"I've always been the kind of girl who's hid her face." Demi Lovato & Joe Jonas – "I Am Me"
Teach Me Tonight
Chapter 3
You think of your mom as she works in the kitchen, ashamed that you promised you would help and angry you never have. You're ashamed that you tell her you sleep at Tess's, and angry she never checks. You're ashamed that you're not being a good girl, and angry everyone expects you to be. You're ashamed you've slept with a man before you were married, and angry that that man cannot tell you he loves you back.
"I love you." You said, after he came inside you last night. You remember the intense and angry glare he gave you, and how he didn't say a word to you the rest of the night. He didn't let you leave though. He made sure to wrap his arms tightly around your naked body to prevent you from leaving. You smile because that might mean he loves you back; he just cannot say it. You have your suspicions why of course. Everyone on a daily basis tells Shane Gray that they love him – but it's mostly female strangers willing to rape him. So, it must be a hard concept to actually grasp.
You gasp softly when you feel him stir next to you, and steal a glance to the clock. 5:08. Still three hours before the camp wakes up, and still two hours before you have to make your exit. You close your eyes when you feel him tighten his hold around your body and nuzzle his head full of shaggy hair into your neck, kissing you tenderly. You smile and let him think you are still sleeping, as he holds you in his arms. You wish that he could see that you love him for who he is and not what he is. You love him because he is Shane Gray and not because he is Shane Gray. You lean into him again when his breathing starts to slow down again and you can tell he is asleep.
As you lay there, you remember back to the first day you met him. Everyone was bussing about the fact a celebrity instructor was going to be teaching at Camp Rock, especially a young reckless one. Shane Grey, the walking contradiction. The emo pop star. The experienced virgin. The only thing mothers could breathe about was that when Shane would take girls on the road, it usually meant making out. His last relationship was extremely publicized to the point of skepticism, and even then, it was with another young talented singer, people said nothing happen between. So, when you met him that day, you expected an angry virginal pop star.
What you got was something different.
No doubt he was an angry guy, but as he told you fiercely that day he is not a pop star. He is a first class rock star. As for the virgin thing, you never asked. You should ask one day whether or not he was when he first took you took you.
Later on the same day, after about twelve hours of just talking as the rest of the camp ate and then slept, you and he started an illegal relationship. A week and half later, you gave yourself to him. You weren't really prepared for him and he really had no idea what he was doing. You think. Or maybe, you just imagined the shy fumbling from him. Maybe you want to believe he was a virgin, so that you wouldn't feel as guilty as you do now. You think you remember his cheeks turned bright red when he saw you for the first time. You think you remember how his eyes darkened with surprise and lust. You think you remember all that, but you could have just imagined it all. That night you gave yourself to him, you mostly had your eyes closed in the dark room.
Now it is a different story. You're not as embarrassed anymore, so you pay attention more than ever. Because now, Shane is anything but nervous or virginal. He knows what pleases you. He knows how to touch you. He knows how to make you scream. He knows every inch of your body like he knows his own. He knows you.
You shiver as he tightens his arms around you again, bringing you back to reality. You open your eyes and turn somewhat to face him.
He has his eyes closed, but immediately opens them when he feels you move in his arms. He gives you a small smile and pulls you to him, making you grin into his shoulder. You kiss him softly and whisper the same words you whispered last night. "I love you." You repeat for the second time straight into his sleepy brown eyes. He groans and closes his eyes forcefully, and you wonder if he wishes he was dreaming. "I love you." You say again, brushing his hair back with your hands delicately. "But not because you have a major record deal or because you're the hottest teen act ever in the history of teen acts. But because you're you." You confess almost inaudibly as you run your hands through his hair.
"That's great, Mitch." He responds, and his voice is strained. You can feel the tiredness in his voice, and you wince. You know it's hard being a celebrity, and sometimes you wonder if you really actually want that. Sometimes, you wonder if he actually wants it. But, you also notice how he still has not said it back.
