(part 3 of 3)
志
Satoshi never tells Mayaka that he likes her on Valentine's Day.
If there's one thing he will never be able to forgive himself for, it's breaking Mayaka's chocolate. He had to do it. There had been no other way out, at least, no way he could see just then. It's just another reason why he envies Houtarou and his emotions get the better of him when he watches how Houtarou treats his abilities.
If Houtarou were in his place, he would have been able to come up with a better solution easily.
When Satoshi snaps the chocolate against his knee, the moment it splits into two and he hears the deafening tear against the plastic, he knows that he will never be able to tell Mayaka that he likes her.
"I'm sorry," he says into his phone, sniffing in the cold snowfall.
"… Alright."
Mayaka doesn't say anything after that, doesn't probe him for a reply to her overwhelming feelings, and Satoshi doesn't know whether to think of it as good or bad. The tiredness in her voice stings, like she's telling him 'I give up', 'You win', 'I'm exhausted by this'. It's unlike the Mayaka he knows, fierce and loud and sure of herself. The determination he always associates with her is absent. The air only grows colder when he realises that it's his fault.
He can't throw her chocolate away now even though the sight of it makes him feel sick. Throwing it away is probably the only thing that can make him feel worse. It's heavy in his drawstring bag, and as he walks home, he slowly unwraps it and looks at the ugly cracks scouring the chocolate. Satoshi shivers as he breaks it again. He swallows it piece by piece, the dark chocolate bitter and hard, until everything is gone.
After getting out of the shower in the worker's dorm, Satoshi returns to his room intending to catch up on the issues of Margaret he hasn't been able to read because of work piling up the last few weeks. He's fallen into the routine of purchasing the bi-weekly magazine since Mayaka first started her serialization. Now, its issues are taking up a third of his shelf space. He doesn't really mind. Variety never hurt anyone.
Sitting cross-legged on his bed, he skims through the thicker of the two unread magazines. There's a Fuyamato Kasabe oneshot in this one. He finds Kasabe's storytelling a little out there, but also very interesting. He wonders how she's going to end this one and flips through the first few pages to read the set-up. It appears innocuous at first, a typical high school girl in love in with a boy that's out of her league, and it only makes him anxious to know when Kasabe's going to throw the twist in. She's just trying to mislead her readers with this. He thinks: secretly blood-related, car accident, or one of them is a ghost, but realises that Kasabe probably wouldn't resort to such deux ex machinas.
Of course the male love interest takes notice of her after a chance meeting. The heroine is likeable. Not too cute but not too plain as well. She cracks jokes on every other page and is the class clown, apparently. Satoshi likes that the class clown character is female, it's something new. The male love interest and her spend a lot of time together after school, and their scenes are romantic. When she finally confesses her love to him on the last few pages –
'That's… another one of your jokes, right?'
花
Mayaka stops talking to Satoshi for a couple of months after high school graduation. It's the longest they've ever gone without talking. The previous record had been only a week, a pathetic record that Mayaka thinks fondly of. Satoshi'd gone on holiday and couldn't find a good internet connection in China. He'd resorted to mailing postcards to her and Houtarou and Chi-chan, the Great Wall painted on the back of his long stories.
Within the first week of moving into her dorm, Mayaka receives letters from home in the mail. She'd expected only two: one from her parents, the other from Chi-chan. So when she finds out that there are three, she arches an eyebrow. Her parents had helped her forward the third letter from their home. It's from Satoshi.
'How are you?' the letter begins. It's Satoshi, alright. Down to the happy smiley face he'd scribbled on the margins of the journal paper. He proceeds to talk about Tsukuba university, comparing it to Nagoya university from the campus size to the type of food outlets available and the student population, going off in that undirected way of his. And finally ends the letter with a statement that seems like a sudden afterthought: 'I'm sorry for what I did. Can we still be friends?'
