Summary:
Where Liara hopes to make things the way they used to be
The room was dark when Liara opened her eyes.
She stretched, taking a deep breath, allowing the sensations to confirm what the maiden already suspected. She was still in her hospital bed. She still had the IV and a sensor pad attached to her arm. The IV probably explained why she wasn't thirsty.
She slowly continued with a rudimentary self evaluation. No injuries. She hoped she would have noticed any before, but she had not been at her best. She noticed that her head still hurt, but not as much as when Karin had forced her back to sleep. She hadn't gone willingly, forcing Chakwas to use a light sedative in conjunction with a warm hug that had made Liara not want to let go. She forced the memory from her mind.
She was stiff when she moved, which did not surprise her in the least. She'd been in the bed at least long enough for Alaya to arrive from Thessia. She knew that she should probably get out it and start using her muscles again. At the same time, she couldn't find any reason to.
Closing her eyes brought no relief to her lack of ambition, so she opened them again.
The opacity of the gloom made her momentarily wish for the hospitals on the citadel, or back home on Thessia. Even after dark, the city lights would creep ever so slightly around the window coverings, granting a patient at least a hint at the time of day.
She moved again, pushing weakly against the weight of the blankets. They were far lighter than the weight of her apathy.
"You're awake," barely a whisper in the darkness.
Liara froze, just for a second, her brain still addled by sleep and grief. Was she in danger? If so, did she care? A moment passed before she was reassured by the familiarity of the voice.
"Consort," she replied softly into the black.
The lights came up just enough for her to be aware Sha'ira's shape in the shadows. A quick glance confirmed they were alone in the room.
"Sha'ira, please," the Consort chided lightly. "We've been well beyond titles for some time, have we not?"
Liara wouldn't go so far as to think she detected a smile in the Consort's manner, but her tone seemed to be a comforting one.
"I owe you an apology, Sha'ira," Liara stressed the Consort's name even as her voice remained quiet. "You only meant to help. You might have been killed. I could have killed you." Liara was almost glad she could feel the guilt for her actions as she looked away in shame. Emotion had been slow to come since waking up.
"Possibly," came the calm reply, "but I think that result would have been unlikely." She paused for a moment, waiting until Liara turned back to her. "If anything, it is I who should apologize. Your bond was ripped from you under the worst of circumstances. Yours is a wound that has barely begun to heal. I should have been more patient, should have helped you with your despair instead of trying to turn you from it." She paused. "I used poor judgement in how I attempted to reach and comfort you." Probably the worst thing that a consort could admit.
"And I should have responded in a more correct manner. My first duty is to my House. Your admonishment should have reminded me of that, should have reawakened that sense of duty." It was not lost on Liara that Shepard would have responded nearly the same.
Sha'ira did chuckle at that, and Liara watched as the Consort adjusted herself in her chair. "You need not fear, Young One. Your sense of duty is very well developed. It is however, strongly focused on Shepard."
A single tear wet Liara's cheek at the mention of her bondmate's name. "Nonetheless."
"No," Sha'ira shook her head. "It was my own lack of judgement, and we shall speak no more of it. Your dedication to your House is without question, and it was wrong of me to remind you of it during such an emotional time." She took a breath. "The only excuse I can offer is my own sentimental state. Your bondmate touched many, myself included."
The maiden pondered Sha'ira's words for a time. Shepard had helped so many. "Sha'ira," Liara finally asked, "Why are you here?"
The lightest of shrugs. "I am here because I am needed." When Liara merely waited, the Consort continued. "And at the request of Councilor Tevos, among others. As for why I am in your room, the human doctor would not leave your side until I promised to stay with you. She is one of many who care about your wellbeing."
"Is Alaya all right?" Liara couldn't help but notice that Sha'ira hadn't mentioned the other matriarch.
"She is well." The reply was a monotone.
"But not here." Liara was still speaking softly, but she couldn't keep the barest hint of accusation from creeping into her tone.
"There are acolytes at the door, and she knows I am present. She felt there was no need for us to both miss another night's sleep." Sha'ira might be justifying Alaya's actions, but Liara could tell that she did not endorse them.
"That is probably for the best," Liara comforted. "I am not sure that I could speak to her yet, at any rate." The maiden knew that it was unseemly to let her anger show, especially when the target was someone so highly ranked in her House. Unfortunately she didn't have the strength to contain it. Knowing Sha'ira seemed to share her anger as well, made this a topic best left alone for the moment.
