"What?" Ricky said, quickly shifted to a sitting position in the bed. I could tell he was completely shocked, like he wasn't expecting this at all. But he almost looked like he didn't believe it. "You- you're pregnant?"

I nodded as I sat up beside him in the bed, the bedspread halfway covering us. I moved away from him just a little bit so I could see his reaction more clearly. Seeing his upset expression, I rested my head on my knees and sulked, thinking of how incredibly stupid I was for letting this happen.

"Whose is it?" He asked. Normally I would've gotten mad, but I knew that this wasn't the time to get upset with him. He was just wondering- I guess it was pretty important. Unfortunately, I don't know whose baby I'm carrying.

"I don't know," I reluctantly answered.

How was I going to do it? How would I face telling my parents that I'm pregnant again? I didn't know of one person right now that could help me. Sure, it was nice having one person know, and I'm sure Ricky isn't going to tell anyone. But it would really help having someone know who could actually help me with this.

And then it came to my mind the one person that I knew would support me. The one person I knew who would be there for me no matter what (not that Ricky wouldn't), and that was Grace. My best friend, Grace Bowman, would help me figure this whole thing out.

Surprisingly happy all of a sudden, I shot up from the bed and quickly threw my clothes on while simultaneously heading for the door. "Ricky, there's something I just remembered! I- I'll see you later!"

"Amy, wait," he stopped me while I had the door opened, getting ready to go out. I turned around and waited. He was standing up now from the bed, and he walked over to me. "What are you gonna do?"

"I don't know," I said, "I just need to go talk to someone right now. I swear we'll talk about this tonight or something, okay? I just really need my best friend now," I told him. Ricky knew that Grace and I were best friends, so he would probably understand.

And I was right, he did. He nodded and said, "Okay, I'll see you tonight."

I smiled and walked out the door, practically running down the hall and out the door of the butcher shop. Hurrying toward my car, I was still wondering why I was suddenly in such a great, happy mood. I guess it was because Grace was such a good friend, and she always knew what the right thing to do was (even if she made some bad decisions).

I had almost reached my car when I slipped and fell, landing right in a rain puddle. I groaned as I noticed that it was sprinkling (it had been raining all week), and I pulled myself up and got in my SUV before it rained even harder. Just my luck to fall and get myself soaken wet.

Immediately feeling depressed and overwhelmed again, I slammed the car door shut to let my anger out (of course, it didn't work), and then I drove off to Grace's house.

- - -

Knocking on the door of Grace's house, I ran a hand through my dripping wet hair and rung the water out. I crossed my arms and waited, annoyed at myself for slipping, at the door. The door was thrown open in only a few seconds, and Grace was standing there.

"Hey, Amy, come in!" She exclaimed happily.

I walked inside the door, immediately feeling comforted by the familiarness of her home and her perkiness. But of course, that wasn't enough to cheer me up. Not after how my day's been going so far. I looked outside of the window. It was really dark, and it was only the afternoon. (More specifically, it was a Sunday afternoon at 3:00.)

Oh, shit. I had completely forgotten I have school tomorrow! That just adds to my awful day, making it only more awful.

"Is everything okay?" Grace asked, noticing I looked off as I blankly stared out the window, spacing out.

"Yes," I began, but then I continued immediately and shook my head nervously, "Well, no. No, not really."

Grace wrinkled her face together, confused about what could be wrong. She motioned for me to follow her, and I followed her past the kitchen and waved at her mom, who smiled at me politely. We walked into her room and then she shut the door and stood there beside me, looking serious. "Okay, tell me everything."

Well, I wasn't so sure if I could tell her everything. You see, Grace didn't exactly know that Ricky and I were "secretly dating", although she did know about that one time last summer, where it all started. But she didn't know we were still seeing each other, especially since I was with Ben.

But this was my best friend, and Grace and I have become really close over this past year, and I knew that she was the only one I could really trust right now. I knew she'd help me. So I decided to tell her. Everything.

"Well, Grace," I began, "I guess I should start by saying that Ricky and I have been dating for the past year, ever since last summer (the year after band camp). And Ben doesn't exactly know about it." She gave me a questioning look. "Okay, he doesn't know about it. At all."

"You and Ricky are dating?!" She had a surprised look on her face. "Well, I guess that's good. But what about Ben?" She asked. I was amazed by how little she seemed to grasp by this. Couldn't she see how upset I was?

"Well, I don't know. You see, Ricky and I haven't just been dating. We've been.. hooking up." I stopped to see the shock that ran across her face and then I continued, deciding to be completely honest and straight-forward about the whole thing. "A lot. Ever since the Eleventh grade last year. And well, Grace, what I'm trying to tell you is that.. I-" I stopped, turning my head away nervously. The room was dead silent, and I knew one of us had to say something. It had to be me. "I.. I am.. pregnant."

Her eyes got huge. "Are you serious?!" I simply nodded. She stood there silently gawking and continued. "I can't believe it! You and Ricky..." she trailed off as I gave her a look that told her to stop talking because she was wrong. She was about to say you and Ricky are having another baby. She was so predictable.