And though Satoshi can be outrageous, at least he'd thought to put the question at the end. If Mayaka had seen it first, she probably would've been too frustrated to read through the rest. He knows her well enough. She places the letter on her desk lightly, even as a part of her wants to slam it down. What good would that do, though?
Of course, she doesn't start on a reply to him straightaway. She doesn't know what to write. How do you phrase an answer to a question like that, and to begin with, what is her answer?
"Ooo, what's this?" Suddenly, a girl is standing behind her, peering down curiously at the letter. Mayaka jumps, pinning it under her left arm.
"Tomi-chan, hi."
…
Her roommate, an Engineering student named Tomitsu, has a boyfriend attending the same university as Satoshi.
"Yo-kun? Yo-kun's doing Life Sciences over there," she says, inserting a strawberry clip in her short, blonde hair. "Do you think he'll know this letter-person?"
Mayaka shakes her head. "He's studying Literature."
"Hey, that's like you, Ibara-chan! Why didn't both of you just go to the same university together? It could have saved you from all of this 'what should I write in reply' dilemma, you know."
Mayaka glances at the scenery outside the window of their room, crossing her legs. The field outside their dorm is crowded with students going about their different activities. Satoshi would enjoy himself here. "I was accepted by Nagoya, so I chose it over Tsukuba."
"Did he apply to Nagoya too?"
"… I don't know."
Tomitsu crosses her arms behind her back. "Well, come on, let's go out for lunch, yeah? Maybe you'll know what to write when we get back!"
…
"Have you written back to letter-person yet?" Tomitsu asks one day after their classes. She seems more eager to reply to Satoshi than Mayaka.
"Ibara-chan, if I'm butting myself too much into your business, you have to tell me. My other friends say I lack 'tact' –" she makes quotation marks with her fingers " – but I just think you should avoid putting it off, else' it'll be harder for you, you know. Just my two cents!" Tomitsu then directs her attention to her laptop, plugging in her earphones.
Mayaka throws a pillow over herself. "You're right," she admits into the pillow grudgingly. She pulls out the chair of her study desk, seats herself and tidies up the table. She pushes her latest manuscript aside – it'll be ready for submission to Margaret soon, and hopefully they'll want to publish it this time. Ripping a piece of paper from her notebook, she readies her ballpoint.
…
She sends her reply out only one month later. It's a postcard that is blank save for one sentence.
'How's university?'
志
"Reminiscing about your college heartbreak, DSP?"
Satoshi slips the postcard back into his drawer. "Ryou-san. I know you're the assistant editor-in-chief, but don't you ever have work to do at your own desk?" he includes a humouring laugh at the end of the question.
"Part of my job is to make sure everyone in the office is doing theirs!" the woman replies with a grin as she adjusts her dress suit, "and to care for the welfare of my subordinates." She taps against a finger against her heavily made-up cheek, scrutinizing his workspace.
"Well, I'm fine!" Satoshi beams at her. "In fact, I think I'll finish looking through these ahead of time."
"Yeah, I can tell. You're more energetic now, Fukube. That's good to see."
Oh, she's acting like a real boss now. "Um, it's mostly because of your help. I haven't thanked you for talking to me last week."
"Of course it is. But this is the first time I'm seeing you work so efficiently. The last was when you first joined the department. I remember you being so keen to learn and everything," Ryou says. Satoshi thinks back to that period almost three years ago now. He'd gotten an internship with the company through Tsukuba university, and had the opportunity to sign on as a permanent member of the staff after it. He'd been thrilled to write for the magazine then – or rather, thrilled at what he thought he was going to be doing for an editorial job.
"In the beginning, you were so passionate. But before I knew it, you were drawing yourself back."
"I didn't like involving myself into one thing for too long," Satoshi says.
"What's wrong with that?"
"It's just– " Satoshi remembers a bridge, falling snow, Houtarou's coat rippling in the gale, a broken heart in his hands and an empty smile on his face.
