Blaine is kind enough to give Sebastian tips on how to deal with the formidable force that is Burt Hummel. It's unfortunate that the tips basically come to: don't talk about Kurt and then talk about sex unless you're at least a state away, don't make jokes ( "Just don't do it. He hates them, and by default, you, for one crazy, stare-down minute.), don't try to find a common interest ( "He hates everything as long as you're a boy with even a little bit potential of like-liking Kurt, okay, just remember that.), and do not, under any circumstances, be yourself.
That last part is all special for Sebastian because Blaine is Mr. Perfect and apparently was totally kosher with starting off their first conversation ever with, HEY I THINK YOU SHOULD TALK TO KURT ABOUT GAY. SEX. So, all things considered, Sebastian is terrified yet weirdly mollified by the thought that Blaine buffered the path a little.
On the car ride to Hummel's house, Kurt insists over and over that he is, in no way or form, in need of Sebastian's help. Or, apartment. Blaine is smiling stupidly through all the haphazard muttering like he's content with just watching the spit leave Kurt's mouth with every unnecessarily sharp comment. Sebastian doesn't offer a rebuttal, simply glances over as Kurt grows more and more flushed by the minute, and concentrates on not driving them all into a tree. He understands that Kurt is one of those strange idiots that hates being in debt or feeling like some sort of a burden.
"Kurt, it's okay," Blaine finally interjects, laying a soothing hand on Kurt's shoulder, and he leans over as much as his seatbelt will allow to place a kiss on the back of Kurt's neck. Kurt immediately relaxes and Sebastian curses his peripheral vision.
/
7:08 P.M. / June 15th
I don't know how Burt okay'd this. I may have said something along the lines of 'They have many gay clubs there, I'm sure he'll be okay' once faced with Burt's suspicious glare.
Nick said this is a good thing because having Kurt close by, as a semi-viable option, will reduce the ~thrill~ of those sex dreams. Nick said I only have such... horrid thoughts because some part of me is upset with not having every attractive gay male fawn over me.
I think I need a new confidante. Also, new friends.
/
Kurt makes a huge, stupid show of accepting Sebastian 'offer' with grace and reluctance while Blaine giggles over how he's so glad that his best friend and boyfriend will be at the same place. Carole and Finn seem to be wary of him, which is expected considering that little photoshopped picture Sebastian threatened Rachel with. Despite the obvious discord there, they're awfully sweet to Sebastian whenever he comes over. See, packing Kurt's things seems to be some sort of group effort. Everyone is constantly flitting in and out of his room with things and objects, all marked with sticky notes of assorted colors.
Blaine is the most frequent visitor. Which, gross, because each visit is somehow reduced to Blaine bawling his eyes out and consequently making Kurt cry. Since Sebastian seems to have a kind of vote on the things Kurt is allowed to take to the apartment, he is always there for these breakdowns. Lucky, lucky him.
Today, Kurt is trying to talk him into allowing his big, white lounging chair into the apartment. Sebastian told him it's awfully tacky and since then, Kurt has been ranting with this weird red flush on his neck and ears. It's so endearing that Sebastian can't find it in him to stop the insipid speech, even though it is quickly leaving sanity and entering a metaphorical acid trip.
Eventually, Sebastian concedes with, "Fine, we'll take it."
Kurt glares and Sebastian can't keep a giddy bubble of laughter from escaping.
"Why'd you let me talk for so-"
"You're entertaining when you don't get your way."
Kurt flushes even redder, eyes an icy, icy blue. "Excuse me, but are you insinuating that I'm spoiled? I hope you remember that you're the one with a big, fancy apartment in New York City and the big, fancy mansion with the big, fancy-"
"You're also entertaining when you get super defensive, Wonder Woman. Now, figure out how you're going to get that sofa to the apartment and we'll start with your vast, incredibly stereotypical, wardrobe."
Kurt looks like he might actually claw Sebastian's face off. It's strangely cute. Damn it.
/
3:08 A.M. / June 20th
I think it might be time to see an actual therapist like my parents have been saying. Father thinks I'm not as ambitious as I should be. Mother worries about how much her attachment and his alienation are affecting my long stream of unsuccessful 'relationships'. I'm just confused as to why Kurt Hummel is tormenting me in my dreams.