Sha'ira, at least, did not seem to question that decision.
"And Denai?" Finally, Liara moved on to the question that she was embarrassed to ask. She had every reason to expect that Denai was all right, but she had exposed her weakness to the matron. In her despair, she had shared herself to a degree that not even Shepard had been privy to.
"She is also well," Sha'ira confirmed, in a slightly more upbeat tone. "She serves your House with distinction," she added after Liara didn't immediately reply.
Liara was relieved, even though the response did not tell her if Denai had shared that she'd seen.
Liara shook her head at the thought. This was Denai she was thinking about.
The princeps had grown exceptionally close to Shepard during their time together. It was likely that the matron was nearly as grief stricken as Liara herself. She probably needed comfort as well. Despite that, or perhaps because of it, Liara was certain she's shared nothing of what Liara had revealed.
"Where is she?"
"Resting, at the human doctor's insistence. The meld was exceptionally long and taxing." Again, Sha'ira did not seem to judge.
Liara didn't have an answer to that anyway. She was the cause of any distress that Denai had undergone. "She should not be alone." There. Liara had managed to convey Denai's need without violating privacy and propriety.
Now though, she could feel Sha'ira's smile in the darkness. When Shepard had been at her side, she'd thought she could move mountains, or at least matriarchs. Now she felt like a child again. Uncertain, and constantly questioning her decisions.
"It is shortly after midnight, Young One. You should go back to sleep. We can continue this discussion in the morning." The Consort seemed to imply that she wasn't going anywhere. "You need not worry. One of my court is with Denai, and will not leave her side. It is the grief you share that allowed her to reach you. Her sorrow is what persuaded you to allow her to. I would not allow such pain to go untended."
"Now rest." This time it was not a suggestion.
Sha'ira's direction held merit, Liara conceded, and she did consider it. Unfortunately, neither option, sleep and face Shepard, nor remain awake and endure life without her, held any appeal for the maiden.
A silence settled between them.
.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.
There was activity in her room when Liara woke for the second time. The lights were on. The lack of a window still prevented the maiden from getting a feeling of the time of day, but the clock over her door informed her that it was a little before eight.
A noise prompted her to look over. Dr. Chakwas was just out of her comfortable field of vision, seemingly attending to the instruments that were still attached to her arm. Sha'ira was nowhere to be seen.
"Good morning, my dear." Chakwas' words caused Liara to close her eyes again for a moment as she turned her head back. The greeting was so heartbreakingly normal that it made her want to sob. She'd heard it close to a hundred times before, as Karin would offer her tea. She found herself taken back to all the mornings when she would pad sleepily into the medbay, having yet again stayed up too late.
To hear it now was just another reminder of how much she'd lost.
"You drugged me." Her words came without feeling. She realized as she spoke that it was the only explanation. She had lain in the darkness for what felt like hours, not sleeping, not wanting to sleep.
Then suddenly she'd woken up.
"Oh yes," Chakwas cheerfully agreed. "Stubborn patients are so much easier to care for when I can administer medication remotely."
"I wasn't the stubborn one," retorted Liara without thinking.
Chakwas faltered for a fraction of a second before she continued. "You needed your rest, and I wasn't above playing dirty to make sure you got it."
"I'm sorry," murmured Liara in response.
Karin ignored the apology as she waved her omni-tool over the maiden. "Not great," she offered as she reviewed the readings. "But I can honestly say I've seen worse. I think you're doing well enough, especially considering what you've been through. Your levels of the asari equivalents of cortisol and epinephrine are still higher than I would like, but we've managed to keep everything else in line with medication." She looked down at her patient. "It would still have been easier to treat you if I'd been able to diagnose your condition sooner." She shook her head. "At least the Consort was helpful. Once it was her asking on my behalf, I had more data than I knew what to do with." She smiled reassuringly. "If I ever leave the Alliance, I could probably practice on Thessia."
"Please," began Liara, "You don't need to…"
Chakwas cut her off. "Do you feel well enough to get out of bed? Would you like to take a shower?" She indicated the door to the washroom. "I can order breakfast so it's ready when you're done."