Ryou hits the top of his head with a roll of paper, yanking him back to the present. "If that's the case, you would have quit long ago. You're still here, Fukube. So stop contradicting yourself and put more heart into it. And I don't just mean work."
Satoshi blinks at her words, and then nods agreeably. "I've been trying to change my way of doing things, Ryou-san."
"Yep. Must be because of your girlfriend, huh? You don't need to say anything. I understand. I changed for the better because of my boyfriend too."
A beat.
"You have a boyfriend?"
"Since high school." Ryou tosses her hair over her shoulder dramatically. "Jealous?"
"… Not really…" Just puzzled about what kind of person he is.
花
Mayaka is halfway through a colour spread for Queen Can't Sleep when Satoshi calls her handphone. He asks about what she wants to eat for dinner tonight. "Anything will do," she replies before reminding him that he has to go to work early tomorrow, so he shouldn't come by too late or he won't have enough rest. When she sets her phone back down on the table, she feels someone looking at her. Mayaka pans her gaze to her left, where Akai is sitting.
"Is there something wrong, Akai-chan?"
"Nope. I was just wondering: when are you planning to marry Fukube?" Akai asks. The way she poses her question makes it sound like she's inquiring about the weather. Mayaka's voice catches in her throat, whether due to frustration or confusion, she can't be sure.
"Akai-san!" Ao hurtles into panic. Her pigtails quiver when she gestures wildly. "Remember, Fukube-san said not to talk about that!"
Mayaka's marker stops. Neru's hair is abandoned, blotted half red and half orange. "Fuku-chan talked to you about us?"
Ao bites her lip, looking incredibly distressed. Midori clears her throat and takes everything upon herself as she slides a pen against a ruler on the table. She's gotten so good at doing backgrounds that she can multitask now. "Fukube-san just told us not to tease you. I think he was worried that we would be bothering you or causing your stress if we did that," she clarifies. "We're sorry for invading your personal affairs, Ibara-san." She turns over to Akai, polite but firm.
"'m sorry," Akai huffs, she brings her gaze back to the page she's working on.
"It's alright," Mayaka tells them. She lowers her hands. Satoshi worries about things like that?
"It was believable if you denied it before, Ibara-san," Akai suddenly speaks up, much to Ao's upset and Midori's surprise, "but lately we've been seeing him here at least once a week. You can't blame us for jumping to conclusions."
Has he been spending so much time here? Mayaka hadn't noticed. Either Akai and the rest were exaggerating, or… she's gotten used to it. She doesn't want to get comfortable with what she has now, but, Akai is right. Something is different now.
"If you ever do get married, I would like to be one of the bridesmaids," Midori says, breaking the initial silence. Her voice is joking, and it even manages to coax a smile out of Ao.
"I want to be in charge of catering," Akai volunteers.
"I, I want to wear a nice dress!"
…
In the middle of dinner, her chopsticks fall out of her hand and clatter on the table. Mayaka sticks her tongue out as she flexes her right fingers. She must have gone too long drawing without giving her hand a break.
"Is your hand okay?" Satoshi asks as he puts his own utensils down.
"It cramps up a little sometimes," she says, kneading it with her left hand.
Satoshi takes her hand. "Like this." He interlocks his fingers with hers, opening her hand. Using his thumbs, he massages her palm and Mayaka feels immediate relief.
"Since when did you learn how to massage hands?"
"You'd be surprised at what videos they post online nowadays." Satoshi laughs.
"So, what you're saying is that you've just added another useless talent to your repertoire," says Mayaka. She smiles despite herself. Satoshi's movements are precise and careful and the ache in her drawing hand gradually goes away. Words lost to her, Mayaka can only look at the person sitting opposite her and then down between them. They stare intently at their hands, as if they're holding everything they have left.
"… You know, I was thinking about going somewhere to write my next article. The editor-in-chief finally gave me some leeway and time off for it. I've saved up enough too."
"Where? Italy? Russia? The Philippines?"
"Where do you want to go?" he asks.
