Aphrodisiac.

InoShika. Hints of SasuSaku and NejiTen.

Disc: HAHAHA. YEAH RIGHT. ...

;P

"You aren't serious."

"Oh, but I am, Forehead! Now help me or I'll tell Lee you got his name tattooed on your butt."

"PIG!" Sakura screeched, grasping her friend by the lapels of her brown jacket, "DO IT AND DIE."

"You wouldn't kill me, Sakura," Ino told her, whipping her head to the side, crossing her arms over her ample chest, completely ignoring the fact Sakura was holding her two feet off the ground.

"You're right," Sakura sighed, letting go and watching as Ino landed in an annoyed heap at her feet, "But Sasuke-kun would."

Her blonde-friend's eye twitched unenthusiastically at this realization but she shouldered it and stood, brushing off her skirt. "Eh. Whatever. Just make it. Please?"

"Hmm...No."

"Sakura!"

"Ino!"

"Forehead!"

"Pig!"

"Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"No."

Two hours later, Sakura stood, stirring the concoction. "This is so wrong," She hissed at Ino, who was sitting contentedly at Sakura's dark-wood kitchen table.

"But you love me and want me to be happy, ne?"

"Shut up, Pig."

Ino ignored her.

"Once Shikamaru is affected by it, he'll want me. And once he wants me, he'll do anything I want until I give in."

Sakura shuddered.

"And once I do give in, he'll be so in love with me that he'll ask me to marry him and we'll live happily ever after in a big huge house with no kids at all cause they're really troublesome."

"I think you're already spending too much time around him, Ino," Sakura told her pointedly.

"Screw you."

"Psh."

"Oh, right, that's Sasuke's job."

Sakura smirked and raised an eyebrow at her friend, "Are you expecting me to deny that?"

Ino's nose wrinkled in disgust, "EW! You are so icky. You could at least shove me or call me a pervert! Now there're images!"

Sakura's mouth formed a small 'O' and she blinked at her friend. The next thing Ino knew, she was on her backside on Sakura's front walk. "PERV!" Sakura screeched at her from the doorway before she burst out laughing, holding her stomach.

"Sheesh," Ino muttered, standing, "The things I put up with."

"Ow," Naruto yelped, "Ow!"

"Would you stop it?" Kakashi asked, poking him in the side, "I'm trying to read."

"I keep getting paper cuts," Naruto whined, sticking his pointer finger in Kakashi's face, "If I had known how boring and ...legal...this job was I would've passed it on."

"Liar," Kakashi mused, returning his eye to his book.

Naruto frowned guiltily, knowing full well he wouldn't have passed the title of Hokage up for anything less than being forced to get an enema; which he would just not do. The blonde sighed, leaning in and picking up another paper to sign. Kakashi had just gotten to the good part of the scene when Naruto was at it again, "Ow!"

The silver-haired jounin was about to open his mouth again, but there was a light knocking on the door. Naruto paused in his yelping to smile sheepishly and grant permission to enter the office. Shikamaru walked in lazily, his hands in his pockets. "You wanted to see me, Hokage-sama?"

Naruto grinned, Shikamaru was one of the only ones that even bothered to show respect for his current title, "Uh, yeah!" He turned to Kakashi after a moment. "What did I--?"

"Mission 294."

"Oh!" The Kyuubi's container smiled sheepishly again and rubbed the back of his head as he fumbled around for the right folder. "Right. Shikamaru, d'you think you can look over this mission report and confirm this story?"

Shikamaru sighed. They had interrupted his cloud watching. "Hai."

"Awesome!" Naruto shouted, handing Shikamaru the mission report, standing up from his chair too quickly and knocking all of the papers onto the floor. They were all silent.

Naruto blinked, looking down at the scattered paperwork. "Oops?"

"Oi, Naruto," Shikamaru shook his head and Kakashi just moved over from his spot in the middle of the chaos to the window sill. About twenty seconds into the scene Naruto had messed up for him earlier, Naruto yelped with joy, successfully scaring Kakashi and causing him to fly out the open window. Would he ever get to read the damn book in peace? The blonde didn't notice, just watched as Shikamaru shook his head.

