A/N: Let me start by saying how stupid I feel. Of course JJ has been through a great loss and I forgot it while writing the last chapter. Forgive me? Furthermore, I want to thank all of you who are reading, I'm hoping I can keep satisfying you.

Sorry for the delay on this chapter, I've been busy finishing my dissertation and final teaching practice. I should be a teacher of English by February. Excitement!

Chapter 3

If I die tomorrow
I'd be alright
Because I believe
That after we're gone
The spirit carries on

- The Spirit Carries On by Dreamtheater

The shrill noise of his cell phone ringing on the nightstand woke him from a restless slumber. He let out a small groan as he covered his eyes with one hand, turning away from the sunlight finding its way through a small opening in the curtains. He felt around on his nightstand, his fingers enveloping his cell phone. He flipped it open and held it against his ear, "Yeah?" He muttered.

"If that isn't the not so lovely voice of my favorite genius," Garcia chattered happily. "How are you doing?"

Reid let out another small groan as he tried to sit a bit more upright. "Garcia, what time is it?" He rubbed his eyes with his right hand, reaching for the glass of water on his nightstand. He'd never understood why people would turn to alcohol, but he was beginning to. Water just didn't seem to do the trick, he wanted something to forget all about what happened. He wanted… No, no he did not want that, or did he?

It was silent for a moment on the other side of the line. "Reid, it's almost noon, aren't you up yet?" Garcia worried for her friend. This was so unlike him, JJ had told her that he was having a bad time, but she hadn't thought it would hit him as hard as it had. "I was planning to catch a movie with you, just the two of us. I know this guy at the movie theater who…" she went on.

"Garcia, as much as I appreciate you all trying to cheer me up, I don't think it's going to work," Reid confessed, rolling back onto his side, pulling the covers over himself to block out the light. "I'm just… gonna stay here and…"

"Pity yourself? No, genius, that's not what you are going to do. I want to get off your ass. What did Hotch do when Hayley passed, did he sulk like little boy? No, so why should you?" Garcia spoke, starting to get a little upset with him. She hated hearing her friend like this and she couldn't stand not being able to help him through his rough patch. "I'm coming over, be ready in twenty," she said and hung up before he had a chance to say anything.

Reid stumbled from his bed, clad in only his jogging pants and an old Cal-Tech shirt. He shuffled towards the kitchen, turned on the coffee machine and watched the dark liquid drop down. He shivered at the cold in his apartment and looked around. It did look a lot better since JJ had cleaned up for him. Once the coffee was he grabbed a large mug with the words 'best godfather'. He smiled as he remembered the little boy that gave it to him on his birthday. He took a sip and let his eye fall on the letter to his mother on the dinner table. Panic overwhelmed him, had JJ read the letter? He took the letter, folded it and put it in an envelope; he'd have to mail it today.

Exactly twenty minutes after Garcia's call he heard a knock on the front door. He opened it and allowed her to take him in her arms. "Gosh you're too thin," she commented, showing him the grocery bag and looking around the apartment. "Where's your kitchen dear?" She asked. When he pointed she strutted in and started putting the groceries on the counter. "I figured you could put on some weight so I decided to give you a proper lunch before we head out and get drunk."

At Reid's protest she grinned, "Just kidding Reid, I wouldn't never try to get you drunk on purpose," she said and started rummaging through his kitchen. She grabbed a frying pan and broke two eggs above it.

Reid had to admit, a few minutes later his apartment smelled wonderful. There were the scrambled eggs, there was bacon, and there were tomatoes with mushrooms. All in all it seemed almost like a traditional English breakfast. He took a plate as Garcia handed it to him and sat down at the dining table, opposite of her. "Thank you Garcia, this looks wonderful," he said politely, not daring to admit that he still didn't feel like he could eat.

"So speak up my gentle genius," Garcia stated, sitting down with her elbows on the table, chin rested in her hands. "I'm not going to let you spend this lunch in silence so you might as well spring it all on me," she said, giving him a gentle and encouraging smile.

Reid took a small bite first, complimenting her on her cooking skills. He realized she wasn't going to let him off the hook easily. He cleared his throat and looked down at his plate. "I can't help but feeling that I've failed Garcia," he started, "failed her, failed the team, failed myself," he emphasized the latter. "I should've known something was not right when I went in there, I should've realized I would never be able to pull of pretending to love Diana," he spat out her name in disgust. "I will never be able to forgive myself to put her at such a risk," he finished, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

Garcia stood up and squatted down beside him, her hand on his back. "Honey, there was no way you could've known that, no way, do you hear me?" She asked, rubbing his back as he allowed more tears to fall. "If you hadn't gone in there, maybe it wouldn't have happened like this, but I doubt she would've walked out of there alive either way," Garcia said, "sorry."

Reid let out a shaky sigh and nodded a little bit to himself, "Maybe you're right, who knows. But how can I go back?" He asked, more to himself than to her. "What if I keep putting people at risk?"

For a minute Garcia didn't answer him, she just kept rubbing circles on his back while he cried. "Okay, hear me out. I know you're a genius and all, and focused on evidence and physics and whatever, but there is something I strongly believe in," she started, waiting until she had Reid's undivided attention. "I believe that the spirit doesn't dissolve, I believe it carries on. I wondered for a long time what happens when someone dies, and I've never found a satisfying answer. Now I believe that when we die, our spirits are still around you know, sometimes you can feel them, haven't you felt her presence?"

At the shake of his head Garcia smiled a little bit, she knew her friend was too down to earth for this one. "You don't have to believe it, but just… I don't know, try to convince yourself that she cares about you and she wants you to be happy sweetie," she sat and stood up with a small moan. "Ouch, momma is getting too old to squat," she said, hoping to lighten the mood.

This formed a small grin on Reid's face as he took another bite, after swallowing the lump in his throat. "Thank you Garcia, for… well, food, talking," he said, blushing a little bit at admitting to needing someone. "So I'm guessing you're wanting me out of the apartment as well?" He asked.

Garcia grinned widely and nodded, "Yes, like I told you I know this guy and I've planned a very special marathon at a small movie theater," she said, awaiting his reaction. When none came she explained herself a bit further, "we can watch Dr Who episodes for a few hours, just us, unless… you'd like to invite more of the team?" She asked; it was a Saturday after all.

Reid smiled, "That's… very thoughtful," he replied and took another bite. "I don't know who else would be interested in watching Dr Who though," he smiled sheepishly.

"Well, you never know. Why don't I go call them, and you finish your plate?" She said, stepping out of the room to make a few phone calls.

With a small smile Reid tried to finish the plate of food in front of him and thought about the afternoon they had ahead of them. He couldn't begin to thank the people around him for trying to get him through this. It would be a long journey, he knew that, but for the first time he felt a bit of confidence that he would get through this, all in due time.

TBC