AN: So I have gotten a lot of hits on this story, but no reviews. I would really like to hear what you think and any opinions or suggestions that you might have. I would greatly appreciate anything you have to say.
To those of you still reading and following, I thank you.
Chapter 3:
The first sounds of thunder rolled across the sky accompanied by a strong, cold wind. Xena pushed her horse faster. They raced toward the hills, but as Xena glanced behind her she saw the storm was gaining on them. Gabrielle leaned forward so she could be heard over the wind, "Where are we going?" Xena leaned back for the same reason, "There is a cave somewhere in these hills. We need to find it." "You don't know where it is?" "It was a long time ago. I know it's here, just not the exact location. I'll find it again," Xena said, a little irritated.
The first cold rain drops fell on them as they reached the bottom of the hills and were followed by an instant downpour. Xena stopped her horse and slid off, then turned to help Gabrielle. "It's too steep in this rain to ride Argo into the hills. We'll have to hike from here." Gabrielle nodded and retrieved her things from the horse. "What about Argo, will she be alright?" Xena gave her horse a pat on the neck, "She'll be fine. She will find some where safe nearby to ride out the storm."
When they had all of their things, they left Argo and headed up into the hills. The way was steep and the cold rain pouring down made the climb very slippery. After hiking for a while, even Xena was tiring. She turned to check on Gabrielle, but found her friend keeping up. She gave a reassuring smile and continued up the hill. She knew they were getting close and switched directions to where she remembered the cave lay. As they rounded a group of trees, Xena spotted it, the mouth mostly concealed by several large bushes and trees. They trudged up the last incline and finally entered the shelter of the cave. Xena put her things down and looked around. Up against a wall, there was a pile of branches and logs for a fire, probably left over from the last travelers that passed through. She was thankful, they were going to need a fire to get warmed up and all the wood outside was too wet to be used.
Xena turned, looking for Gabrielle. She saw the girl standing near the entrance huddled over. As she approached her, Xena saw she was shivering violently. She placed an arm around her shoulders and pulled her farther into the cave. "Gabrielle, you need to get out of those wet clothes and get dry." The girl leaned into Xena, craving warmth, but the warrior, also soaked and cold, was not much of a help. Xena pulled a cloth from a pack and handed it to Gabrielle, "Get out of those clothes and use this to dry off. When you are dressed come on over. I'm going to get a fire started." Gabrielle nodded and started doing as Xena said.
As she walked around, Xena found an old fire ring. It was in a very good spot, where she would have put it herself. It was close to a side wall, so that there was enough room to lean back on or sleep between the wall and the fire and still be warm. It was off to the side, away from the entrance, but allowed a good view, should anyone try to enter. She brought over some of the wood and prepared it for the fire, then brought the rest so that it was closer to where they would be. In minutes she had the fire going and was setting up the bedrolls and furs. Then she brought over their belongings. Thankfully their oiled packs and saddle bags had kept everything dry. As she laid out the furs, Gabrielle came over, still shivering. Xena sat her down on the bedrolls and used those blankets to cover her legs, then wrapped a fur around her. "I'm going to dry off and change. I'll be back soon." Gabrielle nodded again and pulled the fur tighter around her.
Xena noticed for the first time, as she took off her weapons, armor, and drenched leathers, just how cold she really was. When her mind was on other things it was easy to ignore, but now that her goal was to dry off and warm up the chill set in and it was harsh. By the time she had dried off and put on dry clothes, she was shaking from the cold. She wanted only to go to the fire, but first had to dry her weapons. Any water left on them overnight would dull or tarnish them. Though it did not take long, the care of the weapons was agonizing in the cold. Eventually she made her way back over to the warmth of the fire and Gabrielle. "Got any room down there for me," she asked. Gabrielle noticed her shivering and immediately un-tucked a side of the fur and held it out for Xena. Xena grabbed a second fur and held onto it as she slid behind Gabrielle. "Wha…what are y…you do…ing," Gabrielle asked through chattering teeth. "We will be warmer this way," she said. She pulled the second fur around the front of them and tucked it into the one behind. Then Xena, leaning against the cave wall, reached forward and pulled Gabrielle back into her, settling her in between her legs.