Mayaka's right hand tenses, but Satoshi is there to ease the pain out of it again, and Mayaka closes her eyes and her fingers at the same time, savouring the exact moment something shifts between them. "You're the worst. You're the worst. You're the worst," she mumbles and sucks in another breath to keep her tears at bay.
His hands clench around hers.
"Mayaka," he says, and doesn't look away, and she loves him. " – I love you."
"You're still the worst, Satoshi."
Mayaka only says that because Satoshi sounds much more romantic than she ever will be. He tugs her closer and into a kiss, making it even more romantic and making her curse into his mouth.
志
"I've been meaning to tell you that that's a cute tie," Ryou comments as she passes by his desk. "I thought that the goose tie was the best one you had, but you've proven me wrong." She crosses her arms and perches them on top of a stack of files, her long hair pinned to one side with a plain black barrette.
Satoshi straightens his back proudly, smoothing the creases out of his tie, printed with cartoony smoking pipes and monocles. He'd bought online only a couple of weeks ago. "Yup! This was a real find."
"Anyway, you free for dinner tonight?"
"With the rest of the department?"
"Of course not!" Ryou seems to find the suggestion comical. "Do you see anyone else around? Obviously, I meant with me!"
Satoshi laughs uneasily. "Thanks for the invitation, but not tonight. I'm already taken." He had promised Mayaka he would help her tone some of her pages after work since Ao's been busy with exams in school.
"By your-girlfriend-who's-not-your-girlfriend?"
He pushes back from his desk and copies her, folding his own arms. "Ryou-san," he says with a shake of his head. "There's nothing happening between me and anyone." And, maybe it's because they're the last ones in the office, he says, "Nothing should be allowed to happen."
"What's with that look on your face? Come off it!" the woman laughs. Then, she stops too abruptly. Her tone changes. "You act like you're the one suffering. That really makes me want to punch your teeth in, you know?" Ryou says. "'Not sure how she can stand you. You've been sulking ever since you started working here. I could see because it was obvious. Sulking and not doing a damn thing about it, which is what makes me the most pissed about. And you know you're hurting her and you know how to stop it and yet you're always just sitting there and telling me I'm wrong when in the end you still go back to her. Tell me what's the problem with the equation here? You're such a coward, Fukube. I forgot why I wanted to have dinner with you in the first place."
She keeps her smile even and walks off, leaving him alone for once.
This isn't the first time someone is talking to him about this. It feels like the first time he's actually listening, though.
"Hello? Satoshi-san?"
"Chi-san! It's nice to hear from you! How's university?"
"It's excellent," she says, amicable as per usual. Satoshi sometimes feels unnerved when he talks to Chitanda because she comes off as spotless. Like a clean dining table, all the cutlery and white dishes set in place, polished. She gives him a sort of feeling he's never experienced when he's around Houtarou and Mayaka, who are both flawed in obvious and unique ways. Chitanda's weaknesses can't be observed on the surface because of all the training she's undergone in her family. Although Satoshi feels guilty, a part of him has always wanted to uncover Chitanda's elusive flaws.
"So, why the sudden call?" he asks.
"It's about Maya-chan," Chitanda says the name with deliberate caution, "but before we talk about that, if possible, why don't we meet face-to-face?"
Ack. She's trying to corner him.
"I'm stuck in campus all week." Satoshi glances at the colourful calendar pinned on the wall of his room, packed to the brim with activities and post-it reminders.
"That won't be a problem. We can meet for lunch at wherever will be convenient for you. My classes haven't started yet, you see," is the reply he gets, forceful yet sweet. To reject her now would require a tremendous, celestial level of tenacity.
Satoshi falls back on his mattress, crumpling the sheets. "Oops." He has to make his bed again.
…
"Chi-san!" Satoshi waves her over to the small table he's managed to save for them at the packed café.
