A/N
I did it. I can't believe I wrote this chapter. I had a lot of problems with it. A lot. Even in Spanish. The return of Queen Penelope is waaaaaay more difficult than Sheldor's. I have an incredible headache. At least, I hope you like it. Rated M just for language and be secure.
Disclaimer: I don't own Big Bang Theory.
The song "Better man" is from Pearl Jam.
Knock, knock, knock, "Sheldon…"
Chapter 3:
She walked slowly into the room without waiting for an answer. Sheldon was in the bed curled on one of his sides. Penny had a Déjà vu instantly.
"People cannot be in my room Penny".
"I know and I don't care. I came to see if you were fine".
"I am. Penny, if you come to try to convince me I should reconcile with Amy, I must inform you the futility of your purpose".
She took a moment before answer. "It's not that".
"Oh, so you're here to try to cheer me up with the promise of a ridiculous pie? Just exactly like the day I…"
"Don't remember me that day", she cut him. She felt a lot of pain every time she remembered it. Sheldon had been tricked by his friends. They made him believe he had accomplished the ultimate goal of his life during their stay at the Arctic. So she had tried to comfort him when he discovered the truth. Even though Penny knew that his work was the most important in his life, she had failed in recognize the extent of the 'prank' of Leonard and his henchmen.
She thought it wasn't a big thing, just another fight of the many they had, after all Sheldon seemed to forgive them very soon, so couldn't be that bad, right? But then she did some research about the string theory thingy, and found out how important the alleged Sheldon's discovery would've been. Damn, that would have changed the world of physics forever. Penny felt immensely guilty, for Christ sake! She jumped on the traitor's bones that day.
That damn day. The day Sheldon saw how his lifetime work was on the edge. The day Leonard gets the girl. Worst day in Sheldon's life. Best day in Leonard's life. No, she didn't want remember that day. The day she started ruining everything. But she never said anything about it. Sheldon seemed prefer to keep the problem under the carpet, so she would do the same.
"Yes, I would want not remember that day too. One of the disadvantages of having eidetic memory", Sheldon's voice came out scraped.
"I didn't come to any of that". She avoided the subject, sat on the corner of the bed and put her hand gently on his shoulder. The more different that day, the better. "I wanted to tell you I understand your decision and I support it".
Sheldon turned and sat resting his back against the headboard. "You do?
"Yeah, I mean, you were a bit harsh, even for you, but I agree about what you said".
"Well, I'm not particularly proud of the words I used… Don't tell my mom!" She beamed.
"I won't. And yeah you could've been more polite, I thought you were gonna give her 'the moving finger'". She said that accompanied with the correspondent gesture. "Or do you just save that finger for me?"
Really Penny? The guy just dumped his girlfriend and you're flirting with him?
"Oh, I just use that finger for special occasions"
I thought so.
"Whatever. What I wanna say you is that no one has to say you what to do, you know, or make you say what you don't wanna say, but in the end you say it because you feel that's what you should say. Nothing good comes out of it. Trust me, I know".
"Good lord Woman! I never heard the word 'say' six times in the same sentence. You are a terrorist of grammar". Penny pretended to be offended, but still smiling.
"I know, sorry for that. So… your first breakup, how do you feel sweetie?"
"I think I'm alright".
"Really? Aren't you going to miss the time you spent with her?
"On the contrary, not having to spend so much time with her will allow me to concentrate in…"
"In your work to focus on winning the Nobel Prize". She interrupted, shows her tongue and blew against her lips. "You're so predictable".
"I'm predictable because I'm constant. That's not a flaw, is a virtue".
She made the same sound again… "Stop doing that! Don't you know how many germs you eject with every"… And again.
"Look Sheldon, I might have the IQ of a monkey, but I'll tell you this: You're being stupid".
"Unlikely".
"I can prove my statement with scientific evidence", she said smugly.
He gave her a derisive look, but unable to hide his curiosity. "Go ahead".
"Ok. You say that a relationship only would distract you from your work, but I've done a little research out of… curiosity, and do you know what I've found?"
"I'm not supposed to guess, you must present your results".
She rolled her eyes. "Right. What I found is that the vast majority of Nobel Prize winners in physics is married and even has children". She smiled triumphantly.
"Yes, 76,9% of the winners was married and 63,8% had at least one offspring. Your point?"