"I- I'm not so sure that it's Ricky's. Actually, I have no clue. It's about a fifty-fifty chance that it's his."

"Oh my gosh," she was shaking her head as she took it all in. "Well, what are you going to do? I didn't know that you and Ben.." she trailed off again. I never told her about me and Ben having sex. (And for some reason I regretted having sex with him. I wasn't sure why, but I just felt guilty about it.)

"We did.. Twice," I told her.

"Wow," she said mostly to herself, amazed. She was quiet for a moment, but finally spoke again, looking up at me with worry as she blurted, "So it can only be Ben or Ricky's right? I mean, there's no one elses it could be?"

I glared at her. "No!" I said, shocked. "It's either Ricky's or Ben's. There's no one else.."

"Oh, sorry!" She suddenly looked guilty for asking. "I was just making sure! Have you told Ben yet?"

I sighed. "No, I haven't told Ben yet. I really don't know if I can tell him or when I can tell him. I'll tell him.. eventually. The only people that know are you and Ricky. I told Ricky this morning. And Grace," I began sternly, waiting for her to meet my stare before I continued. "You have to promise me that you won't tell anyone. Let's just keep this between us. I'll tell Ben when I need to. Swear to me you won't say anything."

Worry was still flashing across her face, and I could tell she didn't like the idea of keeping it a secret. "Okay. I promise."

"Thank you so much. I knew I could count on you, Grace. I just.. I really don't know what to do. I mean, I'm not even eighteen yet. I can't have two babies. What if it's Ben's baby? I don't want to have two babies with different fathers! And what if when I finally tell my parents they hate me? I can already hear them now.. Amy, how could you let this happen again? You're so irresponsible!" I stopped and frowned as a tear rolled down my cheek. "They don't even know that I've had sex since band camp."

She took a deep, worried breath. "Don't worry. Everything will be fine. I thought I'd never get over when Jack and I did it. I felt so guilty, and it just felt so wrong. And now that we're not together anymore.. it hurts." I felt so bad for Grace. She and Jack broke up last year after she found out about him cheating on her with Madison. It was a little while after that, but Jack broke up with Grace, that's the weird part. "But I've gotten over it. I've learned to accept that what happened has happened for a reason. Everything happens for a reason. Everything."

Did she really believe that? That everything happened for a reason? I wasn't really sure that was true. Some things that have happened, I can't find a single reason in the world why they've happened. Like I don't know why Ben cheated on me, and I don't know why I've been able to get over it so easily. I don't know why I'm pregnant again. I can't find a single reason, other than the obvious.

"That's just it, Grace," I began. "I don't feel guilty about having sex. Not with Ricky, anyway. It's like I'm two completely different people. With Ben, I'm the good girl that I've been since I was fifteen and sixteen. We did it two times, but I didn't really mean for the second time to happen. Neither of us did, really. And I feel so guilty about it. And then with Ricky, I'm a complete slut. And I don't even feel guilty about it.. at all."

She nodded, understanding. "Well, maybe there's a reason for that, Amy. Maybe the reason that you don't feel guilty for having sex with Ricky is because you really love him. Maybe this is his baby, and maybe this is just what's supposed to happen. Maybe God wants you together."

I faked a smile. "Thanks, Grace. I'll call you or something. I really need to get home. I haven't seen John since yesterday. My mom probably needs the help. See ya." I waved as I walked out of her room and headed toward my SUV, and surprisingly, all I wanted to do was be home right now.

I knew it was inevitable that I had to go to school tomorrow. I just wanted to get home and get the day over with so I could go and face it. Although no one else knew about me being pregnant besides Grace and Ricky, I felt like people would stare at me. I guess soon enough they would find out, and it'll be just like it was when I was fifteen. What will people think?

And then a thought crept up in my head- abortion. It was the thought that I've been avoiding this whole time, but it was probably the best decision. I wasn't going to do anything about it right away, though. I just wanted to take it one step at a time. Even though I was so scared, I didn't want to take the easy way out.

Grace has made me think about so many things that I hadn't before. Are Ricky and I just meant to be together? Or should Ben and I just be together since we've been together since we were fifteen? So many questions were still unanswered. I just wanted answers already. I wanted to have everything figured out. I wanted to have.. me figured out.

Getting out of my car as I parked in the driveway of our house, I ran inside the front door and stared at my mom sitting on the couch.

I quickly ran inside. "Mom, I'm so sorry! I was with.. Grace. I'm sorry."

I didn't wait for her answer. Instead, I took John out of the high chair he was sitting in and headed straight for my room and shut the door. I looked at the clock. It was 7:00. I knew it was too early for me to be tired, but I had a lot on my mind. I put John in the crib that I had placed in the corner of my room beside the window a few weeks ago, and then I stared straight out into the almost complete darkness of the night.

"Mama," John said, "Why are you sad?"

I smiled down at my two year old son. John had started talking when he was around eight months old. His talking is really impressive for a toddler, and it always seemed like he knew what was going on. He seemed to understand me more than I even understood myself.

