Rooming Problems
Soren gave a long yawn as he slowly made his way to the dorm living room. Upon entering it he stopped and looked with a cocked eyebrow at the set of new people that had taken up space around the area. At the table sat two men; one with blonde hair and a cheery disposition, the other with black hair and a cool look to his entire attire. Nearby, Weiss was fawning over a woman who looked similar to herself; the only difference being that she wore military attire and had a cold frown.
Soren: What is happening here?
Ruby: Soren!
Soren: Morning Ruby, who are these people?
Ruby: What!? You don't remember Uncle Qrow!?
Soren looked back at the three and focused in on the black-haired man.
Soren: Oh yeah…what about the rest of them?
Ruby: That's my dad Tai.
Ruby pointed to the blonde man.
Ruby: And that's Weiss's sister.
She pointed to the woman sitting calmly as Weiss smiled widely.
Soren: Geez, it's creepy to see Weiss have such a Ruby-esque smile.
Ruby: It does seem wrong…come on!
Ruby yanked at Soren's arm leading him to the table where Tai and Qrow were sitting.
Ruby: Dad, this is Soren.
Tai gave Soren a big smile.
Tai: Hey kiddo! I hear you're roommates with my girls.
Soren cocked his eyebrow at this.
Soren: …yeah, I am.
Tai: Then I'll give you some advice.
Tai stood up and his face became slightly darker making Soren shiver.
Tai: You might want to move to your locker before your put in the hurt 'locker'.
Soren: Was that supposed to be a joke?
Tai: No.
An uncomfortable silence followed as Soren turned to Qrow who just shrugged before going back to his flask.
Soren: …I'm gonna leave now.
Soren quickly walked away from the table as Ruby followed.
Ruby: Sorry about that.
Soren: Believe it or not, that's not the first father who wanted me dead for being near their daughter.
Weiss: Soren!
Weiss zipped over and snatched Soren up, bringing him to the woman on the couch.
Weiss: You remember Winter right?
Soren: Oh yeah, nice to see you again Winter.
Weiss shot Soren a cold look making his back tense.
Winter: …Get out of my sister's room.
Soren: You're much more blunt than Tai is.
Matches Never Seen
Jaune collided with the ground as Weiss gave a bow, finishing the practice match.
Glynda: The match is over, Weiss is the winner.
Weiss: Of course I am.
Soren: And so humble.
Weiss shot a glare at Soren who chuckled.
Jaune slowly got back up and sat next to the rest of the group looking distraught.
Jaune: 'Sigh' I can't get a break.
Lily: Maybe you just need a switch up on who you face.
Ren: Your skills might be good against Velvet.
Soren: Nope, her copycat ability is overpowered.
Alice: How about sparring against a teammate?
Gareth slammed his desk with inspiration making Lily jump.
Gareth: That's it! Those are the matches we'll never see!
Blake: Team sparring?
Weiss: That's not true, I spar with my team some times.
Pyrrha: and I train Jaune.
Gareth: Yeah but I'm talking a serious fight…you think you could handle that?
Pyrrha thought for a moment before going wide-eyed.
Pyrrha: I don't want to kill him!
Jaune: Is your confidence in me that low!?
Nora: I'm up for it!
Ren: No, you can't hold back.
Nora: Yes I can!
Nora slammed her fist on her desk and put a hole through the wood making everyone slide away from her.
Journals
Blake sat at her desk in her dorm room, tapping her pencil against the blank page of a journal.
Blake: 'Sigh'
As she sat there, Lily passed by the open door making Blake stop and move towards her.
Blake: Lily.
Lily stopped.
Lily: Yes Blake?
Blake: You're a professional when it comes to writing a journal right?
Lily: W-Well I wouldn't say expert…but I do write frequently.
Blake led her into the room and pulled up a chair for Lily to sit in next to her.
Blake: I was thinking of keeping a journal but I'm not sure how to start it.
Lily: Journals are written memories. Just start from the day you get it.
Blake: When did you start yours?
Lily pulled out her journal and set it on the desk.
Lily: I started when I was about…five.
Blake: That journal doesn't look very thick.
Lily: Oh no, this is volume seventy-eight.
Blake: …I don't think I have that kind of commitment.
Cape Debacle
Alice stepped into Team RWBY's room and heard a chocked voice. She looked over in shock to see Ruby hanging from her bed by her cape.
Ruby: Help…
Alice: Oh my god!
Alice quickly moved over and unclipped Ruby, making her fall to the ground with a thud.
