Running in Circles
Chapter Three
Spencer looked at the time and began loading his things into his messenger bag.
"Another date tonight?" Penelope Garcia asked as she watched him pack his things quickly.
"Uh, yeah. In couple hours. I have to shower. She's making me dinner at her place tonight."
"Wow, third date already?" Derek asked, seeming to pop out of nowhere. He wagged his eyebrows suggestively.
"Stop it." Penelope smiled as she swatted Derek in the chest.
"Actually, it's our fourth."
"Damn, player. Thought you would have said something. Was it good?"
Spencer gave a confused look. "It was pretty good… I, uh, I told her about my mom."
Penelope and Derek looked shocked. "Did she take that okay?" Penelope asked, laying a hand on Spencer's arm.
"Better than okay." Spencer smiled.
"Sometimes, I worry that I'm going to end up just like her." Spencer confessed, looking at the floor.
"I won't let that happen to you." Kinsley reached out and grabbed Spencer's hand.
"It might not be up to you… Or me… If my brain is messed up, there's nothing anyone can do to fix it." Spencer tightened his grip on Kinsley's hand.
Kinsley used her free hand to reach out and lift Spencer's chin up with her index finger. She laid her hand on his cheek, hoping he'd keep eye contact as she spoke. "Your brain is not messed up. Neither are you. You, Spence… You are… You're perfect just the way you are."
Spencer leaned forward and pressed his lips to Kinsley's. Kinsley smiled into the kiss, as it was the first one that he had initiated. Spencer tangled his hand in her hair while their lips moved in unison.
"I don't deserve you." Spencer said quietly when they broke apart.
"You deserve someone that will lift you up and make you feel like you're on top of the world, someone that will take you at your highest and your lowest and not even bat an eye." Kinsley smiled. "I will try my hardest to be that person for you."
"Is it cheesy to say that I'm really glad that you spilled coffee all over me that day?"
Spencer smiled as he remembered the conversation.
"That's not what I meant, but I'm happy for you, man." Derek smiled.
"Then what did you mean?" Spencer asked, showing confusion again.
"Come on, man. Third date… You know…" He was trying to not be too obvious.
Spencer just shook his head. Penelope huffed and leaned up to whisper in his ear what Derek meant. "What? Oh. No. Were we supposed to?"
"If you say another word, so help me, I will hurt you." Penelope looked straight at Derek.
"Sorry, bro." Derek pretended to zip his lips.
Spencer exited the office and building as quickly as he could and hailed a cab to Kinsley's bookstore.
Spencer knocked on Kinsley's office door rather quickly.
"Come in!" Her voice chimed through the door. He opened it and began to walk in. "Hey, is everything okay?"
"Uh, yeah, I hope so."
"Are you cancelling on me?" Kinsley stuck out her bottom lip in a pout.
"No! No… Just- Are you mad at me or anything?" Spencer shut the door.
"What? Why?"
"Um, just something Derek said about third dates and what couples do on third dates and well, we didn't and I didn't want you to be mad about that."
"I'm not mad at you. Quite the opposite, in fact. Why are you so worried?" Kinsley motioned for him to come closer and she got up and walked around to the front of her desk. She hopped up on the edge and reached out for Spencer to take her hands.
"It's- I'm still a- What I mean is, I've never-" He felt like a kid again, embarrassed and stumbling over his words.
"You've never had sex." Kinsley finished his sentence for him. Spencer nodded, blushing a bit. "Okay. I kind of assumed, anyways."
"That's it? Okay?" Spencer furrowed his brow.
"What did you expect me to say?" Kinsley smiled.
"I don't know. I mean, someone with your experience probably-"
"I don't have much more experience than you do, Spence." Kinsley shook her head. "I've been with one person and we were married. It was a long time ago. I don't care about sex. If we were together a year and didn't have sex, I wouldn't care as long as I was spending time with you."
"Are you sure?" Spencer could see in her eyes that she was holding something back.
"Go home and get ready for tonight. I'm almost done here and then I'll head to mine and start dinner. Be there at 7. Or 6, if you're really eager." She diverted her gaze a bit.
"Kinsley. What's the matter?"
"We'll talk tonight." She put on a smile. "I promise."
"Okay. I'll see you in a couple hours." Spencer turned and started walking to the door.
"Hey, mister." Kinsley smiled when Spencer turned around. She pointed to her lips. "Kiss?"
"Of course." Spencer walked back and pressed his lips to Kinsley's.
"I love it when you kiss me."
Spencer just grinned like an idiot as he walked out of the building.
"So, everyone at work really wants to meet you." Spencer said before taking one of the last bites of his dinner.
"Oh, yeah?" Kinsley replied, pausing to take a drink of wine.
"Yeah. They can't wait to meet the woman that I talk about all the time." Spencer shrugged.
"So, you talk about me a lot? What are we?" Kinsley asked, biting her lip. "Are we boyfriend-girlfriend? Or what?" She laughed. "This sounds like a silly conversation for thirty-year-olds to have."
"I-" Spencer paused. "I would-"
"Spencer Reid." Kinsley sat down her fork and took Spencer's hand. "Would you be my boyfriend?" She laughed.
"Of course." Spencer looked at their empty plates and stood up. "Are you finished?" Kinsley nodded and he picked up her plate and took both to the sink.
Kinsley picked up her wine glass and stood up. "Living room." She nodded her head and walked away.
Spencer followed shortly behind Kinsley and sat next to her on the couch. "That dinner was amazing. Where did you learn to cook like that?"