Of course. He can get those calculations but he can't see where I'm going with it. Whack-a-doodle.
"My point is: you are wrong to believe that having a relationship preclude your desire to win the Nobel. Or is that all these scientists are smarter than the brilliant Dr. Cooper?"
"Penny…" Sheldon Patronizing Full Mode On. "Let me tell you something: if what I want is only to win a Nobel, I would have done already".
Penny started laughing but stopped when she saw the seriousness on his face. "You're not kidding".
"Of course I'm not. When I'm kidding I say 'bazinga'. Anyway, I can understand your confusion. Most research of these laureates scientists are nothing but a bunch of platitudes. What took them months or years to discover, I could do it in weeks. And just because the scientific community insists on wanting to receive a check from the author's theory rather than simply recognize when they have a superior mind in front of them. But I digress. What I mean is there's nothing worthwhile in it, their works are, like you would say, predictable".
"If it's so simple, why don't you just get the damn Nobel?"
"Oh Penny, Penny, Penny"
"Oh What, what, what". Both trying to look annoyed. Both trying to hide their smiles. Both failing miserably.
"What value does just get something instead of gaining it? What is the purpose to get what you want without a challenge? Of course, I could devote myself to develop these theories of low validity, succeeds and get some recognition. But what would be the end of everything? A low quality Nobel Prize. I don't want a Nobel, I want my Nobel Prize. I'm going to find that Higgs Boson Particle, prove String Theory and then I'll win that stupid prize. But Penny…" He tilted his head and met her emerald eyes. "There's one thing you need to keep in mind, I'll never settle for another Nobel than the one I want".
TBBT
"Do you want me to take you home Amy?" Bernadette offered.
"Yes please, right now I want to be as far as possible from that man". She still was expelling small sobs.
"Listen guys, I'll drive Amy to her home and then come back to pick you Howard, okay?" She received the approval of her husband and then put her arm around her waist and guided her out of the apartment.
"Well, tonight was weird".
"Yeah, Sheldon has a deal!" An anxious Raj said his first words in the night.
"I was talking about Sheldon and Amy. I mean, he seemed happy, he even told my mother how proud he was being capable to maintain a relationship", Leonard chimed. "I'm really sorry for them. But I guess there's not always a destined love, you know, Like Penny and I. It was love at first sight".
"I'm sure that's only your point of view".
"I agree with Howard, and please don't say again that 'oh our children will be beautiful and intelligent'".
"Alright, but that's how it'll be". Leonard never ceased to imagine their 'perfect future'. He wanted something… normal. Come home from work and being greeted by his wife and children, maybe she would cook and listen to the advances from his work and then go to bed together. In all those future's pictures Penny was his wife, only his wife. His fancy cloud of thought was cut by Howard.
"Whatever, Sheldon with a deal? That was unexpected. I know Leonard told us he masturbated sometimes, but I always thought his fantasies were about robots, aliens, maybe zombies, not actually women".
"That's true, and now he's alone in his room with your girlfriend dude". Raj teased.
Leonard gave him a derisive look. "Come on is Sheldon, Gerard has more possibilities with Penny than him. And I never really wanted to think about his deal. Do you know the day we met Penny Sheldon and I went to a sperm bank for people with high IQs?"
Howard looked at him like if someone just told him they put peanut in his food. "What the hell you've done? Oh my God don't tell me at this time there is a bunch of mini Sheldon roaming on the world. Press on the Skynet's alarm!"
"Calm down Howard! Sheldon never did it; he said we were doing genetic fraud".
"That's a relief". His aspect was gradually changing from horror to his own smarmy way. "Umm… I'm starting to understand. You went to that sperm bank willing to realize yourself, but Sheldon didn't let you, so you went back home completely loaded, saw Penny and instantly you felt a hard love for her, right?"
"You're disgusting".
"True, but he's right dude. You're always loaded. I might be a romantic but you have to stop with that bullshit of love at first sight. What else you could have seen from Penny outside her appearance that day? Howard can be disgusting, but at least he doesn't hide it".
"Can we change the subject please?" He hadn't a good response, so he avoided the answer.
"Yes, Sheldon's fantasies!"
"Not that!"
"Come on Leonard don't tell me you don't feel at least a little curious".
"Not really Howard. I don't know what turn him on, but I'm sure I'm not going to like it".
TBBT
"Last question Sheldon".
