CHAPTER THREE: No, I am your father!

In which AaylaKit gets a new prisoner, writes her first story, and makes a pact with Boba

A/N:I should have updated sooner. Truly, I apologize. I've been really lazy, but it wasn't my fault because my beta was busy, and...okay, yeah, it was totally my fault. Sorry.
Scoobycool9 and Luckycool9: I don't consider it a self-insert because it's a parody. Also, when I write AaylaKit, it's like I'm writing an entirely different person. I started asking myself, "Okay, it's a self-insert, so what would I do?" realized that it was completely OOC for AaylaKit, and started asking, "Okay, what would this OC do?" So basically, she's an OC with my screen name pretending to be me.
Crazy: Thank you! The idea for the Interface, it may be noted, was shamelessly taken from Doctor Who. (New Series, Season 6, The Girl Who Waited)
LudiMagister: Thank you for your review. And I did go around for a couple hours grinning like a clown after reading it.
Watersong77: Unfortunately, on the one chapter where you want me to update fast…I didn't. Well, here it is. Vader will have bigger appearances in future chapters.
Fred-104: Yes, that was a Doctor Who quote. This story will have Doctor Who quotes and refrences galore. Except I won't actually say that they're from Doctor Who in the story, because that's introducing a crossover, and I'm not about to do that. Sadly, the dark awesome person of the Sith will need to wait another chapter to get the full appearance that he deserves. (Sorry about that…)
Sophia Villo: Yes. Trouble is all I am.
laureas: Oh, but I like the quote "wipe the floor with old man Kenobi!" I'm using it in later chapters, if that's okay with you. And yes, I am shamelessly obsessed with the Avengers. Oh, and Loki.
Vana Jedi: Well, of course you do. And you have seen it before. Although I've made some adjustments to this chapter that you won't have seen.
Kari: Thank you. :D I tried to avoid as much as possible making AaylaKit seem like a Mary Sue to the readers beyond the fourth wall, but to the characters, well… let's just say that they're not exactly enamored with her. (And they never will be because that would definitely push this story into Sue-territory.)
E for Exotic: Well, if anyone can write a jar of randomness and insanity, I do hope I can! Hopefully I won't disappoint...

"Lord—Lord Vader!" I stammered. "I—ah—wasn't expecting you! You weren't supposed to be here!"

Vader looked down at me as if I were an ant he had found on the bottom of his boot. "Your pleas are unnecessary. I am here."

"D-do you want Luke? You c-can t-take him, really. I won't m-mind. J-just l-let m-me use some c-cameras on you."

Obviously Vader wasn't expecting me to have such valuable a prize as Luke. He started, looking at me with a little bit more respect.

"How did you come by him?"

I straightened up, stammer gone, feeling proud of myself. "Caught him! Pretty clever of me. See, I got Fett first, and I told him that I had Fett, so then he'd come as long as he had his lightsaber, and my Interface took it away from him, so I locked him up, but you have to let me go and put metal on him or he'll be gone."

"You have Fett?" The respect appeared to increase.

"Yeah! I do! He's, um, younger than you'd think…." I trailed off, not sure how to phrase the next bit. "He's sort of, well, thirteen. About. I'm not sure. I have a time machine, you know," I added hopefully.

Vader's respect vanished. "I cannot imagine that that capture would be difficult."

"It wasn't," I said, then added quickly, "But harder than you'd think. I mean, he's thirteen, but he's a tough thirteen-year-old. I bet you couldn't have done it. It required my prior knowledge and research skills to do it all…" I babbled on.

"If you have these skills, you should have no problems working as a bounty hunter for me." Vader's head tilted, obviously considering what a wonderful asset I could be to the Empire. Huh.

What brilliant stories I could write with that! "I'd love to, Lord Vader, but I'm sorta busy at the moment. Maybe when this—ah, project—of mine is done, I will. Speaking of the project—Interface!"

[Yes, AaylaKit?]

"Sorry about this, Ani. Couldn't be helped. I need a Luke and Vader story. For my clone. This is my new prisoner, Interface. Put him in a cell while I work out what to do with him." I could see Vader stare at me, obviously in disgust at the name 'Ani'. Stuff slips out of your mouth sometimes.

[I am putting the prisoner Darth Vader or Anakin Skywalker in a cell now, AaylaKit. Do you want the cell to be next to the cell of Luke Skywalker?]

"Yes, Interface. Sorry, Ani! Toodle-oo!"

The Interface's white light shone on Vader, who promptly vanished before he could draw his lightsaber.

"Remind me to wipe his memory of me capturing him before I let him out," I told the Interface. "I don't want to lose that job. I could make millions of stories! Hunt or be Hunted—the chilling tale of an author working as a bounty hunter for Darth Vader. Will she survive? What do you think of that one, Interface?" I often asked these questions, knowing full well that the Interface would never answer.

[I will remind you, AaylaKit]

"Good! Now, Interface, help me with this story."

[Which prisoners will you use?]

"Boba. And Jango. But we'll bring him in later. Put Boba in the setting first."

[What setting do you wish to use?]

"Bring up a list of options, please. I'm not all that sure."

A hologram of different scenes floated up by me.

"Um…the forest one. And I'll need some animals in there. Because we need lots of adorable angstyness. Like, um… zombies! Have some zombies attack Boba, please."

I sighed, sitting down on my couch. "Interface, open up a journal for me."

A red light blinked above my head, letting me know that the Interface was recording my words. I sighed again just for dramacy.

