3

Dreams of the Penitent

The wind whipped ominously around the Third Division barracks as the petite young woman launched her sword at the man in the haori with an ear-splitting shriek of rage and pain. A blur of colours, sounds, flashes, and the next thing he knew he was in her line of fire, Wabisuke's hooked claw of a blade sweeping down to meet the sparking edges of Tobiume, his attention fixed on nothing but protecting his Captain from harm. The sound of metal against metal rang out in the otherwise eerie silence of the moonlit compound, and from a distance, silent and leering, the Captain simply watched, an unpleasant detachedness to his smile as his Vice Captain battled in his name.

There should have been a chill of cold in the midst of the fight, a flurry of chilled reiatsu and the swift swing of a stronger blade to drive the two fighting shinigami apart. There should have been the flap of white bringing authority between them and barking out orders this way and that, yet it never came.

Instead, Wabisuke's deformed steel tongue licked hungrily at the slender, delicate neck of Kira's opponent, the grim spirit within urging him to let him taste blood. Caught up in the frenzy of the fight, Kira's arm moved almost before he knew it, and then there was nothing in his vision except a misty haze of crimson rain…

"Izuru!"

Suddenly hands were grabbing at his shoulders, and Kira felt himself being violently shaken awake. The wind and blood disappeared, to be replaced by the blank ceiling of his chamber, and he blinked, momentarily disorientated. The thin, vicelike fingers that had clamped themselves around his upper arms loosened their grip, and in the darkness, Kira heard someone let out a sigh of audible relief.

"Thank goodness. I thought you weren't going to wake."

There was a hiss of reiatsu, then the flicker of a carefully controlled lick of kidou flame, and in the wavering glow, Kira could make out the shadow of his Captain in the darkness. Discomfitted at being seen in such disarray by his superior officer, he scrambled hurriedly into a sitting position, almost managing to bash his head on the shelves above in his haste.

"I'm sorry, I startled you," Rose's voice was apologetic, and as Kira pulled his blankets more tightly around his body, he realised that the older man was also clad in night clothes, a lace-edged robe pulled hurriedly over the top and a casual floral band pulled back into the wispish strawberry blond hair. Yet it was the genuine concern that glittered in the lavender eyes that caught Kira's attention most strongly, and he shook his head, wanting to put the other at ease.

"No, sir. I'm sure the fault was mine. I think I was dreaming – I may have woken you."

"Mm," Rose's expression was unreadable for a moment, then he shrugged, extinguishing the kidou flame with an elegant flick of his hand as the Vice Captain fumbled to activate the bedsid lantern. "I sleep lightly as a rule – a habit borne of long years anticipating danger, I suppose. However, it was your reiatsu that concerned me the most. It was fluctuating all over the place – it felt as though you were under some kind of attack."

"Attack?" Kira stared, taken aback, and Rose nodded, leaning up against the wall and folding his arms across his chest.

"Another sensation I have some experience of," he said succinctly. "I felt you were being assailed by something…and you were quite distressed when I came in, so perhaps I wasn't far wrong."

"It was…just a dream, sir." Kira lowered his gaze, suddenly embarrassed, and Rose shook his head.

"Dreams are warnings from the inner subconscious that something is tormenting our mental state," he said sagely. "If your equilibrium is unsettled, so will your work be. As a Captain, that's concerning. For Third Division, too. It's no good to anyone if our Vice Captain is not fit to perform his tasks."

"I assure you, sir, I am quite all right!" Kira's eyes opened wide with alarm and he held up his hands in protest. "I have dreams sometimes, but they don't interfere with my work. Really! And they don't usually disturb anyone, only the Captain's room has been empty, and …"

"I have heard, you know," Rose pressed his lips together, and for a moment Kira thought he saw more in the man's expression than the flighty, artistic spirit he had encountered in the office earlier that day. "I know what happened here…with Ichimaru Gin."

Despite his best efforts, Kira could not help flinching at the sound of the name, and Rose nodded.

"He betrayed you and the Third Division. The whole squad still seethes with resentment from unanswered grievances," he said sadly. "They don't speak of it, and the unspoken things are usually the ones that create the deepest rifts. You needn't look so shamed or mortified, Izuru. I understand better than you think I do. Those who give their loyalty wholeheartedly are the ones who take longer to heal when betrayal's long, ugly fingers touch them. You should not feel ashamed of that."

