I eat my dinner and disappear without any comments, still thinking on my last conversation. It must be because you're
so approachable. You know. Like a bed of nails, she said. Who does she think I am? I bump into Eric before I leave and
I ask him to take the initiates down to their dormitory.

"Why do I have to do everything you say? I am not your little slave", he says.

"I have to work, man. Please."

He hesitates for a moment before sighing, "Fine. You owe me one."

He walks down the hall, muttering something about jobs and initiates. When I ask for favors like these, I usually tell the
truth. But not today.

I trudge down a series of hallways, looking behind me in case anyone is following me, and enter through my secret
entrance into the chasm; my little sanctuary in this world of dangers. I walk from rock to rock until I find my little safe
spot, and I slump down, letting my legs hang loose in the dark. I close my eyes and place my hands on top of them as
I try to sigh away my worries, but I already know it is not so easy.

I open my eyes and start thinking as I stare into nothingness. I concentrate on planning the time when I leave this compound,
and into the group of factionless, next to my mother, but all that comes to mind is the little closet from my life as a Stiff,
and Marcus's belt, swooping down and hitting my body. This is for your own good. All of the sudden, I get a pang of pain in my
wrist, right where my demonic father would hit me. I rub the pain away, but it refuses to leave my arm, so I decide to just ignore it.

I try to think of something else, and what first comes to mind is earlier today, when I say Tris fall into the net. I remember
her choice of confidence; taking my hand, above all the others. I notice, now, a small feeling in my stomach. It feels like butterflies.

I slap my cheek hard, preventing more loss of concentration. I cannot think of her this way, I think to myself. I am her
instructor, and nothing else. I shake my head and head out for my room. If I get some sleep I'll probably snap out of this madness.
I peek my head out the entrance, checking to see if the coast is clear, and walk out. I am about to turn the corner when
I hear a voice, Max's voice, behind me.

"What are you up to, Four?"

I turn around to face him. His eyes are narrowed.

"Nothing. I'm just heading back to my place. Is something wrong?"

He inspects my face up and down before shaking his head. I start to turn around when he says, "Have you considered my
offer?" At this, I turn back around, finding him with his arms crossed in front of him.

"Again, I am satisfied with my position. So no, but thank you."

I turn around again before Max had time for any other comments and I headed straight for my room, avoiding any source of
human contact. I understand why he wants me to become a leader, but accepting to do so and leaving afterwards is just wrong.
I mean, I do want to, especially to deprive Eric from his throne of malice, but I can't. Not in Dauntless. Not where the cruelest of them
all take place.

I enter my room and shut the door behind me as I take off my shoes. I head for the bathroom and I stand before the sink, staring
at my reflection in the mirror. Before me is someone I don't recognize; it is Four. All I want to see, at least for once, is Tobias.
I miss the old me, but I know I can't show my true colors while staying here. One of the reasons why I have to go.

But then again, I remember the butterflies in my stomach from a while ago, and think of the possibilities of staying here. Can I find
a life in the Dauntless compound?

I splash water in my face before my brain becomes a bowl of scrambled feelings, dry off, and head for my bed. I throw myself
in it, staring at the ceiling, my eyes all droopy. Can I find a life in the Dauntless compound? I think again.

I close my eyes before my mind answers the question, and start to slip away. My mind think once again of this first day of initiation,
and I drift off with the memory of Tris's blonde hair, swooping down her shoulders, her bright smile, and the way her eyes
gleam with light. Maybe I can find a life here…