The Apology

After clary left, things didn't get much better. Alec was finally able to tell me what he had to say and it only deepened the despair I felt. He said that the Inquisitor locked up Simon at the Gard instead of sending him back to NY.

Late that night, I went up to the Gard to see what the deal was Simon. He told me that the Inquisitor was trying to make him sign a statement accusing the Lightwoods of wrong doing so they could kick the Lightwoods out of the Shadowhunter order. Simon was refusing to do it so the Inquisitor was starving him to force him to sign. This made me furious and only heightened my mistrust for the Clave.

After finding some blood for Simon, I went back to the Pennhallow's. I was unable to sleep due to me thinking of Clary and how I'd hurt her earlier that day. Every time I shut my eyes, all I could see was the horrifying look she had on her face when she left. That's when I decided to go to Amatis's house and apologize and tell her about Simon before she heard it from somebody else.

That's where I was heading now, to Amatis's house. The closer I got to her house the more nervous I became. I had no clue how Clary would act or if she would even see me after what I had said to her the day before. After she had left the house, I was so distraught. I'd always been good at controlling my emotions, but yesterday I had snapped not realizing what I was saying to Clary. I just hope I didn't go too far and she would be able to forgive me.

I walked up to Amatis front door and knocked. Amatis answered, "Well, Hello Jace. Can I help you with something?"

"I was just wondering if I could talk to Clary for a moment," I said.

"I'm sorry, Jace, but Clary isn't here right now," She said surprising me. I didn't expect for Clary not to be here. She didn't know anybody in Idris or where anything was. I wondered what she could be doing. It made me a little worried thinking she might be in trouble somewhere.

"Do you mind if I come in and wait for her to get back," I said.

"Sure that's no problem. You can wait in the kitchen for her," Amatis said.

I went to Amatis's kitchen and sat at the table waiting for Clary to get back. While I was waiting, I kept going over what I was going to say to her not wanting my mind to go blank . Ten minutes had gone by and I was getting ready to leave to go look for Clary, worried that something might have happened to her. That's when I heard the front door open.

"Clary, Is that you," Amatis said, "your brother's here to see you. He's waiting in the kitchen."

"Jace is here?" Clary said with a hint of rage and astonishment in her voice. Hearing the anger in her voice caused my heart to race.

"Should I have not let him in? I thought you wanted to see him," Amatis replied back.

"No, it's fine" Clary said having a hard time keeping an even tone to her voice.

I tried to look casual to hide the nervousness I was feeling. As I looked up, Clary walked into the kitchen. She didn't try hiding that she was still pissed at me. Anger radiated from her eyes shooting daggers at me.

"Good," I said "You're back. I was beginning to think you'd fallen into a canal." Hoping a joke would disperse some of the anger she was feeling toward me. She just stood there staring at me, anger still plain as day on her face. My heart started beating even faster. To kill the tension in the air I said, "You look exhausted. Where have you been all day?"

"I was out with Sebastian." Clary said. I wasn't expecting that.

"Sebastian?" I said not able to keep the astonishment off my face. From the first time I met Sebastian, I didn't like him and that was due to the extreme interest he had shown for Clary. He asked me multiple times why she didn't come. Now my dislike of him seemed to be growing. How did Clary even met him? Clary, obviously seeing the shock on my face and the question I was asking myself, said, "He walked me home last night. And so far, he's the only person who's been remotely nice to me. So yes, I was out with Sebastian."

"Oh, I see" I said trying to hide the hint of jealousy her words caused. So I decided to change the subject.

"Clary, I came here to apologize. I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did." I said

"No," Clary said "You shouldn't have." Anger still in her voice.

"I also came to ask you if you'd reconsidered going back to NY." I had to try even though I knew this would make her angrier.

"God," Clary said, "this again – "

"It's not safe for you here," I interrupted trying to get her to believe that I really was worried for her safety.

"What are you worried about?" Clary said toneless "That they'll throw me in prison like they did Simon."

