Panem Rales: Part II

"Let's see. Mini, maxi, wings, no wings, scented, Always, Carefree, Kotex ... This is stupid." Gale contemplated his situation. If he bought the wrong one Madge would just send him back. "I could always send her back to get them herself."

He surprised the woman next to him when he laughed for no reason. "Sorry, I just had a really funny thought." Who was Gale kidding. If he didn't bring her what she needed he'd find himself on the couch tonight.

"Let's see. One of these and one of these. I'll get one of this one and this one. I better get a shopping cart." Gale loaded up the cart with a three months assortment of pads, tampons, Motrin, Summer's Eve, and something for yeast. "What the hell is a yeast infection?" He caught the attention of the shopper next to him. "Sorry, I was just ..." She scurried away.

"That's a lot of stuff." The cashier commented.

"Yeah, well, you know ..." She chuckled. "Oh shit! I forgot to get what I came in here for."

When he left the store he saw the car, but not Madge. He knew something was up when he spotted a cop next to the car. "Excuse me." The officer turned around. "My wife was in this car. Did you see her?" The officer smiled, nodded and handed Gale the keys.

As Sheriff Frank and his two deputies left to chase down leads in the crime of the century I went back inside. I picked up a file and went through it. "Mom, what are these?" I knew the answer already, but I asked anyway.

"Those are job announcements."

"Looking for a part-time job Mom?" My mom didn't answer; she looked away from me. "Let's see what's in here. Panem Police Department. Orange County Sheriff's Department. Orange County District Attorney. Mom, are you trying to tell me something?"

"Katniss, I was talking to the police chief and he has both full and part-time positions open. You can start immediately."

I opened the Panem Press to the Police Blotter. "Let's see what happened last week. DUI on Main Street. DUI on the state highway. Speeding. Drug possession in the park. The Andersens got arrested for beating each other up. Speeding. Murphey's had a bar fight. All very interesting. Oh here's the highlight, 'Patrol responded to Mrs. O'Hara's for a snake. Rubber snake returned to Timmy next door'." My mother glared at me. That little hint would kill two birds with one stone. I would be out of the NYPD and we'd be closer to home. "But wow, the fire department had some week. They had a structure, no, two structure fires. A major motor vehicle accident. And a mountain search and rescue in the woods. If we moved back home I should join the fire department."

"DON'T YOU DARE! It's bad enough that your father joined them!"

"WHAT! Daddy joined the vollies. That traitor!"

"Oh relax, he and Vick joined the fire police. They direct traffic at accident scenes. But it gets him out of the house on their drill nights for a couple of beers."

"That's very nice Mommy, but I'm very happy at work and I like where we're living."

knock ... knock ... knock ... I ran for the door. "Hey there! Welcome" I kissed and hugged Jo and Clove.

"Hey Kat. Thanks for the invitation." It's nice that they decided to spend the weekend in the country with us.

"Come on in." I opened the screen door. "Mom, they're here."

My mother came bounding out of the kitchen. "Johanna, how nice to see you again." She opened her arms wide and pulled Jo in with a big hug.

"And Mom, you remember Jo's girlfriend, Chloe." She took them both by the arms and led them to the kitchen.

"Of course I do. How could I forget such a pretty girl with a beautiful name like that." Clove blushed.

"Katniss, I need to do a little shopping. Is there a Wal-Mart around?" Clove asked.

"There's a Wal Mart in North SoPa." My mother said.

"What's North SoPa?" Jo asked.

My mom answered. "That's North South Panem." Of course, it is.

"Oh it's nice that Panem has stores close by."

My mother looked up at Jo. "It's not in Panem. It's in North South Panem."

"Um, what's the difference?" Jo asked.

My mother could not have said it any simpler. "We live in Panem, Wal Mart is in North South Panem." Jo just scratched her head. I knew exactly what my mother was thinking, 'City folk.'

"Let me show you the map dear." My mother opened the map and laid it on the table. "This is the town of Panem. We live here, in the village of Panem." She pointed to the middle of the map.

"There's a town... and a village?" Jo asked.

My mother nodded. "And here is South Panem."

"If it's in Panem why do they call it South Panem?"

"It's in the TOWN of Panem but it's south of the VILLAGE of Panem. Got it?"

"Kinda."