"You sound exhausted. Rough night?" you ask smirking, the hurt in your eyes betraying your attempt at being nonchalant. Shane gives you a small smile, but doesn't answer you. So, you sigh and make him look at you. "So, here's the deal, ok. I'm not telling you that you have to say it back. I'm not going to break up with you or anything, but I'm not going to let myself get hurt either." You tell him fiercely, and he sighs. You know it's too early in the morning, but this is when it hits you. "For just today, if you feel something for me – anything – then all you have to do is show me. You don't have to say it, but at least do something to prove it. If you don't, then I guess you don't love me." You finish shrugging, breathing hard. "But I won't break up with you. It's up to you, I guess." You say, shaking his shoulder softly.
Shane shakes his head, and buries it in his pillow. You run your hands through his hair once more, before extricating yourself from his arms. He looks at you surprised as you start to dress, before turning the clock towards him. "You still have at least an hour and a half." He says, his eyes going back to you as you slip your shirt back on. You shrug and finish, before going to him and kissing his cheek. He grabs your wrists as you start to move away, and stares into your eyes intensely. You don't know what to do, but instead, stare back into his eyes with the same defiance.
After a while, you realize he's not going to say anything, and you still have to go. You break free from his grasp and stare, and make your way to the door. Behind you, you hear him sigh angrily. "Mitchie, why do you insist on making this so serious?" he groans and you turn back, eyes bright with anger.
"Why do you insist on downplaying this? I lost my virginity to you, Shane!" you yell, hurt interlacing with fury. You watch him wince, and sit up, putting his head in his hands. The blanket falls down to his hips, exposing his naked chest, and the ring around his finger catches your eye. "Did you?" you ask, your conversation with Caitlyn fresh in your mind. He looks up at you confused and you clarify your question. "Did you lose your virginity to me? Because supposedly that ring meant something, right?" you ask, a touch of judgment going in your tone. Shane looks down at the silver ring on his left hand, before slipping it off.
He grabs your hand again and drops it there, making you look down at him puzzled. He gives you a hard look."Does that answer your question?" he says coldly, and your eyes widen at his rage and his… confession? You don't say a word as he stands up from the bed, the blanket falling to the floor, exposing his entire naked body. You shiver when he touches your neck softly, before reaching the necklace around your neck. He unclasps it wordlessly and takes your ring without asking, and slips his ring in the necklace. You numbly watch him as he re-clasps it around your neck, and looks at you icily. "There, since it's so fucking important to you. I lost my virginity to you too, okay. Now, go tell Teen Magazine or Seventeen or People because that's obviously what you care about." He says in a dead whisper hurtfully. You gasp at everything he just said.
You blink at him and your breath gets caught in your throat. "Wow." You breathe out softly, the disbelief clear on your face. Tears suddenly spring to your eyes and his glare softens. He sighs and his eyes become glassy, before bringing you into his arms.
"Look can we just drop this? Why does it matter if we lost our virginities to each other or if we love each other? Can we just go back to be being… what we are usually?" he says, struggling with words, whispering in your ear. You press your face into his naked shoulder, letting tears wet him. He wraps his arms tightly around you and kisses your hair, but you know he's not sorry. After all, he thinks you're just using him, which is funny because you think the same thing about him.
You finger the heavier ring now around your neck and go to take it off. "I don't want your ring or publicity or attention. I want you to love me the same way I love you, but I don't give a fuck about your fame or money! God, I really didn't even care if you were a virgin or not, which by the way I totally don't believe you were." you scream, hitting him with one hand while trying to take off the necklace with the other. He sighs as he grabs both of your hands in his, stopping you from continuing both objectives.
"Stop, okay. Can we just stop? I hate fighting with you." He says frustrated, but not saying a word on his virginity again. "This camp sucks so much. I'm a fucking singer and I have to teach dance. No, scratch that! I'm fucking rock star and I'm forced to be here when I could be on tour! Ugh!" he complains, stills holding onto your wrists. You roll your eyes as tears fall down your face, not really knowing where to look. If you look up, you have to look into his eyes/face. If you look straight ahead, you see his naked chest. If you look down, an appendage is swing away.
You settle on his chest.