"It's nothing, baby," I said. "Good night."

"Night," he echoed.

I stared out the window, watching the rain suddenly pour down. I walked listlessly over to my bed and flopped down onto it, listening to the loud rumble of the thunder. I sighed, concentrating on the storm and nothing else. I just wanted to keep my mind off of my situation for a while. I knew if I thought about it, then I'd just cry again. I really didn't want to cry. I wanted to be strong about this, but it was really hard for me to.

I lay there for an infinitely long time listening to the calmness of the rain. It made me feel at peace, but I knew that wouldn't last too long. I shut my eyes as reality starting slipping away from me.

A girl stood outside in the rain, the wind hurling into her as if it could blow her away any second, but she kept completely still. She was walking through a rain puddle, lifelessly splashing the water as she stopped to stare at her reflection.

A tear was falling from her cheek now until it landed in the small pond. She bent down and looked confused into the reflection. She pulled her hand down into the water to grab the reflection, and she fell.

The water covered her completely now, and she screamed as she floated under the water in the river, drowning. Once she knew she was about to die, she caught a glimpse of a little boy, floating on top of the water. She noticed there was a trail of blood running quickly down the flow of the water.

The little boy was swimming toward her now. He looked about two years old- he had perfect, brown hair with a cute smirk placed on his face. She squinted her eyes as everything was becoming blurry now, but she could make out the image of the little boy carrying a small girl behind him.

She had incredibly long, auburn brown hair with brilliant waves and golden brown eyes. The girl swam toward them, but everything was a blur as she was losing oxygen. She screamed again and sunk quickly down into a tornado-like pool, drowning in her blood.

My eyes jolted open, and I was back in my room now lying back in my bed. Gasping for breath, I sat up and wiped the beam of sweat from my forehead. Was my dream trying to tell me something? I was certain that the little boy was John, so did that mean that the girl was me? And the little girl, the beautiful, fascinating and stunning little girl, was that... my daughter?

___

"Amy, wake up! You're gonna be late for school!" I heard my mother yell. I sat up from the bed, wondering how I managed to get back to sleep after the dream I had had last night. I knew that I should be afraid, I knew that it was perfectly reasonable for me to be terrified right now, but I wasn't. If that girl was my daughter, was it possible that I was actually seeing her before she was even born? No, I decided. I probably just have an overactive imagination.

But if that was my daughter, if I was even having a girl, then this dream must be a sign that maybe having this baby isn't going to be so bad. Collecting my thoughts together, I pulled myself up onto my feet, hurrying to John's crib but noticing he was gone.

My mom must have already gotten him up this morning. Deciding to shrug my thoughts away, I walked quickly into the kitchen where I found my mom, and I tucked away the drenched, sweat-filled hair away from my face.

"Good morning," I said.

"Good morning, Amy. We're a little late, so you go hurry and get ready for school, okay?" she said. She had John and Robbie sitting in their high chairs, and feeding them their breakfast.

I nodded and said, "Mom, would it be okay if I leave early today? I'll still take John and Robbie to daycare, but I just really want to leave early today. There- there's something I need to do." I wasn't sure why I was so anxious to get to school, but I really wanted to talk to Ricky.

"That's fine. But Amy, you can go on. I'll take them to daycare. I'll be heading that way anyway," she said.

Smiling, I said, "Okay, thanks, Mom." And then I ran my hand through John's hair. "See you later, John. I love you."

"Bye, Mama," he smiled.

I turned around the corner of the hall and walked into my room. I quickly got dressed, wearing simple clothes- a large, plain T shirt and jeans. I think the shirt was Ricky's, but I'm not sure. I didn't really care about people saying anything about it. I was surprisingly happy this morning because of the thoughts I'm having from my dream.

Slipping quickly into my car after yelling bye out the door, the engine roar to life, and I was on my way to school.

It was still raining, but the rain really didn't bother me. I just hope I won't fall or slip in the rain again like I did yesterday. The ride to school took about ten minutes as it usually did, and I parked my SUV at the side of the school in the parking area, parking in my usual parking space.

As I got out of the car, I turned around and bumped right into someone. I backed up and instantly felt happy as I saw Ricky was the one I bumped into. With a small tear welling up in my eye, I hugged him and pulled away after a few seconds.

I smiled happily and, wondering if what I was about to say would freak Ricky out of not, I said, "Ricky, I think I saw my daughter." I paused to see his reaction, and he was blankly staring at me, waiting for me to continue. I smiled a huge smile and said quietly, "And she's beautiful."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, confused.

Not stopping to think through what I was about to say, I said, "I.. I think I saw my daughter.. in a dream. But I just have the weirdest feeling that it was her! I know she's not even born yet, but it's just a weird feeling I have."

He smiled sadly. "I bet she's beautiful."

I nodded. "Ricky, I think it's yours." I put my hand on my stomach.

"Why?"

"Because John was in my dream. He was carrying her behind her. And she didn't look like Ben. She had your smile." Not waiting for him to reply, I grabbed his hand with mine and held it against my completely flat stomach, and I swear I felt something move inside me.