Alice: How long were you hanging there!?
Ruby: About…ten minutes?
Alice: You've got to fix your cape. This is the third time it's almost killed you!
Ruby: Never! My cape is awesome! There is no flaw!
As she said that her stomach gave out a low grumble.
Ruby: I'm hungry, let's go get food.
Alice: 'sigh' fine.
As Ruby walked away, Alice walked behind her before stepping on her cape, making her slip onto her face.
Ruby: Ow…
Alice: Oops…
Ruby: Maybe I could shorten it a little.
Alice: That's probably for the best.
Intelligence, the ultimate mood killer
Alice and Weiss stood at the school notice board and scanned over the results from yesterdays tests. At the top five spots were Blake, Pyrrha, Alice and Weiss with Soren at the top of the board.
Alice and Weiss: …Impossible.
Alice: How did he beat us!?
Weiss: I know, I didn't even study with him…did you?
Alice: No! In fact…he said he wanted to study on his own…
As they contemplated, Soren walked up behind them and scanned his eyes over the grades.
Soren: Hey, first in the class!
Weiss: How did you do that?
Alice: You fell asleep last class!
Soren: Oh, well I wanted to show you guys I could still retain the knowledge even without your help. So I studied my butt off for this! Pretty impressive right?
Alice and Weiss looked at each other in worry.
Alice: I mean…yeah…
Weiss: It is impressive…but…
Both of them moved in closer to each other to whisper.
Weiss: Is it just me…or is Soren being smart kind of weird?
Alice: Oh thank god…I thought it was just me.
Soren: You know, I think I'll study by myself from now on, I seem to do well.
Both Alice and Weiss went wide eyed before Alice grabbed him by his collar and shook him vigorously.
Alice: You are never studying alone, got it!? You're either studying with me or Weiss!
Soren: Ah! Why!?
Alice: DO NOT QUESTION ME!
Weiss: Yeah, don't question her!
Junior Detective Lesson 2
The detective trio sat in the darkened interrogation room; Sun and Neptune adjusted their mustaches as Soren stroked his full beard.
Sun: We told you to get a mustache!
Soren: I can't pull off a mustache, but a beard…that has style.
Neptune: Alright, time for your next lesson.
Sun: We're going to run an interrogation scenario. We're pretty sure she did it to, so just get her to confess.
The door opened and Alice walked in before sitting down on the chair across the table from the trio.
Alice: Why am I here?
Soren slammed his hands on the table.
Soren: I think we both know why you're here.
Alice just stared blankly at Soren who started to sweat before moving back to Sun and Neptune.
Soren: She's a tough nut to crack.
Sun: Than it's time to hit her with the facts.
Soren: Right!
Soren moved back over and threw a folder onto the table.
Soren: The elusive cookie thief has been a thorn in our side for weeks; and we know it's you!
Alice: …You're joking right?
Soren: Not at all, the cookie thief was last seen running into the girl's locker room. And I know for a fact that during the time they were in there, you were also there!
Alice went wide eyed before slamming her hands onto the table hard enough to make it shake.
Alice: And how exactly do you know that!?
Soren: …
A buzzing sound made Soren jump as Sun answered his walkie-talkie.
Sun: …Gotcha! The thief was spotted downtown. We'll go check it out, you stay here Soren!
Neptune and Sun bolted for the door as Alice maintained eye contact on Soren who stood completely still; Alice slowly cracked her knuckles.
Alice: Shut the door on your way out. I think I need to INTERROGATE someone.
The chefs poison
Weiss, Alice and Winter sat at a well presented restaurant table, enjoying the clean air and smell of food that engulfed their senses.
Winter: Ah, a very refined establishment. There silverware placement is exquisite as well.
Weiss: They've even placed a soup chunk fork.
Alice: That seems like overkill for forks.
Winter: It is one of the more refined forks to use…only for your soups chunkier extras of course.
Alice: Of…course.
As they talked, Cinder and Roman stood in the kitchen of the building, looking through a cracked door at the three guests.
Cinder: Alright, this plan is full proof!
Roman: Yes! A full course meal that will leave them bloated and unable to fight back. It's brilliant!
Cinder: No you fool! We poison their meals!
Roman: Oh…well you might have wanted to say something before the meal was made.
Neo stood next to him holding the full meal and Cinder groaned.
Cinder: At least tell me the dessert isn't prepared yet.
Roman: Not yet.
Cinder: Excellent!
Cinder pulled out a small tube and handed it to Roman.
Cinder: Add this to it and they'll be dead before they know what's happening.
