Chapter 3

XXX Four Months Later XXX

'This can't be good' I thought to myself as I lay curled up in a ball in pain on my bed. I had been having stomach pains for a couple of days now and when I woke up this morning there was blood running heavily down my legs. I screamed in agony as another wave of pain and nausea hit me. Hadi came running in to my room and froze in the door way, which made her sisters run headlong into her.

"Shala, Ruri, go wake up Yuri and get bandages, hot water, and well, see if you can find a midwife to help with the herbs. GO!" The sisters scattered like mice running as fast as they could. Hadi ran to my side and tried to get me to lie back down. The pain was too much to lay flat so she bunched up every pillow and blanket I had in the room and propped me up on the bed.

It felt like hours had passed, but it was only minutes, when Yuri ran into my room at full tilt followed by Kail and Rameses. Another spasm and another scream took me flying backwards.

"Out Kail; you too Rameses. OUT!" I heard Yuri order to the two men. After slamming the door in the faces of the two stammering royals Yuri rushed to my side, as if I was the important person. It would have been laughable had I not been in so much pain.

Not long after Yuri had come to in, both Ruri and Shala came back with the supplies and another woman. It took another twenty minutes of pure agony before I blacked out.

XXXX

I woke to the smell of herbs burning by the bed and a fire going at the far end of my room. It was the middle of summer and hot enough without a fire and the tons of blankets that I had on me for some odd reason. I was burning up and sweating profusely. Light was still streaming through my shuttered window so, it was still daylight. I hadn't slept the entire day away. Or maybe I had and it was daylight again…I sighed and went to move to sit up and instantly regretted it. My muscles screamed, strained, and resisted; I laid back down with a hiss. I let my body settle, and then did a mental check of all my functions. Toes—check, fingers—check, legs—check, shoulders—check…and so on and so forth till I got to my hips and abdomen.

I tried to think back- back to before I blacked out and knew that I had just aborted my baby. I hadn't even been thinking about my cycle since I had healed up from my injuries. I hadn't even had any symptoms of morning sickness. I guess I should have been thinking about my cycle more, though. I felt horrid for the life that never had a chance to live. But what would I have done when he or she had asked who their father was? Lie? Tell him or her that he had died in some accident or war? I couldn't have very well told him that I did know who his father was because whoever it was had been a rapist. That would damage the child, and in the end the child was the innocent one. Who would I have made up for that little bundle? My eyes started to sting as I kept thinking in the circle of thoughts that kept getting worse.

The more I thought about the possibilities and the inevitabilities, the worse I felt. Even though it hurt to move, I rolled onto my side and pulled a spare pillow to me and crushed it to my chest trying to muffle the sounds of my sobs.

Somewhere in the middle of my episode someone had come in to my room and pulled me on to their lap rocking me back and forth petting my hair and mumbling something unintelligible to my hearing. Strong arms and a solid chest kept me from falling apart at the seams. I should have turned around to see who my rock in this storm was but I was too emotionally gone to think at all. I didn't know who it was in the end, as I fell headlong into sleep form exhaustion.

XXXX

"How is she doing?" Kail asked me as I walked out of Thea's room. I had never met a more compelling woman, other than Yuri that is. Thea was both strong and fragile it was scary to see that vain of fragility in her. She seemed so breakable right now. I had held her till she had fallen back into an exhausted sleep.

"I don't know. She cried herself to sleep." I sighed heavily as I rustled one of Kail's kids hair. I felt heavy myself and more worried than I knew what to do with.

"I'm worried about her Kail. She may not have been expecting to have a child just yet but now that she's lost it she may not know what to do with herself. I can tell you it isn't a pretty feeling." Yuri pondered aloud what everyone was thinking.

"She's a fighter. She has been through hell, she'll be ok with friends to support her. Just be there for her." Kail stated to his wife. I had to wonder though if he wasn't talking to me as well. He knew just how much time I had been spending with Thea while I had been up here these last months. I, nor anybody else, had realized that she had been pregnant.

"We'll be there for her when she needs a kick in the butt to get back to her life." I told Yuri with a wink. This whole ordeal reminded me of when Yuri had gone through much the same when she lost her baby. Yuri simply nodded with a ghost of her normal smile, gathered her children and walked away with Kail towards their rooms. I didn't much want to leave and go to an empty room so I, instead, pulled a pillow from the court yard area and laid against a pillar in front of Thea's room.

