Children have you ever met the Boogeyman before?
No of course you haven't for you're much too good I'm sure…
I knew I was nearing the edge of the forest when the music started to eek through the trees.
Don't you be afraid of him if he should visit you,
He's a great big coward, so I'll tell you what to do.
As the brush thinned around me, the scent of herbal tea wafted in the air. Not long after, I could catch a glimpse of what a appeared to be a table set in the clearing ahead with a jubilee of mis-matched chairs scattered around it.
Hush, hush, hush, here comes the Boogeyman
Don't let him come too close to you, he'll catch you if he can.
A few more steps, and I could hear two voices in chorus with the record, both male and one wonderfully familiar.
Just pretend, that you're a crocodile
And you will find that Boogeyman will run away a mile.
In the clearing, I slipped into the nearest chair at the table; a winged leather armchair with worn black cushions. The bleached table cloth itched where it touched my legs, making me wish that I'd imagined myself in jeans rather than shorts. But the discomfort was quickly forgotten when I noticed the largest assortment of tea cakes I had ever seen. Piping pots lined the middle with crowds of porcelain cups along with the occasional tower of trays laden with finger cakes and tarts- I was in a baker's heaven.
Say; shoo shoo, and stick him with a pin
Boogeyman will very nearly jump out of his skin
I can see him now, past the pastries at the other end of the table. He's as lovely as ever; bronze hair flickering in the afternoon sun, green eyes grinning—green eyes? His eyes are amber, not green. And his skin… it's pale but shouldn't it be sparkling in all this sun?
Tell him you got soldiers in your bed
For he will never guess that they are only made of lead
To his left is… Mike? What is he doing here? I become even more confused when Edward throws an arm around him before launching into the next verse.
Say; hush hush, he'll think that you're asleep
If you make a lovely snore away he'll softly creep
As if on cue, a little hiccup of a snore squeaks out over the record player. For the first time I notice a little figure asleep in the chair next to me. Alice? It took me a moment before I could be sure but of course, it was her. There was no one else I knew who could be so tiny and yet keep a certain level of maturity about her. But still… since when is her hair streaked grey?
Hush, hush, hush; here comes the Boogeyman
Don't let him come too close to you he'll catch you if he can
My gaze drifts back to Edward and Mike, still chumming it up. I keep an especially close eye on Edward, dream Jasper's words echoing through my mind;"Deary, deary. Bella. Darling. No. He is mad. Most everyone here is."
Just pretend he isn't really there
You will find that Boogeyman will vanish in thin air
I sigh and stand, reaching over several tea pots in an attempt to grab a particularly bright strawberry tart. Might as well make due with what I have… I make a grab for it, lose my balance, and my other hand crashes into the table in an instinctive attempt to balance out.
The record rattles to a stop, and Edward and Mike silence. They stare at me, I stare at them their shock growing along with the heated red of my cheeks.
Mike is the first one to snap into action. He slams his hands down on the table top. "No room! No room!" He shouts, scurrying out of his chair and around the table toward me, shooing me.
Not moving, I shoot him an incredulous look. He looks like the same old mike I know, except paler with an apparent affinity for corduroy. "What do you mean 'no room'? There's nothing but room."
My argument doesn't stop him, and he snatches the tart out of my hand with a shake of his head. "Sorry, miss. No room for outer folk. Never room for outer folk."
I snatch my treat back. "Outer folk? What the hell is that supposed to—"
"March, wind down. Leave her be." My head snaps up at the sound of Edward's voice, so smooth, so familiar, even in through the guise of the increasingly drugged-up dream.
"But—" Mike—or is it March?—sputters, "She's not—she can't—"
"She will be and she can." Edward replies, taking a sip of tea. His eyes duck up from the cup, peering at me through thick black lashes. "My apologies. My colleague tends to be a tad… on edge during this time of day. I blame the sunlight; an awful bother, is it not?"
I shake my head, smiling, "Edward, you don't have to apologize, you should know that."
He sets his tea down, frowning, "I'm sorry, what did you just call me?"
I bite my lip, here we go… "Edward. That's your name. Edward Cullen."
