As nightfall came, Lightning found herself sitting at the edge of the water, watching the clouds roll over the water far off shore. She could smell the rain. It was such a refreshing scent, so unlike the how it had smelled on Cocoon. She'd found that she loved the rain, she loved that smell. It reminded her of Fang, wild and fresh.

She sighed again, watching the lightning roll through the cloud. Hand in hand with the rain. It was like even Pulse itself was trying to tell her something.

She'd never been attracted to a woman before Fang. But it wasn't Fang herself, was it? She'd been impressed by the woman's combat ability, her strength and her vitality. She'd never felt aroused by her presence, but she supposed that wasn't much of a benchmark, as she'd never really felt aroused by anyone.

But it was so.. wrong. It was supposed to be wrong, right? She'd been taught as much. It was wrong and unnatural; a despicable practice.

She narrowed her eyes as another made a spider web of electricity along the swiftly darkening clouds. She didn't want Fang to leave. Was she really as bad as Sarah had said? Why was it so difficult? If she really was in love with her, shouldn't have been easy?

So many questions. Too many questions.

"Claire?" She looked up as her sister sat down next to her, looking out over the water at the impending storm. "I was worried about you.. I'm sorry for being so flat with you earlier."

Light sighed as she sat back against the steps. "I deserved it I guess."

"Then you-" but Light cut her off.

"No. I don't know. Nothing makes any sense." There was nothing but defeated silence from Sarah as they sat for a few moments. "It's wrong. Why are you ok with the idea? Everything we were taught-"

Now it was Sarah's turn to cut her off. "We were also taught that Pulse was filled with barbarians just waiting for a chance to strike; that Pulse was Hell. We were taught that the Fal'cie were there to help us. But none of that was true."

"But this is different."

"Really? Because the whole world is different. Life itself is different for all of us. Maybe it's time to learn a new way?" Lightning remained silent, though Sarah couldn't tell if she was thinking on what she said or ignoring her. "It's normal for Fang's clan, who's to say they're wrong?"

That certainly got her attention, as light's head jerked around so fast Sarah thought it would fall off. "What? How would you know that?"

"Vanille told me." Idly light wondered if it was true, or if Vanille was trying to stack the deck in her sister's favor. "You should ask her about it. It's obviously important to her if she wants to leave to find out what happened to her clan." She smiled and leaned against her sister a little. "Open up a little Claire. I won't think any less of you.. I just want you to be happy."

"You should head inside before the rain starts."

Sarah sighed as she slowly got up. "I mean it Claire. It's time to try something new. Work isn't always going to sustain you."

"It doesn't now." She muttered irritably, though Sarah didn't hear her as she walked away.

A few minutes after Sarah left, the rain started, hard and fast. Light continued to sit there, her face tilted up to the clouds, telling herself that it was just the rain running down her face and nothing more.

She'd finally headed home, long after the the rain had soaked her clear to the marrow. The shower she'd taken did nothing to ease the chill she felt. She laid down in bed, but sleep was refusing to come.

She rolled over restlessly, pulling the blankets around her shivering form. Why couldn't she get warm? Uninhibited, her mind returned to Fang. Fang was always warm.

Weather on Pulse was pretty unpredictable. The day had been hotter than Light could ever remember being subjected to, but the night had brought a strong chill. Watch duty was going to be a long, unhappy sentence. Maybe it was karma. Maybe she should stop hitting Snow so much. A smirk spread over her lips as she shivered. 'Nahhhhh..'

"Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine even in the middle of the night.. and you say the name doesn't fit." She met Fang's smirk with one of her own that looked more angry and annoyed than her previous one had.

"What are you doing up?"

"Came to check on ya. Cold tonight." She held out a steaming mug of.. something. Berry tea? It smelled good and it was hot. Just what she needed, and gracefully accepted.

"Aren't you cold?" She asked with curiosity. Fang's sari looked like it was made for the heat, but didn't offer much against the cold.

"Eh." She shrugged, concomitantly as she sat down next to her, sipping her own mug of steamy tea. She noticed Light shiver and moved a little closer to her. "Maybe we should share watch tonight yeah?" She moved an arm around her shoulders slowly, allowing the pink haired woman ample time to refuse. But she didn't. She could feel the heat radiating off her. She didn't know how that worked, and she wasn't interested in asking. She moved a little closer and snuggled into the warmth, causing Fang to chuckle.

Sleep seemed impossible, so she irritably got out of bed and moved down to the kitchen to make tea. The house was eerily quiet with only the sound of the rain outside. For the first time in months, she felt lonely.

She glanced at her phone, the urge to call Fang rising to the front of her mind. But no, Fang was still mad at her, and waking her in the middle of the night probably wasn't a good idea.

