"Fuck.."

I startled from my sleep as I heard that soft whisper. The room was dark and I think it was the middle of the night. I looked all over the room trying to figure out what had happened and then, my eyes caught Matt. He was lying near me. He was awake and a worried expression was covering his pale face. Damn..I was so sleepy…

"What`s happened to you?" I asked softly, but worried at the same time.

"I..I had a bad dream. Anyway, don`t worry for me. I`m fine." He said, smiling falsely.

"Don`t lie to me, ok?" I replied, a hint of anger in my voice.

"It`s just that..I keep having the same dream over and over again. And it`s not some kind of fairytale that I should enjoy."

"What kind of dream?" I asked curious.

"Well..a dream where we were beaten up pretty badly. A dream where you were shot in your left arm. It was something like the exact description of the accident that brought me to the amnesia state." the redhead said a bit desperate.

"Wouldn`t this thing be considered something good? I mean, your subconscious is aware of what you did in the past and is trying to tell you. In other words, you`re starting to remember things." I explained, a bit relieved.

"Well..maybe.."

"Che..Now, let`s sleep. It`s late and I`m so damn sleepy. Don`t worry about it anymore." I murmured as I hugged him instinctively.

"Mells…" he said with a hint of insecurity in his tone. "What exactly am I to you?"

"Haven`t I already told you?"

"I mean..you`re hugging me all the time and you really care about me and.." he said as his face reddened with embarrassment because of the subject.

"Yes, I do those things. And you know why?" I asked as I felt like I couldn`t hide it any longer. "Because some time ago we made a pact that you`ll be mine and I`ll be yours `till the world shatters. I can`t break it now."

"You mean..that we were..lovers?"

"We still are, Matt." I replied, a faded smile showing on my face.

He kept silent for a moment. I felt like my heart was bursting out of my chest. I was not sure what his reaction would be. "What if he will tell me that he doesn`t love me anymore?.. Say something, already!" I mentally ordered him.

" For how long?" he asked.

"What?" I said, a bit confused of what he had asked previously as I was drowned into my thoughts.

"For how long have we been together?" he repeated.

"I think 3 years or something. I can`t actually remember."

"…"

"Don`t be so damn silent. Say something!"

"I don`t know what to say…" he replied, his eyes looking into a certain point, lost somewhere far-far away.

"What exactly are your feelings for me?" I asked, a bit desperate.

"Look, I don`t even remember who I am. I don`t know what the fuck I shall do from now on. How would I know what my feelings for you are?" he answered. His once calm voice was replaced by an angry one.

"What the fuck, Matt? You don`t remember anything about our relationship? Nothing?"

"I am fuckin` sorry, your selfishness, but I don`t..Don`t make me guilty when it`s not even my fault." The redhead tried to defend himself.

"Che.."

"You should understand..Stop being selfish and wake up to reality. I am sorry to disappoint you, but I know nothing. Nothing. Do you think I really wanted it to be like this? Do you? I`m tired..tired of this "remembering" shit. All I want is to take my life forward. It hurts not to remember anything but I don`t plan on spending my entire life regretting the loss of my memories. I really don`t.." he said, angrier than I had ever seen him.

"Matt.."

"Don`t "Matt" me. I`m going out a bit. I really hope you`ll calm down a bit."

" As if I were the only one who argued here.."I said arrogantly.

"Where the fuck are my cigarettes?" he yelled as he entered the kitchen.

Yeah, that was right. He used to keep his cigarettes on the table in the kitchen. But of course they were not there. They couldn`t have been as the gamer didn`t smoke anything since the accident. It seemed like he remembered about them. He used to smoke when he was angry..

"Good that your memories are starting to recover, but I have to remind you that you haven`t smoked since the accident. How the fuck should they be there If you haven`t bought any?" I yelled.

But there was no reply from him. He was gone…

I cursed myself for being such a jerk. I knew that my relationship with him was fragile and yet I yelled at him and made him feel guilty. And the worst of it was that I made him so angry that he left. I couldn`t let it end like this so I decided to go after him. It was so cold outside..

Even though I didn`t know where he had left, something was telling me to go to the park that we frequently used to visit before he lost his memories. And so I did..I went to that place. I couldn`t actually see anything since there were no lights there and it was really dark, but he was there. He was sitting on a bench, murmuring something; something I couldn`t really understand. Some words sounded like "fuck you" and I realized they should have been addressed to me, but I didn`t care. I guess I really deserved it.

I slowly headed towards him, a bit of insecurity trying to make me return. Almost dried tears were covering his cheeks and he murmured:"What do you want?"

"Matt..forgive me..I didn`t mean to..." I shyly said.

"You know I didn`t want it to be like this. And it`s not my fuckin` fault that some punks kicked our asses." He replied as tears renewed in his eyes.

I hugged him as I never had before. He tried to pull away, but my grip on him was too tight to break. Finally, he gave in and hugged me back. How I had missed those moments. "I will never let you go." I told him. As we pulled away, the redhead sealed the distance between our lips into a deep kiss. It was not as the usual kisses between us. It was lustful, one full of desire. I licked his lower lip, asking for permission. As I was allowed in, I brushed my tongue onto his. Our tongues danced together since we pulled out, gasping for air.

"I love you, Matt." I said mentally, not being able to find my voice to tell him for real.