Kinsley smiled. "My Gran. She taught me everything she could." She smiled at the thought. "She raised me from birth, practically."
"Where were your parents?" Spencer asked, taking a drink of his wine.
"Jail." Kinsley shrugged. "Robbery, embezzlement, extortion, fraud, kidnapping… You name it, they probably did it. They're never getting out in this lifetime and possibly the next."
"Wow, that… That sucks. I'm sorry."
"I'm over it." Kinsley smiled and leaned in, kissing Spencer. She blindly reached over, not breaking the kiss, and sat her wine glass on the coffee table. He did the same and paused a little when Kinsley began to lean backwards and pulled him on top of her.
Their lips moved in unison and Kinsley tangled her fingers in his hair. Spencer reached down with shaky fingers and started trying to undo the button on Kinsley's jeans. Kinsley reached down to stop him and broke. "What are you doing?"
"I-I'm sorry. I got caught up in the moment, I guess." Spencer sat up and ran his hands through his hair. He looked down at the floor and sighed.
"Spence, look at me. What I said earlier today about not caring about sex? I meant it. It's been a long time for me and I'm still working through that." Kinsley leaned up and kissed Spencer on the cheek. "I need to tell you something."
"Anything."
"Do you remember talking about you possibly going on my London trip later this year and going to Cardiff to the Doctor Who Experience?" Kinsley waited for Spencer to nod before continuing. "I really do go every year, but not just to visit my Gran. I have a son. He lives with her and I go visit them every year."
"A son. From your marriage?"
"Yes." Kinsley looked overrun with emotion.
"You don't have to keep going. You can tell me some other time."
"No, Spence. You told me about your mum, and you, and I could see that you weren't exactly comfortable with it. But you thought I should know. And I think you need to know about this." Kinsley took a deep breath. "When I was 18, I was going into university for the third time. You know how hard it is to make friends being the way we are. But there was a guy at my freshman orientation in his first year. He was nice, funny… Treated me like a human being. We became friends and started dating a few months later." She paused and felt a tear drop down her cheek as she blinked. "We got married shortly after my 22nd birthday and everything was really good for the first month and a half. We didn't have sex until we got married, so for the first month that's practically all we did." Kinsley paused to wipe her eyes. "About two months after we had gotten married, things changed. The first time I told him no, he got angry and… he forced me"
"He raped you." There was a look of concern on Spencer's face.
"Is it really rape if I didn't verbally say no?" Kinsley forced a laugh. "'Good wives have sex with their husbands no matter what.' At least, that's what he told me. And I believed him. I was naïve and I just wanted him to be happy. I didn't want to be a bad wife. Every day for the next two months, he forced me to have sex. And then, one day, he stopped. At least for a couple weeks."
Spencer placed a hand on Kinsley's thigh. "You don't have to finish this now."
Kinsley shook her head. "One night, I came home. I had classes all morning and then worked the rest of the day. I started my period in the middle of my work shift and I just wanted to go to bed. I walked in the bedroom and he had a video camera set up. Told me that I would want it if we recorded it because then we'd have something to look back on. I said no. He threw me down on the bed, tore off my clothes, and raped me. I had had enough and was fighting back and screaming for him to stop, so he beat me. When he was done, he got up, got dressed, kissed me and said I was a good girl, and left for work."
Spencer leaned forward and placed a kiss on Kinsley's forehead. "I'm sorry."
"I called the police. While I was talking to the detective inspector, another detective realized that the red recording light on the camera was on. I don't know if he meant to do it, but he recorded the whole thing. I got a divorce as quickly as I could. He plead not guilty, we went to trial, and he lost. I like to think that it was because of his own stupidity trying to include a video camera."
"When did you find out you were pregnant?"
"It was a quick trial, so close to the end. It freaked me out. I didn't think that I could love a baby that was a product of rape. But when he was born, all that went away. He was beautiful and perfect and I was so in love. But I had really terrible postpartum depression and by the time he was a year old, I was going crazy. I couldn't stand to be in the same country as my rapist. So, I signed over parental rights to my gran and I came over here." Kinsley's face began to brighten as she realized what she was about to say next. "I go and visit them every year, but this year is special. We have a trial in family court to make sure that I am well enough to bring him home with me."
Spencer just nodded. He didn't know what to say.
"I have to prove that I'm not depressed anymore, that I'm not suicidal, and that I have a stable job and home for him."
"How are you doing with all of that?" Spencer asked, taking Kinsley's hand.
"I'm on medication. The good kinds." She smiled. "If you're still around when I go, I would really like you to still go with me."
"What do you mean 'if'? You think I won't be?" Spencer furrowed his brow.
"I have a lot of baggage, Spence." Kinsley shrugged.
"So do I. I'm not going anywhere. Look, I'm not any good at relationships, but I'm going to try my hardest with this, and I need you to be right there with me. We can help each other."
Kinsley nodded and couldn't help but to smile. "Alright. I'm sorry. I really like you… a lot." She squeezed Spencer's hand and leaned over to kiss him quickly. "But, seriously, I haven't had sex in 8 years. The first couple of years were because I was too freaked out to try and be in another relationship and the last few are personal choice. I finished my last PhD, my Bachelors, and opened a business. I didn't have the time or the want to meet anybody. I don't want to do anything that neither of us is ready for." She stopped Spencer as he leaned in to kiss her. "I will snog the hell out of you, but that is it."
Spencer chuckled. "I'm okay with that."
"You can kiss me now." Kinsley chuckled.
Spencer reached out and cradled Kinsley's head in his hands before kissing her again and letting her pull him back on top of her.
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