Rather than answer everyone individually with the same thing, I'm having a go at just saying it here. If you are expecting Princess Bride, you are going to be sorely disappointed. This story is not a romance. It's barely a Shenny. No trembling hearts. No lustful longings. No passionate kisses. No "As you wish" promises.
Penelope paced the lush lawn angrily. Why couldn't Mother Goose just leave her be? She had no use for a man, no matter who he was! She liked her life just the way it was.
The giant wasp watched her nervously. All the creatures in these lands knew her aversion to men, and they were diligent about protecting her from them. So far, they had turned away or killed any who dared try to "rescue" her.
Finally she sighed and hugged his thorax. "Go tell the others," she said softly. Once the wasp had taken to the air, she headed into the maze. She would need to let the scorpions know to expect company. Few ever made it as far as the maze, but it was better to be prepared.
She hated to bother the minotaurs when they had newborn babies, though. Maybe she would insist they stay home this time. The basilisk had been complaining about needing a change of scenery lately. Perhaps he would like to leave that dusty, dark cave and come stay in the maze for a bit. As long as he promised to leave the ice dragon alone. Those two never could get along.
The scorpions were at the far south corner, playing Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Sheriff when she found them. They clicked their pincers with excitement at the news. It had been a while since they enjoyed a real battle. Sometimes playing around with the trolls just wasn't enough. She stayed long enough for one game and then headed home. When she reached her yard, she bent low near one of the signs. "I'm going to bed now. Don't forget, the minotaurs have newborns, so no loud parties, okay?"
Muffled squeaks reassured her and she headed inside. She ate a bowl of stew and drank some cider before slipping into bed. She curled up under the blankets and thought about what the wasp had told her. Mother Goose had four men camping at the base of the mountain. That in itself was unusual. She had never sent more than two before. Usually a knight and his squire, or a wizard and his apprentice.
Penelope sighed sadly. Why couldn't she just live her life here in the maze like she wanted? Sword fights with the minotaur, flying over the clouds with the dragons, dancing in the moonlight with the imps. She had no interest in True Love. Look what it had done to her family! Her mom turned into a watering pot every time her dad took off on some idiotic quest, like the time he joined up with that demi-god's crew to go after some stupid gold sheepskin. Her sister was tied to a not-so-charming prince who chased milkmaids. Her brother's wife was nice enough, but they lived in a frickin' pumpkin, for fairy's sake!
No, she was free and she intended to stay that way! She fell asleep finally, dreaming of carefree days chasing gargoyles through her yard.
Makes you wonder what she would be dreaming of if she remembered the wasps couldn't count.
Dawn broke and the five ex-stable boys gathered their belongings. If they set a brisk pace, they would reach the summit of the mountain by dusk.
Three hours later Sheldor gritted his teeth as Hofstad plopped down on a boulder whining about his aching feet. "Aren't we there yet?" he grumbled.
Sheldor huffed and pointed back down the path. "We can still see the ashes from our campfire!" he growled. "We are no more than 2 miles from base!"
Wolo shrugged and bit into the apple in his hand. "You know what that stupid turtle always says. 'Slow and steady wins the race'."
Sheldor snatched the apple away angrily. "And stop eating the supplies! That's your eighth apple already!"
Kripian kicked a small rock by his foot. "Wook, wosers. We're nevah gonna get there if you don't move fastah. Personawy, I want to find sheltah before it gets dawk."
Hofstad tried to glare at them all, but the sun in his eyes made him squint. "We don't even know if this quest is worth it! For all we know, there is no princess in the maze! It's probably just Mother Goose's way of getting rid of us!"
Sheldor sighed and pulled a locket from his pocket. He opened it up to show them the small portrait inside. All four crowded around the item, their eyes widening. "Her name is Penelope and if we reach the center of the maze, we get our laboratory. Happy now?"
Hofstad grabbed the locket and stared at it in awe. "She's beautiful," he whispered.
"Penewope? Not a vewy sexy name," Kripian complained. "I shall call her..… Woxanne."
Wolo licked his lips. "She's definitely worth a blister or two." Rajellan nodded eagerly.
Hofstad snapped the locket shut and thrust it into his pocket. He glared at the others. "I saw her first! We are destined to be True Loves. Our children will be smart and beautiful!"
Sheldor rolled his eyes and adjusted the way his pack lay across his back. He didn't care which of them ended up with the damsel, as long as he got his laboratory. And if the locket motivated them to hurry up the mountain, all the better!