She went about making her tea, then sat near the window, watching the rain run down the glass as she thought about what her sister had said.

Could she be in love with Fang? She loved her, she knew that, but was she really in love with her? She wasn't so sure. She only knew that she didn't want to keep hurting her, yet the thought of letting her go hurt so much.

'Maybe I deserve it. For all the pain I've caused her already.' She signed to herself, knowing what she needed to do.

It was still on her desk, right where she'd left it; still waiting for her signature. Her hand shook as she picked up her pen. 'I'm letting her go so I don't hurt her anymore.' She told herself as she pulled the paper toward her with shaking hands. 'I can't hurt her anymore..' She closed her eyes as she sprawled her name on the line, approving Fang's resignation.

Once she opened her eyes, she dropped the pen, shocked at what she'd just done. She was really letting her go. 'I'm letting my best friend go.. so I can stop hurting her.' It had to be enough. It had to. But it wasn't.

She managed to hold it in until she got home. She slammed the door behind her before she collapsed in a heap on the hardwood floor.

She gasped in shock when a little Canthor mewled helplessly and licked her nose. Sniffling, she got control of herself, wiping her eyes before scooping up the little creature. "Why are you here Nyx? Is Fang here?" She called out as she made a quick run around the house. "Fang?" But there was no answer. After confirming Fang wasn't there, she looked back to the kitten. "How did you get here?"

It mewled pitifully in reply. Worry filled her as she dug out her phone. She sat down on the couch as she hit the key to call Fang.

Ring

Ring

Ring

"Light, I can't talk right now-"

"Fang, why is Nyx here?"

There was a relieved sigh from the other end. "Thank Etro. I've been looking all over for her. Can you just hold onto her till I get over there?"

"Of course." She paused a moment, sparing a glance to the kitten, who was grooming itself a little too proudly. Her eyes narrowed just slightly, suspicious. "Are you saying she came over here on her own?"

"She ran off earlier. Little bugger is fast too. But she's a hunter, even that tiny.. she probably caught your scent, recognized it and followed it. I'm on my way, just keep her there ok?"

"Right." The line went dead. She closed the phone as she eyed the kitten, who looked back at her with none of the sadness that she'd had only moments ago. She looked.. proud of herself.

Fang arrived shortly after, looking a bit harried for all the stress. Light opened the door and let her in, feeling a little awkward without knowing what to say. Fang didn't seem to share the sentiment, as she swept in and scooped up the little grey and red ball of fluff. "Silly little thing. Don't you know how worried I was?"

It mewled at her pitifully. In the background, Light rolled her eyes. The act wasn't fooling her now, she knew they'd underestimated the intelligence of a canthor. But Fang snuggled it like a plush toy. She wasn't sure which was more pitiful.

"Sorry for the trouble.. she ran off when I told Vanille I couldn't take her with me."

Light stopped midstep to the kitchen, the impulse to make tea having been her chosen distraction. It was all but forgotton now. "What?"

"Yeah.. She's still too young to take into the mountains."

"..What are you going to do with her?"

Fang ran her hand through her hair. Light recognized it as a nervous action. "Actually, I was gonna ask if you could keep an eye on her. She seems to like you."

Light wasn't sure if she should be happy. "Why not Vanille?"

"Eh.. Vanille won't be able to get her all the exercise she needs. I thought she could keep you company while I was gone too.." She looked down at the floor. "She'll make a good partner for ya. Doesn't talk back."

Deciding it was best not to dwell on that remark, she returned to a previous one. "Keep an eye on her.. until you come back?" She asked for needless clarification.

Fangs head bobbed just enough to be recognized as a nod.

There was silence for awhile as her mind blanked and then focused on that thought alone. 'Until she comes back. She's coming back.' Though she knew that physically, Fang returning was really dependant on what she ran into in the mountains. But she felt comforted in knowing she wanted to come back enough to speak as much. "I'll.. take care of her for you."

Fang nodded again. "Thanks Light." Unknowing of what else to do, and now feeling the awkwardness of the situation, she turned to the door, only to be stopped by a hand on her arm. She turned, a slim brow raised in question.

"Look Fang.. we need to talk."

She nodded slowly, then set Nyx down on the floor. "Alright."

The moved to the couch and sat down, Fang sitting sideways with one leg bent so she was half sitting on it. Light sat straight, trying to clear her mind of stray thoughts. This was hard enough without the distraction.

"Hey, relax." Fang told her, watching her with concern.