"Let's see, you died at the end of the trilogy?"
"Yep".
Sheldon smiled triumphantly, so secure he had the right answer: "You're Padme!"
"Nop, Trinity". Penny laughed loud. "You lost again Sheldon. Sorry honey, but you suck on this".
"You're cheating, Matrix it's not a creation from George Lucas. The story was written by the Wachowski brothers!" He squealed and kicked like a child.
"They are all the same for me sweetie. You can't blame me". She pouted.
That's not fair! I'm a superior man, a homo novus, why I can't ever resist a simple trick like her pouting."Let's play the chemical elements game".
"I told you not!"
"You always get your way with me!" He huffed.
"That's not entirely true". She giggles a bit and then became serious; there was something she wanted to tell him all night. "About that, I need to say something to you". She scooted closer to him and looking for his gaze. She was lying back in bed next to him since a while. Despite what anyone might think, it had taken no more than a brief discussion, an explanation of how her back hurts, and a gentle 'shut up and move'. Sarcasm.
"Sheldon, you know I don't take your shit, you know I can push your buttons and make you do some things you wouldn't otherwise. But… you must to know I'd never try to change who you are".
"I know Penny, for more obnoxious you might be, unlike Amy, you know the boundaries. I think I've trained you well". She rolled her eyes while he continued. "In addition, your procedure is clearly different from Amy's: you have a strange fascination with threats that you never perform. On the other hand, Amy goes straight to the action".
"I know, she so crossed the line. I love Amy but what she did was totally creepy. And you're right about what you said; you don't want the same so it doesn't make sense to continue with this charade. What I don't understand is why it took you so long".
"Well, I just wanted to prove a point to myself. This was a good experiment to learn how to behave as a boyfriend. I think I've succeeded in it, of course, that's no surprise".
""Yeah, I'm sure you were a great boyfriend," Penny said between laughs. Naturally, Sheldon was oblivious at the sarcasm.
Nobody said anything for a few seconds until she broke the silence: "You know what I envy you Sheldon?"
"I'm sure you envy me a lot of things Penny. Honestly, cannot find anything that you could not envy me".
"You're a total egomaniac. But that's just what envy of you; your confidence, your strength, the fact that you are aware of your value. You know what you want and go for it. On the other hand, I have fear of facing my problems. So I just finish getting drunk and doing stupid things".
""If you're aware of it I don't understand why you keep intoxicating yourself with large amounts of alcohol"
"Because when I don't I'm a stupid and sad waitress with no future!" Don't, don't start to cry; don't be so pathetic Penny, no more than you already are.
"I fail to see why you're different when you're drinking". Sheldon began to feel uncomfortable by her lack of logic and obvious distress. "There, there". That was, like always, his best –unique- move to comfort someone. "Sheldon is here".
"And you know what's worse?" Penny restarted: "I've been a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory for almost ten years; and apparently, I'm not even good at it anymore. How is that possible?"
"Well, one possible explanation for why someone would fail in activities previously carried out without problems could be caused by a blow to the head that caused damage to the cognitive system". Penny gave him a death glare. "Since I'm not aware something like that happened to you, I'd say your problem resides in a lack of motivation".
"Yeah, I mean, is it so bad pretend that once your friends or your boyfriend say 'Hey Penny, I have faith in you'?".
"Penny, don't get me wrong, I just broke up with my girlfriend but you're depressing me more". When this woman would have the sole purpose of seeking validation from others was something that Sheldon often wondered. If she actually knows the root of her problems, why doesn't she do something to change it? Her irrational behavior never ceased to astonish him. He wanted to shake her head and make her get sense, even knowing it would not solve anything.
"I know, sorry". She wiped her eyes. "That seems to be my touch lately". And a moment later, she started laughing with no sense. Sheldon turned his head to look at her wondering if the situation could become more absurd. She hastened to explain: "I laugh because I realized how much I missed talking to you, listen to your advices, weird but somehow useful, it's been a while".
"That's correct. I've been spending time with Amy while you've been busy with Leonard engaging in…"
"Don't say it!" she admonished.
"But Penny, you and I spent most of our time bickering".
"Hey but we also have our moments".
"I suppose".
"And don't deny it, you love our bickering. The twinkle in your eyes doesn't lie". She said him nudging him with her elbow.