Liara could finally take no more. "How can you be so calm?" She screamed. "Shepard's dead! The last thing I care about is a shower!" The tears had begun to flow, but she refused to acknowledge them.
Karin just regarded her calmly for a moment, then sat down on the bed next to the asari.
She took the maiden's hand. "I know, dear. I'm sorry."
Liara yanked it back. "Sorry? You're sorry? How are you not screaming?"
Chakwas met Liara's accusatory stare unflinchingly. "The same way I wasn't when we lost Jenkins." She hesitated, putting her hand on Liara's arm. "Now I apologize, that was before you joined us. The same way I wasn't when we lost Sergeant Williams, or when we lost any of the Alliance personnel I knew at the Battle of the Citadel."
Liara's eyes, tearing and purple-rimmed, widened at the comment. She had felt Shepard's guilt over the Alliance forces lost in that battle, but she had missed the ramifications of the cost of their victory. Their ship, their family, had been untouched. She had been so relieved and so focused on Shepard's recovery that it had simply never occurred to her how close that Shepard, Karin, or any of her Alliance colleagues might have been to those who died in the battle.
And of course Shepard had never brought it up. The commander never shared her burden with Liara, even though it had bothered her enough to memorize the names of the ships destroyed by her order.
'I am a horrible, selfish person,' she thought. It was difficult for her not to start crying harder. Instead, as with Sha'ira, she turned away as she focused on her shame, on her feelings of guilt. It gave her something to feel other than the pain of loss.
She'd barely begun to process how callous she'd been in the face of others' grief when Chakwas continued.
"My dear, I'm a doctor, and I'm a soldier. Losing those I care about comes as a part of each of my callings."
"How can you stand it?" Liara's reply was almost unintelligible. "You sound just like Sha'ira."
"There are similarities," Karin agreed. "First among them is that neither of us has the luxury to acknowledge our feelings when they occur. It doesn't mean we don't feel them." She placed her finger on Liara's chin and turned the maiden's face back to her. "I need to be able to postpone my grief, suppress it. I have to be able to continue to function even at times like this." She indicated Liara and the room around them. "That way I can still be of use, able to help those who can still benefit from my help."
"And those that can't?" Liara asked bitterly.
Chakwas smiled sadly. "They don't mind."
"I cannot do it," murmured Liara as she hung her head. "I do not want to do it."
After a few moments, she looked back up at Karin. "You're not going to tell me I can?"
"Would you believe me?" asked the doctor.
"No!" Came Liara's emphatic response.
Chakwas shrugged her shoulders. "You're strong, Liara. I've always known that. So did she." Karin stood up from the bed. "What you do with that strength is up to you." She waited for a reply before adding. "Do you want that shower?"
"No," Liara replied tiredly as she started to pull herself out of the bed.
"No?" Asked Chakwas as she moved to help her.
"No," confirmed Liara. She looked at Karen as the doctor helped her up, with eyes a blend of sadness and steel. "But I am going to take one anyway." She brushed off Karin's hand as she made her way to the washroom, each step longer than the one before.
.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.
"I'm always willing to make time for you, Doctor," Admiral Hackett said as he sat down at his desk. "Particularly at a time like this. I'm sorry for your loss." He gave Liara a moment to respond before continuing. "I have to admit that I didn't expect to see you up and around so soon."
Liara sipped the tea that the admiral's aide had provided before she responded. "I could not remain in that room any longer. I have already had too much time alone with my thoughts. I would prefer to stay busy. There is so much to do."
'Just like Shepard,' she could see in his eyes before he replied. She looked down into her cup, unable to tolerate the perceived comparison.
"There is," he finally agreed. "What are your plans then? Do you intend to return to Thessia?"
She shook her head as she slowly exhaled. Liara was relieved that by turning the discussion immediately to work, she had circumvented any further condolences.
"Both the T'Soni Estate and holdings are well in hand. I could return, but my people know their jobs better than I." The brief touch of smile that crossed her lips was an expression that Shepard would have recognized. "With the Conclave already displeased with some of my decisions, I would be more a liability on Thessia than an asset," she finished honestly, before taking another sip of tea. "I need to be an asset."
"I understand the desire Doctor, but I'll be honest. If you were in the Alliance, I'd consider you a candidate for medical discharge, not a return to duty." The response was blunt, but not unkind.