A few minutes later Gabrielle's teeth stopped chattering, but she was still shivering, as was Xena. Xena placed her hands on the bard's arms and began rubbing them, creating friction and in turn, warmth for them both. Gabrielle leaned more into Xena and the extra warmth there. Soon her arms were no longer covered in goose bumps, but the chill was still there. Xena instead wrapped her arms around the girl's stomach and pulled her closer. "You were right Xena," Gabrielle said, "This is much warmer." Xena chuckled, "And more comfortable too." The bard voiced her agreement.
The two women started warming up as the storm raged on outside the cave. One particularly violent strike of thunder caused Gabrielle to jump, the loud crash startling her. Xena gave her a little squeeze. "You alright," the warrior asked. Gabrielle turned her head so she could look at her friend. "I'm fine, that one just startled me." Xena smiled, "It was very loud." She started pulling one arm away from the girl, but Gabrielle caught it. "What are you doing?" "I just wanted to grab the water skin for a drink," she replied. "Can I have at least one of my arms for that," she said jokingly. The girl complied but placed her hand over the remaining arm, not allowing Xena to remove both. This made Xena smile, the idea that Gabrielle also liked the small embrace they were in. She used her free hand to grab the skin and take a drink, then offered it to her friend. Gabrielle slipped one arm out of the furs enough to take the skin and drink, then handed it back to Xena.
When she brought her arm back down into the furs, Gabrielle moved her hand over to Xena's and slid her fingers in between those of the older woman. She felt her friend tense for the briefest of moments then relax, adjusting her hand for a better grip. Xena found Gabrielle's small action comforting and in return, smoothed back her wet, blonde hair and lightly kissed the top of her head before relaxing back into the wall.
To anyone who might have been watching, the whole scene could have been read as a gesture of comfort or close friendship, the whole thing very innocent and sweet. But to the two women living it, it was becoming obvious that their feelings were becoming stronger than friendship.
"You know," Xena said out of the blue, "I've been really proud of you the last few days." Gabrielle was surprised, "Really, you are? But for what?" "For a lot of things I guess," the warrior told her, "In the battle you got hurt, but you turned and kept fighting immediately, as if nothing had happened. And it wasn't a little scratch either. I know how much it hurts. Then today hiking up the hill, I was setting a hard pace in horrible conditions. I have to admit that I didn't think much about if you could handle it or not, I just went. When I noticed how tired I was getting I realized that you must be exhausted as well, especially after an injury and little sleep. I thought you had probably fallen behind. But when I turned around, you were right there, looking a bit like you wanted to whack me with your staff, but right there all the same." They both laughed at this. "Gabrielle," Xena continued, "I know I don't often say it, but I am very proud of you, all the time. Every day you somehow exceed my expectations. I'm glad to have you with me." Hearing this made Gabrielle smile; Xena didn't open up to her emotions very much, at least not verbally, and it heartened the girl to hear her express her feelings out loud.
Soon, a rumble, one that was not from the storm, was heard rolling through the cave. Gabrielle instantly started laughing. "HA! That was not me this time. Look who's hungry now! Your stomach is the one growling this time," she taunted. Xena grudgingly consented, "Alright, alright, this time it was me. I'm hungry and whether or not your stomach is growling I bet you are too. Want me to warm up the rabbit?" Gabrielle nodded, "I guess it will make an early dinner, since we walked right through lunch." "You're right," Xena said, "But if you want food, you are going to have to actually let go of me this time." The girl growled unhappily but released the warrior's hand and allowed her to get up.
Xena slipped out of the warmth of the furs and moved over to the fire. She took the rabbit, bread, and some cheese and placed it on two plates near fire to warm. Curious about the weather, she then walked over to the entrance of the cave to look out. She watched as lightning lit up the darkening sky. A deep roll of thunder followed close behind. "It doesn't look like it's going to let up any time soon," she said. Gabrielle watched Xena, who seemed almost captured by the storm outside. "Xena," she called, "Come back over here. The food is warm and so is the fire." Xena stared outside for a few more moments then turned and came back to the fire. She sat down next to Gabrielle, placed the fur around her shoulders and handed a plate to her friend. They ate their small meal, passing the water skin back and forth, lightly chatting about random things. When they finished Xena took the plates and placed them near their packs to be cleaned later.