Roman: But-
Cinder: No buts!
After a few minutes Neo held out a closed tray and Cinder nodded before Neo rushed out and delivered the dessert to the girls.
Cinder: Alright…time for my nefarious scheme to pay off.
Cinder turned back to the table and was surprised to find the girls desserts cleaned from their plates. She stood confused at the girls making small talk until Neo brought them the check.
Cinder: …Why aren't they dead!? Roman, didn't you add the frosting!?
Roman: To flan? Are you crazy?
Cinder: Flan!? I told you, we can't booby-trap flan!
As they bickered, Alice, Weiss and Winter left the restaurant looking content.
Alice: Not bad at all.
Weiss: The dinner was sub-par.
Winter: The flan was too sweet.
Roman looked disgruntled as Cinder clenched her teeth and Neo puffed up her cheeks.
Roman: How dare they mock my cooking.
Neo: 'How dare they mock MY flan!'
Cinder gripped both of them by the collar.
Cinder: HOW DARE THEY BE ALIVE!
A lean mean kickball machine!
Ruby, Yang, Lily and Gareth all sat on a bench off from a dodgeball field. They were going up against Mercury, Emerald, and two grim wolves.
Gareth: Man, we're getting our butts handed to us.
Lily: This is impossible! They keep getting full scores every time Mercury kicks!
The score was currently 15 – 6.
Yang: Man, this is no fun. I'm supposed to be the heavy hitter.
Ruby: Is it just me, or is the ball disappearing suddenly and then appearing too close to kick?
Gareth: I thought that was just me!
Lily: Alright…if we can just make up nine points then we can win this…but that means we have to be perfect!
Gareth: Or, we pull a move I like to call, the Tonya Harding
A dark smile came over Gareth's face and Yang started chuckling.
Yang: I don't know what it is but I like it!
Lily: Gareth, no. We just have to be better than them…I know what to do.
After a full turn it was Mercury's turn to kick. Gareth held the ball confidently and gave Mercury a toothy grin.
Mercury: Someone looks ready to lose.
Gareth: Yeah, you!
Mercury: Oh yeah, well that's not how this works. We'll win and you'll-
Ruby: You suck Mercury!
Mercury: What the?
Over in the bleachers sat Ruby who held a veritable pile of anti-Mercury paraphernalia in her clutches.
Ruby: You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn! I bet those grim hit harder than your mother!
Mercury: What does that even mean?
Gareth sent the ball forward and past the plate.
Yang: Strike one!
Mercury: Hey! I wasn't ready!
Gareth: Really? Seemed pretty ready from all that boasting you did.
Mercury: Alright then. Bring it on! I'll dish back whatever you throw!
A short cough broke the air and Mercury looked to see Penny standing next to Ruby in the bleachers.
Penny: I predict a ninety-six percent chance that you will suck at dodgeball Mercury.
Mercury: That number is totally blown out of proportion!
Another ball rushed past Mercury.
Yang: Strike two!
Mercury: Oh come on!
Gareth: I dunno. That number seemed spot on.
Mercury: Then bring it! I'll kick that ball into space!
Ruby: You couldn't beat Nora's grandma!
Lily: That's more a fact than a statement.
Gareth sent the ball rolling.
Mercury: Let's see her do this!
Mercury swung his foot kicking the ball which was followed by gun shot as the ball flew into the air before lazily gliding back to the ground as a flattened mess. The catcher removed his mask to reveal Qrow.
Qrow: That's a disqualification.
Emerald: Ugh, again Mercury!?
Mercury: Come on. I didn't do it…intentionally.
Detective Training Lesson 2
Soren, Sun and Neptune all stood inside the local outlet clothing store, 'where clothes go to die'.
Sun: Alright rookie, clothes make the man!
Neptune: And since you refuse to wear a mustache we have to go this route.
Soren: Then why are we at an outlet store?
Neptune: Detectives don't get paid a lot.
Soren: What? Sun told me the pay is high.
Neptune: Yeah, but the initiation monthly cost is outrageous!
Soren just stood in amazement as Neptune began browsing old coats.
Soren: …Sun, you're truly a devious monkey.
Sun just chuckled with a smile in response. All of them went to work at picking out an outfit for Soren.
Soren: Man…all of these clothes suck.
Neptune: Yeah…everything at most outlet stores clash…it really sucks…guess you'll have to go with the mustache.
Soren: How 'intently' you worked before offering that.
