Chapter 3: Day 3

DAY 3: Communication

~Communications needs to be HOT. That's Honest, Open and Two-way~

No one talked the previous night, and everyone was long asleep when Hotch and Emily came back. Everyone knew that they needed to have a conversation where feelings would be addressed JJ was hell bound to have all those issues addressed by the later Sunday, before they would have to work together in the BAU. Because if they went to work with this kind of war between them someone might get injured… or worse…

Friday, September 2nd, 2016

FBI Academy

Quantico, VA

9:00

Aaron had no idea why he asked Elle to drive him to work, he called Emily and told her that he was going in the office but that was it. He almost barged into Elle's car and demanded to be driven to work. Not the nicest thing to do he knew that but something was telling him to go there. He walked in the BAU expecting that everyone was going to stare at him but his was pleased when no one made much of a fuss that he was back. A few agents turned their heads and smiled at him, Anderson was the bravest who actually walked to him and told him he was glad to see him back.

He walked up to his office and walked in, everything seemed to be untouched. He knew that a picture on his desk of Emily and Jack was missing because Emily told him she took it but everything else looks as if not a day passed by. The glass broken by the explosion was replaced and his carpeted floor was clean. He walked to the desk and pulled his chair back before he sat down; the familiar feeling of coming home overwhelmed him and he closed his eyes. Thinking over everything just made his head spin, telling Emily about his past, almost everything that had happened to him worked both ways, he did felt better knowing that she knows and still stands by him but caused Emily to start watching him like a hawk. Maybe that was the reason why he resorted in hiding out in his office. He loves her, he loves her to death but he can't help but notice the difference in her actions towards him. His brain is telling him that she does so because she knows what it feels like, but there is also another part of his head that it's just ready to blow everything up and leave, disappear from everything and everyone. Maybe he should track down Peter Lewis and provoke him, maybe he would then kill him and everything will be over. This thought though scared him, scared him enough to reach for the card Dr. Altman passed him yesterday when she finished removing the last of his stitches.

"Dr. Perkins"

"Hello doctor, I'm agent Hotchner, Dr. Altman gave me your number. I'd like to set an appointment, soon."

~o~o~o~

12:00

Dave's mansion

Although Emily knew that Aaron didn't really wanted to get away from her more like wanted to get away from everything it still hurt the way he just barged into Elle's car and didn't call her to tell her that he was going to the BAU till after they had left the house. She stayed the whole morning in their bedroom not really wanting to leave and have to face the rest of them she knew that they should talk as well but she didn't want to do that right about now. She took the phone in her hands once again and thought about calling Aaron, maybe they could talk but really decided against it. What really to talk about? That she was worried about him even more now that she knew what was going on with him than she was back when she didn't?

Startled she heard her phone going off on the desk across from the bed, she got up and left his pillow on the bed back where it was and walked to the desk, his picture with Jack appeared on the screen and she answered the phone as soon as she could.

"Aaron!" she breathed out in relief.

"Hey, are you alright?" he asked

"Yeah, I just missed your voice." She admitted, it wasn't something that she was going to admit to anyone but it was true in the end. The admission brought a small smile on his lips as he lowered his head and turned his back to the window.

"I have to admit I missed your voice too. Even if it was just bugging me to not forget my medication in the morning." The smile on her face widens and she bit her lip "Come home and I can keep bugging you." She offered

"I can't, not yet. I got an appointment with the physiatrist Dr. Altman suggested to me." Emily kept the breath of relief from coming out when she heard the news. She was the one telling him that he needed to talk to someone as soon as possible and although he agreed on Jack talking to his old doctor he fought her tooth and nails on talking to one himself.

"When is the appointment?"

"6a.m. I'm trying to get some of my files settled here so if you could drive here around four thirty, we could get lunch and drive me to the appointment." He suggested, Emily felt a huge smile stretching her lips, she was delighted that he was letting her that much in.

"I'll be there."

~o~o~o~

FBI Academy

Quantico, VA

16:30

Emily walked inside the bullpen looking around the people working such a familiar picture around her. She looks up the stairs at Aaron sitting at his desk he was working on some files, the old familiar frown on his face, brought a smile on Emily's who started walking towards his office.

"May I?" she asked poking her head in the office, Aaron raised his head from the paper work, he dropped the pen back on the desk and a smile grazed his tired face.

"Right on time Mrs. Hotchner." He leaned back on his chair watching Emily walking in the room and closing the door behind her. As soon as she reached his chair her hands touched his shoulders, she could feel the tension there, the tiredness and probably the pain too.

"How about we go for lunch now? You can finish the rest at home." She suggested, Aaron chuckled at the word home "Home… Emily let's not kid ourselves it's a hotel. I never thought we'd be such bad roommates."

"We need some getting used to I won't lie." She left her spot behind him and stepped between him and the desk leaning towards the furniture behind her. "But we can make it work. It won't be forever." She took his hands in hers noticing the stains from the pen here and there bring smile on her lips.

"What?" he asked noticing the smile as she watched his hands.

"How do you manage to always stain your hands with the pen?"

~o~o~o~

18.00

Dr. Perkins' office

To say that Hotch was scared would be an understatement, usually he's dealing with appointments like this head on, usually avoiding giving any real answer to the questions, of course on all other appointments he wasn't paying nearly $100 per hour and he wasn't there voluntary. He knew something wasn't right with him and he knew it was affecting his day to day life.

"Agent Hotchner." A tall lean man appeared on the door and Aaron stoop up with difficulty, his knee bothering a little more today than normally.