"Fang I.." she turned enough to face her, but her eyes were still downcast. "I've been thinking," she made the mistake of looking up. Her eyes met Fang's, the hazy jade green destroyed her thought process. She felt the woman was looking straight through her, straight to her core. She felt like her every thought was laid bare to her. But she could see, in turn how hopeful Fang looked. She too, was baring herself to the one she loved, anticipating what would either be the happiest moment of her life so far, or the most earth shattering one. She looked.. afraid.

She wasn't sure when their hands had come together. She was vaguely aware that Fang was moving closer. Or was she the one getting closer? Her brain completely fogged over. Her mouth felt dry. She licked her lips.

Between that, and not pulling away, Fang took it as an invitation; or maybe she was just too afraid to hear what Lightning was going to say.

Their lips met, chastely at first. Light's heart pounded in her chest. Her lips felt like they were on fire. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she wondered if this was normal. Fang was gentle, yet urgent as she massaged her lips with her own. Unknowing if what she was doing, Light opened her mouth just enough. Fang invaded. She felt light headed, unable to do anything but clumsily return the kiss.

Somehow, she ended up on her back, Fang above her, situated between her knees. Yet she touched nothing, keeping her hands on either side of Light, keeping her weight off her. Light blearily realized that meant her hands were free. As if they had a mind of their own, they moved, snaking around Fang's sides to her back, pulling her down into her.

It was Fang who broke the kiss, lifting herself back up to look into Lights eyes once more. She was searching for something. But the passionate haze quickly turned to shock, and then anger. Fang braced herself as she realized she read that entire situation wrong.

The fist caught her in the jaw and she dropped off the couch and onto the floor. She hit the coffee table awkwardly; the glass top shattered, raining down upon the floor. Fang didn't move. Breathing heavily, she couldn't find the strength to move, even with the glass cutting into her skin.

Her eyes remained closed, refusing to cry, even when she heard Lightning storm up the steps and the door to her room slam behind her.

Vanille had been shocked to see Fang on her doorstep, bloody and bruised. She pulled her inside. "What happened?"

"Struck by Lightning," she replied with sour chuckle. It was all worth it. At least now, if she died out there in the mountains, she could die with the memory of her touch, of her lips. A wispy smile crossed her lips. For the moment, she was happy, though it was destroyed by the memory of her blatant rejection. Fang went from a smile to a sob so quickly Vanille wasn't able to catch her as she dropped to her knees.

Vanille was worried, to say the least. She shushed her, trying to sooth her without making her cuts worse. She needed to get the glass out of them.

Oddly, Fang quieted quickly, but she didn't move. She sat there on her knees, a dejected lump that loosely resembled herself. Vanille resisted the urge to cry at seeing her sister so destroyed by a single action.

Instead, she focused on cleaning her wounds, trying to get her talking as they often had when they were little.

"Fang, what did you get into now?"

"I got a little too close to a brooding Wyvern."

"Fang!"

She chuckled at her friend's worry. "It's ok, see? I'm alright."

Vanille frowned as she set about cleaning her wounds. She was getting good at it, with all the practice Fang gave her. "Well, was it worth it at least?"

"Totally."

"So.. what happened?" She asked, pulling out slivers of glass and dropping them into a bowl her husband wordlessly set beside her along with other supplies she needed to clean the cuts. She nodded gratefully to him, but kept her attention on what she was doing.

"Eh.. Nyx apparently ran off to her place."

"I'm glad she was found," Vanille mumbled, not wanting to interrupt too much.

"Yeah. So I went over to ask Light to take care of her while I'm away. And it went fine.. she agreed. So I was going to leave, but she stopped me. Wanted to talk." She looked down at her hands with a sigh. "I dunno what happened. One minute she was talking, the next I just.."

"Just what?" Vanille prompted as she pulled a larger shard of glass out, causing Fang to cringe.

"I kissed her." She sounded conflicted, sad, yet happy.

"Oh Fang.." She would have hugged her if she wasn't covered in blood and glass.

She took a deep breath and grinned, covering her hurt and fear with bravado. "It was totally worth it."

Vanille chuckled, despite the tears that glistened in her eyes.

Several of you have said this hits close to home and that it has very real connotations to it. And that's exactly what I was going for. Sometimes it can be a bit difficult, and even I can get very emotional writing it. Not to get all "OMG U CRI OVER FICS!" it's just a very real issue that many people have gone through in some way, myself included.

So even if it's a little painful at times, I'm so glad to those of you who are sticking through it. I have another story int he works as well, (another Fang/Light!) that will be a bit more happier, but always waaayyyy more involved. It'll be some time before that goes up, I'm kinda writing it in blocks all over the place. haha :)

Also, sorry for the re-upload, it somehow lost all the formatting and notes, and the only way I could fix it was to take it down and put it back up.

Updates will be a little slow for the coming week, I have a lot to do getting ready for Otakon :)