A knock on the clear window caught Soren's attention. He looked to see Pyrrha waving to him before he beckoned her in.
Pyrrha: Hello!
Soren: Hey Pyrrha.
Pyrrha: What are you doing here?
Soren: Trying to find a detective fashion.
Pyrrha: That sounds delightful.
Sun: Hey rookie, who are you-
Sun gasped before moving forward and shoving his finger in Pyrrha's face.
Sun: You've got a lot of nerve stepping in on my turf Nikos.
Pyrrha turned around and turned back with a mustache on her face.
Pyrrha: From what I can tell. This case is above your paygrade.
Sun: How dare you. We are the only ones who can do this!
Soren: This isn't even a case.
Sun: Wrong rookie!
Pyrrha: Everything is a case.
Soren: …Intense.
Neptune: I found it!
Neptune pulled out a full suite covered in bright, shining colors that were blinding in the right light.
Soren: Ah! It burns!
Sun: Dude! It's for a detective, not a disco!
Pyrrha reached onto a shelf and pulled off a deerstalker hat, placing it gently on Soren's head.
Pyrrha: Personally, I find that the simplest answers are sometimes the right ones.
Soren: 'Gasp' It's perfect.
Sun: I-I could have recommended a sherlock hat too!
Pyrrha: It's formally known as a deerstalker hat.
Soren looked at both Pyrrha and Sun for a moment.
Soren: …I think she might be the better detective.
Sun: Traitor!
Neptune: …I'm keeping the suit.
Is mindless sound music?
Gareth and Pyrrha sat in an empty classroom waiting for someone to show up before Oobleck zipped in and stood at the chalkboard.
Oobleck: Good evening class!
Pyrrha: Hello Doctor Oobleck.
Gareth: Hey Oobleck.
Oobleck: Now, for our first lesson in proper instrument playing, we'll be going over maintenance of band equipment.
Gareth: But we came here to learn how to rock!
Oobleck: Well before you can rock, you have to be presentable…I fear I may be a bath or two too late for you though.
Gareth: Hey!
Pyrrha: You could use a cleaning.
Gareth: It's too soon to turn against me Pyrrha. We're not even famous enough for me to push you away because I'm wholesomely more talented and charming.
Pyrrha: …I think you might be starting early on that road.
Oobleck: Enough chit chat children! Get to cleaning!
Gareth and Pyrrha quietly worked at cleaning their instruments with Gareth running a wet rag over his electric guitar and Pyrrha doing the same with her clarinet.
Oobleck: If I might ask: what are you children planning to play with such contrasting instruments?
Gareth: I dunno…polka music?
Pyrrha: We haven't worked out the fine details yet.
Gareth: Or any details beyond 'rock out loud'!
Oobleck: Well…there's no harm in coming in last.
Gareth: There's a disturbing lack of faith in our band.
Pyrrha: Gareth, odds are we won't be the voice of a generation.
Gareth: Then…we'll be the most obnoxious band!
Pyrrha: I already don't like this idea.
Gareth: Pyrrha, please.
Pyrrha: Sorry.
Oobleck: That is more feasible…coincidentally, how do you feel about adding an accordion to the group?
Gareth gave a happy gasp as Pyrrha groaned.
Pyrrha: I hope this doesn't go on my permanent record.
Gareth: And I hope it does!
Childhood Memories
Soren walked into team Rwby's dorm room carrying a particularly thick book which he plopped down on Weiss's desk.
Soren: Whew!
He looked over to see Weiss sitting on her bed with her sister Winter sitting on Blake's bed.
Weiss: What's that?
Soren: No clue. But I'm pretty sure it's yours.
Winter: And why would it be for her?
Soren: Well for one thing, it's titled 'Weiss's photo collection'.
Weiss: Oh! It must be from home…but who sent it?
Winter: Ah yes, I had Klein deliver them to you after father was on the hunt for compromising photos to destroy.
Soren: That sounds extreme.
Weiss: You've never met my father.
She flipped over the first page to reveal a very dignified picture of Weiss when she was five, wearing a very pretty dress and giving the camera a simple look of dignity.
Soren: Ah yes…the compromising picture of a child who looks ready to talk business with a financial company. How is this compromising?
Winter: That's just a decoy photo.
Winter pulled out the photo to reveal one of Weiss in the same dress but giving a big smile and reaching out to the camera.
Soren: Wow, that's a hell of a decoy…she's so cute.
Weiss quickly snatched the picture and put it away giving a slight whimper.
Winter: Klein truly was a master at photography.