"Well, 'love' is not the word I'd use but I must to admit there's something stimulating in that, some kind of challenge, your responds to my arguments are usually… uhmm".
"Unpredictable?"
"Indeed". He outlined a small but genuine smile and she giggles for a while before calm herself looking vaguely between sighs the room's ceiling.
"I miss you Sheldon", she whispered.
"You're being ludicrous. The act to miss someone is product of the impossibility to see said person, either because is in a location temporarily inaccessible or because no longer exists. Neither of them applies to your case Penny. You are twenty feet from my home".
"Twenty feet, twenty light years. You're in a galaxy far, far away". She was so close to him that she just had to move her head a little to rest it in his shoulder. She could feel his tension but he started to relax a little with each breath as they stood in silence. A comfortable silence, without the need to break it with awkward conversation or start making out.
"Penny?" Sheldon finally spoke.
"Yes?"
"Thank you for support my decision".
Her smile lit up the room. "You're welcome sweetie". She sighed and took a moment to gather forces and ask: "Would you do the same for me?"
Knock, knock "everything all right in there?"
Shit.
"Yes Leonard. Everything alright. I have to go Sheldon". She rose from the bed, crouched and kissed him softly in the forehead. "Shut up", she said before he start to protest. "I already have kissed all that cute face of yours". Almost. Sheldon blushed a little and nod before wave her goodbye.
Penny had only to close Sheldon room's door to come face to face with Leonard. Her smile fainted instantly. "What was that all about? You were hours there". He asked with his puppy eyes tilting his head and fidgeting his fingers.
"Nothing, we were talking", Penny replied evasively, making her way to the hall toward the apartment door, trying to get back as quickly to hers.
"Just talking?"
"Yes Leonard, just talking" She snapped on him tired.
"Sorry ... it's just I don't understand", he stammered.
Of course you don't understand, we never talked for hours. "Breakups are hard sweetie". She patted him on his shoulder and resumed her way out. Leonard stopped her when she was opening the door.
"Wait, ¿you want me… to go with you?"
"Oh I'm sorry sweetie, but I'm tired, I just wanna sleep".
"Oh… okay, see you tomorrow".
Of course, just sleep is not enough for you. "Goodbye Leonard". She gave him a quick peck in the cheek while he saw her turns around and disappears behind her door.
"Yeah… Bye Penny".
TBBT
Penny didn't take long to understand that this was going to be a night that she couldn't sleep. At least not until she resolve this and take a decision once and for all. Her thoughts were swirling inside her head and kept walking unconsciously back and forth in her room. A shower, I need a shower.
She tugged her clothes off, and decided to put music before get into the shower. To hell, if a tenant complained about the noise nuisance. After all, nothing would cause more scandal that the moans of that bitch Alicia when she was hooking up with whoever TV producer she brought home.
Ok Penny, this has to stop, stop of drinking and avoid it. I can't fool me anymore, nothing change in recent weeks, geez nothing has changed in years! Why do I keep trying? Everyone keeps telling me how lucky I am to be with him: my friends, my dad, why I don't feel that way? Is it wrong to expect something better for me? Don't they believe I deserve something better? I keep telling myself they are right and someday I will see the same. I keep thinking I'll disappoint everybody if I don't do what they want me to do. That's why I come back with him; it was what everyone expected, what should happen.
Waitin', watchin' the clock
It's four o'clock, it's got to stop
Tell him, take no more
She practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over…
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
So I made the effort and again fell into the same pit, again compelling me to try to love him, to force things. And shouldn't be that way, it should be natural to tell the other person that you love him. I really was going to break up with him that day; damn him and his puppy eyes! Damn my girlfriends by insisting that somewhere in my heart I feel love for Leonard! And damn Sheldon and his fucking homeostasis. I wouldn't be just breaking up with him, I would be breaking up with everyone. All of them seem to be part of this sick relationship.
She lies and says she's in love with him
Can't find a better man
She dreams in color, she dreams in red
Can't find a better man
And I chickened out and tried again with more strength, with all I had. But is never enough for him, he's never going to stop behaving like an idiot, to be jealous of every man who approaches me, he's never going to trust me. I've never given him a fucking reason for it but that's not going to stop him. So we do nothing but fight and I try to put up with him, but he behaves like an even bigger idiot, so I need to try harder and harder and harder until the point that I'm so desperate and cannot find a better thing to drop the L-bomb on him. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? And that finally makes him happy? NO! Because no matter how much ego he sucks from me, as fast as he incorporates it he expelled it from his ass as if he had a ton of ice cream. The lactose intolerant bastard.
