Thanks to Mangarific, Alias Aurora, Nahmae, and ssadropout, for reviewing. Especially Mangarific and Alias Aurora, who reviewed this and last chapter! You guys are the best! Okay, so I didn't include that many people for this chapter, which I said was going to be the military peeps, because…well I just didn't. Yeah this is quite OOC, so you've been warned. Oh, did I mention, SCREWED UP!
YO MOMMA JOKES COURTESLY PROVIDED BY Butterflier00 on Deviantart Thanks!!
"Greetings and welcome back to the extremely late show that blah blah and blahed. Really, we need to shorten that title people. I er…apologize to Roy and any members of the audience that got injured because of my little episode." Sandy said, blushing.
"LITTLE EPISODE!! YOU TRIED TO RIP MY PANTS OFF!!" Roy shouted from backstage.
"Eh, right. Oh well, gotta put things behind us right? Anyways, Riza made sure I wouldn't do it again…" she muttered. Viewers (that means you readers!) were shocked at her appearance, her hair was everywhere, she had a black eye, a swollen lip and she kept wincing. Though, it had been Riza so…it was to be expected. "Please welcome our next guests, photo-obsessed Maes Hughes, smoker Jean Havoc, and possible exhibitionist Alex Louis Armstrong!" She introduced.
The three men walked on stage, well Havoc and Maes did. Armstrong did some sort of leapy thing and ripped off his shirt.
"Armstrong, rule number one, you cannot rip off your shirt, two, no boring family crap. That goes for you too Maes." Sandy said sternly. The two men looked like they were about to cry, while Havoc just sat there looking bored. "So then, onto the questions. How do you guys feel about your roles in helping Roy?"
"Well he's my best friend, so I promised him I'd help him so I don't feel any regret. Except I was a little miffed when I died…THREE TIMES!" Maes cried.
"Three times? Only once…oh...manga, anime, second anime… Yeah, I'm sorry about that. How about you Havoc?" Sandy asked.
"Well at first I had no problem with it, I mean I helped all I could. And then I lost my legs because of that CENSORED and I lost all the girls I had!! I hate that man!!" Havoc then started crying, overwhelmed by his hatred of Roy.
"I'm sorry? I didn't realize that you hated him…Armstrong?" Sandy inquired.
"Well I on the other hand don't mind at all. My fabulous muscles and I were happy to help him! Just because staging coups wasn't a skill past down in the Armstrong family for generations, doesn't mean that I couldn't do it!"
"ARMSTONG! What did I say?" Sandy yelled.
"What? I didn't say anything about my family!"
"Well, you know, you did make a slight reference." Maes pointed out.
"He's right, Armstrong, let it go." Havoc said, siding with the crazy man, and even crazier host.
"Oh, you're telling me to let it go???" Armstrong scoffed, pounding his hands together threatingly.
"Um…guys?" Sandy asked.
"Yeah, maybe I am!" Havoc shot back.
"Well Mr. I'm such baby I cry all the time about Roy Mustang, maybe I could say the same thing to you!" Armstrong roared. He was quite touchy about his family, and if anyone insulted them, he would use his amazing artistic alchemy to pound them into the ground.
"Hey guys! The show?" Sandy said again. All three ignored her; Maes started taking pictures- "Hey where did you get that camera! I thought the guards confiscated all photography crap when you got here!" Armstrong and Havoc were…having a yo-momma fight? All of a sudden, gangsta music came on, and Havoc and Armstrong were in Gangsta clothing.
"Yo momma is so fat Ed Elric could have used her as equivalent exchange to bring his mom back with no harm to himself or Al!" Havoc said, and the crowd went "OH!"
"Yo momma is so fat; she ate Gluttony, and became the new one!" Armstrong replied.
"Burn!" Sandy said.
"Well, the military didn't use the Philosopher's stone to destroy Ishbal…they just dropped yo momma on it!"
"Yo momma is so fat, even Scar and Kimblee combined, wouldn't be able to blow her apart!" Armstrong responded.
"Yo momma is so fat, that they didn't destroy the gate…they just shoved her ass in the opening!" Havoc grinned. The crowd started shouting his name and cheering.
"Take that you over-muscled freak!" Sandy cried, and Armstrong looked at her and,
"HOW DARE YOU!! These muscles have been passed down the Armstrong generation for years and years!!" He sobbed.
"I thought it was Armstrong family, and passed down for generations and generations…" Maes asked. Armstrong started crying- no bawling even harder, and everyone, including the author got so annoyed that she just deleted him out of the story.
"Hey, where did he go?" Havoc said, "I've got another one. Yo momma is so short, she makes Ed look like a giant."
"JACKASS!" Ed shouted.
"Ha ha! Good one Havoc!!" Roy yelled, laughing. A loud thumping noise was heard, followed by Roy saying, "OW! Dammit Fullmetal! I hereby…I HEREBY EXPELL YOU FROM MY POTIONS CLASS!"
Everyone stopped and looked at the direction in which Roy's voice came from.
"Uh, Roy you don't teach Potions. Otherwise I would know, and have written it down. That's Snape." Sandy pointed out.
"OH MY GOD!! Roy! You have to teach me how to make my pictures move with your potions!! TEACH ME!!!" Maes shouted, running towards Roy.
"Um…"Havoc said, looking nervous to be alone with a deranged Roy fan girl.
"Well…I guess there is only one thing left to do, since Armstrong went missing and Maes is trying to get Roy to teach him Potions… I am going to make you like Roy! Come here!" Sandy said, grinning evilly. Everything went black, and then you heard,
"NO! I DON'T WANT A PICTURE OF ROY NAKED! AGGHH!! MY EYES!!!" Havoc screamed.
"Look at it! LOOK AT IT!! Doesn't it make you like Roy???" Sandy yelled, in that creepy deranged voice.
"You have a picture of me naked! WHAT??? Riza, give me my gloves, this is worse than that time Maes had that picture of me trying to shove my-"
And cut to commercial!
I'm sorry, my crack side of me got the final say in editing this. Review as always, and I'll get you a picture of your favorite character...doing WHATEVER you want...hee hee.