Note: If you look up "Super Salty Edgelord" on youtube, you'll find a funny reading of this fic by NexusAvatar. I couldn't NOT update after finding out! :)
Shrek and Shadow Have a Baby, by Dickfart
So Shadow moved into Shrek's swamp officially. Whether or not he had Shrek's permission meant nothing to him. He was starting to get bored though. Being a fat sack of preggyhog took its toll on Shadow's poor ankles. It made it hard to be cool while he whipped through town beating up the bad guys, the good guys, and all the other mother fuckers that got in his way. Yesterday he was so mad about it all that he punched a hole into the bedroom floor SO HARD that an old portal to Hell opened beneath them.
"DOHN-KAY!" Shrek belted, as the rancid, festering ass broke free from the demon portal.
"Shrek! How long were you gonna let a brutha burn in Hell? Don't think I didn't notice the board you hammered to the floor."
"That guy was supposed to come back and fix it," said Shrek.
"You talking about punk ass bloke with the spiky hair?" said Donkey. "Man, he left before morning. I'm still gon make WAFFLES!"
"Why don't you love me?" said Shadow, dropping to his knees suddenly, bawling with agony. After a few minutes of that he got up on his feet and hooked his arms around Shrek. "I'm not crying anymore, but I feel the intense urge to go shopping. Take me shopping while I'm still happy."
"Would you get OGRE your mood swings already. Ay!" said Shrek, stomping away while his swampy loafers squeaked beneath him.
"WHO WAS HE?" said Shadow, diving for Shrek's ankles. Shrek gave no fucks about dragging a bitchy, pregnant hoogahog across the dirty floor. "TELL ME OR I'LL KILL HIM!"
"Hey guys," said Goku, suddenly appearing in the room. "Do I smell waffles?"
"It was him," said Shrek, kicking Shadow off of him.
"You almost hit the baby YOU FUCK!" Shadow threw a vase at him. It connected with the back of his head and shattered, but Shrek kept walking, crop dusting with each and every step he took.
"Ah, what a dream boat," Goku and Shadow said simultaneously, until Shadow remembered that he was the jealous type.
"Listen here, Kakarot!" said Shadow. "You see that? That's MY man! He's with ME now, so you best be SAIYAN goodbye, if you know what's good for you."
"Hey now," said Goku, flicking the tiny hedgehog in the head. "You're an all star." Shadow fainted instantly.
"HEY! YOUR FOOD IS GETTING COLD!"
"I'm Cum-eh-ha-me-humming, my swamp king." Goku called down the hall. "As for you..."
He picked up Shadow and said, "Get your game on and... go play..."
Then transported him to the worst place possible.
Gundam: SEED Destiny. Actually, no. NARUTO! Maybe Family Guy.
...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
to bee continued