Chitanda presents him with a wide grin as she bustles over, squeezing between tables and chairs, a handbag on her shoulder and a long skirt swishing at her ankles. The strangers sitting around them might be assuming that they're on a date from the look of things. Satoshi thinks that that's the funniest joke he's made in a very long time.
After ordering their drinks: a hot chocolate and a cappuccino, Chitanda sets her hands in front of herself, forming a tent with her fingers. Satoshi places a hand on his knee to stop it from bouncing under the table.
"I'm sorry for asking to meet you on such short notice, you must be busy with your studies," she begins, mincing around, enhancing the stark differences between her and Mayaka. Chitanda knows how to set the tone. Mayaka doesn't even consider that. Satoshi thinks both ways of doing things have their pros and cons.
"Not at all. I'm sorry for making you travel all the way here."
"It's fine, I enjoyed my trip here." Chitanda is still all smiles. Satoshi feels competitive all of a sudden.
"Haha! So what was it that you wanted to talk to me about again?"
"Satoshi-san," Chitanda says simply.
"Ah, right, Mayaka. Is everything fine with her?"
The waiter delivers their drinks and the girl sitting opposite him sips from her cappuccino before continuing. "She's been doing well. She told me that a few boys have asked her out. She's considering going out with some of them."
Satoshi tries not to let anything show on his face.
"Oh, that's…"
Chitanda blinks, waiting for him to finish his sentence. Satoshi doesn't. He takes up his own mug, stalling.
"That's – ?" she prompts.
"That's good, Chi-san. She'll find herself happier with someone else," he exhales, it feels hard to say it aloud, like heaving a rock off his chest, and the smile falls from his face.
"… Is that what you really feel, Satoshi-san?"
Chitanda unpitches her hands and now lays them flat on the table, bearing her empty palms at him. Intimidatingly open.
"Chitanda," Satoshi drops the formalities, "you know Mayaka is better off with anyone other than me. I have never been – will probably never be – suited for her." Or anybody for the matter, but especially Mayaka. And he slides his gaze away from the girl. Though she's not as sensitive as Houtarou, Satoshi doesn't want Chitanda trying to read him.
"If you're concerned about hurting Maya-chan by reciprocating her feelings, you have already hurt her numerous times, whether you're aware of it or not."
It scares him how nice Chitanda can sound even when she's saying something like this. It's also a haunting reminder of their high school days together. Whenever Chitanda asked to speak to him alone in the corridors, it would be about two things and two things only: either Hyouka articles or Mayaka.
"So, to use that obsolete factor to make a decision on the way you've been acting towards her in the past and now wouldn't be right – I just believe there is a better way for you to go about things, for both you and Maya-chan's happiness. We're in university now, aren't we? It's time for new beginnings."
Satoshi wants to laugh. Regardless of whether he stays with Mayaka or away from her, he'll end up hurting her. That's what he's learned. It's despicable of him, but the way Chitanda is speaking right now really makes him want to laugh. Instead, the sound he makes is strangled, halfway between a hoarse cough and a chuckle.
"Chi-san, it doesn't work that way," he explains.
"Satoshi-san, you haven't even tried anything, yet you're already giving up."
Ah. Satoshi has found Chitanda's flaw.
She's suffocating.
花
The first thing Mayaka does when she wakes up is to count the number of bags hanging from the hooks on the walls. In the process, she discovers that some of plastic hooks are lopsided. Satoshi must have had a hard time screwing them in by himself when he'd been a teenager.
Nineteen bags, excluding the army of drawstring pouches he's hoarded. That's the same number as the age they left Kamiyama to study in universities in the city. Now they're twenty-three and even though it's been only four years, Mayaka feels like a long time has passed. A lot has changed and a lot has stayed the same. Satoshi's still not beside her.
She hears noise coming from downstairs as she slips into yesterday's clothes. Glad that there's no strong smell on them, she makes way into the bathroom. There, she cringes at her messy hair and then at her neck, only relieved when she remembers the concealer she's packed in her handbag.