"How fortunate for us both that I am not a member of the Alliance." She kept a bitter edge out of her voice, but only just.
He nodded at the newly replaced contractor's badge at her collar as if to refute her claim. "This obviously isn't a social call. What can I do for you, Doctor?"
"It was my research that originally made me a target of Saren. My knowledge that allowed Shepard to stop him, and Sovereign." She looked up to meet the Admiral's eyes. "I believe that my expertise in regards to the Protheans is of more use than trying to assist Stallura with logistics or Eliata with the training of huntresses."
Hackett spread his hands as he nodded agreement. "I agree. How can I help?"
"The Alliance controls the excavations currently underway on Ilos. I would like to join the archeological expedition." She was proud that the request didn't sound like begging.
Hackett's lack of response told her everything she needed to know. After a few moments of silence, the human rose to his feet. "More tea?"
Liara nodded the affirmative. "Yes, please," she replied. She carefully placed her cup on his desk, as not to reveal the subtle tremor in her hands.
"Ilos is a big deal for the Alliance, Doctor," he began while pouring more tea. "It's the first time that humanity has been placed in charge of a Prothean expedition outside of the Sol system."
"I am aware." Liara reached for her cup, sliding it carefully to her so it didn't rattle.
"There would be more than a little discontent if Alliance scientists believed that they were being checked up on by one of the Council races."
"Would it be easier for you politically if I were to request Council sanction?" Liara was willing to do whatever the admiral would ask.
"If anything, that would make it worse." He waved away her objection. "I disagree. I want you there. I think we need all the help we can get, especially from an expert such as yourself. Unfortunately, there are many who believe that this is an opportunity for humanity to prove itself on the galactic stage, to demonstrate that we're up to the task."
"The Battle of the Citadel wasn't enough?"
"You and I both know that the reason the Alliance is on Ilos in the first place is because both the asari and turian forces were decimated in the attack. They don't want to spend the resources needed to investigate Ilos, and humanity was willing to stretch itself just a little thinner to prove that we could."
"Even in the face of such an unreasonable decision, I fail to see how my assistance would undermine any potential achievement of humanity."
"You'd think that, wouldn't you?" He snorted. "Humans are a proud race, Doctor. To our detriment, more often than not." He shook his head. "I can't make it happen. Not yet. If we give it a few months, and there are no revelations forthcoming, we can revisit. By then the desire to show results might overcome any concern about who provides them."
"Mars then," Liara pressed on.
"Aggressive, but no."
"Why not?" She questioned. "You already agreed that my Prothean expertise was an asset."
"Doctor T'Soni, there hasn't been a nonhuman visitor to the Prothean Archives on Mars since the initial asari envoy in 2157. You're not going to be one who breaks that trend."
"Again, why not?" She insisted. "There's not a human alive who has studied the Protheans for as long as I have!"
"That's one reason," he replied dryly. "Another is that we both know that humanity's exclusive right to the Mars Archive is going to be short lived at best. Franky I'm surprised that we've held onto it this long. If it becomes common knowledge that we've allowed an outside researcher access to the archive itself instead of just the data we've pulled from it, then we've handed the Council a fait accompli. There won't be room for human researchers with all the galactic scientists that will be flocking there."
"Perhaps as it should be, Admiral," countered Liara. "No other known Prothean site is in as good a condition."
"Ilos is a possibility, just not yet. Mars isn't." Hackett closed the door on that part of the discussion. "Why not join an asari expedition?"
"Because, as you know, my theories are not well received by my peers, nor my government." She sighed. "There is a reason that most of my field work was performed solitarily, in obscure locations."
"That didn't seem to hurt your results."
"I've spent nearly fifty years in the field, Admiral. Alone, with the most rudimentary of equipment. Think of the progress I could have made with the right opportunity, with proper backing."
"Backing isn't a problem now, is it?" Hackett sipped at his own cooling coffee. "You can certainly afford to fund your own expeditions. Nor is obscurity a problem. Despite not being well received at home, there seems to be quite a bit of interest in your papers recently. You don't need me if you want to return to archaeology."
"At the moment humanity is in control of excavating two of the most well preserved Prothean historical sites. Funding or no, it could take decades to find another site that would be anywhere close to as useful." Liara fought to keep an edge of desperation out of her voice.
"You sound as if fieldwork is your only option. Your research wasn't only based on primary sources, was it?"