XXXX

I woke and wanted, no, needed something to do. Something familiar and back breaking; I needed to be exhausted so that I wouldn't think; so that I wouldn't feel. I dressed in a short smock, the same kind that Yuri always wore around the palace, and walked out determined to head down to the stables or to the barracks to see if I could weasel my way into some work. Not that the men would probably let me. Sighing I stepped out of my room and was struck by the sight of Rameses laying on the ground propped up against a pillar in front of my room. I didn't know how many days I had stayed in my room, certainly he couldn't have stayed out here the whole time? That would be ridiculous, romantic as hell; but still ridiculous. My exit must have roused him however, because he woke and groggily got to his feet.

"Why were you laying on the ground? Are you alright?" I asked as he swayed a little after standing, obviously not fully awake.

"She almost dies and then asks meif I'm ok? He chuckled to himself lightly. I was slightly angry at him for mentioning what had happened when I had been doing so well at blocking it out. I scowled at him and stepped back from him wrapping my arms around myself. I felt cold again. Rameses sighed and pulled me into an embrace.

"I'm sorry Thea I shouldn't have said it like that." His chest felt familiar and safe. A rock in a storm; I remembered this vague feeling, and realized that it was him who had held me afterwards when I was falling apart. It brought fresh tears to my eyes. He continued to croon at me and mutter helpless intangible words of comfort. I pulled back enough to look him in the face.

"It was you." He just started at me, "It was you who held me as I was breaking?" I searched his face for my answer. He nodded and kissed my forehead.

"I'm sorry Thea." I nodded and wiped my eyes briskly and felt a small smile tremble on my lips. This man was something else.

"You've nothing to be sorry for Rameses. I just need to do something now. I CAN'T sit in that room all day and not do anything. I can't. I will go mad. I need to exhaust myself doing something so that I don't have time to think. Can you help me with that?" I asked him though I thought I knew the answer before he would utter it. He smiled and shook his head, I was ready for the denial but it was still a crushing answer to hear.

"You amaze me with your strength. Mind you I would have a different plan if you weren't so injured on how to 'exhaust' you to the point of collapse," he paused to look at me with intense eyes, "but I think we can come up with an alternative to my elaborate plans." He chuckled as he cradled my hand in the crook of his elbow and started to walk with me.

I was shocked and amazed that he was accepting and not trying to shove me back into that room to heal for another day; and I was completely captivated with his wit and teasing. I found it completely hilarious that he would even remotely find me attractive. He knew everything that had happened to me. We'd had many talks on war and politics, and little by little he had gotten the whole story from me.

"Oh, dear me I wouldn't want to upset some elaborate plan of yours," I smiled at him teasing him back and pushing the black, nasty, caustic emotions of pain to the back of my heart and mind for the time being.

"Why don't we just make new plans and you can try and surprise me some other time with your 'elaborate' plans" I laughed a little shakily. He grinned at me and just shook his head as we continued out to the paddock where the soldiers were working on sword form and running drills. I stopped to watch and Rameses, being gracious, didn't try to push on. I studied the men as they were doing their bouts against Kash the Infantry commander. A few of the men were good but most were lousy in their form. Easy to read and fast to attack at feints. I laughed a few times too many apparently because not only did the men look at me and scowl but Rameses looked at me a little funny as well. I tried to cover up my bad manners but Kash beat me to it.

"Thea? You shouldn't be out of bed." He glared at Rameses. My Hebrew had grown in the four months since entering the palace thanks to Yuri so I answered Kash in his tongue.

"Sorry to interrupt Kash. I needed some air. You need to work on their form most of them have no idea what to do with their feet." Kash, Rameses, and all the men looked at me like I was spouting a second head on my shoulder. I furrowed my brows and glared back at them all in question.

"What!?" I snapped at them, which seemed to visibly pull them back to reality.

"She's just a woman what would she know of swords" said one soldier. It was one of the ones that had no balance and no idea where to place his feet. I smiled and shook my head.

"I know I could knock you on your ass faster than Kash did." I stated as I removed my arm from Rameses, who was now grinning like a fool.

"No you cannot." He stated simply as I walked up to Kash and held my hand out to him beckoning for his sword.

"May I Kash?" slowly and very hesitantly he levered over his sword to me.

"Commander?" the soldier asked afraid to be wrong in this instance and hurt someone of importance. Kash saw something he must have approved of in my face as he looked at me because he suddenly gave me the biggest grin and shook his head at me.

"I hope you know what you're doing Thea. Don't go overboard and hurt yourself further please. Yuri would have my hide." I simply smiled at him and nodded as I gripped Kash's sword and stepped in to the paddock further in front of the solider.