He blows out slowly, trying to calm himself down. "You're what makes this bearable. If we're over, then that's it." he said, letting go of your hands, and you immediately rub the now sore skin dismissively. "I won't stay here, and then Nate will have a nervous breakdown and Jason will still want a birdhouse, but I won't have a birdhouse because I'm not gonna make him a birdhouse and it will be because I didn't stay at Camp Rock because me and you broke up!" he rambles, losing breath quickly. You let a small smile go on your face.
This is Shane Grey – the person. He rambles and struggles with words at the same time. That's what you love about him. Now if only he could see that. "I already told you I'm not breaking up with you, Shane." You say after awhile of silence, before walking out, a ring still around your neck. You wait until you're out of his door and into the darkness, before continuing. "I could never break up with you. Even if I wanted to." You walk quickly to Caitlyn's cabin, as you really don't want to go by the lake this morning. She is, of course, sleeping as most kids are at quarter to six in the morning, so you take the magazine she had the day before. It was your typical J-14ish magazine, with about a million different articles about Shane, Nate, and Jason. But the one that suck out the most was the Shane Gray and Norah Jacobs article.
Shane Grey and Norah James.
Shane fucking Grey and Norah fucking James. They dated for months, and he wants you to believe he lost his virginity to you! Sure he was nervous and somewhat shy that night. Hell, he fumbled and blushed more than you did. At least, you think he did. Actually, now that you keep thinking about it, even though he is super confident in everything, the one thing he used to be scared about was sex. That is, until it became a second nature with you.
Maybe he was a virgin.
You sigh, before feeling your cell phone vibrate in your pocket. You furrow your eyebrows and open your phone, noticing you have a new text message. Y did u leave? You sigh again, but a small smile goes to your lips.
Y? Do u miss me ;) You text back, your head hurting a bit. Two seconds later, the phone rings again. "Hey." You answer softly, trying not to disturb Caitlyn. You immediately go outside, breathing out softly.
"I'm sorry." He whispers softly, and you realize that Celebrity Shane is gone for now. You sniff, but shake your head. His rather random bouts of sweetness and tenderness always catch you off guard. But, it is never underappreciated.
"It's okay, Shane." You say back as you start making your way to your mother's cabin. You know she is already in the kitchen, so you're safe to get clothes and shower there. You hear him sigh gently. "I have to go, baby." You whisper as you go start to go inside the cabin. You hear him say groan, but affirm. "Wait! Shane." You say as a thought comes to you.
"Yeah, Mitch." He says, and you can almost picture him closing his eyes sleepily. You fumble with the door, trying to open the stubborn door.
"I love you, Shane." You repeat as you finally enter the cabin and start going to the closet. However, a sight on the bed stops your movement. Your heart goes numb as your breath gets stuck in your throat. You hear him groan again, and start to say something, but you cut him off involuntarily. "Shit." You blurt out softly.
"What?" you can hear the tension in his tone and his voice is more awake than ever. You shake your head, your eyes glued to the person on the bed.
"I'll talk to you later." You whisper, snapping the phone off quickly. "Mom-" you immediately start, but she cuts you off with a sharp glare. She points to the other bed fiercely, telling you to sit down with her razor eyes. You can feel the intense anger radiating off her severely, and your heartbeat intensifies. Your palms immediately become sweaty as you make your way to the bed, and your breath becomes ragged when you notice two suitcases by the window. "No, Mom! Please." you instantly start to bawl at her, hysteria going through you in a second.
"Sit down, Michelle!" she screams at you loudly and powerfully, and you sit down swiftly, tears already falling out of your eyes. You watch as she stands up furiously, and fixes you glowering look. "So when where you going to tell me you're not staying at Tess's?" she asks, crossing her arms around her body. Your face turns pale and you shake your head, but she cuts you off. "And who the hell is Shane?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at you heatedly.
"M-mom." You stutter, your mind going a million miles an hour. You piece together the fact she has no idea who Shane is and is probably angry at you because you lied about Tess. "Not Tess's, Caitlyn's." you lie, giving her an incredulous look through your tears. You try to cover the tears up, knowing she is probably suspicious of why you are crying. Your mom scoffs and raises both eyebrows this time, but you can see a slight amount of questioning go through her. "And Shane is a friend from back home. He's Sierra's cousin, remember? You met him last spring." You look at her pointedly, and your mom bites her lip. You pray softly that she doesn't remember that his name was Fred.
