The Utensil Society

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts

Tiny Tim, Last of the Sporks

Eventually, the spork known as Tiny Tim brought the trio to his house. It was nighttime now, as evidenced by the dark shade of indigo the sky had taken. Upon close inspection, Sora was awestruck.

Tiny Tim's house looked like a giant kitchen drawer, complete with shelves and handles to boot. However, the drawers numbered about 50 or so, all stacked up one by one, reaching up towards the sky.

"Wow," Sora gaped, taking a step back. "It's almost like an..." Struggling to find the right word, he closed his eyes.

"...an apartment complex!" Sora snapped his fingers, as thought he had done something great. Since he had grown up on an island, Sora was kind of an idiot when it came to city life and architecture. Fortunately, he had actually paid attention in class for that one time in April, when they were learning about buildings in Architecture 101. Although why they were learning about architecture in a general, public middle school still remained a mystery to him to this day...

"Yup!" Tiny Tim nodded, bending his frame to do so. " I'm on drawer 45, so it might take a while to get up there..."

"That's okay!" Sora exclaimed, "Let's go!"

However, Donald grabbed his hand. "Can we have a word with you in private, Sora?"

"Um, I don't-" But Donald pulled him away anyway, and the three of them were huddled up in a group.

Getting right to the point, Donald whispered, "I don't think we can trust Tiny Tim, or anyone in this messed up place! Somehow I get the feeling we're hallucinating!"

Goofy scratched his head in confusion. "Ya mean we're... sleeping?"

"Yeah! And this has gotta be a dream! The Utensil Society? Spoons and forks that can fly! Knives that fly around with jet packs! Sporks! This is one adventure that's just ASKING for trouble!"

"It's not a dream!" Sora shook his head in defiance.

Goofy nodded his head. "Yeah! If this really was a dream, Sora wouldn't have lost the Keyblade at all! He woulda used it to take out those knives!"

Scoffing, Sora turned away. "You can always count on Goofy to make you feel better. Thanks a lot, PAL!" You could just sense the love and compassion oozing out of Sora's wide and self-pitying mouth.

With that, Sora coldly walked away from his two friends. Donald then pulled Goofy close and asked, "What got in his pants?"

Goofy shrugged. "I dunno; rats, maybe?"

Ignoring Goofy's obvious and unneccessary stupidity, Donald left as well...

Eventually, the four of them were in front of Tiny Tim's room, and once again, Sora, Donald and Goofy were blown away by its appearance. The door looked like a cupboard door, complete with a brass handle and hardwood panelling.

Sora put a hand to his forehead. If he was indeed hallucinating, this was the longest, most realistic and most detailed hallucination he had ever had.

Tiny Tim bent his frame once more and bowed to his new friends. "Come in! My cupboard is your cupboard!"

With that, Tiny Tim placed his head into the handle and pulled the door open. The door opened with a slight creak, and the trio was taken in by the strange aroma and the unnerving atmosphere.

Tiny Tim joined them, and the junior heroes began to look around. There wasnt much to see; since utensils needed no furniture, the room looked much more clean and open as a result. There were pictures of spoons and forks in the living room, though Sora couldn't tell who they were, or if they were male or female (did there even exist such a thing as gender in this world?). Apparently there was no TV, since utensils were incapable of holding a remote or changing a channel.

"I wonder if he has comic books stashed around?" Donald wondered.

"Donald, right now I'm more concerned about the fact that there's no bathroom in this place!" Goofy was freaking out at this point; without a bathroom, there was no way to relieve himself of the bottled up urine that he still hadn't told Sora and Donald about.

"I'd offer you guys food, but-" Tiny Tim paused.

"I know." Sora stopped him. He was starting to get it now.

"But I do have some water in the fridge! You can have that!"

Sora nodded half-heartedly. "Sure." He then walked over to the far right corner in the room and sat down. Sighing, he took out a picture from his pocket. It was a picture of Kairi and Sora holding hands; the former was pinching the latter's cheek, and the latter was acting all annoyed about it.

He sighed. "Kairi, hang in there just a little bit longer. I'll get out of here. Then, I'll find Riku and come home to you..."

"She means a lot to you, doesn't she..."

Sora looked up to see Donald staring down at him. Sniffling, the duck sat down next to his human companion.

"Believe it or not, I know what it's like to leave behind someone you love..."

The ex-Keyblader nodded. "Yeah, I guess s-" He blushed, realizing what Donald had just implied. "Wait, what?" Sora's face was now a deep crimson, and he kept waving his hands in defiance. "No, no, no, no, no! It's not like that! I mean- she's just a friend who I've known for a while, and I wanna protect her and stuff. You know how it is- sometimes friends are so close that people just misinterpret stuff about them and assume that they're intimate and-"

"I got ya, I got ya!" Donald laughed; no matter how many times he brought this topic up, each time was funnier than the last.

"Hey guys! Come over here!" Goofy waved over at his two friends sitting in the corner.

Nodding, Sora and Donald got up and walked over to where Goofy was standing. He was looking at a picture of Tiny Tim standing outside what appeared to be a bowl.

"What the hell..." Sora scratched his head. "As if this hallucination couldn't get any more freaky..." He whispered the second sentence, so as not to arouse Tiny Tim's curiosity.