"I'm finally free!" Naruto squealed, his eyes darting around the room.

Kakashi re-perched himself on the window sill, now having a very annoyed vibe about him. He slid inside, his book now sopping wet. Apparently a water cart had been passing at the exact moment Naruto had the spaz attack. Kakashi had avoided the catastrophe but his book hadn't been so fortunate.

"Naruto," Kakashi hissed, causing Naruto to turn to him.

"What-- oops."

"The money for this book will be coming out of your pocket," Kakashi told him, leaning over him darkly.

"Uh..." Naruto glanced at Shikamaru for help, "Sh...Shikamaru...?"

"Nah," The brunette told him with a sigh. "Too troublesome."

It was this moment that Shikamaru decided to take a look at the mission report. Uncharacteristic anger flared within him as his eyes scanned over the paper. "...Oi, Naruto...you want me to..."

Naruto nodded, un-sure of where this was going.

"CONFIRM THIS WAS THE LAST PLACE THE RAMEN CART WAS SPOTTED!?"

The outburst once again called for awkward silence. Kakashi burst out laughing, letting Naruto slip from his grasp. The blue-eyed boy backed up, only to be whacked harshly on the top of the head with the mission folder. Shikamaru raised the folder again to deliver another thwack but Naruto opened his mouth, "YAMANAKA INO!"

Shikamaru froze, his arm mid-flight. He looked down at Naruto, "If I survive this, I'm going to kill you, Hokage-sama. You're too troublesome for this village."

Big, trompsing footsteps echoed down the hallway and Shikamaru dove out the window just as the door to Naruto's office burst open. "NARUTO? Where's Shika?"

Kakashi, who had only just stopped laughing, fell over in spasms again. Ino ignored him as Naruto frantically pointed to the window. Once the blonde kunoichi had climbed out in search of her teammate, Naruto opened his mouth again.

"I think I'm gonna need some ANBU body guards..." He trailed off in thought, "Nah, I'll just call Sakura-chan."

At the mention of her name, the pinkette walked in, "Hey Naruto, did Ino just come in here?"

Kakashi started rolling around on top of the paperwork. Sakura cast him a side-long glance before turning her attention back to Naruto, "What's with Kaka-sensei?"

"He didn't take his medication this morning," Naruto told her, nodding vigorously. "Don't worry, he'll be fine any minute. Now uh, Sakura-chan. I need your help!"

"Huh? Why?"

"Well you see--"

"Wait, you never told me whether or not you'd seen Ino."

"Yeah- she was just in here."

"Well, she forced me to make her an aphrodisiac to get Shikamaru to fall in love with her. And then she took it and went to find him but I haven't told her about the side-effects yet!"

Naruto gulped, thinking of Shikamaru's angry face. Sakura wouldn't be enough to keep him from death.

"Sakura-chan, get the teme and come back in like, an hour. Actually, get Shino, Neji, Tenten and Kiba too...and make sure he brings Akamaru..."

"Uh, why?"

"Please?"

Sakura sighed and turned towards the door. "Well, okay. Just make sure you tell Ino I need to speak to her immediately. The aphrodisiac only lasts about sixteen days."

Naruto nodded, his eyes on the window and Kakashi got up off the floor as she left.

"Well, this has been such an interesting day," Kakashi told him with a light smile. "I expect my replacement book by three o'clock tomorrow afternoon, I'm going home." Naruto nodded again, still watching out the window for Shikamaru. Chills raced up his spine as Kakashi towered down over him, a gleam in his eye, "If I don't get my book by the requested time, I'll tell Shikamaru where you hide your back-up ramen. And you better pick up this paperwork Naruto, I think there are a few peace treaties in there," Naruto nodded and swallowed as Kakashi left out the window.

On his way home, Kakashi started to chuckle again as he watched Shikamaru climb into a tree.

"Hey, Sasuke-kun!" Said boy turned towards the voice, an annoyed look on his face.

"What?"

"Have you seen Shikamaru?" Ino asked, coming up beside him.

"He was training three hours ago," Sasuke told her, turning to walk away, "Sakura was looking for you, earlier."