"I thought you said it was Tess's." she says, sitting down looking distractedly out the window. You shake your head to her.
"No. Caitlyn's." you repeat, laughing uncomfortably, looking at the suitcases again. "Mom, I'm sorry if you got the wrong info, but come on! We can't leave because of this." You say defensively, and your mom looks at the suitcases embarrassingly.
"I think I overreacted." She says, laughing and shaking her head. "I thought you were doing something bad, Mija. I'm sorry. You know how bad my memory is. I wouldn't remember my head if it wasn't attached." She says, going over to you. She finally notices your tears, and wipes them away. "I didn't mean to scare you. I know how much you love it here." She says, pushing your head to her chest softly. You nod against her, and laugh uncomfortably again. "Okay, I have to go to the kitchen. I love you." She says to you and kisses the top of your head tenderly.
"I love you too, Mommy." You whisper as she lets go off you and leaves, giving you a sympathetic look as she leaves. You almost scream, but you so thankful she is so gullible.
OXO
You haven't seen Shane all day. After all, his class was the last of the day for you. As you walk towards the dance room, you see Caitlyn and wave to her. She waves back with a small smile. "Hey, ready to see your boyfriend aka the love of your life?" she asks mockingly, smirking at you. Your face goes pale and you give her a nudge while looking around you. Caitlyn rolls her eyes. "Oh, calm down. Just about every freakin' girl in the world loves this kid." She said pointedly, shaking her head.
You sigh harshly and glare at her. "Don't remind me. Do you know how difficult it is to compete against a zillion girls a day?" you groan through your teeth angrily, before rolling your eyes frustrated. Caitlyn laughs and shrugs, giving you a 'Well, you asked for it' look. "Oh, shut up." You say pushing her, as you walk into the classroom. You immediately look around the room searching for Shane, but he is nowhere to be seen.
"I didn't say anything." Caitlyn points out, laughing. "Well, don't worry. I'm into Nate, not Shane." She assures you, smiling softly. You laugh and shake your head, still looking for Shane to come around. Tess suddenly goes to you guys, Peggy behind her loyally.
"Did you hear about Shane?" she says, gossip obviously in her voice. You look at her annoyed, but inside you are filled with burning curiosity. Especially if it is about Shane. So, the both of you shake your head, making Tess happy. "Well, apparently Shane is writing a song and that's why he's not teaching today." She tells you guys.
Peggy nods. "Yeah, I heard that Shane hates it when he's writing and people interrupt him. Once he almost killed Jason when he kept bothering him." She says and Tess nods.
Suddenly, the blonde looks at the two of you. "So what do you think he's writing about? How beautiful he thinks I am or how annoying the two of you are?" she said, a smirk going to her lips and Peggy laughs a little too hard. Caitlyn rolls her eyes and pulls you to go with her. You bite you lip, but follow Caitlyn as she goes to her usual spot. But the gossip does not stop. All around you people are talking about Shane.
"So, I heard that he is actually writing a song. It's like the first time in a long time, but he gets so angry when people interrupt." They heard someone else say, and Caitlyn raises an eyebrow at you. You shrug and sit down on the hard floor, Caitlyn following suit. The two of you prattle on unimportant things for the hour, but your mind is constantly on Shane. You want to see him so badly, but you know people would notice if you got up right now and left. Plus, you have to go to dinner now that your mother is slightly suspicious of you. So, you do.
You go to dinner with Caitlyn and smile at your mom when she waves at you. Again, you look around the entire room but you don't see Shane either. Caitlyn keeps looking at you. "What's wrong?" she asks you, as you pick at your food sadly. You give her a pointed look. "Oh, right. Well, sneak out. Your mom already saw you." She says, nodding towards the door. You smile and nod, before leaving the dinner hall. You start running to his cabin, needing him, wanting him so badly.
