Don't own anything that has been franchised
-I'm Crazy- = Collective thoughts of those listening
Chapter 3- In which Explanations are Demanded!Time Line just after episode "Potential" but before "The Killer in Me"
Buffy walked up the path caring half a dozen shopping bags when she was met with the obstacle of the front door, she didn't want to put anything down and the last time she had kicked the door open Xander had made her pay for the repairs. With a huff she turned her head and "Hurry up and get this door open or I'm kicking it and will not be paying for it" she yelled at Xander who was staggering up the path behind her. "You are only caring a couple of bags get a move on" Buffy supplied as helpful encouragement, Giles finishing locking the car and making sure everything had been taken out came up from behind and opened the door, Buffy's face twisted with irritation "why wasn't that locked?" She demanded.
As she walked into the living room she stopped causing Xander and then Giles who had been following close behind to crash and drop onto the floor spilling bags and food. "WHAT the Hell Buffy why'd you stop?" Xander groaned still on the floor, Giles being slightly more cautious had peered around Buffy to take in the room and let out a loud sigh of despair, reminding Buffy that he was there. Buffy had been trying to take in the sight before her but her poor frazzled mind just couldn't deal, at least not until she got to the donuts and had had some chocolate, dealing with teenagers problems and then going on a food shopping spree with Xander and Giles had not been exactly relaxing. 'Yes this was a problem for the G-man, goodbye problem and hello donuts'.
"Giles you brought them you deal with them" and walked away to the kitchen muttering to herself that she had better have the bag with the goods or else. Giles not one to be slow on the uptake desperately called after her "they're not all mine you know some are your responsibility to" but he know it was a futile endeavour and picked himself up off the floor and "Xander just how long are you going to laze about? The dairy need to be put away" and promptly ignored the scrabbling complaining figure behind him.
Once Giles was upright he hesitantly looked around room and promptly took his glasses off and started to clean them trying to gather his inner calm and sanity, reluctantly he replaced his well clean glasses and looked again, to his mild horror it hadn't changed except for the girls who look even more upset if that was possible but taking some happiness in the fact that there seemed to be no death, disfigurement or even blood he decided to press on.
Most of the furniture had been moved to the walls to make more room for the Potential Slayers to sleep and generally hang out only to be replaced by sleeping bags, suitcases and back-packs and can't forget the clothes, 'gods teenagers were messy' but everything had been moved so the figure in the middle was surrounded by clear space, showing some forward planning. He almost felt proud, maybe they had listened to his battle strategy class more than he had thought.
The Potential Slayers were scattered around the room all facing towards the centre and holding a distressing number of weapons most of which they had had only a couple of lessons with and where no were near ready to use and most certainly not near him. Most were standing looking ready to attack but Giles trying to delay the inevitable headache continued on and let his eyes pass on to Andrew who was seated next to the stairs and a quick escape to higher ground if needed he was also clutching an ice-pack to his face and weakly glaring at the centre of the room. He then turned his gaze to Kennedy who was also seated but was facing away from the figure while clutching a sword like it was the last life preserve in the middle of a stormy sea while being fanned with a magazine by... 'oh darn he'd forgotten the new girls name it started with an A or possibly an R blast and he had been doing so well to'.
Taking one last calming breath he turned his sights to the figure bound in chains, ropes and masking-tape, a very thorough job they had done of it, while also being gagged, blindfolded and was that cotton shoved in their ears? Obviously he wasn't going to get anything from that, he couldn't even tell what gender or even if it was human with the way they had trussed it up. All he could say was it had black hair and seemed short, taking another look at the ropes binding the figure he quickly decided he wouldn't ask who or where they had learnt that type of bondage.