Today, I dreamed about him for the first time in five days. This was one of the tamer ones where he was bitching about coffee and how I don't make it right.
It somehow ending with me pinning him to the floor and whispering something horrifically stupid like 'I can make it right, Hummel'.
My main concern is beginning to be my lack of suaveness in these idiotic dreams.
/
Once Kurt has everything organized and shipped, they decide to go up to New York City to settle everything and Blaine tags along. The city in its magnitude and promise seems to thrill Kurt as much as it disappoints Blaine. He grows more and more sullen throughout the apartment and city tour. Sebastian shoots him questioning looks as often as he can manage with Kurt thrumming with excitement next to him, thin fingers pulling at Sebastian's sweater.
"It's even better than I remember," Kurt says, sighing happily from where he's laying on the wood floor of their unfurnished apartment. At first, Kurt had been appalled by the size of the place, insisting that he couldn't possibly accept this, but then Sebastian had showed him the walk-in closet. Kurt came back on track pretty quick after that.
"Everyone seems so distant and rude," Blaine says, head titled back against the wall and eyes on the ceiling, and Kurt sits up.
"It's New York City, Blaine."
"I hate it."
Blaine closes his eyes and Sebastian is stuck between comforting him (which will probably lead to him saying all the wrong things and uncomfortable sweating) and reassuring Kurt, whose face has fallen. He decides on simply watching, because doing either of the two seems like betrayal.
"Blaine," Kurt says softly. He crawls over until he can rest his hands on Blaine's knees. Blaine opens his eyes and gives Kurt this heartbreaking look, like Kurt is slipping away from him and he just wants to memorize each horrible second. Sebastian suddenly feels like an intruder and coughs gently before excusing himself.
The last thing he hears is Blaine swiftly and selfishly breaking Kurt's heart.
/
Later, on the stupidly long car ride home, Blaine tries his best to justify his actions while Kurt sits in the passenger seat with his arms crossed over his chest and Sebastian grips the steering wheel too hard.
"You belong there, Kurt. You fit right in and it's this big, foreign city and I hate that. I hate that I know you won't miss Ohio. Eventually, you won't miss anything and you'll be so busy that you won't realize it. And, I'll have to spend an entire year without you, hoping that you'll maybe come home for the holidays. That maybe you'll love me the same and-"
"Shut up, Blaine," Kurt says, sharp and sudden, and Sebastian nearly jumps in his seat.
"When we get back home, I want you to grab anything you might have of yours in my room and I want you to leave. I want you to never call me again. I don't want to be friends with a selfish, childish asshole, much less be in love with one."
They're two hours away from Lima and Sebastian has never been more disappointed in his best friend. He chooses to ignore the silly, little burst of hope that blossoms in his chest because it makes no sense.
/
Apparently they're not done, because Sebastian is suddenly in the middle of some sort of domestic world war and Kurt is hurling things at Blaine's head. He had come down to offer Blaine support while diplomatically not commenting on the preceding events. He hadn't counted on Kurt following them downstairs and then glaring at a prom picture before picking a fight.
"Everything is always about you, isn't it, Blaine? In the beginning, you strung me along, forced me to take part in wooing other men, and then you kissed me because you were moved by me singing over a dead bird. You moved to Mckinley because of you. You couldn't stand to be away from me. Why? Missed someone fawning over your stupid mistakes and complimenting you? You made the Warblers about you. And, then you had to be the center of attention in New Directions, too. You nearly forced me into sex because you were feeling pathetic about your virginity. That was real swell of you. Oh, and let's not forget poor, tragic Blaine suddenly faced with someone actually taking an interest in me for once. That threw you off, didn't it? It was okay for you to flirt with Sebastian, sit quietly while he insulted me, skype with him, but God forbid, I exchange one-sided flirty texts with some random guy. You became distant because you were trying to get used to being without me. Who cares about how scared and alone and unwanted I felt, right?"
Kurt pauses to take a deep, stuttered breath.
"You're selfish and horrid and I hate you, Blaine Anderson. I hate you so much."
