Dr. Johnson: Today, I take on Jarvis Tetch. Bring him in.
Mad Hatter: Where is my Alice? Have you seen my Alice?
Dr. Johnson: There is no Alice here, Mr. Tetch.
Mad Hatter: Where is my Alice!
Dr. Johnson: She doesn't EXIST MR. TETCH!
Mad Hatter: Why am I here then?
Dr. Johnson: So you can tell me about your childhood.
Mad Hatter: Well when I was young, I was diagnosed with hypogonadism from a young age. I believe I was around 3 years old. So by the time I was in High School my fellow seniors mocked me and I wanted revenge! When the football team was at a game I set a bomb in one of their lockers. It was rigged to explode when someone opened that locker. So when they went to the locker room I was watching from a distance and saw the explosion. Those bullies never taunted me again!
Dr. Johnson: You killed them?
Mad Hatter: Why yes I did. So when I had gone to college I graduated with in 2 years and with 2 degrees in medical and technological sciences. So I got a job at Wayne Tech. I became infatuated with my secutary Alice. Ah what beauty, and she would have been mine if it wasn't for Batman! Oh! One day when I was testing my neuro-transmitter on my mice Mr. Wayne came in along with my boss! They wanted to see my progress. Mr. Wayne was surely impressed while my boss was disinterested. So while I was heading home I found out my secutary had just broken up with her boyfriend so I took her out on a date in my Mad Hatter costume. So while on our date two criminals tried to rob us. I planted a card on each of their heads and instructed them to jump into the river.
Dr. Johnson: No wonder I heard of two criminals who tried to jump into the river with playing cards on their heads.
Mad Hatter: Of course. She got back together with her boyfriend and got engaged. I was enraged! I went to see her fiancée and used on of my cards on him to call off the wedding and break her heart! Unfortunely I was busted when I went right to her after work and told her I knew what happened! Stupid mistake. So Batman showed up and tried to rescue her! So I had the Walrus and the Carpenter distract him while I took Alice with me. He stopped me in the end.
Dr. Johnson: Now doesn't that feel better?
Mad Hatter: No.
Dr. Johnson: Take him away.
Next Week: Firefly!