A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews, favorites, and followers! This story is so incredibly fun to write and tell, and the reactions are great! ^_^ What a wonderful Monday!

Chapter Three: Woman... or Monster?

PART ONE

Two days later, Lucy Heartfilia had enrolled in Magnolia Academy, the partial boarding school in the city. She had convinced the Headmaster, who, strangely enough, turned out to be the gang master of Fairy Tail also, Makarov Dreyar, to let her stay full time as a boarding school student. She was also shocked to find out that most of the gang members, including Natsu and that weird naked dude, were attending the school also.

School started in a week, and Lucy didn't have anything really to do until then. She spent her time strolling the city during the day. Even though the buildings in certain parts of the town had been totally screwed up by the gangs, the cherry trees were still there. They were flowering, and made the areas surrounding them smell mildly sweet. It was nice.

"Are you sure it's a good idea to just walk around?" asked a voice, coming from behind Lucy. She turned, smiling at the girl known as Levy McGarden. She and Levy had found 'common interests' and decided to hang out around the city, talking about them.

"It gives me inspiration," Lucy explained, "It's lively, yet dangerous at the same time."

"Ah," muttered Levy, rubbing her chin as she thought about it.

Lucy giggled, before turning forward and walking. She spotted the park bench that she and that Natsu boy had sat on just two days earlier. The memory made her smile.

All in all, it seemed to be a pretty good day in Magnolia. The sun was high, the sky was clear, and there was no crime to be seen in the open. A family or two was taking their children out to the park, and the city was bustling with activity. Lucy spotted a hot dog vendor, yelling out that he was selling 'magic' hot dogs. Sure enough, he blew some really hot air on it, and it cooked immediately.

Levy followed close behind, pointing out good spots to watch around the city. They strolled along, hoping to find something more interesting to do. They were pretty unsuccessful. Sure, watching the action happen in the city was entertaining, but when it came down to it, standing and staring was boring. You had to be in the fray.

Hours later the girls had found their way back to Fairy Tail.

Natsu was lounging around, laying across the bench on one of the tables. It looked like he'd been knocked out again since they left. Worse, he was now wearing an inside-out t-shirt. Gray was standing next to him, swirling his own t-shirt on his finger. He seemed quite pleased, but the look on his face was scary.

"Er, Gray?" Levy squeaked, coming out from behind Lucy. Lucy turned and glanced back at her. When she faced forward again, she was face-to-face with Gray.

"Why, hello there. Would you like this shirt? I don't need it." He absentmindedly started stripping.

"GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! YOUR CLOTHESS!"

Gray paused for a moment, before looking down at himself. He jumped 7 feet off of the ground, screaming about his clothes, and then quickly put his pants back on. Lucy stood, frozen. Eeeeew...

The girl who had just screamed at Gray now stood, wobbling a bit to the side before slamming her feet into the ground. She was very pretty, with tan skin and dark wavy brown hair and purple-blue eyes. And she was drunk. Very drunk.

"Gray, you're SUUUUCH an idiot!" she slurred/yelled. Lucy sweat-dropped, taking a step back. Levy frowned, shaking her head. She sighed.

"Cana, sit down. You haven't been drunk in a while, what's the matter?" Levy lectured, shaking a finger at Cana as she walked toward her. Lucy had a vague thought in the back of her mind that Levy resembled a school teacher.

"Nothing! Nothing at ALLLL..." she trailed off, shaking an upside-down beer barrell, like she'd been drinking out of it. Wait a second... She HAD been DRINKING OUT OF IT!

"Uh..." Lucy muttered, very confused, and very wary of the brunette that was swaying from side to side. Her eyes had swirls in them, making her look like a nut. Well, thinking back to the beer barrell, the blonde had to admit that she did seem an awful lot like a nut.

"Oh, Cana's really drunk this time! Amazing," said a voice, right next to Lucy's right ear. Her eyes became as wide as dinner plates. In fact, they rather looked like dinner plates, with black spots in the middle for her pupils. (O_O) Slowly, ever so slowly, she turned her head, to the extent that she looked like a robot as her neck twisted.