Soren started flipping through the album, discarding of all the dud pictures which Winter quickly organized into a separate pile.
Soren: Man, it's weird to see Weiss have such a big smile…without these you'd never believe she had dimples.
Soren was met with a swift slap to the back of her head slamming it into the desk at which Soren just bounced back and continued to shift through the book.
Soren: Gotta try harder then that to put me down.
With a quick flip of a page Soren gave a big smile and let out an audible aww.
Soren: It's a picture of baby Weiss in the tub!
Weiss: AHHHH!
With lighting speed, Weiss pulled the album from Soren's hands and cracked it against the back of his head knocking him out instantly.
Winter: Very effective little sister.
Weiss: For the first time in my life, I might agree with father on destroying these pictures.
Pure Unadulterated History
Ruby and Penny sat in the library, using one of the school computers. Ruby gave surprised gasp as Penny's fingers typed across the keyboard with the speed to rival a bullet train. Windows after windows popped up and closed to the point the information didn't even finish loading on screen by the time she was done.
Ruby: Are you almost done?
Penny: Almost. The firewalls and information sensitive locks are more varied than difficult…but they are no match for my super brain!
The sounds of keyboard clicking caught the attention of Lily and Yang who walked up to the two girls and were surprised as Penny made a final click and sat back.
Penny: Done!
Yang: What did you two do now?
Ruby: Nothing, just got access to everyone's history!
Lily gave an excited gasp rushing past Penny and pulling out her journal.
Lily: So much personal information!
Yang: So much blackmail!
Lily: What were you even going to do with this info?
Penny: I was hoping to use this to effectively become better friends with everyone.
Ruby: And I like seeing Penny do cool things.
Yang: How would you even use this for making friends?
As they talked, Blake passed by making Penny stand up.
Penny: Like so…Blake!
Blake took her face out of her book to turn to the group.
Blake: Yes Penny?
Penny: Are you enjoying your copy of 'Ninja of Love 2: The frisky sword in the loving sheath'?
Blake went completely red at this comment and shrieked as she worked to cover Penny's mouth.
Blake: I haven't even told anybody that! How did you find out!?
Penny: I am just that good of a friend.
Penny gave off a very big smile but Blake just shivered in fear.
Blake: …What do you want to keep quiet?
Penny: Excuse me?
Yang: That's good unintentional blackmail.
Lily: There's a lot of disturbing fanfiction searches in Soren's history.
Yang: And there's what I need!
The next victim
Nora sat in class at her desk chair leaning back and playing with paper airplanes. Next to her sat her team who looked like they belonged in a morgue with how many bandages each of them was wearing.
Jaune: Everything hurts…I can't move.
Soren: I'm honestly shocked you made it to class.
Nora: These chumps couldn't handle my daily routine.
Ren: I'll agree with that…although I'm positive most people don't wrestle grim for a cooldown.
Nora: Come on, that's legitimate.
Alice: No, it's not.
Weiss: What kind of monster is she?
Yang: An inhuman one.
Pyrrha: Jaune…can we just go back to our training?
Nora: Not until you make it through the six month service.
Ren: I told BOTH of you not to sign it.
As everyone groaned Gareth burst into class and took his seat next to Lily.
Gareth: Made it!
Alice: Barely.
Gareth: Still made it…what's wrong with them?
Soren: Nora's training regimen.
Gareth: Oooh! Intense.
Nora set down her paper plane and rushed over to Gareth's seat and slammed a small stack of papers onto the table.
Nora: Well…if you're up for it I have a free spot open for my program. The first week is free and then it's a monthly subscription which can be paid in advance.
Blake: …I didn't know Nora was business save.
Weiss: Somebody probably taught her.
Everyone turned to Pyrrha who would have slinked into her seat if she could move at all.
Nora: And for a bonus, here's a word from a satisfied customer!
Nora whipped over and grabbed Ruby by her cape.
Nora: How about a word?
Ruby: Don't do it! She steals cookies!
Nora: Ignore that, now I've got a special-
Ren: He's already signed it.
Nora looked down to see Gareth's hasty signature on the dotted line.
Soren: Dude…are you crazy?
Gareth: I'm always up for a challenge.
Lily: This might qualify more as a death waver though.
Nora: Let's get started then! First lesson: Boulder defense.
Gareth: If it's what I think it is, this is going to be awesome!
Gareth and Nora jumped up and left the classroom, ignoring the teacher who was screaming at them to come back. After a few seconds Alice turned to Soren.
Alice: We got life insurance on Gareth, right?