Talkin' to herself
There's no one else who needs to know…
She tells herself
Is me? Am I not able to have a healthy relationship? My only other example of a long relationship is with Kurt. I thought I loved him, but I didn't know what love is. I'm still not sure I know what is. I'm sure is not what I feel for Leonard. I want to believe love someone is better than that. In some ways, the two relationships have been so similar. Oh that's not fair Penny. You can't compare Leonard with Kurt. Kurt cheated on you, he intimidate you, and… punched you. Nobody knows that. I don't need people to have more pity on me.
So why… why I feel as miserable with Leonard as I felt with Kurt? With Kurt was nothing more than sex and with Leonard ... But Kurt was not interested in my life, or if I did something with it, Leonard instead supports whatever I do. In fact, the son of a bitch gives a fuck if I spend the rest of my life working as a waitress. Really? He doesn't expect anything better from me? He just wants… sustain me, and he thinks that makes him a good guy. He doesn't care if I have personal success in my career because he thinks it would be more difficult for me to stay with him. But he treats me well, I guess, he hears me because… BECAUSE HE WANTS TO HAVE SEX! HE TOLD YOU! As fast as another woman come in his way he forgets me: Missy, Leslie, Stephanie, Priya, that scientist whore Sheldon invited to their apartment. Oh she let you do it! Right Leonard? Poor baby. Of course, if I do it with anybody who lets me I'm a slut. But you know what is the saddest thing Leonard? I could hook up with all those men and I wouldn't be the half slut I'm with you!
Memories back when
She was bold and strong and waiting
For the world to come along…
Swears she knew it, now she swears he's gone
God! When did I become so pathetic? I wasn't this sad person. It takes courage to leave home at 18 on your own and pursue your dream. It takes courage to leave Kurt, lose all your friends and start over. Is that what I fear? Lose my friends? Losing him? The best of my life came when I decided to take risks, not for what I accomplished but by the feeling that everything is possible. I want to feel that again. I don't want to believe Leonard is the best I can have. I want… I want my Nobel Prize! They sabotaged him and he started again. I've been sabotaging myself for years and now I need to go for what I want and make my own decisions! I don't need advice from someone who sends a porn video trying to get the attention from her boyfriend for God's sake!
She loved him… she doesn't want to leave this way
She feeds him… that's why she'll be back again
Can't find a better man
And perhaps there is still hope that everything goes well. Of course Leonard will be hurt for awhile, but then he'll find a woman, any woman, she can be brunette, blonde, redhead or have her hair dyed purple, smart, stupid, tall, short, any woman is good for him. So he will be happy, and in matter of days she will be unhappy and she'll dump him. So he'll start hitting on me again because… I'm the 'lucky girl' who lives across the hall. Fuck.
That only leaves me two options: move or destroy his heart so cruelly to make sure he never think of me again. Find another apartment, maybe another city or be a huge colossal bitch. What is going to be Penny? I don't know, I guess I'll decide when I see his face. But I have to do this now, because God knows that if I wait until tomorrow I'm gonna cowered again. And I don't have much time before he buy a ring.
I knew from the moment I saw him curled up on the bed. If that was the day I started ruining everything, this is the day I'll start to fix it.
She got out of the shower quickly and put her robe. He searched her cell phone and sent a text message to Leonard which said "Cmere now!" Moments later her cell phone rang and Penny prepared herself to read the response from Leonard. Only the message wasn't from Leonard. It was from Sheldon...
It only said: "Yes".
I really did that search about Nobel Prize winners… Bazinga. Now, about Penny being abused by Kurt. It's not my intention make her character more pitiful, it's just I couldn't find another reason for why she believes Leonard is soooo much better than Kurt. And I don't know if Penny's redemption is believable, I don't know if someone can make it believable, I don't know what kind of revelation this girl needs to slap on her face to finally understand how fucked up she is. And you know what? I give a shit because I know it's not real she realize of all this in one night, but is even less real she didn't realize of NOTHING of this in four fuckin' years. *sigh* Sorry about that guys. Get into that head got me all depressed. Never, never again…
Thanks for the reviews and alerts and Merry Christmas to all!