Merlin isn't mine. It belongs to BBC.
Hope you like it!
Chapter 3: Shattered
She could not sleep. Not after…
He's magic.
She closed her eyes, welcoming the darkness. She wanted it to take her away, to take all her thoughts away, to leave her with nothing to reflect on.
It was better that way.
He's magic.
She wished the voices would stop. She begged them to.
She wished sleep would come. She yearned for its promise of peaceful thoughts.
She wished daylight would appear. She hated how the night left her with so much time to think.
He's magic.
No matter how many times those words echoed in her head, she still could not believe it. She did not want to.
She opened her eyes. Darkness only pushed her away.
She embraced her thoughts. They would help her believe.
She sat up. Sleep refused to end her torment.
She would wait.
Cold air brushed against her pale skin. She would freeze. But she chose not to move; it would only hurt her.
The shadows gripped her tightly and she stared into the dark.
She heard only the words that plagued her thoughts.
The words that would take away her sanity.
He's magic.
Morgana looked into his sapphire eyes and saw honesty. She knew that he would be the one person she could trust. He would be as honest to her as she would him.
But she knew he would never understand.
He would never know how it felt like to be magic. To always be at risk of death. To spend nights in fear. To stare at the door, knowing that at any moment, guards could come bursting in and take you away. To never be able to trust anyone but yourself.
If she were discovered…
No one could save her. For a brief moment, her thoughts wandered to Merlin and she wished he would, then scolded herself for trying to make him her knight-in-shining armor. She thought she was expecting too much of him.
She had felt so alone, trapped and isolated within the four walls of her room.
But the whole time…
He knew how she felt. He knew how scared she was. He knew how badly she wanted to cling onto him for support.
And he did nothing.
She had found an ally in Morgause. She found someone who would understand.
She thought…. She thought that there was no other way.
You must never reveal your secret. Not to anyone.
The voice belonged to Gaius.
You speak of the witch, the Lady Morgana.
The voice was different now. It was like nothing she had ever heard before. It was ancient. Like it had lived for thousands of years.
She cannot be trusted.
He was talking about her.
It would be better if the witch never knew the true extent of her powers.
P-Powers?
It is her destiny to kill. To destroy. Her hands are stained with the blood with innocents; she is too blinded by her emotions.
Destiny.
The good in her is lost forever. Do not bother searching for it; you will only be disappointed.
She is the darkness to your light; the hatred to your love.
Darkness. Hatred.
I thought - because she has magic - I thought we were the same.
The voice changed again. This time… This time it belonged to Merlin. Morgana's chest tightened when she heard his voice. It was an unbearable blow, yet another painful reminder of the secret he had kept hidden.
I could never be like that.
He was talking about her. She knew that.
What I feel for her is sad. She's become so bitter, so full of hate.
And still you did nothing! She thought fiercely. Anger raced through her emotions. You left me there, defenseless and afraid! The anger in her weakened and her heart softened. I was dying… Merlin, I was dying inside… Why didn't you save me?
She wanted to cry, but no tears came.
This only made her feel worse.
It is true. I am monster. A cold, heartless monster. And I will never love or feel again.
Then suddenly, something warm brushed against her skin.
The touch was soft, calming, but it felt like a sudden jolt of electricity, bringing her back to reality.
It slammed her all at once; loud voices screamed simultaneously in her head:
He lied to you!
He doesn't trust you!
You mean nothing to him!
Something in Morgana snapped. It was already too much for her to bear.
Her defenses crumbled. The feelings came crashing in, attacking her from every angle.
"Stop!" She shouted out loud. "Stop! Please, just stop!"
Tears came cascading down, but she did not try to stop them. She was tired of fighting back. She had surrendered completely.
"Leave me alone! Please!" She pleaded. "Stop!"
But they did not stop. The voices screeched even louder.
You speak of the witch, the Lady Morgana.
She cannot be trusted.
Darkness. Hatred.
Kill! Destroy!
Lost forever…
"Shut up!" She screamed, covering her ears as the tears fell harder. "That's not me! That's not me! Shut up!"
She heard glass break. Tiny pieces pierced her skin. She ignored them.
"Shut up!"
The voices changed. They were now his.
Are you happy now?
To love?
You killed all the people who've ever loved you!
"Shut up!" She shrieked. "Stop! Stop!"
Witch!
Witch!
Witch!
"Leave me alone!"
They stopped.
There was silence.
She breathed heavily and looked around, face stained with her tears.
The floor was filled with remains of shattered glass. Broken.
She was alone again.
She wept in silence.
I hope you liked it.
That was incredibly difficult to write.
I'll try to update soon!