In the kitchen, she hears someone whistling. "G'morning!" Satoshi greets her, giving no indication of what happened between them last night. She lets him go once again, even as she locks her jaw.
"… 'Morning," she murmurs back.
As she searches for her handbag, Satoshi cooks them breakfast. He's wearing a different shirt from yesterday, this one with its collar popped. They'd left a trail of feigned chaos in their stumble through the house from yesterday night. A couple of empty beer cans on the floor, one of her shoes in the middle of the living room, the other placed neatly at the door, and how did her hairclip get all the way up there? She finally finds her handbag under a sofa cushion.
They eat breakfast in a silence that she doesn't know whether to describe as awkward or comfortable. At least she likes the way he scrambles their eggs. "Before we leave, can we clean up?" Satoshi asks all of a sudden, and of course Mayaka agrees.
She assumes that Satoshi had been referring to only the living room and possibly his bedroom, but before she notices, they're changing the bedsheets for his sister and parents too. They take two corners each and work to peel off the old sheets and tuck the new ones on. They're efficient with how they split the workload, and it reminds Mayaka of how they'd worked together on so many projects in middle school and high school. Working together has always been the most natural thing for both of them. It's much easier compared to when they work against each other, and it's when they're the most truthful to each other. It's sad that they can't always be like this.
While he sweeps the floor, she dusts the furniture. The feather duster is something she can imagine the Fukube family owning. It's rainbow-coloured and incredibly fluffy, but too short for her to use because she can't reach the top of the shelf. Satoshi spots her standing on her toes and takes the duster from her to finish the job. Mayaka hunches forward, but it doesn't stop Satoshi from leaning against her back, in a hauntingly similar fashion to something she doesn't want to recall now.
"U-um," she doesn't know what else to say. Satoshi only notices what he's done just then and quickly steps back. He unfastens the smile from his face, sheepish and handsome and still the only person she loves. "Sorry."
"It's okay," she says even though it's not.
Mayaka is the first to put distance between them, walking away from him and occupying herself with sorting through the books scattered all over the shelves. She lingers over the books she knows are Satoshi's. He's lent all of them to her before. She's read every single one and knows them inside out and knows why their owner likes them so much. She misses library duty all of a sudden, and all of the secrets she'd shared with Satoshi in the library. There weren't actually any secrets being exchanged on most days. It only felt that way because they had to talk in hushed voices.
Then, she misses Houtarou's laziness and Chi-chan's curiosity and Satoshi's colours.
"Are we ready to go?"
Mayaka looks up. Her hand leaves the spine of a book.
"Yes."
They step out into the Kamiyama sun, leaving everything behind them.
end
Mayaka passes the second last chapter of Queen Can't Sleep into Yamamoto's hands.
He flips through the manuscript, his facial expression changing from pleased to confused over time, until he reaches the last page.
"Ibara – this is QCS, right? The characters are the same, but you're writing it like Kasabe."
"It is."
"So, Neru doesn't end up with anyone? Hayato loves someone else, and she doesn't love Tobio, so this is what she's planning to do? To just move on?"
"What's wrong with that?"
"It's… probably not what your readers are looking for," Yamamoto says, scratching the back of his neck as he tries to explain it to her nicely. "I thought when we were discussing this, we were going to have her move on from Hayato and try starting a relationship with Tobio?"
"I was thinking, Yamamoto-san," Mayaka cuts in, "that maybe for once, we shouldn't end our stories with the heroine seizing her love."
"That's what you've been doing under Fuyamato Kasabe. This isn't the same thing, Ibara, you've got expectations to fulfil."
She really doesn't want to cause problems for her editor. Honestly. But, "I have things I believe in, Yamamoto-san. This is the way I want to end the story. I think that it's good to let the readers know that we won't always end up with the person we like, and it's not the end of the world. Neru-chan has other dreams she can pursue, things that have nothing to do with romance. She'll grow up stronger, and maybe she'll be happier and find someone else in the future. Just because she doesn't end up with Hayato or Tobio now, doesn't mean that she'll be alone for the rest of her life. It doesn't mean that she has nothing left to live for."