"NATSUUUU?!" she screamed, right up in his face. Their faces were inches apart, and he had this really weird look on his face.

"W-what's your problem?" he said, looking like a puppet, the weird mouth movements and all. Levy, momentarily distracted, gave him a very strange and confused look. She narrowed her eyes at him.

Lucy froze. "Nothing! Um, I was just pretending you were an enemy," she insisted, nodding her head and blushing, embarrassed at her awkwardness.

"Practicing?!"

"Y-yes! Exactly!"

"Ah... I get it now!"

"Uh-huh.'

"Yup."

"Great."

"Yes."

"Well then..."

"Hm?"

"Uh..."

"Er..."

"What were we talking about?"

Levy screamed in agony of the long, drawn out exchange. "AAAAAGH! Just stop it already!"

Both looked at her with button eyes, confused. "What's your problem?"

Levy fell backward, unconscious on the wooden floor. Cana straightened from her hunched over position, then bent to examine the bluenette. Her eyes had swirls in them. Lucy and Natsu shrugged in unison.

"Levy! You okay? What the hell's the matter with you?!" she yelled in her face. She looked pretty sobered-up.

"Levy!" screeched Lucy, running over to her new friend and kneeled by her side. Natsu waddled over to them as well.

"Cana," he asked, "Have you seen Happy anywhere?"

"No," Cana growled, and Lucy decided she was still not quite sober. "WHY THE HELL DOES THAT MATTER NOW?!"

Natsu managed to dodge the hot air and swear words that were directed at him. However, he failed to dodge the small square projectiles that Cana had also thrown at him. Lucy stopped tending Levy for a moment, standing up and realizing that the squares were actually cards. Just then they smashed into Natsu, exploding and shooting him into the opposite wall.

"WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!" screamed Natsu, coughing as he inhaled the dust that was surrounding him entirely. He attempted to wave it aside, but he ended up making the dust cloud worse.

"Ignore him," ordered Cana, sitting down abruptly and placing a card over Levy. It had a cartoon image of the bluenette on it. Lucy raised an eyebrow as the it began to glow, illuminating their faces. In the background, Natsu was having a hissy fit, blowing fire and smoke around and setting the tables and tapestries in flames.

Lucy kneeled down again next to Cana, and watched Levy with a worried look. Cana glanced at her. "She'll be fine. She was only knocked out due to overexposure."

Lucy was confused. "Overexposure to what?"

"Stupidity."

A large arrow embedded itself into Lucy's torso, the word 'stupid' written clearly on it. On the other side of the room, Natsu was also shot with an identical arrow. Cana smirked.

"S-stupid?" stuttered Lucy, her eyes wide as dinner plates again. The arrow had now disappeared.

"Well, mostly Natsu... I guess..." admitted Cana, shrugging. She gave Natsu a sideways glance from the other side of the room. He jumped a couple of feet, before grinning like a maniac and stalking his way over to them.

"PEANUT BUTTER!" screamed Levy, as she reached up and out of her temporary coma.

"What?" asked Lucy, gaping.

"Eh...?" muttered Levy, rubbing her eyes and sitting up. She looked awfully confused.

It was then that Natsu reached them. He chuckled evilly, giving Cana an evil glare.

"Natsu," she chided, "Blink, I can't see your pupils!"

An aura of flames surrounded Natsu as his smile widened. His pupils came into view, and they were pointed and reptile-ish. Probably the Dragon Slayer part of him. He started chuckling, harder this time.

"What on earth are you laughing about anyway?" asked Lucy, her brown eyes wide with curiosity.

Natsu averted his glare from Cana to Lucy. She returned the gesture. "Nothing! I'm just very happy that I'm about to beat information out of Cana!"

"Why?!" Lucy demanded an answer. It was weird that Natsu wanted to beat Cana up specifically. It was usually Gray, or even Jet and Droy, Levy's 'henchmen.' (Where on earth were they, anyway?!) But, then again, this was Natsu...

Blech, she thought disdainfully, Natsu is such an idiot.