Noticing that a chill was setting in again, the warrior asked Gabrielle if she would like to get back under the furs like before. Gabrielle agreed and they scooted back to their original spot. When the furs were properly placed and Xena was comfortably leaning against the wall again, she drew her arms under the furs. She immediately wrapped them around Gabrielle and pulled her into her chest. Gabrielle, in turn, took Xena's hands without hesitation. "I'm glad you suggested this," Gabrielle said, "I was getting cold again." Xena laughed, "I was too. And this is much better than sitting with only a fur around your shoulders."
Noting how the cave had grown colder as the night came in, Gabrielle wondered about their sleeping arrangements. She knew it would be too cold for them to sleep separately, but didn't want to assume anything. "It's going to be really cold tonight, isn't it," she said. She felt Xena nod behind her. Pushing for more of an answer she added, "Will we be warm enough?" This time Xena verbally answered, "Well I thought we would sleep together, it will be a lot warmer that way." She paused, "If that's ok with you I mean." Gabrielle held back a laugh, "Of course that's ok. I'll probably sleep better like that anyway." "Good to hear," Xena said, "But why do you think you will sleep better?" The blonde half shrugged, "I like sleeping with you. I slept better last night, well after the nightmare, than I had all week. I was really comfortable and being that close to you makes me feel completely safe. I mean, I know that I am always safe with you around, but it's different when you hold me." For a moment the warrior didn't know what to say. She loved having Gabrielle close to her but she didn't know that the girl felt the same way. She wondered what Gabrielle thought about their current position. "So sitting here now, like this…" Gabrielle turned her head to look at Xena, "I love this; I could stay right here and never move. It feels like nothing bad can touch me here." When the warrior said nothing she added, "Of course you probably get tired of me needing you all the time and being so clingy. I don't know why you keep me around." She said this as a joke, but Xena's answer made her question how it had been taken. "You have a good point there. I'm always having to save you or track you down. You always follow me. Maybe it would be easier to just find a new companion." Xena paused, "But then again, I've already put so much training into you. Taught you how to hunt a little and set up camp and how to care for Argo. Plus you can cook. I guess I'll have to keep you; it would be too much work to train a replacement."
Gabrielle felt her heart drop. She was unsure if Xena was joking or not; it was hard to read her tone of voice. She sat up and away from her, "I'll try not to be so much of a bother in the future." Hearing the pain in her friend's voice, Xena sat forward also. She put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed. "Gabrielle," she whispered gently, "I was only teasing. I would never want to replace you, it can't be done. No one can be what you are to me. I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm sorry for how it sounded; I'm not very good at joking. I am so sorry. Please forgive me Gabrielle." The bard turned and looked at Xena; saw the look on her face and the tears in her eyes. She really hadn't meant anything by it. Gabrielle felt stupid for taking it to heart. She placed her hand over Xena's, "Of course I forgive you. I shouldn't have taken it so seriously. It just brought my worst fears to life, the thought that you didn't want me anymore. I'm sorry, I should have known better." Xena closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. With her eyes, she also opened her arms, "Come back," she asked. The blonde smiled and nodded, allowing herself to be embraced by Xena again. Xena held on tighter than before, as if she was scared to lose her. As Gabrielle snuggled in closer, Xena briefly rested her cheek atop her head and whispered softly, "Right where you belong."
With emotions running high, neither of them spoke. They felt at the moment, only a need to be close to each other. The sounds of the storm still raging outside filled the background. Xena thought of the near disaster that came from her bad joke. She could still hear Gabrielle's voice, saturated with pain, in her head. Though the bard had forgiven her, she still felt extremely bad about the misunderstanding. Feeling the urge to again show that she would never want Gabrielle to leave her, she leaned forward and placed a kiss on the girl's cheek. Gabrielle turned her head in surprise. "What was that for?" Xena shrugged, feeling a little self-conscious, "I wanted to make sure you knew that I was sorry and that I would never want you to leave. I just felt like I needed to reassure you, and myself." The blonde smiled at her. "I know you didn't mean it. I'm not sure I have ever seen you so concerned about an apology before." Xena looked her right in the eyes, "Because I wasn't apologizing to you. Gabrielle, you are my best friend. You mean more to me than anyone else. That's why I have to make sure that you know I didn't mean it. I don't care what others think of me anymore, but I do care about you. I couldn't bear it if I hurt you, even unintentionally, and didn't make sure you forgave me." Gabrielle was surprised by Xena's words. She was being much more open than normal. "That's really sweet of you. I forgive you, I did the first time. It means a lot to me though, that it means so much to you." Xena nodded, finally confident that she was forgiven and that Gabrielle was ok.