"Here, let me show you again." Oh God, an interesting geography lesson. "Here's Panem Village. All our small stores are in Central Panem. South of us is South Panem, where all the big stores are. Except Lowes, of course, they're in North Panem. They're more expensive than Home Depot and there's more money in North Panem. But if you want really old money you have to go to East Panem. That's where all the mansions are. Some are run down though."

Jo pointed to a spot on the map. "Don't tell me, West Panem?"

"Noooo, that's Panem Heights. West Panem is over here. Panem Heights is one of those she-she neighborhoods where all the city people build their McMansions and then complain about the smell of cow manure. What the hell did they expect! It's the country!"

"What's in West Panem?" Clove asked.

"Mostly trailer parks like Panem Gardens, Panem Estates and Panem Acres, small houses and a lab.

My heart jumped. "Oh my God Mom, is there a meth lab nearby?"

My mom dropped what she was doing and looked directly at me. "Who said anything about a meth lab. Jeez Katniss. No, Pfizer Pharmaceuticals opened a new plant over the old town dump." It's nice to know that my Advil will be packaged over a dump.

"Does Panem Heights look out over a valley or something?" My mom shook her head. "Nope, it's on perfectly flat land. Idiots. The area that has great views is Panem Hills. It looks over Panem Valley. The valley gets flooded a lot when the snow melts on Mount Panem."

Clove smiled. "Mount Panem, that sounds nice."

"It is, Mount Panem has skiing and Panem Ridge has some good hiking trails." I said.

Clove pointed to a lake. "Kat, is this where you went ice skating?"

My mother nodded. "Yes, that's Lake Panem. We call the Panemites that live around there Lakers. You know because they live around the lake."

"Thanks Rose." My Mom was glad that Jo got it.

"It's a damned lake that's fed by Panem Creek. If you follow that north you'll find the meth lab. But it's in the next town."

"How did Panem get it's name Mrs. Everdeen?" Ah, a history lesson.

"Well Chloe, the Panem family left their home in search of more fertile farming land when the wheel broke on their wagon as they drove up the Post Road. So they pitched a tent and stayed."

"How did the farm pan out?"

"The land was worse than the stuff they just came from. So they tried to mine."

"What?" Clove was excited. "Silver? Gold? Diamonds?"

"No. Nothing like that. Coal. But that didn't succeed either. So they packed up and left. Never to be heard from again. But the name stuck."

knock ... knock ... knock ... An elderly, elegant woman opened the door. "Yes, may I help you?"

"Hello Mrs. Tuttle, I'm Frank Everdeen from Twelfth Street. I think your dog has been digging up our yard."

"Oh that can't be. I only walk Buffy on a leash." A little froo-froo dog with a pink collar come out of the other room. "See, here she is."

growl … growl After she growled she clamped her jaw around Rory's ankle. "Hey! Stop it!"

"Buffy! Buffy! Let go!"

"Get it off! Get it off!" Rory lifted his leg and shook it. The dog hung from his ankle and it swung around as Rory shook his leg.

"Come on Buffy, let go of the good man's leg." Mrs. Tuttle grabbed the dog and pulled it off Rory's ankle ripping his sock as along the way. "Oh I'm sorry about your sock young man." Rory massaged his injured pride.

"Mrs. Tuttle, we're looking for the Great Dane, Bosco."

Mrs. Tuttle turned around and walked back into the house. "Bosco was my late husband's dog. He was so big. He got into everything. One time he got into our pantry and got his head stuck in the pickle jar. The whole house smelled like pickle juice. He ran around the house knocking over everything. Look what he did to this imitation priceless Ming Vase." She held up the vase with the obvious cracks in it.

"Mrs. Tuttle, where is Bosco?"

"I'm not sure. I asked the animal shelter to find it a home and they did."

"Thank you Mrs. Tuttle." growl ... growl ... Rory recoiled and ducked behind Peeta "Buffy, be good. You're scaring the young man. Bye boys."

"Excuse me. My wife Madge Hawthorne is here."

The police dispatcher buzzed Gale in. "The Chief is in his office. He's expecting you"

"Thanks." Gale walked through the tiny police station. knock ... knock ... knock ... "Chief?"

"Detective Hawthorne, come on in." Gale shook hands with the older gentleman. He reminded Gale of his father. A big man whose uniform didn't quite fit him anymore. "Let's see if we can work this out." The chief said.