Without warning both he and March burst out laughing. Mike wipes a tear from his eye, "She thinks- oh, that's rich! She thinks your- an Edward! Such a ridiculous name!"
Not-Edward struggles to regain composure, "No, no… that's not… me… you must… be… mistaken…"
I sink back into my chair, cheeks beet red. Why can't this nightmare just end? I want my real Edward…
It takes them a while to calm down, china rattling along with their laughter. Finally not-Edward, with a grin to rival not-Jasper's, addressed me seriously. "I'm sorry, young lass, you must have mistaken me for another."
Now where have I heard that before? "Oh… sorry…" I muttered, sliding down even deeper into my chair. "I thought…"
"No, it's perfectly understandable." Not-Edward sighed, watching me over steepled fingers. "You must be so confused. It'd be unreasonable for us to expect anything more of you."
"Downright batty, this one is." March plopped into the chair to my left, licking the frosting flower off a cake. "Next thing you know, she'll be shoving us in the jam jar."
I shifted uncomfortably under their gaze. "I… never mind." Again I stood, head bowed. "Sorry to have bothered you."
But when I turn away, a hand takes me by the shoulder. "Wait—" I look back at not-Edward, tears threatening to spill over. I curse inwardly. I will not cry, dammit. This is my dream, I will not cry. "You want to go home, Miss…?"
"Swan. Bella Swan." You should know that. You should…
"Miss Swan," He lowers me back into the chair, eyes locked with mine. As foreign as they were, a naked honesty shone it them, telling me he was safe to trust however… off. "I can take you home, to topside. On my good word."
Settled back in the chair, I nod. "Okay."
He turned to March. "March, be a gentleman and get me my hat." Then he faced dream-Alice. "Alice, be a dear and start up the record. I'm afraid it's caught."
My ears perk at the sound of the familiar name. "Alice?"
Not-Edward nodded. "Yes, her name is Alice. You're catching on, aren't you?" He gave me a fleeting smile before turning back to her, smacking the back of her head. "Alice!"
She lazily lifted her head, shooting daggers at not-Edward. "I was already awake, Hatter."
"All the better then." Hatter returned her glare with a cheeky grin. "So you're more than ready to start up the record."
Alicegroaned, stretched, and bumbled out of her seat. Taking her sweet time waltzing to the record player, she snatches a cup of hot tea and downs it in one swig before tossing it over her shoulder. The cup shatters, and the music begins. March returns just as she slumps back into her chair, brandishing the Hatter's hat.
Children have you ever met the Boogeyman before?
No of course you haven't for you're much too good I'm sure.
Aliceoffers another irritated glare Hatter's way. "Happy?"
Don't you be afraid of him if he should visit you
He's a great big coward, so I'll tell you what to do
The Hatter nodded. "Very."
Hush, hush, hush, here comes the Boogeyman
Don't let him come too close to you he'll catch you if he can
Alicedrags her gaze to me, and for a moment I could have sworn I saw recognition in her eyes. But before anything could have been done about it, the Hatter pulled the hat over my eyes.
Just pretend, that you're a crocodile
And you will find that Boogeyman will run away a mile
"What—" My hands fly up to the felt in an attempt of protest but the odor of what I can only guess is the metallic paste sends me into a coughing fit.
Say; shoo shoo, and stick him with a pin
Boogeyman will very nearly jump out of his skin
"Don't worry, don't worry. I simply needed to make sure you're eyes are closed, Miss Swan." I can feel one arm snake around my shoulders, fingers clasping my arm. "Now, while you can't see anything else… imagine home."
Tell him you got soldiers in your bed
For he will never guess that they are only made of lead
I struggle to quell my coughing so I can speak. "Just… imagine it?"
Say; hush hush, he'll think that you're asleep
If you make a lovely snore away he'll softly creep
"Yes, just imagine it." He whispers, holding me even closer. "That is all you need to do, my swan."
Hush, hush, hush, here comes the Boogeyman
Don't let him come too close to you he'll catch you if he can
I close my eyes, picturing myself back at home, in bed. In not Hatter's arms, but Edward's. I pretended I was only the vampire's swan, not the madman's.
Just pretend he isn't really there
You will find that Boogeyman will vanish in thin air