Millie's Story
Sleeping with Max had been just about as good as loveless sex could be. Millie was so proud of herself for just letting the physical sensations of it overtake her and giving no thought to the more romantic feelings she had had for Max in the past. After they had made love a second time she lay a while in his arms before he announced that it was time for him to leave, and she sat up in bed and watched him collect his clothes from the floor and dress. And then he left with a smile but no kiss good bye, but she didn't mind, she had got all she had expected out of him tonight. When she heard the front door shut behind him she took her diary out from her beside table and had simply written two words to describe the evening: "Fucked Max".
There had been no issues when they had seen each other back at work. Millie had no intention or desire to approach him about it and he seemed the same as ever – if slightly less patronising – with her. She felt a sense of pride that she had conquered her crush on him and no longer fumbled in his presence or faltered under his gaze. No one at work probably had any idea what had passed between them. If anyone noticed a change in her attitude, they most likely would have put it down to a natural progression from her rejecting his offer of a drink the night she was kidnapped. It seemed to others that Max had lost his attractiveness to her then, and it made it easier for everyone to work with them together.
A few weeks after their liaison, however, Millie's behaviour began to change. She came to work looking tired and edgy. She almost seemed to snap at people when they asked her what was wrong. No one thought too much of it, because everybody has their moods. But secretly Millie felt alone and very frightened. She had realised her period was a week late. This simply never happened. She tried to ignore it and reasoned that sometimes hormones just do strange things.
She couldn't be pregnant, she told herself. She and Max had used condoms, and they'd never failed her before. She refused to do a pregnancy test because she just didn't believe it would show anything. Then two weeks passed and her period still didn't come. She realised she just wasn't feeling normal. When she was out with the rest of Uniform one night, the smell of salami on the pizza was so overbearing she had to make her excuses and go home early. She knew she couldn't avoid it any longer. She stopped off on the way home at a late night chemist and bought a pregnancy test kit. She got home and used the test. Then she waited.
Five minutes later she checked the test, and was promptly sick in her bathroom sink. There was that extra little line, the one that said the test was positive. She told herself the test must be wrong and took herself to bed. After a sleepless night she called in sick and made an appointment with her doctor. The doctor did another urine test and took some blood. The urine test came back positive. The doctor said that they would have to wait for the blood tests, but he felt it was safe enough to congratulate her as it was. Pregnancy tests rarely give a false positive he said, so two positive tests was a very good indicator.
Millie went home and shut herself in her room. She wanted to have a cigarette and get drunk, but she knew she couldn't now. She felt her body was no longer her own. She loved children and wanted to have her own someday, but not like this. Not with someone who didn't even respect her, and had only slept with her because she wore a certain dress and was available at the time.
She muffled her sobs in her pillow when it occurred to her that she should probably break the news to Max. She knew he'd be upset. He'd probably accuse her of having done it deliberately. But still, he was going to be a father and he had a right to know. She decided she'd wait at least until the blood test came back before she'd call him. After all, what would happen if it were a false alarm? He would be so angry at her, and all she would have achieved was to have lost the renewed respect she had for herself in relation to him. But of course that test came back positive too. She forced herself to call his mobile.
Max never answered her calls, so she took to texting. Then finally he answered and had told her in no uncertain terms that he didn't want her calling again, and that basically she'd gone back on the deal they had. After that she didn't bother. She spoke to Smithy and asked him if she could get a transfer as soon as possible. Smithy recognised her desperation and asked why. She said it was because she could no longer work with a particular colleague, but couldn't go into detail. When Smithy asked if she meant Max, she didn't try to conceal the fact he was correct. Smithy tactfully didn't force the issue. He promised he'd do what he could and thankfully he was able to organise something pretty quickly. He suggested she have a farewell do, and she declined, begging him not to say anything to anyone.
Smithy kept it as secret as he could, and soon Millie just disappeared from Sun Hill with no explanation offered, other than she'd been transferred. She was missed of course. Max just breathed a sigh of relief and got on with living according to his usual pattern. He had liked Millie, and on some level he was sorry not to see her anymore, but things were just simpler without her.
Meanwhile Millie's life was changing completely. She had to make her new station aware of her condition straight away, so her duties were lighter. She worked as long as she could, well into the third trimester of her pregnancy. She found herself spending her savings on things for the baby, and eventually she had to move to a smaller place in a more affordable neighbourhood. Anyway, her flatmate didn't want to share with a baby.
When she told her family about her pregnancy, her mother said "That's nice. Don't expect me to babysit." She was enjoying her empty nest and widowhood far too much to desire the responsibilities of having a grandchild. Her sister was rapt and promised to return from Germany for the birth. Millie wished she had friends with children, but the only friends who did didn't live anywhere near by. She went to birth classes and watched the couples there excitedly planning things together and felt very alone.
Millie's sister Annie had arrived home just about the same time Millie had finished work, and this was the happiest time of Millie's whole year. They had such fun buying things for the baby, setting up his nursery and feeling the baby moving about in Millie's tummy. They sang to it, and told it stories. When Millie had trouble sleeping, Annie would lie beside her and rub her back until the flat reverberated with Millie's snores. Millie sometimes thought what a thrill it would be to share all these things with the baby's father, but she found she never put Max in that role in her head. She felt for her sake she'd done the right thing not persisting in trying to tell him. She did however, chastise Annie when she started telling the baby stories about a big, ugly ogre called Max.
When the time came for the baby to be born, Millie insisted on a drug free birth. This was the time she wished Max were there, because she thought he would be the perfect person for her to pinch or kick when each contraction came. Thomas was a nine pound baby, so giving birth to him was no easy task! But when they lay her baby on her chest she instantly fell in love with him, despite the fact that her very first thought on seeing him was "Oh my God, he's the image of Max!".
Millie and Annie had had such fun looking after Thomas the first two weeks of his life. Then Annie had to leave and Millie was left alone with him. He wasn't the type of baby that settled easily for a nap, and just when Millie thought he'd nodded off and she could relax, his cry would blare out from the nursery, demanding her attention. Millie grew so tired it was like she was living in a daze. She took Thomas for walks in his pram to get him to sleep, but most of the time she felt she was trapped in the house with him.
And now here was Max, wanting to visit her, wanting to talk about things, whatever that meant. But Millie didn't dwell too long on this. Thomas had gone off to sleep easily that night, so Millie switched off her phone and fell into a deep sleep which would last until the usual rude awakenings of Thomas's scream for his late night feed or the uncomfortable sensation of leaking breast milk. It would be Max's turn for a sleepless night tonight.