"But I…I didn't…know. I couldn't see…I didn't stop him," Kira's words came numbly, his tongue suddenly thick and unwieldy in his mouth. "I didn't…and he hurt…my friend…and so many others. I…believed in him…and…but…he almost…destroyed everything."

"A Vice Captain's duty is to believe in and uphold his Captain's will," Rose said softly. "Ichimaru fooled a great many people. You should not carry the blame for his actions alone. I've no doubt what you say is true – but there is nothing to be resolved from clinging to the past and punishing yourself for it repeatedly."

He sighed, turning towards the window and resting his hands on the sill.

"I understand betrayal especially well," he murmured. "I wonder if you realise quite how well. I didn't think I would ever come back here, you know…but I realise now, standing here and talking to you, that it was something I needed to do. You haven't found closure for your betrayal yet. Standing here, with my record cleared and my rank restored…I realise that maybe…I have."

Kira shot his companion a startled look.

"Betrayal, sir?"

"Mm," A strange, haunted smile twitched at Rose's lips, and he nodded. "Just thinking about it makes me want to compose a symphony of tragic harmonies, to be honest. Seeing it in your face makes my guitar long to sob in sympathy. I had assumed you knew why…what the special circumstances were, surrounding Kense…I mean, Muguruma-taichou and Hirako-taichou and my leaving and returning to office in this manner?"

"We weren't told very much," Kira admitted. "I saw…I mean…in the War, I know…you fought then. All of you – you and others…who aren't here. I saw…you have…well…Hollow masks. Don't you?"

"Yes…" Rose agreed. "Yes, I suppose so. And that was all?"

"Mm-mm," Kira shook his head. "There was a Hell Butterfly bulletin that explained that you'd been caught in the fall-out of one of Aizen's illegal experiments and so had left office as a result of the Hollowfication. I don't really know any more…just that it was before I was a shinigami."

"A hundred years ago, or more, now," Rose agreed gravely. "Yes, I suppose they had to tell you something. I did wonder if they would…and if they did, what you would think about having us return. I can't imagine that, as a shinigami who trained to destroy Hollows, you welcomed the idea of having a Captain with a tendency to turn Hollow in battle."

"It's better than being stabbedin the back by one whilst they smile at you," Kira muttered, then realised what he had said, clamping a hand over his mouth with a stricken look on his face. Rose smiled again, the same, half-troubled smile, and he nodded.

"Perhaps," he agreed cautiously. "But I felt that, at some point, I wanted to discuss the truth of it with you. And…now, having seen how deep your scars from Ichimaru run, I feel that now would be as good a time as any. I want you to understand, you see, that we've both experienced betrayal, but we both are in a position to step forward and move on."

"The truth, sir?"

Rose was silent for a long while, gazing out at the Third Division grounds, then,

"I understand that there are no persimmon trees left in Third Division's grounds?"

"No, sir," Kira reddened, shaking his head. "I'm afraid Imight have…sanctioned them being used for Kidou target practice. All except the one in the front entrance. I cut that one down."

"Mm," Rose pursed his lips. "I understood that Ichimaru used to distribute dried persimmons to the other divisions. I wondered whether that was his impulse or the Third's – I suppose now I have my answer."

He shot Kira a conspiratorial smile.

"It's quite all right, by the way," he added. "I consider the persimmon an ugly tree, and I have no real taste for the fruit. The land appears bare, however. Perhaps we could plant some plums or a willow or two? They have an aesthetic grace to them, and I always think them so gentle and relaxing to watch, their branches swaying in the breeze."

"Taichou?" Kira's brows knitted together. "I thought you wanted to talk about the reason you left Third Division?"

"Ah. Ah yes. Forgive me. Sometimes I become distracted," Rose looked sheepish. "Seireitei is quiet and beautiful when at peace, and it stirs the muse inside me like nothing else. I have been surrounded by the truest friends for the past century, Izuru, but very little of beauty. The Real World has its merits, but when you spend most of your time sheltering in unsavoury locations, I confess the bulk of it passes you by. Ah well, I suppose it couldn't be helped."