She sighed. "No, Admiral, of course it wasn't. It is a large galaxy, and the asari have been investigating the Protheans for thousands of years. The data accumulated is immense."
Hackett nodded. "Then consider this. Assume the role you've already accepted. Prothean expert. Strategic analyst. Instead of going into the field, you can work here on Arcturus. You have clearance. I can get you access to the data coming from Mars and from the Ilos expedition. It all goes through here anyway. No one would need to know that's what you're working on."
Liara considered. "But I would still have to depend on the field work performed by the human scientists…"
"Just like the rest of us, at least until we can get you to Ilos. I'm sorry Doctor, that's the best I can do." He finished his coffee. "And before you ask, no you can't publish. At least not anytime soon."
She shook her head as she made her decision. "That is not a concern. I accept."
"Excellent."
.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.o0o.
Events moved quickly after Liara reiterated her willingness to work with Admiral Hackett. Orders were given, and subordinates executed the admiral's instructions with alacrity. She was speedily provided with both access to Alliance systems, and assigned a workspace from which to access them. Hackett brought their meeting to a close, and Liara was escorted out of the Fifth Fleet's administrative wing.
And so Liara was shortly walking uncomfortably through the Alliance section of Arcturus Station.
She surprised herself by behaving in an uncharacteristically timid manner as she moved among the humans. The passages were large, but seemed more difficult to navigate than the cramped quarters of the Normandy. There, the various members of the crew would step aside, if not with a smile than at least a polite nod.
Not so in the Alliance annex of the station. Here it seemed to be every sentient for herself. The babble of conversation mixed with the heavy thumping of combat boots threatened to overwhelm her. She couldn't hear her own soft footfalls over the din. She forced herself to breathe in slow, steady measures, a veneer of manufactured serenity on her face, as not to broadcast her uneasiness.
Despite her desire for calm, steady motion, she found it difficult to force herself through the crowd. Individuals would stop too closely to each other for her to step between, and others would cut so closely to her that she would reflexively recoil.
She didn't feel unsafe, not exactly. Just nervous. Most of the humans ignored her entirely. Some seemed curious at the presence of an asari in this human redoubt, but kept their curiosity in check after a glance at her security badge. Only a small percentage looked upon her with open hostility. It was a hostility that she would recently have been willing to engage. Now she averted her gaze, shoulders tightened, as she involuntarily shrank into herself.
Time with Shepard had begun to make her believe herself courageous. Now she skittered away when confronted, stepping aside from any potential provocation. She'd lived among humans for nearly half a year, but suddenly they made her feel exposed and vulnerable in a way she hadn't felt before, not even when she was alone on a dig.
'Is this what losing Shepard has done to me?' She wondered, woefully disappointed in herself. 'How quickly did I grow dependent on her that I lost confidence in my own abilities?'
She looked across the mass, at the ocean of humanity before her, and forced herself to remember that even unarmed and unarmored, the majority were no match for her. Collectively, they were no match for her. She was the daughter of matriarchs. Her strength and her biotics were more than a match for any human. 'Especially now,' she reflected.
'I am Liara T'Soni, daughter of Benezia', she reminded herself. The admonition brought a degree of reinforcement to her crumbling sense of self.
It lasted for about a minute.
In the end, she struggled through. The directions provided by her omni-tool finally lead Liara to her newly assigned office, her only injury being another blow to her mental state. Two dozen minutes of walking had delivered her to a nondescript hallway in an inconsequential part of the of the station, at the cost of her self esteem.
81627-AX read the reassuringly mundane identifier on the door. It opened for her credentials.
The office was tight, constrained. The small space was lightly furnished with a desk and two chairs across from her own. Four grey bulkheads and a door that opened directly onto the hallway constituted the entire space.
There was room on her desk for a terminal, and a scant handful of pads. If the desk had faced the wall instead of the door, it would have greatly reminded her of her space on the Normandy. She shook her head to clear the thought. The idea of anyone but Shepard coming up behind her unchallenged made her uncomfortable in the extreme.
It was also nothing like her office at home. None of the rich trappings, nothing to catch an eye or trigger a memory. Nothing to make her feel complacent or cozy. That was good. Home was Shepard. Comfort was Shepard. She needed as few reminders of her lost bondmate as possible. The painful memories were already reminder enough.