And suddenly, she felt an arm curl around her waist, much like an anaconda curling around it's prey. Her eyes widened considerably, and she flushed when she saw whose arm it was.

"Loke! What the hell?!" she cried, trying to peel his arm off her.

"Whoah, whoah, wait, Lucy!" protested Loke, clinging on to her. His shades were still on, though she could definitely tell it was him. Suddenly, she felt his arm's absence, and she turned to see Loke jumping around, holding his butt.

"What the..."

Oh.

"AND DON'T COME BACK!" yelled/commanded Natsu, bringing down a flaming fist on Loke. He quickly came again with a swift kick to Loke's legs, causing him to trip and fall over. Loke countered as soon as he hit the ground; swinging his legs in a curved upward motion, he heaved and jumped up, just in time to slam his forehead against Natsu's.

Crack

Both Natsu and Loke fell over onto their backs, their feet inches from the other's. Blood spouted like fountains from their foreheads where they knocked together. Natsu had a weak, open-mouthed smile plastered on his face, while Loke was whistling incoherently. They were also unconscious.

Lucy moaned, quite tired of the boys' rivalry. It was almost as bad as Gray and Natsu's rivalry. Or Cana and Natsu's rivalry. Or Makarov and Natsu's rivalry. Or Laxus and Natsu's rivalry. Wait a second. There was a common denominator there...

That was it! Natsu was at the center of all the trouble! If only she could tame him, if she could force him into submission... Maybe there would be peace in Fairy Tail.

She realized she had been muttering aloud, because when she looked up Cana, Levy, Natsu, and Loke were all staring at her, horrified.

"No, Lucy," said Natsu, his voice shaking in a comical manner, "There's someone else who will make Fairy Tail a dangerous and war-filled place."

"Yup," agreed Cana, "Though she's always pretending to keep law and order, she incites the opposite."

Levy and Loke squeaked in agreement.

A booming sound shook the guild hall. All heads turned toward the doorway, which was shaking. Another boom made Lucy think that perhaps it was someone's footsteps. Before she could ask who it was, the door burst open, and a giant figure entered.

"Oh, look! She's here now!"

"I'M HOME!"

Oh. My. God.

She held a large heavyweight wrestling championship belt over her head like it weighed nothing. Her hair was long, red, and flowing in the draft of the open entrance. The light from outside obscured her face in shadows, but her grey eyes were bright with the sense of someone who expected to be listened to, and obeyed. And last, but not least, she wore... armor?

"Erza!" greeted Mirajane, her ever-present smile lighting up her beautiful face.

"Mira," 'Erza' smiled back, regarding them all coldly. Suddenly, she frowned.

"YOU! JET! DROY! Go mop up that kool-aid you just spilled! Levy! Get me some strawberry shortcake! Natsu, go outside and don't let me see you here again until that fire in your hair is extinguished! Gray! Get rid of all your damn ice around here! Loke-" She stopped.

"Where's Loke?!"

Loke came up behind Erza, grinning wickedly. He snaked an arm around her shoulder and smiled his playboy smile down at her. She did not react violently, as Lucy had expected her to. She glared calmly up at him, and requested through gritted teeth that he let go of her.

"No way! I.. uh..."

"Are you drunk?!"

"No, I'm not drunk... I'm just intoxicated by you."

Then she got violent.

With an odd grace, Erza slammed an armoured fist into Loke's gut, then added to it by using her other fist to make an indent in his face. He went sailing across the room and slammed into the far wall. Lucy was frozen solid, fear freezing up her senses. Who the hell was this girl?! It looked as if she was completely in charge. The occupants of the guild immediately began doing as she told them. Except Natsu.

"ERZA! FIGHT ME!" he demanded, his hair still in flames and his finger stuck out at her. She cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Interesting," she commented, "Usually you're less bold when I initially return..."

"Oh, it's ON!" responded Natsu, who was now pointing a flaming fist at her. He was grinning like a maniac again.

"Of course!" agreed Erza, as she straightened her arm to her side and pulled out a long sword. She dropped the heavyweight belt.

"ERZAAAA!"

THANKS FOR READINGGGGGG!

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