Captain's Log 23/3/2012: third entry

I'm surprised I seem to have slept well enough last night. I took second watch last night and I must admit I was hard work sitting there in the dark replaying over and over in my head my family dying. I feel guilty to have written them off so fast. I should be moving heaven and earth trying to find them, yet I've resigned myself to the crushing probability that they are dead and even if they aren't how the hell do I get to them without getting killed myself and therefore achieving nothing anyway?

I also can't help but admit that the current turn of events has me a bit afraid of the dark. Sitting in the hallway watching the door with my kitchen knife in hand, I couldn't help but imagine a horde of monsters pouring in through the door or one creeping up behind me silently. Rita's eyes are stuck in my head.

Soul chilling dead eyes that just wanted to kill me. No emotion, no soul. Just raw perverted death.

It's morning now and the power, plumbing and internet are still dead. Not that we particularly expected them to be up. Not that we expected some magic troop of superhuman army guys to dance in on rumbling tanks and save us while we slept to then wake and find all was rainbows and unicorns.

It's funny not having the internet. My routine was always to wake up, get to work and then catch up on the news on the web. Now there's nothing. There's just the window looking down on the quiet streets.

I'm confused about how quickly this has all happened. I would have though the chaos and mayhem would have lasted longer. Complete annihilation of a city population doesn't just happen so quickly like that.

Or does it? What benchmark do I have to compare it against?

I have to figure out what the plan for today is. We're gonna sit down for breakfast and talk it through. I wouldn't be surprised if the group simply leaves it up to me. So far no one's shown any leadership and I hate leading.

Maybe there's something reassuring in being told what to do.

By the way, I also felt guilty and troubled over my own family. Mum, Dad, 3 brothers and two nephews (and their mum). I've written them off as dead. I've had my cry.

Anyway, brekkie time.

XX

OK, so today's plan is to explore the stair well. We agreed that everything seems to have gone to hell and we are currently sitting in a makeshift prison. At some point our food will run out and we will be up shit creek. We need to secure further supplies and secure accommodation. As it is, with 6 people to feed, we have estimated we only have enough food for two days.

We've got to do something, or at least two of us do.

It is at the point that a summary of who we are would appear useful for you, dear reader. We are as follows:

Myself (Ben)

Tom: the window with the mop guy. 34 years old. He's a pretty fit guy and he's sort of been my right hand man thus far.

Lisa: 22 year old graduate. Quiet.

Robin: 47 year old fat lady. Becoming opinionated and thus far hasn't contributed apart from guard duty. Also eaten the most. I don't like her.

Opera: yes that's right, her name is Opera. 39 years old. Well meaning and nice.

We decided that we need to check out the floor above and below and scout the stairwell. And by we, it's going to be Tom and I.

We did another stock take of supplies and found some fairly heavy steel bars in the storeroom. I think they'd be handy to give a zombie a good whack and crack some skulls. Will have to wait and see.

Tom and I are ready to go. We're gonna scout the floor below first.

XX

Well, never mind yesterday morning, that was the single most scary thing I've ever done in my life. Same for Tom.

Yesterday's encounter was a surprise, but this time we knew what we were in for and therefore anticipation played havoc with my nerves.

We went down and opened the stairwell door to the floor below. The lifts were clear and clean. We crept around, trying to peek through door ways and windows before we went anywhere. The main door is all glass looking into the kitchen and was empty. We tentatively opened it and quietly stepped into the open.

Still empty. Tom followed my lead and we snuck around to the main floor. I peeked around the corner and saw a dishevelled woman shuffling around. She appeared by herself. There was also a clear space between us and her. My nerves were shouting at me to run away, but I mustered up the courage to attack, but I had a niggling paranoid doubt. I didn't want to sneak up and crack her across the head only to find she was a living person.

So I stepped out into the open and said, "Hey."

She turned quick smart and there was no doubt she was a zombie. She ran towards me and I nearly shit my pants on the spot.

I used the technique I had used before and since practiced. As she approached, I kicked her in the chest and she fell back onto the floor.

Tom and I had drilled into each other agreed before hand what would happen next. I moved first, but Tom quickly followed. We simply pummelled her face in with the steel bars.

It was disgusting, revolting and exhilarating. I hated it and loved it at the same time. I wanted to never do that again and do it again at the same time. I felt alive.

Then I felt fear.

We had made a fair bit of noise. I expected a crowd of zombies to suddenly flood around the corner, but thankfully none did. However, we toured the floor and did find plenty of bodies. No more zombies, but plenty of bodies.

It was horrifying. Happy the floor was cleared, we searched the kitchen for food and filled a backpack with mostly bread, biscuits, fruit and cheese. Other knick knacks as well. We weren't fussy. And there were some water bottle and some bottles of wine.

We took our haul upstairs and we were all so happy. We conquered and pillaged felt on top of the world.

It seemed too easy.

Tom and I couldn't shut up about our achievement. We were so pumped.

I wanted to do it again.

So we did.

This time we went to the floor above.

Whatever adrenaline flowed through my veins must have dissipated, replaced by cold fear as we approached the stairway door and peeked through the little mesh window. One lone zombie from what we could see by the lifts, but we couldn't see all of the space outside. I tried to wait and see if any others might shamble into view, but the one outside turned and saw me. It was a tubby middle-aged man, balding and wearing a suit.

Our eyes met and my blood surged. Fear and adrenaline choked me again as the zombie run to the door and started pounding on it. This was not what I had planned and I wasn't sure what to do. Tom was looking at me, "What do we do?" he half shouted at me in a panic.

BANG BANG BANG!

The noise was so loud, I was afraid the door might break inward.

I got Tom to brace himself against the door and open it a little. The zombie scrambled through as best it could, but I was ready. I shoved the but end of the pole into it's face repeatedly as hard as I could and it fell away. Tom flung the door open and I charged out to pummel it in the face. I got time to one solid whack before I spotted another zombie charged at me. I charged him back, side stepping at the last second and tripping him up with the pole. I raised my weapon and whacked him in the head with everything I had and the thing's skull opened up like a watermelon, bit of brain flying out.

Thankfully, the first zombie was lying still on the floor, just as dead as his comrade and I had enough state of mind to quickly check my surroundings. I couldn't see anything. My heart was racing, looking for threats, expecting the zombie flood to come around the corner and flatten me, but nothing . It was quiet.

Too quiet, as I noticed the stair well door was closed.

I ran to it and Tom was gone.

I raced back up to our floor and I found him freaking out with the others.

I was so full of anger I almost attacked him with my pole, but he was shouting at me that he was sorry and the other ladies were screaming at me.

I didn't even hear what they said.

I turned and stormed off.

I was high on violence and bloodlust and I had to get a grip.

I eventually did calm down and Tom apologised to me properly. I accepted it because I could understand. I was still angry, but it's not like I'm a super hero. You know what I did whilst I was trying to calm down?

That's right, I vomited again.

I'm so tired.

I don't feel like conflict right and I need to think again.

We still need to clear that floor and I do intend to go back up, but I need Tom to have his head screwed on. He assured me it was just because it didn't go the plan.

I think I can trust him for round two.

We're not doing it now though.

XX

Yes we are and yes we did.

Tom and I mustered up the courage to go back up and try again. We needed to clear that floor and get some buffer between us and whatever else was in this building.

There were three more up there, but this time we were measured and took them out as a team. I kicked them down and Tom finished them off.

I'm so tired now. These troughs and spikes in adrenaline are really draining and the vomiting doesn't help.

I'm going to sleep.