"Doctor." The two of the shake hands and Aaron followed the doctor inside the office, his eyes scanned the room, a black oak desk was sitting on the far left side of the room, on the opposite side near the door he noticed a black leather couch quite similar to the one he had in his old apartment with a small black oak coffee table and matching chairs. Various degrees and honors were hanging from the walls. For all the dark colors the room itself was really bright.

"Please take a seat agent." The doctor said showing the couch, Aaron walked slowly and sat on the couch hesitantly, "Everything alright agent?"

"Yeah, I might need some help to get up though." He mentioned his knee and settled the cane next to him. Dr. Perkins took the chair in front of him and leaned forward, close enough to be considered friendly but still far away as to not overwhelm his patient.

"I know that Dr. Altman gave you my number, and I took the liberty of asking for you medical file, but I want to hear from you what brought you here?" Aaron noticed the look on the doctor's face, it was sincere, something that puzzled him further than anything. Even more than the words that came out of his mouth next.

"I think I'm…I have some… thoughts lately which I haven't had since I was seventeen." The doctor stayed silent waiting for Hotch to keep talking "I tried to kill myself when I was seventeen and lately I thought about it again and it scared me. It scared me because I don't want to die, but I think it might be the only way to keep my family safe… from me." Hotch closed his eyes and lowered his head, all the images of his childhood flashing in front of his eyes and the fear that old fear gripping his heart of becoming his father.

"Have you tried anything?" the question startled him and he looked up to see the doctor looking back at him with a look of concern on his face.

"No, I thought about it, a few times." The doctor nodded.

"Okay, here's what we'll do. It's obviously a good thing that you seek help, it means that you realized that there is a problem and that's always the first step. We need to find out what caused it, I want you to think back to the first time, how old were you?"

"Fourteen." Hotch whispered.

"You were 14 the first time you thought about killing yourself?" Hotch nodded but couldn't utter a word. "What happened to make the 14 year old you think about suicide?" Perkins saw the whole posture of his patient changing, he became stiff and the grip he had on the couch got stronger. "I don't wanna talk about it." He muttered under his breath, Perkins took a note knowing that he probably struck some of the roots of the problem.

"Alright we'll come back to that. What happened now and you started thinking about suicide again?" Perkins gladly noticed that his patient's shoulders slacked and the grip on the couch softened.

"I got arrested." Hotch took some breaths trying to calm down his breathing. "The DOJ and the CTU of the FBI thought I was a home grown terrorist and they arrested me at home… in front of my son." Hotch willed the tears filling his eyes to stop, he felt as if he was a mess, everything around him spinning, talking about it didn't feel like that when he was talking to Emily. What was so different now.

"Probably because she is your wife." Hotch looked up startled, he didn't realize he said the last part out loud. "It's supposed to feel different. Talking to your wife, is supposed to feel comforting, it's supposed to cover the wounds talking to me it's supposed to uncover the wounds, you're here to open all wounds and make sure they're healed correctly, it's supposed to hurt before the comfort comes." Perkins looked into the tortured eyes.

"Our hour is almost up and usually I don't jump into hard things in the first appointment, you are married correct?" Hotch nodded at the doctor's question.

"How long?"

"It's been a seven years and nine months." The doctor noticed the small smile fighting to appear on the agent's face.

"And how long are the two of you together?"

"Well on and off eight years." The doctor couldn't but notice how the small smile fell from his face.

"Was it an easy marriage?"

"Oh god no! We fought a lot. Broke up and got back together again and again."

"But you never thought of divorce." a sad look appeared over Hotch's face "Well she probably should. We did. Almost… had the papers ready but we never went through with it. I couldn't."

"Apparently neither did she." The response from the doctor shocked Hotch who raised his head and looked at the man in front of him with the unsaid question apparent on his face. "You are still together, she didn't send you another batch of the divorce papers, she didn't file, and she gave it another go and its working. What I want you to take away from today's appointment is this: She's your rock apparently, use her, talk things over with her and if that's going to make you feel better she can be here with you as well." The two men stayed in silence for a while before the doctor got up and gave his hand to Hotch to help him up from the couch.

"I'll expect your call to set another appointment whenever you feel ready." Perkins said leading Hotch to the door.

"I will."

~o~o~o~

19.00

Hotch walked outside the building relieved to see Emily waiting for him there leaning against a wall with a big smile on her lips.

"Hey." She said when he was close enough, "Hey" his voice was barely audible but Emily didn't comment on it, she wrapped her arm around his waist and he wrapped his around her shoulder leaning softly towards her.

"Let's go home. Dave wants to talk to us, all of us." She said and Aaron could barely withhold his groan.

~o~o~o~

20.00

Dave's Mansion

Everyone was sitting on the dining room apart from the kids that were already upstairs in their rooms.

"I wanted to talk to you all about what's going on in this house. I knew from the beginning that living all together wouldn't be easy, that it would be challenging, but I also knew that we are a family and we would work everything out in the end. I know a lot of things are changing and we haven't dealt with them the right way, but this ends now. We've got a mountain in front of us and if we're not together then we're never going to overcome it. Deal?" Dave looked around at the faces of his family.

"Deal." The answered together.

~Communication makes a team strong~

A/N: Sorry for the delay but all the news about Thomas Gibson got me down and couldn't write anything. This chapter isn't exactly what I wanted but it's the best I could do. I hope I'll be able to update soon but sadly I can't promise anything. Please review and let me know whether you like the chapter or not. Or for ideas as well, I don't mind.

Love you all, till next time,

Bye!