I was so astonished that I almost fell out of my chair. Trying to recover and hide my shock, I acted like I had rocked the chair back on purpose and decided to play dumb.

"Simon – "I asked looking puzzled.

"Sebastian told me what happened to him," She said and went on in a flat voice. "What you did. How you brought him here and then let him just get thrown in jail. Are you trying to get me to hate you?" Hearing her say the word hate made me cringe. Why would Sebastian tell her that and for what. Unless he was trying to cause trouble between Clary and me, which made my blood boil.

"And you trust Sebastian, "I said, 'You barely know him, Clary."

"Is it true?" Clary said just staring at me. Seeing no since in lying to her and making things worse, I said with a defeated look on my face, "It's true."

With a quickness that surprised me, she seized a plate off the table and flung it at me. I ducked just in time, sending my chair spinning, the plate hitting the wall behind me shattering into pieces. I leapt out of the chair as she picked up another plate and threw it, her aim going wild: This one bounced off the refrigerator and hit the floor landing in front of my feet.

"How could you? Simon trusted you. Where is he now? What are they going to do to him?" she said. The full force of anger back in her voice.

"Nothing," I said, "He's alright. I saw him last night – "

"Before or after I saw you? Before or after you pretended everything was alright and you were just fine?" I choked in shock. Did she really think I was doing fine yesterday?

"I must be a better actor than I thought." I said thinking out loud.

That just ignited Clary's rage. She started scrambling for something else to throw but instead, kicked the chair I'd been sitting in, at me. While I was distracted by the chair, Clary flung herself at me catching me totally off guard. She slammed into me and I staggered backward hitting hard up against the edge of the counter. Clary fell against me making me gasp. I saw her arm go back knowing she was about to hit me. I was quick though and caught her fist in mid-air before it slammed into my face. I wrapped my fingers around her fist forcing her arm back down to her side and didn't let go.

I was suddenly aware of Clary pressing her body against mine. I looked down in her eyes and got a strong urge to kiss her but ignored it, thinking it would piss her off even more. And I really didn't feel like being slapped today.

"Let go of my hand." She said.

"Are you really going to hit me if I do?"

"Don't you think you deserve it?" Clary said. After what I said to her yesterday, I kind of thought I did deserve it, but not for some lie Sebastian told her.

"Did you think I planned all this? Do you really think I'd do that?" I said in disbelief.

"Well you don't like Simon, do you? Maybe you never have." She said and I really couldn't argue with that. I'd always disliked Simon. It wasn't Simon, as a person, I disliked. It was his relationship with Clary, why I disliked him. And that only got worse, when Clary decided to give Simon a chance as a boyfriend, using him as a distraction from me. I hated that time because Clary didn't talk to me and avoided me, which drove me crazy. But even though I disliked Simon, that didn't mean I wanted him to be tortured or be killed. It hurt me that Clary actually thought I would do that.

I let go of her hand and stepped back from her. I held my right arm out, palm up showing her the scar where I had saved Simon's life. Of course, I really did that for Clary's sake knowing she would be heartbroken if he died.

"This," I said, "is where I cut my wrist to let your vampire friend drink my blood. It nearly killed me, and now you think, what, that I just abandoned him without a thought?" Letting the hurt show in my voice.

With that, I saw her anger start to fade and even a little guilt in her eyes for believing I would do something like that. I proceeded to tell her what really happened. How the Inquisitor lied to Alec saying they would send Simon back, but locked him up instead.

Clary was silent and just stood there staring at me knowing she had gotten it all wrong. I wanted to hold her so bad and feel her body against mine. Without thinking about it, I pulled her towards me making our bodies touch again. Her presence always had a soothing effect on me another reason why I loved her so much.

"You're right to be angry, Clary. I shouldn't have trusted the Clave. I wanted so badly to think the Inquisitor was an abnormality, that there was some part of being a Shadowhunter I could still trust."

And with that, I saw forgiveness on Clary's face, easing most of the anguish and despair I'd been feeling for the last 2 days. Never again did I want to be the cause of Clary's pain.