He is an addiction. He is your drug. You need him so badly, as you run to his cabin. You immediately open the door, and notice him strumming on his guitar as he sits on the edge of the bed. He looks up, anger visible in his face, and his mouth is open to yell. However, as soon as he sees it you, he pauses. His eyes soften and he bites his lip, before going back to his guitar. You lean against the wall silently, as his calloused fingers thumb on the strings. He softly humming a tune you do not know, with his eyes closed. You slowly walk over to him and sit behind him, running your hands through his hair gently. "I missed you today." You whisper, kissing his hair softly.
Shane looks up at you and smiles, taking his hand from the guitar to your arm. He reaches up and kisses your lips roughly, rubbing your arm. You moan into his mouth as his tongue slips into you, before taking the guitar from his lap and putting it on the floor. He gently pushes you down on the bed, his hand running up and down your body. Your shirt rides up as his hot hands touch your cold body, and you whimper as he bites your lip. He pulls away from you and starts kissing your neck, before hugging you softly. You smile at him, but your eyes betray your nonchalance. He sighs and kisses your lips again. "What's wrong?" he asks you, before realization enters his eyes. "What happened this morning?" he asks, his eyes sharp with fear.
You shrug, and bite your lip. "My mom almost found out, but it's cool." You explain as his eyes widen, but you shrug again. You snuggle into his chest and play with his hair. "Don't worry. She thinks you're this guy from back home. We're good." You comfort him, before kissing his neck. You sigh at the taste, and start sucking on his skin. Shane groans and squeezes your hips, hugging you tighter to his chest. You look back to the guitar. "So everyone's talking about the fact that you're supposedly writing a song, and I just want to know how everyone knows that." You say, furrowing your eyebrows confusingly.
Shane groans. "Ugh, Nate walked in and was like super excited that I'm writing, so he like ran out and told Brown. Then, everyone just found out. I hate it when people interrupt me." He says angrily, closing his eyes frustrated. You smile and run your hands through his hair again. He chuckles slightly, shaking his head. "Actually, one time Jason went into my room when I was writing something. I definitely punched him." He says, rolling his eyes and you smile more. He softly runs his hands up your body again, your nipple getting caught between his fingers. He roughly squeezes it, kissing your neck softly. You moan and snuggle closer to him, before biting your lip.
"Can you play it for me?" you ask in a small voice, and Shane doesn't meet your eye. You sigh disappointedly and he finally looks at you. He kisses you again, before getting off the bed. He went straight to his guitar and your breath gets caught in your throat. He brings it back to the bed and looks at your fiercely.
"Okay, first, I only wrote this like this morning, so no lip from you if it's bad." You roll your eyes, but nod. "Second…" he says softly, as he sits down, strumming in the strings again. "I can't tell you those three words yet, but you're right. I can show you, so here it is." He says in a very low whisper, but you hear every word. Your heart stops for the second time that day, and your breath gets caught again. You freeze as he starts the opening of the song, before he opens his mouth.
"Soft kiss and wine, what a pretty friends of mine." The words softly came out, and you feel so numb. "We're finally intertwined. Nervous and shy, for the moment we will come alive tonight." He sings, before looking you straight into your eyes. "Secret valentine." You shiver and watch as he plays the guitar harder. "We'll write a song that turns out the lights when both boy and girl start suddenly shaking inside. Don't waste your time. Speed up your breathing. Just close your eyes. We'll hope it's not for nothing at all." He sings to you gently.
"Lay down. Be still. Don't worry. Talk they will. I'll be loving you until mornings first light brings tomorrow. I'll take care of you tonight" he whispers, his voice going lower when he says it. Your heart flutters and your stomach fills with something, you don't know what. You breathe out a sigh of relief as he goes into the chorus again. "Secret Valentine. When guilt fills your head. Brush off. Rise up from the dead. This is the moment that we will come alive. Brace yourself for love. Sweet love. Secret love" he finishes, and tears roll down your face. He looks up at you, eyes scared and vulnerable. You are about to say something, when a noise cuts you off.
"Hey, man! Sorry for interrupting again, but do you want to…" a voice came from the door. You both gasp and turn, seeing the shocked face of a boy. "Whoa." He blurts out, looking from Shane, still holding the guitar, to you, still crying.
"Nate, this is so not what it looks like."
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Secret Valentine - We the Kings.