Author's note: I know that this scene is a bit theatrical – you'll have to forgive me.

The Truth and the Consequences

I stared at my backpack. There were two assignments tonight, one in math, one in English. I groaned. I really wasn't in any kind of doing school work mood. My brain ping ponged between worrying about Jake and worrying about Edward.

My phone buzzed. I looked over at it and saw that I had a text. I opened the phone and read it. It was Edward.

I'm sorry. Can I come over tonight?

I paused before typing in y-e-s and hitting send.

I put the phone down and walked over to my bed. I plopped down, hugging my stuffed rabbit against my chest. For so many nights it had been my only companion.

"At least you will never leave me," I mumbled.

I must have drifted off because I woke to the scent of beautiful perfume. I sat up.

Edward knelt next to my bed, his eyes appraising me carefully.

I felt disoriented and a little grumpy. I yawned, stretching out my shoulders before tucking my hair behind my ears.

"Bella – if you want to sleep, this can wait," he said quietly.

I shook my head. "No. It's waited long enough."

"May I?" he asked, indicating the bed.

I moved over a few feet and he sat next to me. He took my hand between his. I suppressed a shiver – he was as cold as ever.

"What I have done to you, Isabella is unforgiveable. I know this. I caused you more pain, emotionally than I can comprehend. I left you behind with no method of contacting me, in case of emergency. I left you to the world, knowing how vulnerable you are, how accident prone you are. I left you to the wolves, the young, vile, inexperienced wolves that could have killed you at any moment. And despite all of that – you came to Volterra to rescue me. You risked everything, your very life, for me. And as a result, your life is in even more danger than before. The Volturi know of you and have given you an ultimatum. In the end – if we cannot hide you well enough, you will forfeit your existence for life eternal and become as cold, as dead, as much of a monster as I am. I wish I could go back to the beginning, to when I first saw you, and force myself to leave you alone. It would have been better than this."

I watched him carefully through his undoubtedly well prepared speech. He meant it – every word.

"Bella, my Bella – I don't deserve to be in your presence. I'm a monster. I have brought such pain, such sadness to your life. But I promise you this – I will spend the rest of eternity trying to make it up to you. I will do anything you ask of me – anything within my power to make you happy. Just name it, my love."

I forced myself to speak. "Is that supposed to make it all better? Don't you know me at all? I would have risked my life for anyone that I know and love, gladly, and pay the consequences. You say that you wish you had stayed away from me from the beginning – is that your way of saying you should have let the van hit me? And if I had survived that, you would have let those men in the alley have me?"

"Gods – Bella, no. That isn't what I meant at all. I would have saved you - I had to save you."

"Why, exactly? Why'd you do it, Edward, really? Because I have a theory about that. I think that you were fascinated with me, drawn to me, because I was the first person you couldn't read. You had no way of knowing what I was thinking. I was like a shiny new toy."

Edward glared at me, his jaw tight. "That is ridiculous. Do you have any idea how hard it was not to take you?"

"To kill me? That's supposed to make me feel better? The fact that you were able to abstain from drinking my blood and ending my life?"

Edward leapt up from the bed and began pacing the room. "You have no idea what I've gone through, Bella, just to be close to you. What torment it is to be near you. The fire in my throat is all consuming but I bear it because I love you. Because you are worth it. Don't you dare tell me that I haven't suffered as well. Leaving you was the hardest thing I've ever done – harder even than being close to you. I was in hell the entire time I was away. All the color bled out of the world when you weren't in it anymore. I may have left but my heart did nothing but yearn for you every second I was away."

Anger coursed through my body as tears stained my cheeks. I was shaking. "But you had a choice, Edward. You made the choice to leave. You lied to me to make it easier to leave."

"You wouldn't have let me go if I hadn't lied, Bella!"

My voice rose an octave. "You didn't give me a chance! You didn't give me a choice! You thought you knew what was best for me but you were dead wrong! At least if you had explained it to me – made me understand why – I wouldn't have felt the way that I did."

"You wouldn't have understood. You can say that now but you'd be wrong. It was the only way you would have let me walk away. I knew I had hurt you – deeply. Is that what you mean? You felt abandoned?"

"I felt like I was nothing! Like I was worthless. I felt the way I did back home, like an outsider, like a freak, but so much worse. I wanted to die. I wandered off into the forest and I wanted to die."

He looked at me, his hand outstretched, his face a mask of agony. "Bella."

"Just go. I mean it. Get out," I told him unsteadily, my lip quivering.

"You don't mean that," he whispered, his voice a silken plea.

"Get out! Get out! Get out!" I shrieked, finally reaching my breaking point.

Edward looked startled but did as I requested. I closed my eyes for a second and when I looked up, he was gone.

Charlie pounded on my door. "Bells? What's wrong?"

I got out of bed and opened the door.

Charlie took one look at me before pulling me into a hug. "What happened, baby?"

"Nightmare," I whispered. Chills raced up and down my body.

He stroked the top of my head. "It's okay. Daddy's here now."

For once, I let Charlie hold me. He took me back to bed and tucked me in, the same as when I was little. He must have noticed how cold I was so he shut the window. It made me feel a little better. He turned off the light and left my door ajar, telling me to call if I needed him.

I burrowed under the covers as the tears came again. I wept silently, feeling awful about what I'd said, and feeling even worse because I had told the truth. I wasn't entirely sure, but I think he now understood what he had done to me. I just didn't know what revealing that would do to him in kind. I felt like a terrible person, and more worthless than ever. My emotions were making me crazy. Sleep was elusive. After awhile, I felt thirsty.

I slid out of bed and snuck downstairs to the kitchen. I took a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with tap water. I drank between the hiccups and wiped my nose on a paper towel feeling like a snot monster.

That's when I saw it lying there. It was on the cutting board, at an angle. The juice of a sliced tomato was all around it. The pulp looked like blood against the white soapstone. I picked the knife up and watched a drop of tomato juice run down the edge of the blade.

Everything in the world came down to blood – my blood, my life. Jake's destiny had been decided by his blood. Edward had no blood of his own but needed blood to live, as did his family, and others of his kind. Feeling daring, I let the blade rest against my wrist for a second. It would be so easy. I had such thin skin.

But then the reality hit home. I wrinkled my nose in disgust. I couldn't stand the sight of it. Just thinking about it made me nauseous. I rinsed the knife and the cutting board in the sink and walked back upstairs.

I put myself to bed. That night, I dreamt that I was drowning in blood.