP!

Ken'ichi cringed at that echoing slap to the side of the head that even Ryu's poker face showed a clear trace of surprise as his head hit the bed. Ken'ichi opened his mouth to say something but couldn't as his best friend sat up and robbed the painful part of his head while giving his sister the "wtf" look.

"Talk." Yui demanded, "Tell me everything."

Ryu blinked but smiled nonetheless as he commented innocently, "What could you be talking about?"

That was the exact thing Ken'ichi wanted to ask.

"Ryu." Yui's eyes narrowed, "Tell all."
"Well, my voice has a price." Ryu was still grinning, "And so does my silence."

Ken'ichi's eyes widened. Could he…? Did he…? Was he…?

"Don't tell me he…"

Yui was still frowning. Ryu flashed his world-class smile.

Ken'ichi slapped his forehead. Darn it.

---

Rukia giggled as she arranged the little rabbit figures on one of the shelves of her little gift shop. The whole place had a purple-pink-white motif. Her "very practical" husband reasoned that they couldn't get someone to do the paintjob but later regretted it after hearing Rukia talk about the color scheme of her little shop. All thanks to this, Ichigo, Ken'ichi, Ishida and Ryu had to do the colors themselves while suffering from a bossy Kurosaki midget.

The sound of the chimes danced towards her ears.

"Irrassha—WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" Rukia hollered with a deliberate point at her husband in Shinigami form who was wiping his dirty sandals on her rabbit-shaped doormat. Although her powerful voice resounded across the room, Ichigo had gotten so used to it that he ignored it. The woman growled and pouted before storming towards her husband.

"ICHIGO!" she said again and grabbed him by the hair.
"HEY!" Ichigo complained, "Is this what I get for working so hard!"
"What are you doing to my doormat?!"
"Is that a question? Using it, of course!"

"Noisy as ever." A male sigh.

Rukia looked behind Ichigo and saw Uryuu who was in his Quincy garb as he wiped his dirty shoes on the fluffy rabbit image on the floor.

"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO, YOU STUPID MEN!" Rukia yelled and Uryuu merely blinked at her. Their families had gotten so close that Rukia already had the audacity to scream at Uryuu and throw things at him. Orihime, on the other hand, also began to make high-pitched sermons and demands at Ichigo who would merely raise an eyebrow and shrug her off.

"I'm using your door mat, Rukia." Uryuu said calmly, "I'm sure that's what it looks like."
"That's what I've been trying to tell her." Ichigo grumbled as he removed his Shinigami sandals. Uryuu raised an eyebrow and looked at a glaring Rukia before following suit.
"Hello…!" Orihime entered and Rukia dismissed the part of greeting her and pointed to Uryuu and said, "Orihime, your husband desecrated my doormat again!"

Orihime gasped and looked at Uryuu.

"URYUU!"
"What the hell, it's just a stupid door mat." Ichigo shrugged.

"ICHIGO!" Orihime gasped and shrieked at the same time and Rukia immediately took up the door mat and somehow slapped Ichigo with it. Uryuu immediately knew what would come next and he would not want his white Quincy garb to be tarnished. He backed away as Ichigo began to regain his footing.

"Thestupid door mat just slapped you, Kurosaki-daikou!" Rukia pouted and dropped the rabbit-shaped thing. Ichigo growled and was about to say something when from the window came someone.

"DADDY!"

Uryuu rolled his eyes away as that usual scowl on Ichigo's face was replaced with what Uryuu wanted to call a "freaky happy mask". It was scarier than Ichigo's Vaizard mask. Orange tresses came to Uryuu's sight and Ichigo immediately picked up the little girl who was running at him. The little girl squealed and clung to him and Ichigo planted a long kiss on his daughter's cheek.

"What did I tell you about carrying her all the time?" Rukia said flatly.
"I haven't carried her so much today." Ichigo reasoned.
"Is that actually a necessity?" Uryuu was asking no one in particular but Ichigo glared at him nonetheless.

And THAT is why you have a snobbish daughter, Uryuu.

