A/N: So some people love it, and some people don't. 32 reviews is probably the most reviews I've gotten with 2 chapters.  I think I'll give this another go, as I can't seem to stop. This will probably be the last one. But then again, I said that last time! I can't think of anything else to write about. I want to credit to Spirit's Whisper for helping me think of an idea presented here!!!

I'm going to try this in real paragraph form for 2 reasons.

1) I think the author of this letter would write it that way, and 2) I got a review saying the way I formatted my stories is distracting. I suppose it's true; I'd never thought about it. I'm a poet-gone-slash-writing, so I'm not so great with story format. I'll try for you, ReviewsGalore!!!

Onwards!

Oh wait! About the first chapter. I know Harry really does have black hair, I promise. I just couldn't' figure out a better way to poke fun at how we as slash readers describe his 'lusty locks of ebony'

And I understand some of you may like a couple of the ships in this part. This isn't all my opinion, remember? It's a story?

Now, here we go!

Dear Fellow Rabid Slash Fans;

It seems that Harry and Draco have become aware of my enthusiastic participation in the slash world. They told me that they'd written letters and posted them on fanfiction! How positively wild! I just had to join in the fun. I read said letters, and while I agree with most of their observations, I'd like to add a couple of mine as well.

What irked me the most while reading some of your fanfictions was blatant disregard for grammar and basic English. There are some basic errors made.

Run-on sentences. (example: "Harry kissed Draco before looking deep into his clearly and echantinly emerald eyes that were melting with lust and passion and desire so Draco decided to make sweet luuuurrrv to him under the full moon and he jumped forward to grab the BoyWhoLive'd crotch' )

Misspelled words and incorrect verb use/tense. Commentary: I don't even see why this is an issue. Anywhere you can upload fanfiction, I'm sure there is a decent spell-checker. And I've heard Muggles have this 'internet' or 'interweb' business where you can get stuff like that. (Example: ' Tteh boys seen tteh phoeeonix rising out of the ashees, and then dey made sweet lurrrv underneaf the moun.' )

Poorly/Incorrectly structured or awkward sentences. (Example: Draco said to Harry "Where did you go" and Harry only just shrugged and then didn't look him in the eyes that were really clear and pretty.")

Lack of punctuation and/or capital letters.( Example: harry said to draco that he loved him and stuff so they went to hog warts school again and saw hagrids house and hagrid talking to snape and mister malfoy who kind of looked upset because maybe they knew about the boys relationship and now it could never be good between them)

Comma-craze (Example: harry, the boy who lived, was really, very happy, and looked at Draco through his deep, clear, perfect, sensitive emerald eyes, and sighed to himself, because he knew they could never, ever, ever be together, except after the war, or in death.)

6) Poor Word Choice: You tell me what sounds better: "Harry was really surprised to see Draco lying naked in his bed," or "Harry dropped his books upon entering his room. His eyes traveled slowly up and down; from pale feet to those expressive grey eyes underneath arched brows. 'Draco's never given up the Malfoy smirk,' Harry mused as he eyed all the skin on his mattress." Yeah. 'Nuff said.

Poorly written slash makes me think of poorly written essays. What's the first thing that comes to mind with poorly written essays? First years. And no one wants (or, hopefully not) to read porn written by a 12 year old. Because 12-year-olds are not sexy. They're a mood killer if I ever saw one. Maybe I should change my cause from house elves to under-educated Muggles.

There are a couple more problems with slash. I adore Harry/Draco, but some of you have the most perverted ideas of ships.

Harry/Voldemort: What's wrong with you? Have you not been paying any attention? Maybe you missed something vital. Like the fact that Voldemort is the DARK LORD and Harry is the BOY WHO LIVED???

Ron/Draco: keep your nasty, slash obsessed little hands off of my boyfriend, got it? That goes for Ron/Blaise too! (TB: I ADORE THAT PAIRING)

Fred/George: Twincest? This is where we're crossing the 'weird' line.

Harry/Snape: Harry and Snape? Snape's mi-

I mean, my potions teacher. It's wrong. look of discomfort Moving on! I have one last thing to say.

Draco would not cry over flowers, call anything (except Harry) cute, wear fishnets, or a shirt with a unicorn that declares, "HORNY!" Harry would not kill off innocent people, join/screw the Dark Lord, Hate Dumbledore, put on eyeliner, or tight leather trousers. It's simply not who they are. So when an author on ff creates a story in which the characters are so different, they're not even remotely similar, it takes away effect. Just because they look the same, doesn't mean they are. But some of you don't keep that the same, either. But whatever. I suppose it's just for fun.

So, slash readers, I bid you all farewell. Continue in your endeavors towards the perfect Drarry story. Maybe I'll write one of my own sometime.

Decidedly Satisfied,

Hermione Granger

P.S.: For Merlin's Sake, stop making Harry pole dance!

A/N: haha, not as good, I know. But whatever. 3 seemed like a good number. Review lots! I'm so happy with the reception of this fic. Also, tell me if I should stop here, or try to keep it up. If I kept going, we'd hear from Ron, (who's just funny), maybe Snape, Narcissa, Voldie… I'd think of someone. Let me know

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