Blaine's eyes are wide and wet, his hands shaking around the few things he'd managed to gather, and he steps forward in this jerky motion that makes Kurt flinch and he drops his little bundle of things at Kurt's feet. He grabs at the front of Kurt's sweater and yanks him against his chest. He buries his face into Kurt's neck and sobs brokenly.
"Don't say that," he whispers and Kurt struggles weakly against his hold. He's crying too and it's so awfully breathtaking that Sebastian is suddenly in this stupid, stupid trance. He's pulling Blaine away from Kurt before he realizes he has moved. He's putting a gentle hand on Kurt's shoulder and advising them both to take a break.
"You're both angry and hurt right now. And, I think you've both said things you didn't mean today. Blaine, go home and sleep on it. Kurt, stay here. I'll drive Blaine-"
"No, I've made up my mind and for once, I can tell I won't regret it. I fell in love with a confident, supportive Blaine. Not this- Not this Blaine." He turns to look at Blaine. "You've successfully drenched my new home with one of the worst memories I could imagine, thanks. Please leave."
Blaine protests strongly, but Kurt is already walking up the stairs.
"Seb, is he... Is that true? That I do that?" he asks, shoulders hunched and eyes downcast.
Sebastian wishes he had bolted minutes ago, because he knows where Kurt is coming from. Blaine has always dealt with the overshadowing of his brother by overcompensating for it. He has always been insecure and childish and needy. Kurt is the exact opposite and at first, Sebastian had thought that's exactly why they were so perfect for each other. Now, he can see the rift and the inevitable crack.
"It wasn't going to last anyway," he says instead of confirming or denying, "You're not even sure that you want to go to New York in the first place. How were you going to deal with that milestone, huh? It's for the best."
Blaine is silent for a long time and then he sniffs before smiling weakly at Sebastian.
"You're getting really good at this friendship stuff."
It's warm and soothing and it reminds Sebastian of exactly why he's so hellbent on staying friends with this enormous idiot. Later, he'll chance Kurt's wrath and insult him until he cracks a reluctant smile. For now, he's content with slipping an arm around Blaine shoulders and guiding him gently out of Kurt's life.
/
11:02 P.M. / July 5th
Fuck.
/
Nick takes a break from braiding Jeff's ridiculous bangs to pat Sebastian on the arm sympathetically and Sebastian eyes the two with disgust etched quite clearly, he hopes, on his face. Somehow, Jeff weaseled his way into these therapy sessions. Sebastian suspects it has something to do with Jeff feeling 'left out' and Kurt getting sick of dealing with Jeff feeling 'left out'. So instead, Sebastian is stuck with Nick's mocking advice and Jeff's weird, romantic spins on everything.
"I think you're being so out of character in terms of loyalty toward Blaine is because secretly, you feel guilty about lusting after his boyfriend. Whoops, ex-boyfriend. But still, I mean, understandable. What I don't get is... how exactly are you going to house Kurt while maintaining your best-friendship with Blaine? Blaine's a good enough guy, he's not going to tell you to leave Kurt on the streets, but man, do you see where this setup could get real... freaky?"
Sebastian thinks about spilling his coffee over his own head and he's sorting inching towards the idea when Jeff slams the table with an excited, "Oh, I know!"
"What is it, Jeff?" Nick asks fondly, shaking his head at Sebastian like, what are you gonna do, and Sebastian just stares back blankly.
"You're in love with Kurt!"
They're all silent for a minute before Jeff chokes on nothing in particular and Sebastian bursts into loud, gasping giggles. Giggles. He's been reduced to giggles, for god's sake. He throws his head back in hysterics and his stomach aches because what. The. Fuck. He manages to control himself but he breaks when he looks back at Jeff. He makes nonsensical gestures, wheezing, between them like he's trying to recreate the conversation, like he wants to point out the ridiculousness of it but can't find adequate words.
He stops short when he sees Nick sporting an actual sympathetic expression for once.
"What, you're telling me you've never had sex dreams about someone you aren't in love with? Guys, come on."
He follows that up with this fake laugh that goes on too long and seems to make Nick pity him a little bit more.
Whatever, fuck them. He thinks he'd know if he was in love with someone. Honestly.