Kennedy looked a bit to frazzled to question, Vie was gripping her mace, her weapon of choice, like it would disappear and he really couldn't deal with Andrew, he needed someone low key, spoke English and didn't talk in slang or a mile a minute that discounted Molly and the new girl well he couldn't remember her name. So he turned to Rona who he could at least understand and didn't look like she would stab him if he breathed to loud "Rona could you tell me what happened?" Rona blanched but gathered herself
"Wellll it happen around 3 o'clock" Giles looked at his watch it was almost 5 now Dawn would be getting back from her friends place soon they had a Math test tomorrow and she had a last minute study session with her friends, "we were training out the back when we heard a noise" she stopped and grimaced, "a noise" Giles prompted. "Yeah! I don't think the doorbell is ever going to be the same again" the others in the room nodded. "Well Andrew yelled from inside that someone was at the door and Kennedy yelled back saying to answer it when the noise got... a lot louder like A LOT louder and well" Rona turned to look at Kennedy "she went inside and well we followed and um by this stage Andrew was opening the door but um the person didn't realise and umm hit Andrew in the face and well just came in..." Rona trailed off and Giles looked again to the figure on the floor.
"Question if the doorbell was being rung then how did Andrew get hit?" Giles queried "Oh they were also banging on the door at the same time" Molly chimed in and Vie muttered "but I don't think that they cared much".
"Ok how did that lead to this? And we will be taking about door safety measures later" He said giving a pointed look at Rona while pointing to the tied up body.
"Well Harry" ah finally a name "Came in and well Kennedy asked who he was and he said Harry and that he would like it here and then ignored us and well Kennedy grabbed her sword and threatened him and", 'ring ring' a ringing noise was heard coming from the ground and all the girls were now moving in every which way and direction pawing at cloths and bags and shouting "not mine" and "not mine either".
When Amanda sourced the sound to a leather back-pack in the door way" it's coming from this bag who's is it?" Holding up the bag.
It was Harry's bag and the ringing was getting louder "leave it they can call back once we have sorted out this mess" Giles informed the group.
Cotton isn't a great noise isolator and once Harry heard that proclamation he tried to get their attention because it was a bad idea to let the phone ring its self out, the Twins had programmed the ring tone and it was a very very bad idea. Once it got to the end of the programmed sequence it would start again he had been warned. If they hadn't made it indestructible and threatened to make the next one worse if it did somehow break or he lost it, he would have moved heaven and hell to get rid of the disgusting thing.
The ringing got louder and louder and just as everyone was about to do something, most rather violent, it stopped there was a mass sigh of relief when 'Pick up the phone you have a call, Pick up the phone you have a call, Pick up the phone you have a call'. Started to be heard from the bag, at first the generic voice was normal but as it repeated the sentence it got louder and whinier and more annoying by the second. 'Pick up the phone you have a call' was heard at a ear grating level sounding like nails on a blackboard, then it stopped but no one sighed in relief this time they had a feeling it wasn't over yet, they weren't that lucky and then 'Pick Up The Phone You NO Good Rat Sucking Gryffindor'.
And the insults and death threats just got worse and more inventive from there, "maybe we should just answer it" Rona threw out looking quite queasy at the latest round, "Narr narr this is getting good wish I had a pen and paper this is gold." Giles wasn't sure who said that but more than one girl looked like they agreed, 'they were spending way too much time with Anya', others in the room just looked ill, there were some really descriptive threats in there 'If you don't pick up the phone I'm going to rip your skin off shove you in a box with flash eating bugs while playing the music to that really annoying song over and over again'*.
"Alright ether answer the bloody thing or smash I don't care anymore" Giles yelled over 'rip your spleen out and shove it' Amanda lunged at the bag and tried to open the side compartment were the noise was coming from.
"I can't it won't open" she yelled while yanking on the zip "Give it hear" Kennedy demanded and tried to stab it with her sword, to her and everyone else's horror it just slid to the side no matter how hard she stabbed it it gently slid to the side of the bag not even putting a dent in it. "Get Buffy maybe she can rip it apart" was offered up but Andrew yell "it's a magic bag of holding only the owner can get in" years of being a nerd gamer giving him the strength of conviction to add his wisdom to the group, he was also giving the bag a look of deep admiration. When the phone went silent again with wide eyed dismay the group waited for the next wave of sound.