He let out a worldly sigh, shrugging his shoulders.

"In any case, the eight of us who came to your aid during the War were all once members of the Gotei. You realised that, I think? Only three of us have come back, but all of us were once comrades in arms under the same banner."

"Yes. Yes, I believe we were told that, too," Kira agreed thoughtfully. "I remember Sasakibe-fukutaichou talking in a meeting about names being restored to the honour rolls of divisions, and so the subject was discussed a little then. Perhaps he knew more than we did – but he didn't elaborate, and I don't think we felt in a position to ask, with so much to do following the conflict."

"When I was appointed Captain, Aizen Sousuke was a Vice Captain," Rose said pensively. "Fifth Division's, to be exact – under Hirako Shinji. He was also someone I once considered a friend – back during our Academy days, when none of us guessed what kind of a soul he was concealing beneath his kind words and smiles."

He glanced at his hands.

"The experiment that we were caught up in was part of Aizen's pursuit of power," he said sadly. "We were used as test subjects for his theory, and then discarded. When the Gotei got to hear of the incident, Aizen had already covered his tracks. He framed Urahara Kisuke for everything, and Central 46 arrested him and Tsukabishi Tessai, sentencing both to harsh terms. In our case…it was decided that, as tainted souls, we were no longer fit for anything and should therefore be destroyed."

"Destroyed?" Kira whitened. "You mean…killed?"

"Yes," Rose agreed, turning to face his subordinate, a grave expression on his narrow features. "I have no memory of this, of course, but I know that with the help of Shihouin Yoruichi, Tessai-san and Urahara-san escaped, and brought us to the Real World. He worked hard to try to reverse the damage done to us, but it was impossible. Once the line between shinigami and Hollow is broken, it cannot be unbroken. Not even the Hougyoku was able to do that."

He sighed again, and this time Kira could sense the genuine distress in his companion's aura.

"We had no choice but to face head on what we had become," he whispered. "Face it, fight it, and somehow, tame it. Otherwise, we would become full Hollow, and then…"

He shook his head, as though the memory was too bleak to recount.

"I thought I hated the Gotei, then. Shinigami, Soul Society…everything," he said quietly. "I thought that we would never come back here. Yet now…after that battle…I see that I was wrong. The enemy was Aizen. Not Seireitei. Aizen was defeated. Ichimaru and Tousen too. Those who betrayed you and betrayed us were dealt with, and Soul Society was cleansed. The past hurts…I'm sure there are few shinigami who can say otherwise. But we rise above it and we fight on. That's why I came back."

He sent Kira a crooked smile.

"Maybe…when I heard about Ichimaru and how badly he'd scarred my Division, I felt protective and wanted to come put things to rights," he reflected. "It's strange – I never did have such a deep attachment to Third the last time. Twelve years is short in shinigami terms, and I was never a recruit to this division, so didn't have time to put down roots. Yet now…this time around, I think it will be different. I can't put my finger on it, precisely – but I rather like the vibe of the current Third."

His grin widened.

"And I can honestly say that the Vice Captain is a huge improvement on the last time," he added reflectively. "A man of intelligence and aesthetic awareness who listens well and answers eloquently is the kind of adjutant I would choose to have at my side."

"Taichou!" Now there was no hiding Kira's embarrassment, and Rose let out a soft chuckle.

"You aren't good at taking compliments? Pity," he mused. "I would've thought you'd be more adept at it, given that you have such a fine reputation among the highers in Seireitei. I heard nothing but good about you between the first discussions about our return and the completion of the act – and I have seen no sign that I was deceived. And, so long as you are not horrified by my mask, of course…I hope I will be able to prove myself a better Captain than the previous incumbent."

Kira was silent for a moment, then slowly he shook his head.

"Your mask is a Hollow mask, sir, but I know now why you have it, and I understand that it means you fought your demons and took control of them," he said soberly. "I never knew what Ichimaru was thinking, right up till the last time he was here. In one day I feel…I understand better your way of seeing things than I ever did in twenty plus years in his service. I haven't ever had a Captain to report to like that…but I'm starting to think that I might…like it better that way."