Yamamoto gapes at her in exasperation, but he doesn't immediately reject the idea, and she appreciates him for that. He rubs his fingers against his temples, which is what he usually does when he's preparing to agree with her.
"Is this really the way you want your love story to end?"
"Yes."
Notes:
I can safely say that with this, I have satoshi-mayaka'd myself out. Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it? :
-This was also AU because Mayaka becomes a shoujo manga author in this verse. I find it hard to believe she would be able to achieve her dream easily in the canon!verse. Comparatively, in this AU!verse where her heart is broken and she needs to direct her passion/anger/emotion onto something else, she is probably more capable/driven to adapt to the lifestyle of a manga author here. Also, because she never dates Satoshi, she spends all her time working on her career, which is another reason why she's able to get published.
- This is loosely based off my earlier AU drabble of the two, 'If I Could', except it's probably a lot less depressing.
- This was written as a oneshot! I simply divided into 3 parts because it reads easier that way.
- Think of this as the more detailed, more realistic, but still pretty idealistic stepsister of 'Today She Holds His Gaze', because it is something like that in my mind.
- As for what kind of magazine Satoshi works for, I was thinking along the lines of a publisher who covers stuff like Japan's 'Metropolis' magazine – a varied one.
- 'Queen Can't Sleep' is your typical shoujo manga about a girl, Neru (whose name means 'to sleep' in the basic sense of the word), with two personalities. In school she's known as the ice queen. At night, when she logs online though, she turns into this really friendly and kind and popular Internet personality with loads of friends. Which side of her is real? Are both sides of her real? And what happens when one of the boys in class find out about her online identity?
- Ryou got her name from the term 'ryoushin', which is Japanese for 'conscience'. The rest of the random cast do not have as meaningful names. You can guess that 'Midori', 'Ao' and 'Akai' mean green, blue and red respectively because of how superbly uncreative I can be when I think about names for ocs.
- I couldn't help but give callbacks to Bakuman, the excellent shounen manga that gave me great insight on how the manga industry works and how manga authors go about their daily lives and their careers.
- I picked Nagoya and Tsukuba based on their overall rankings for public universities in Japan that offer Bachelor degrees for Lit. Nagoya's the 8th best. Tsukuba is like the 10th.
- If Houtarou and Chitanda ever get married, I think Houtarou would probably take on Chitanda as his last name since Chitanda is the bigger family, right? Houtarou Chitanda. Hah. I referred to him post-marriage as 'Houtarou Oreki' though. Anyway, that's not really the point I wanted to talk about. I just think their marriage might be the most obvious signal towards the gang that they can stop calling Chitanda by her last name and start referring to her by her first name.
- Mayaka and Satoshi's relationship in this AU, at least, can be summed up accurately by Houtarou. There's a lot of running away and a lot of chasing, and as a result a lot of missed opportunities, but never a chance for them to stop and breathe and listen and think for a moment, because both of them are so used to it. And when they finally start trying to do that, maybe things can work out between them?
- There are several reasons why I chose to tell this story out of order. One of the less obvious reasons would be because I think if Mayaka and Satoshi were to sift through their memories, it would be something like this. They wouldn't divide it by time, but rather by the feelings associated with each situation.
- Against my better judgement I did not include the scene where Mayaka and Chitanda go lingerie shopping when Chitanda visits Mayaka in Tokyo because that might have affected the tone of the fic. (But trust me when I say its canon in this fic.)
- Part of me believes that Mayaka wouldn't have ended QCS that way without Satoshi beside her to support her and tell her 'yes I think you should push for this ending too'.
- I started out the show with Satoshi as my favourite, but very soon after Mayaka became the queen and is the absolute #1 in my heart now. That was unrelated to my decision of the title of this, really.