"Daddy, we have to buy new clothes." Mai said seriously.
"What?" Ichigo blinked, "Why does my dimple bun think so?"

Dimple bun. Uryuu just wanted to kick Ichigo's knee for it.

"Would you like a dress, Mai?" Orihime asked.
"Oh, it's not for me." Mai smiled sweetly, "It's for Kiichi-nii."
"Ken'ichi?" Rukia blinked.
"Hai!" Mai replied innocently as her father smooched her cheek, "And Yui-oneechan."
"Yui?" Orihime looked at Rukia who shrugged.
"Hai, they have no clothes."

Silence.

First, it was deafening. Next, it was disturbing. Then, it was freaky.

And then it was broken.

"WHAT THE HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLL!" Ishida Uryuu flared up with his reiatsu as he looked at Ichigo who was not blinking at his daughter while he tried closing his open mouth.

They had no clothes?

"Maybe they're just swimming." Orihime commented.
"Kiichi-nii has no pool in his room." Mai replied.
"THEY ARE WHERE!?" Uryuu stomped a foot but Ichigo was too busy processing something about grandkids to even realize it.
"Oh, they were probably beaten up and got robbed and… and… and…" Mai recounted thoughtfully. Rukia fidgeted and asked her daughter, "Beaten up?"

"Haaai…" Mai continued in a sing-song voice, "Mai-chan heard Kiichi-nii asking Yui-oneechan if it hurt and she couldn't answer back because she was groaning and moaning and huffing and Kiichi-nii had to give her air by mouth-to-mouth…"

It was like an ambulance siren to Ishida Uryuu and in his mind, he had already pulled out a giant bow and fired fifty thousand consecutive arrows the size of Zangetsu.

"KUROSAKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Uryuu yelled angrily and Ichigo only looked at him. The Quincy was very, very red.

"Maybe Yui was choking." Orihime said again. Rukia smiled wanly. This girl and her stupid comments. Was she ever serious about them?

"Ichigo, your son is a god damn pervert!" Uryuu pointed deliberately at Ichigo.
"Shut up." Ichigo glared, "There is probably a very good explanation for this."
"Oh, let's see what that line means when someone gropes your littleprincess in the future."

Ichigo took a sharply indrawn breath. No one was going to desecrate the little girl in his arms!

"If anyone touches my daughter, I'm—" Ichigo hollered.
"See what I mean? Now you should partly understand how I feel about your son kissing my daughter and—" Uryuu shot back.
"Araaaa but Kiichi-nii was not kissing Yui-oneechan." Mai blinked in interruption as she raised an innocent hand, "Mai-chan is sure!"

Rukia gulped. That could either be good news, bad news or doomsday.

"What were they doing?" Orihime cracked the dreaded question. Uryuu gulped.
"Araaaaa, I don't know but definitely not kissing." The little girl said proudly, "Mai-chan knows what kissing looks like."

Ichigo smiled proudly and looked defiantly at the Quincy archer as if to say, "See?" Ishida was still frowning unconvinced. It would've been okay if Mai did not feel like showing of and explaining to get her Kiichi-nii "off the hook".

"Kissing lets lips meet." Mai said as if lecturing, "They had their mouths clamped together. It was mouth-to-mouth, I tell you."

Rukia wanted to faint and Ichigo was then further worried for the mental welfare of her tangerine princess. What else could she have seen? What did she think it was? How was he going to explain to her when she asks why her brother's arms were all over his "friend"?

Where on earth do babies come from again?

"KUROSAKI!" Uryuu Ishida was wrapped up in blue reiatsu.
"You bastard, you're going to ruin my house!" Ichigo handed Mai to Rukia, "Stop that!"

And without further ado, Orihime replied, "It's okay, I can reject the damages."

-End of Part 3 -

Author: Sorry it took so long. I've been busy with job requirements. Haha! Thank you for all the reviews, the mail, the PM's and the IM's. I love you, guys! If you have any suggestions about the "Meet the (angry, to-defile you) parent" for Ken'ichi and Uryuu, I'm open to it.

Cheerios, Cookies and Bankai to us all!