Harry was rocking and rolling trying to get someone's anyone's attention so he could answer the phone he knew what was next and he really didn't want to hear it again once was enough but sadly no one was paying him the slightest bit of attention.
The phone stayed silent a bit longer than the previous times teasing the mind into thinking it was over when 'you bad bad boy not answering the phone' the voice was obviously female and could have made a fortune as a phone sex worker (that's where the twins got the voice and most of the dialogue from) 'when I get my hand on you I'll tie you up strip you down and give you the tongue bath you so richly deserve I'll start with your toes and slowly make my way up until I get to your big fat'. Vie had the bright idea to throw the bag out the door she even slammed it for good measure "Thank God" was the reply from the room when suddenly the bag reappeared and the voice was even louder, someone started to cry Giles was surprised it wasn't him.
Harry had worked an arm free using wandless magic... ok it was more accidental magic but he was desperate that voice was about to go into explicit detail as to what she would do to him and how it would make her feel. Banging his arm on the floor to get some attention he had made grasping and pointing hand movements asking for the bag. Mumbling and making any noise he could through the gag he demanded they hand the bag over to him, he heard someone shout "quick give him the bag" when suddenly he felt leather under his hand fumbling for the zip he got it open shoving his hand in he grasped the phone pulling it out and opened it cutting off 'using my wet p' to everyone's relief.
"Harry why did it take you so long to answer the mirror-phone you should be at the safe house by now?" Harry heard Hermione demand "are you in trouble? Well answer me" Harry held the mirror up to where he thought his face was so she could see for herself "Harry what have you done now? It was simple and you promised to behave. I knew I should have gone with you but everyone said" Hermione fell in to a mumbling rant relaying the many arguments that had convinced her not to go "and my parents would have understood" Harry heard. Giving the mirror-phone a shake and banging on the ground Harry tried to get her attention "what Harry? Don't do that it makes me queasy seeing the picture shake like that?"
Harry mumbled into the mirror "what was that speak up" Hermione said exasperation colouring her voice. Mummble mrrmmggr? Harry got out.
"I don't know why your tied up like Malfoy's wet dream Harry but I'm sure it's your fault". Mummble mummble grrr. " Phpp come off it Harry, Malfoy has always had crush on you and that narcissistic wimp would love nothing better than to have you tied lying at his feet licking his overpriced boots and other inbred body parts"-she can understand him- mummble grr eek mmmrr "If you wanted me to stay an innocent school girl you shouldn't have saved me from that troll"-Troll?- mmrrmmble mrimble "well you could have cracked a book and payed attention in class and then you could have done your own homework and not needed me to hold your hand" grrmummm sssmmmph "if you want the gag and blind fold off why not take them off yourself? You have one of your hand free don't you" the voice sighed "your obviously fine I'll call tomorrow and this time don't let your mirror-phone get to stage four and most certainly don't let it get to stage Five! -Oh Gods! There's a fifth stage- Bye Harry try to behave" mrrr brrmm Harry mumbled and closed the phone.
The room was silent until "Alright lets destroy that phone now I don't ever want to hear that again" was Xander's emphatic response he had come back into the room half way through the second stage and really wished he hadn't.
Harry let go of the phone and grasped the gag pulling it out wiggling his jaw and trying to get moisture back to his dry tongue " It won't work and even if you do somehow destroy it the makers have threatened me with a worse ring tone" Harry let them contemplate the horror of that threat and removed the blind fold.
"Now if someone could untie me and introduce me to the owner of the house we can start wiping this happy memory from our minds, do you people have any strong alcohol?" Harry asked hopefully.
*- found this on youtube under 'Most Annoying Song'
Sorry not much happen in this chapter as far a plot goes, it went a bit off course. The thought passed my mind 'What would happen if the twins programmed a ring tone?' And it went from there Sorry. Next chapter you will find out why Harry got tied up and why he's a potential slayer.
I have joined AO3 and have posted under the same name so you can find me there as well.