"Well, I saw her ten minutes ago and she was looking for you."

Sasuke froze, wondering what he'd done wrong.

"Anyway, thanks Sasuke-kun!" The blonde girl turned toward the training grounds and skipped towards them determinedly.

Sasuke stood in the street, still confused. His thoughts were answered a few minutes later as Sakura appeared by his side. "There you are!"

Sasuke blinked, looking at her expectantly.

"I've been looking for you all day."

"Hn."

"Naruto wants me to find a few others and then we have to go back and meet him in the office."

"No."

"Sasuke-"

"Just because the Dobe's Hokage doesn't mean I'm going to listen to him."

"Sasuke-"

"I said no. Don't you remember the mission to scout out the ramen cart?"

Sakura twitched but said nothing.

"I'm not going."

"If you don't then," She leaned up and brushed her lips against his ear. He froze uncertainly again, and looked down at her, horrified.

"I'll meet you there in ten minutes."

Sakura nodded her approval and patted him evenly on the head, smoothing down his chicken butt-shaped cowlick. "Good boy."

"Ah, thank Kami you guys are here!" Naruto grinned, looking them over. "Hyuuga Neji, Tenten, Aburame Shino, Inuzuka Kiba, Akamaru--" He was greeted with a loud 'woof'.

He looked at the other two ninja in the room, "Sakura-chan and the Teme."

Sasuke grunted, "Dobe."

"'Kura-chan! Tell Teme that since I'm the Hokage he can't say mean things to me."

Sakura raised an eyebrow at turned to Sasuke, who was fuming over Sakura's shortened name coming out of Naruto's mouth.

"Don't call her that."

"I can call her what I want to!"

Sakura just stared at them.

"No, Dobe, you can't."

"Yes I can, Teme!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"I said no."

"I don't care what you said!"

Over their bickering, Tenten turned to Sakura, "How'd you even get Sasuke to come here?"

A devilish look appeared on the pinkette's face as she thought about it. "I only said," She leaned in and whispered the two magic words into her friend's ear, "No sex."

Tenten gasped and burst out laughing, causing everyone to turn and look at Sakura.

"Nani?" She asked innocently.

Ten minutes later, when Tenten had recovered and all that was left of the event was a small smirk that had permanently settled on Tenten's face, she turned back to Sakura, "I'll have to use that on Neji some time."

The pearly-eyed boy's head snapped in their direction. His face betrayed his knowledge of the situation...he had known what they were talking about. As Tenten tilted her head towards him and batted her eyelashes, he also knew he didn't like it.

"SHIKA-KUN!"

He was still avoiding her. It had been hours! The girl just wouldn't give up!

"SHIKA!" He cracked an eye open and looked through the leaves of the tree he was perched in. She was walking around the training grounds expectantly. "SHIKAMARU! IF YOU DON'T COME OUT AND TALK TO ME, I'LL TELL YOUR MOM WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER!"

The boy cringed and jumped out of the tree nervously. "What, Ino?"

"I need to talk to you," She cooed sweetly, walking up to him seductively. His arm tingled when she touched it (why was she wearing gloves?), and he became light headed as the skin absorbant aphrodisiac went into affect. Blinking, he looked down at her. "Shika-kun, do you love me?"

He found it hard to speak.

"Shika?" His eyes focused in on her mouth, so delicately speaking his name. "Shikamaru?"

"Nyah?" He managed.

"I asked you if you loved me, Shika..." She whispered, leaning in closer. "Do you love me?"

"Ajdhjkhaglslfk," He stuttered, watching her draw in.

"Cause I love you..." And then she kissed him.

Up in the Hokage tower, Naruto was frantically packing suitcases.

Sixteen days later, Shikamaru awoke with a large headache. He found he couldn't remember anything past going to the Hokage's office and then running from Ino due to Naruto's loud mouth- it was just too blurry. The only feeling he had was one of contentedness, and there was a slight fondness of someone...Something moved beside him and his eyes snapped open wider, taking in the blonde head of hair that was resting easily on the pillow next to his.

One thought entered his mind.

'Naruto, you are so dead.'