"To feel trusted,perhaps?" Rose arched an expressive eyebrow, and Kira nodded.

"Yes," he said fervently. "That exact thing. Ichimaru never trusted me."

"Well, I think you'll find I already have," Rose looked pensive. "We were told not to discuss the Aizen incident or our experiences to our subordinates when we came back. I decided to defy that instruction, however. Lack of communication is a bad thing."

He looked amused.

"My friends…the other Vaizard, they think that you'll have more trouble with me than I will with you, and perhaps they're right," he admitted. "However, I'd rather you spoke to me about things than fretted on them by yourself. Even if the problem is me…understand?"

"Yes, sir," Kira nodded his head. "I admit, I was…somewhat surprised when we met earlier. But…I don't think there are any problems. Really I don't. I don't know how you were playing music without an instrument, and I think I'll find it harder to locate folders or documents in your office than I did in Ichimaru's…but…I can adjust to that."

"Believe it or not, I'm quite organised," Rose grinned, his sombre features lighting up at this. "Disorder is unsightly, and I prefer everything to look as it should. My filing system might be…eclectic - though my previous Vice Captain had other words for it – but once you understand it, I'm sure you'll be able to locate everything just as quickly as before."

"Well, I'll do my best," Kira agreed, folding the hem of the blanket absently between his fingers. "It will be nice to have some time to myself again, too – knowing I'm not carrying Third on my own any more. It's not that I want to heap work on you in my place, sir," he added hurriedly, "but it's as you said – a big strain, on your own."

"Well, so long as you stop having nightmares and we can both sleep soundly, I'm sure that will suffice," Rose's eyes twinkled. "I don't know who the friend was that Ichimaru put in danger, but I assume they recovered from the attack?"

"Hinamori Momo-san. She was Aizen's Vice Captain, and Ichimaru tried to have her and I kill one another," Kira said bitterly. "It might have worked, had Hitsugaya-taichou not stepped between us to pull us apart. Hinamori-san is my…I mean, we've been friends since…and I'd never…but I did, and even though she and I are still friends, I wish…"

Rose's eyes widened for a moment, as if understanding some unspoken message in Kira's words, then he nodded slowly.

"You are still friends," he said simply. "All else can heal from that point. Your friend's new Captain is a kind man, Izuru, but more than that, he's a trustworthy man. He's not aesthetic, and whilst his taste in music is passable, sometimes I have no idea what he's thinking when he organises his wardrobe. However, for good heartedness, I know very few better. And more than anyone, Shinji…I mean, Hirako-taichou – was betrayed by Aizen. Your friend is Aizen's former adjutant. S..Hirako-taichou is his former superior. Their bond of betrayal is stronger even than yours and mine. You can lay that guilt to rest and focus on rebuilding the happy parts of your friendship – she will be fine, and so will you."

Kira offered the feeblest of smiles.

"Perhaps," he acknowledged. "More because we have to be, than for any other reason."

"Mm," Rose did not try to contradict his assertion, and Kira saw once again that strange, half-sad, half haunted expression cross his companion's features. He nodded, turning towards the door.

"I'll let you sleep. We both need it, for tomorrow will be busy," he reflected, pausing at the divide to cast the Vice Captain one last glance. "No more nightmares. The past is past, for both of us. From tomorrow, Third Division is reborn."

He smiled, and this time the sadness did not entirely leave his eyes.

"Third Division's motif is the marigold, and you know what it stands for," he added, in tones carefully formulated for the maximum dramatic effect, "but Ootoribashi means 'Bridge of the Phoenix". I'm sure that means I can rise again from the ashes of despair - and so, Izuru, must you."

With that he was gone, a waft of frilly robe drifting out of the door and, as the divide shut behind him, Kira lay back down on his bed, closing his eyes.

The blood mist was gone, and for the first time in a long time, the darkness did not feel so foreboding.

I've been alone a lot for a long, long time. Alone and worried, trying to fight through on my own. Alright, so he's a little...eccentric...and the way he says things makes him sound like he's writing a novel...but its also rather refreshing. It might be nice to operate as a team...for once, to really be appreciated as Vice Captain of the Third Division.