Another thunderclap roared outside and a lightning strike lit up the dark cave. "The gods must be angry tonight," Gabrielle said. Xena chuckled behind her. "I was thinking the same thing. I bet that somehow Ares is behind it. He is always stirring up trouble." The younger woman laughed too. "So what are we going to do if this keeps up until the morning? Will we continue traveling in it?" Xena thought about it for a few minutes. "If it is still bad, like this, then no, we will just stay here. We aren't in a hurry to get anywhere and there is no need to push ourselves just for the sake of travelling and risk possibly getting hurt or sick along the way. If it is a light rain and not too cold, then we might head out in it. I guess we will just have to wait until the morning and decide after we get a good look at the weather." "That sounds like a good plan," Gabrielle said, following the sentence with a yawn. Xena saw it and it made her yawn too. "Getting a little tired," she asked. "A little," the bard agreed. "Me too," Xena said. "How about we get the furs set up to sleep in and lay down?" The young woman nodded and they both sat up.
Once up and moving, they gathered the furs, bedrolls, and blankets and moved them off to the side so that they had room to maneuver about. "How are we going to do this," Gabrielle asked. "Well I've been thinking about it," Xena said, "I think we should put one fur down first, fur side up, then the bedrolls for us to lie on. If we put the blankets next, we can use them to cover up, and then the second fur on top, fur side down toward us. That should keep us insulated and warm from the top and the bottom." They set about laying everything down as Xena had said. When that was done, the moved some wood within arms reach of their bed so that they could keep the fire stoked throughout the night without having to get up. Xena grabbed the water skin and they pulled back the top layers and slid into their pallet.
Xena placed Gabrielle between herself and the fire, hoping she would stay warmer. "You'll probably want to sleep facing the fire, but for now, face me," she said. Gabrielle looked confused at the request, "Why?" "Because I want to look at you while we talk." "Xena, you have been looking at me all afternoon," Gabrielle told her. Xena sighed, "At the back or side of your head maybe. I want to see your face and your eyes for a change." They both smiled and Gabrielle did as she was asked.
They lay facing each other, the blankets pulled only up to their chests. Xena touched the bandage on Gabrielle's arm. "I need to check that again in the morning. If it hasn't started closing on its own, I'll have to stitch it." Gabrielle made a face at her, "Well I hope it's closing then. I would prefer not to be stitched up." Xena lightly brushed her thumb over the wrap. "It will leave a scar either way," she said quietly. "So," Gabrielle said nonchalantly, "it's not that big of a deal. You have scars too." "Yes," Xena replied, "I have many. But mine are different; I deserved them, you do not." "Xena, you don't deserve to be hurt anymore than I do. You need to stop thinking like that. You have changed so much for the better, but you have to move on from the past. You are not that woman anymore; let it go." Xena closed her eyes and let out a breath. "It's hard Gabrielle; I've done so many horrible things." She paused for a moment, "I know that I have to try to make up for them, but perhaps you are right. I heard it once said that 'the first step to finding forgiveness from others is forgiving your self.' I'll try to remember that in the future." Gabrielle smiled at her, "That sounds like a good plan. And I'll always be here to remind you if you forget."
The fire burned low and Xena reached over to add another log before turning in for the night. Gabrielle turned over, placing her back to the warrior, and felt herself being pulled closer. Xena sighed contentedly. "You are really warm," she told the blonde. Gabrielle smiled, "Only because my back was to the fire. You would feel the same way if you were in my spot. You can switch with me if you're cold." "No," Xena said, close to her ear. "I think I will be just fine right here. I have you to keep me warm." Gabrielle glanced back over her shoulder to look at her friend and saw her smiling softly. The younger woman just smiled back and laid down. Xena gently slid her arm under Gabrielle's head. "Is that ok," she asked. "Just fine," Gabrielle replied. With her other arm around the girls' stomach, Xena settled down into the blankets. Soon they were both sleeping peacefully.
Xena woke only once during the night, and it was simply to stoke the dying fire. Gabrielle stirred slightly when her pillow moved, but after a few soft words from Xena, fell back to sleep. They both slept soundly until morning.