When they got back to the dingy motel, which just felt wrong after all the bright white and shiny surfaces of the pizza joint, Dean tried once again to apologize. He waited til Sam had taken his shower and was reclining comfortably on his bed. and when Sam reached for the dog-eared copy of "Christine" that he'd been working his way through for days, Dean cleared his throat.

"Sam?"

Sam looked up, "Hunh?"

Dean was so bad at these girly talks that Sam seemed to love so much. "Uh, hey. I'm … uh. Well, I'm sorry."

Sam was confused, "For what?"

"You know, back at the arcade. You were actually having some of that normal you're always craving and then I had to go and mess it up for you." Dean looked away.

Silence.

"Uh, Sam?"

"Dean."

"Yeah?" He risked a glance. Sam looked pissed.

"What part of that … shitstorm … could possibly be your fault?"

"What?" Now it was Dean's turn to be confused.

"I mean, it's not like we have a whole lot of choices. You have to hustle pool if we want to eat. I mean, it's not like Dad ever actually leaves us enough money to last til he decides to come home. If he decides to come home."

"Sam …"

"And I guess you could outright steal the money to buy the things your pain-in-the-ass brother needs to survive. You could be out there shaking down drunks in dark alleys trying to score enough for a bottle of headache pills."

"Sam! What the hell?"

"No," Sam shook his head, getting pissier by the minute. "Guys like that? Like Bonnie's dad? They have no idea, Dean. They don't know what it's like to lay awake at night wondering whether tonight will be the night your brother tries to hustle the wrong guys and gets his ass kicked just so you can have your Lucky Charms with real milk instead of water in the morning."

Dean was horrified.

"And they don't have to work up the courage over and over again to walk into a strange bar and scope out who's capable of killing you if you slip up and who would only kick your ass." Sam was on a roll now. "They don't have to wait up for the sound of your brother's key in the door and getting more and more panicky by the minute because suddenly you're sure he's lying dead in a trunk somewhere or worse and wondering what the hell you're supposed to do without him because he's the only damn thing that's keeping you sane in your life that totally sucks ass in every other possible way."

Dean sat with his mouth open, stunned. He'd had no idea Sam suffered like this.

"So you hustle guys at pool and flirt with girls. Big fucking deal. You could be out selling yourself or pimping out your sixteen-year-old brother for cash. Maybe that would make guys like Bonnie's dad feel better. Because you know what, Dean? Guys like that? They'd be the first ones in line."

Dean's eyes flared with anger. "That shit's not funny, Sam." He growled.

"So don't you dare blame yourself for the ignorant words that came out of that bigot's mouth tonight, Dean. You hear me? Just … don't."

The silence was loud and awkward when Sam finished his tirade, and it took every ounce of courage Dean had to cut through it. He stood up and moved over to sit on Sam's bed and look his brother in the eye, but damned if the words would come.

But then suddenly Sam was beside him on the bed, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder like Dean was used to doing for Sam when he was at a loss for words.

"I see the sacrifices you make for me, Dean - the sacrifices you make for dad. I get it. I do. And I wish to God you didn't have to do half the things you have to do. So don't you ever … ever let some asshole like that make you feel like what you go through every day of your life isn't honorable. You're the best person I know, Dean. And I just … I just wish I could do more to make things easier for you, you know?"

Dean was having trouble breathing.

"When … when he turned to you and talked to you like you … you were nothing." Sam's voice shook. "I swear to God, Dean. I've never really thought about wanting to kill an actual person before in my life, but I think tonight … I think tonight I could have and … not blinked an eye. It sort of scared me, you know?"

Dean's eye were wet with tears, and it pissed him off that this day had finally gotten the better of him after all. He shook his head. "Sammy .." He said brokenly, unable to continue.

Sam took his hand away and shoulder bumped his big brother. "Sorry for the chick flick moment," he laughed nervously, swiping at his own eyes.

"Hell, Sammy." Dean tried to joke gruffly. "That wasn't a moment. That was a full-on double feature with popcorn."