All in all, the space was practically distraction free. She could lose herself here. In this place she wouldn't be Shepard's biotic squadmate or the Normandy's prothean expert. She'd be an analyst, head down over her data. She would be a nondescript researcher, anonymous save for the results she produced.
It was almost like going back in time.
She hadn't yet sat down when someone buzzed for entry.
"Please come in," she responded to the signal. Growing up with the formal courtesy the T'Soni estate meant that she might never grow comfortable with the Alliance and their single word invitations, their "enters" and "comes". Shepard had of course always walked right in without so much as a knock…
She brought herself back to the moment as an earnest looking young lieutenant entered the room. He was head down as he stepped into her office, his eyes on the datapad he held.
"Doctor T'Soni, I've been assigned to…" His voice trailed off to nothing when he looked up to see Liara standing behind her desk.
"Yes?" She prompted tiredly, when the young man failed to continue.
"A-apologies, Ma'am," he hesitated. "I wasn't aware that you were an asari."
She spread her hands, indicating all of herself. "And yet I am, as you are human." The man's lack of response forced her to go further. "Is that going to be a problem?" She hoped not, but even the Normandy crew hadn't all been welcoming at first.
"Ma'am. No Ma'am. I was just surprised is all." He continued to look at her intently.
Liara sighed again, for the Goddess knew how many times that day. "Is that for me, Lieutenant?" She asked the human as she held out her hand.
"What?" Replied the Lieutenant as he looked at her hand. Finally he followed the direction she was indicating until it intersected with the pad he was holding. "Yes!" He finally exclaimed as he handed it to her. "This includes the archive locations for the first sets of data that the admiral would like for you to evaluate. It also lists the lab schedules, and contact codes for various department heads in the research departments." He rocked back on his heels as he waited for a response.
Liara closed her eyes at the thought. Of course a hierarchical organization like the Alliance Navy would have a rigid reporting structure. She could only hope that whoever she reported to would provide her the freedom she needed to achieve her results.
"And who is the department head for…" Liara hesitated, realizing that she had no idea what department she was part of.
"Ma'am?"
"Who is in charge of archaeological research on the station?" Probably an easier question than asking who she reported to, although, she decided, the admiral should have given her some indication of her place in his organization.
"Uh, you are Ma'am? You report directly to the admiral?" The lieutenant seemed confused at Liara's question.
"One piece of good news," she muttered to herself. "And what is your name, Lieutenant?" She could read his name badge, but didn't want to risk mispronouncing the man's name.
"Tremblay, Ma'am. My code's on there too," he indicated the pad Liara was holding. "One of my duties is to act as your aide, so I'll be who you go to if you need anything."
"Thank you, Lieutenant," she place the pad on the desk as she sat down.
The man hesitated for a moment before deciding he was dismissed. "Ma'am," he replied with a nod before leaving her office.
It was already late in the day. She knew that the time, along with her need to rest would prevent her from getting much done. She logged into the terminal and accessed her messages anyway.
One, from Iryra, hinted at thousands of other messages offering condolences about Shepard. Liara had no plans to read any of them. Iryra was already handling them, so Liara ignored any messages so categorized.
Liara added a filter, narrowing the tens of thousands of messages down to under a hundred.
She skimmed the remaining list; Garrus, Kaidan, Tali, Tali, Tali, Tali, Tali, Denai, Tali. She flagged Denai's message for follow up. Liara might not want to talk about Shepard, but Denai deserved anything she asked for of her. She filed the rest.
Then her eyes were drawn to a anonymous message from an unknown sender. Such a message should not have made it to her at all, let alone be ignored by her filter. She flicked the open symbol even as she prepared to drag it to the trash.
Instead of doing so, her finger started shaking instead. She choked back a gasp before she'd made it five words.
"Dr. T'Soni,
Shepard's body located on Omega. Shadow Broker involvement likely.
If this information is of interest to you, contact me in Afterlife."
There was no signature.
She tried to hold her response in check, to keep her emotions reigned in, but the enormity of the possibilities overwhelmed her.
She laid her head on her arms and sobbed.
A/N: Assumptions here include:
FemShep/Liara
Post ME2 beginning / Pre Redemption comic
Sarah Shepard is:
Colonist / Vanguard / War Hero / Busily Dead
As always, feedback is welcome and desired
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