In front of the bowl, next to the left side of Tiny Tim, was a brass spoon with golden wings and tatoos over its body. They were too small to read, and they looked like they had been carved by a knife. On Tiny Tim's right side was a fork made entirely of crystal. One could tell the fork was female as evidenced by her wings shown in a feminine (and somewhat promiscious) pose behind her back, as well as her well defined hilt.

For reasons not worth exploring, Sora and Donald blushed a bright red upon realizing that the fork's body was too hot to resist.

Whatever that said about them.

"They say she was a FILF." Tiny Tim noted sadly. Sora, Donald and Goofy turned around to see him standing behind them, in what appeared to be in a saddened state. "She really embarrassed me in front of the other kids..."

Sora was confused. "What happened to her? Where is she now?"

"Dead." The spork responded quickly, as if it was something normal to say.

"And your dad?"

"Same." Tiny Tim walked back to the kitchen, turning his back to the trio. "Your water's on the table."

Donald walked over to get the drinks, while Sora followed Tiny Tim into the kitchen. "How did they die?"

Tiny Tim shook his head, opened one of the drawers, then closed it again. "Doesn't matter."

As he turned back to leave the kitchen, he felt something pulling on his body. He turned his head to see Sora's hand grabbing his neck.

"Yes." Sora stated in a low, angry voice. "Yes it does."

Donald and Goofy were clearly unnerved by Sora's calm outburst of anger. He had never acted like this before he came here. What had come over him?

After a few moments, Tiny Tim sighed. "Very well," he resigned. "I'll tell you everything."

The four were now gathered in a circle on the barren floor. Tiny Tim began to speak:

"Many years ago, there was a giant BOOM! We don't know what that BOOM really is, or where it came from. At that instant, however, our ancestors were blessed with remarkable abilities. They had the power to speak and move around, and some could even fly. Although, as you've seen - not all of them."

The three nodded silently. Even though his parents were born with vibrant and beautiful wings, Tiny Tim had no wings at all.

"I'm an imbred. Spoons and forks were never meant to clink together and have children. It's strictly forbidden."

"Who says so?" Sora exclaimed, clearely enraged by this revalation.

"It's been depicted since the early days. The ancestors of all utensils decreed long ago that those they had gained mortality and a heightened sense of intelligence, they would never forget what they truly were- tools for people to eat and make food. And for as long as the Society has existed, that has been what drives us to be what we can be."

"There were three main groups of utensils in the beginning; the spoons, the forks, and the knives. All lived together in perfect harmony, carrying out their purposes; to carry out the objectives they were originally crafted for. Although there are many sub-objectives, there are three main objectives for each branch of utensil. The spoons were meant to serve and prepare food; various spoons are trained to do things like help people drink soup easier and make a mean pancake mix for cooking. The forks were meant primarily to help one eat food; in some situations, forks are trained for special occasions such as dinner parties in order to learn etiquette when placing themselves on tables, so as not to have their guests insulted for poor dining habits. The knives were originally meant to help prepare food by cutting things into perfect proportions before cooking, as well as in the actual eating of the food, when they could be used to cut pieces into smaller portions to help the food go down better in one's stomach."

"That's one of the reasons why people make a big deal about spoons and forks having kids together. They turn out to be good for nothings. Nobody knows what they're supposed to do, so why should anybody give them jobs?" Sora thought he must finally be losing it, for it seemed, just for a moment, that a tear had fallen from Tiny Tim's oval-shaped head.

"Wait a minute." Donald realized something. "That knife said that your people are dead, didn't he?"

"Donald!" Sora exclaimed.

He put his hands to his beak, realizing what he had just said.

Tiny Tim shook his head. "Don't worry; I'm getting to that. Like I said, the knives were originally meant to cut food, both for preparation and eating. But then something happened. Or rather... someone."

"Who's that?" Goofy asked.

Tiny Tim lowered a voice to a whisper.

"Knifia."

Sora, Donald and Goofy were strucken in awe. "Who's Knifia?" Sora asked.

"A monster, in every respect. He was born to a rich knife family, and learned of the story of the founding of our world. I don't know if it was his pompous upbringing or just peer or parental pressure. By the time he was in his teenage years, Knifia had turned into a rebellious, sadistic freak who despised any and all beings that were not of his race. And that included sporks as well. He hated them so badly; they only served as a reminder of how lonely he percieved his race to be. For as long as this Society has persisted, many knives had felt neglected by the other utensils, forced only to prepare and cut food. The darkness in their hearts overtook them, and thus began the first great Utensil War."

"Years before Knifia's birth, there was a long, great Utensil War. Many lives were lost in the struggle, and the survivors then drew boundaries amongst each other, in an attempt to prevent any further outbreaks of war. Of course, that's all I really know so far. This is just the general knowlege; the true secret of the war may be lost for all time..."

Sora nodded, thinking about his own universe, now divided into smaller worlds. He knew that as the result of a similar conflict...

"What about your parents? What happened to them?"

Tiny Tim sniffled. He got up and walked over to the window. Looking thoughtfully at the indigo sky, this was the part where he would have cracked a smile. "They were a match made in heaven. He was the oval to her points. She was the sharpness to his dullness. They were in love."

Tiny Tim turned his head over to face the trio, who were now shedding tears of their own. "It's funny. Even emotionless, inhuman creatures like us can find something as complicated and human as love..."

All of a sudden, they heard a knock at the door. Sora got up, wondering who it could be...