The Ceremony

After

The Commander

It's over now, for another month at least but doubt consumes me. Even if it has worked, even if she is pregnant what sort of father will I be? Will Serena accept it as our baby?

What is it all for in the end?

Serena

Resentment, Bitterness, Envy, that's what I feel. Who can blame me?

She could be pregnant. But even if she is it wont be mine, it will never be mine. I will try to love it but I will always feel that bitterness towards it as it will always remind me of my failure. In the passage that he read it says 'And then God remembered Rachel'. So when will he remember me?

Will he ever remember me?

Offred

Numb, that's all I can feel. A great empty nothingness that's somehow worse than guilt, pain, self-loathing or depression, any of the emotions that would have reminded me that I'm still human, not merely the vessel they want me to be.

I could be pregnant, that thought stands alone, refusing to go away.

I've thought it before though and I'll probably think it every time until I actually am or I run out of chances.

And what if I am, what have I condemned this child to? What if it's a girl, what if it ends up like me?

What have I done?

How could I even consider bringing a baby into this world…?

End

AN Well, not entirely sure I did the chapter, the character and the emotions justice but I tried. Please tell me what you think