"Author's log, stardate…um… forty-two. Well, the story worked. Kind of. It did what I planned, at the beginning. Boba started shouting at me, but I edited that bit out. He did a really good job fighting the zombies, used resources well—note to self, is it all right to introduce a crossover just to see how he does in the Hunger Games?

"But anyway. Then I sent Jango in, and all hell broke loose. They were fine by their own, but the second they saw each other it was all talk, talk, talk! I know that's what I was planning for. But they totally ignored the surroundings and just caught up on how Jango had died and Boba was older than he should be—and it was all in Mandalorian. I'll have to remember to translate it later.

"So I was feeling a little vengeful. And I had a zombie scratch Boba, to kill him. Because I can't imagine a zombie Boba. I just can't. So he was dying, and it was all really nice—and then he cursed me! Me! It's not like I've ever done anything wrong!" I jumped off the couch and paced around. "And I can't edit it out because it's the last sentence! And I need to keep my story T rated! And I can't break the fourth wall! Argh!" I snatched up a plate and flung it at the wall.

[AaylaKit, calm down and count to three. My resources show that it helps]

"One, two, three," I muttered. "Oh! And I've got Vader now. I'll have to work on making a story for him and Luke. But it's going to be really hard and I'm not looking forwards to it. I'll give you more details once there's details to give. Huh. I like that sentence. Highlight it. What do they say in that show when they're finished with a log? Um… author's log closed?"

[Encrypting entry]

I stalked into Boba's cell. "Boba! You were doing so well! Until that one last bit!"

Boba blinked at me. "I just got killed by your zombies, author. Slow down."

I sighed, and started again. "That was perfect. The fight…the running… the more fighting…the getting bitten…and the dying bit was done well. You won't believe how many people just thrash around and whine when they get killed."

"So let me out!"

"No, Boba. See, you're supposed to recognize Jango, mutter something in Mando'a…I don't know what, you're the expert here… and then die."

"I did!"

"Swearing at me is not what I had in mind! It's supposed to be touching! I'm supposed to have audiences crying here!"

"You did it too fast. Audiences wouldn't be crying anyway."

"I would've added more!"

"That's not what I'm worried about, author. Where do you have Jango?"

"In a cell. Same as you."

"Take me to see him."

"No! I'll let you see him in some of my stories!"

"But I—"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Where did you find him, anyway?"

"I have a time machine. It's a blue box. Stole it from someone."

"Take me to see him," Boba said, sitting down in front of me, "please."

"Whoa…" I stared. "You said please. Without me prompting you. Really want to see him, huh?"

"You have no idea."

I considered. "Well. Maybe. If…"

"If what?"

"If you're good in my stories…"

"No!"

"But then I'll let you see him. No prompting. No story. Just talk. If you're good."

Boba slowly stood up. "Really?"

"Yep! Really! Nooo lying for AaylaKit this time!" I held out my hand. "I'll even swear the pact in Mando'a if you like."

Boba's hand dropped on to mine. "Haat, Ijaa, Haa'it."

"Haat, Ijaa, Haa'it," I echoed, then dropped my hand. "So you'll behave in my stories?"

"Yes," Boba said, although he didn't look happy about that. "And you'll let me see Jango?"

"Sadly, I will. But Bob'ika, it works so much better when you haven't seen each other—"

"You promised!"

I sighed. "Fine… anyway, Bob'ika, I'm off to write a new story. Seem good?"

"Which story?" Boba asked, curious in spite of himself.

"Someone you've never heard of…Luke Skywalker. Yeah. Anyway, I'm going to brutally torture him, then leave him for Vader. Oh, and Leia. Leia's going to be an Imp. It's an AU, you see."

"What's an Imp?"

"You'll learn eventually, ner beroya. Bye!" I vanished from the cell, quite pleased at my dramatic exit. And at my story, although I'd have to revise it. Now the other story. This was going to be ghastly…

"Interface, how do I do a Luke and Vader story? Help me here!"

[I do not know, AaylaKit. Ask another fanfiction author?]

"Right…" I sighed, lying down on a sleepcouch. "Turn on the TV, will ya? I hear there's hints of Ahsoba in the upcoming Clone Wars episode."

[Maybe you should write one of those, AaylaKit]

"I'd love to… but someone really wants me to do one with Luke. So I have to…then I need to do an AaylaKit one to live up to my name…and then I'll do an Ahsoba because I've got that pact made…urgh. So much to do!"

So much to do, I thought sadly, scratching away at an outline while I watched the Clone Wars episode that failed to deliver, and so little time.

A/N: I AM SO SORRY. I am sorry that Vader did not make a bigger appearance. He will later! In the very next chapter! I promise! And seriously, I'm sorry for not updating. Okay, the train of apologies ends now… (Sorry)

Originally I had AaylaKit's story written out, but then I decided that Boba was getting too much screen time. So I replaced it with this author's log here.

The vow that AaylaKit and Boba swore is Truth, Honor, Vision in Mandalorian. It's said when sealing a pact.

AaylaKit's thoughts on the Luke and Vader story are my own. Exactly my own. As in, how do you guys who write about Luke and Vader and make it all adorable and sweetness and fluff and family even though Luke's been tortured and Vader is this evil cybernetic guy DO it? I have abandoned sweetness and fluff for Vader (although I haven't entirely given up on Jango. I'm just trying to make him not sound like a sentimental old fool) and am tryingto make him all epic. Which is actually harder than it looks.

Whoa, holy author's note Batman... um, anyway. If you've got this far, please review! (And check out my other story, too! It's a Thor one with my typical Doctor Who shout-outs...but you don't need to have seen DW to enjoy it. It's new and it needs some love!)