Chapter 3 - Betrayal

The harsh sun on my face woke me up in the morning, I opened my eyes and found myself alone. I instantly stood up and looked around. Then I found her kneeling by the stream splashing water on her face and her hair. I knelt down beside her and washed my face too. "Hows your cut?" I asked.

"Nothing a little time won't heal" She answered. "We better get going, Jack wants to head back to the camp." She stood up and started to walk away. I quickly grabbed her hand to stop her.

"Listen, about last night" I started, I wanted to thank her, for saving my life. I wanted to tell her, how scared I was, how I want her to be okay, how I felt.

"It's ok." She said, cutting me off, abruptly. She took two steps away, and turned back. This time her expression looked gentle, apologetic, she opened her mouth to say something, but decided not to, and walked away.

The journey back felt short. Ash made no evidence that she was hurt, she carried on like before. Everything about this woman drew me in even more. How did she get this tough, how does she know the things she know. Why does she seem so detached. Why did she look scared when she thought I was hurt? Most importantly, who hurt her? When we made it back to camp, everyone greeted us. Jack told them about the two men that we lost, everyone decided to have a little ceremony for them. Of course during which, Ash didn't attend. Afterwards, I found her sitting by the shore watching the horizon. Something I noticed that she does more often than not. "Hey hero" I sat myself down next to her.

She let out a deep sigh before answering "No such thing here" she gave a little smile.

"Listen about yesterday" I tried again.

"Watch" she interrupted, extending her arm out. I followed my sight to what she's pointing at. The sun was about to set, it looked beautiful. "Somethings just are, they don't need to be said." We sat there watching the sun set. As darkness took over, she stood up. "Good night Spencer" and with that I watched her walk back to her tent. I sat there first confused, then anger took over. How could she not even give me a chance to thank her? Before I knew it I had stormed over to her tent and entered it. She was in the middle of changing the dressing on her wound. She was wearing nothing but her bra and underwear. I couldn't help but stare.

"Spencer?" She looked at me, a mix of amusement and wonder.

"Who the hell do you think you are Ashley?" All of a sudden I remembered what came for. "You go around thinking you are better than everyone, that no one deserves your attention. I was just trying to..." Before I could finish, I felt her lips on mine.

Her lips tasted sweet and salty at the same time. I could feel her hands around my cheeks, her thumbs drawing small circles. I lost control of my self. I wrapped my arms around her neck and deepened into her kiss. Nothing has ever felt so right. All of a sudden, my life, my warrant, the plane crashing, everything that happened seemed to lead up to this moment. This is where I'm meant to be. Just as quickly as she was there, she was gone. She pulled away so suddenly, my lips instantly missed hers. "I'm sorry" Was all she said.

In that moment she looked vulnerable, and all I want to do was make it okay for her. I walked over and gave her a small smile. I took her hand in both of mine and held it to my chest. "It's okay Ash" I leaned in and tried to show her how okay it was. She pulled away again before I could.

"No it's not Spencer, you need to leave now." Was all she said, as she dropped her head in shame.

"Ash, I want this. I want...you." I was surprised at myself. Even more so, I was surprised at her reaction. Her head snapped back up at me, and her anger burned through me. I took a step back.

"Go, now" She breathed, in a low voice. I was so shocked I didn't know what else to do but leave. As I exited, I took one look back. She slumped down in her cot, and dropped her head into her hands. I've never been more confused.

As I laid in my tent that night, I was unable to sleep. Thoughts of her, me, us ran through my head. I couldn't believe that I could ever feel this way about anyone. Especially about someone who I know so little about. I thought about her cold eyes, except for when they're on me. All I want to do is know more about her, and feel her lips on mine again. I wanted to take care of her, to let her know that I won't hurt her. All of a sudden, getting off of this island is no longer the priority.

The next few weeks passed uneventfully. Ash went on a few expeditions with Jack's group. I stopped going for a couple of reason. One being, getting off the island no longer occupied my mind. Two, I didn't know how to act around her. However, that didn't stop me from watching her whenever she's around. I started to notice Shannon hanging out around her a lot, and this bothered me. Shannon was definitely flirting with Ash, but she showed no sign of interest which I took comfort in. Once in a while I would catch Ash looking at me, but as soon as I gave her a smile she would look away.

One morning I woke up extra early, I decided to go for a swim in the ocean. As I exited my tent, I saw Shannon coming out of Ash's. She gave me a sly smile as she hurried off to her own. Anger instantly surged through me, before thinking I stormed into Ash's tent. "What the hell was that" I demanded. She laid in her cot with her bare torso exposed, the sleeping bag covered the rest. She showed no sign of embarrassment, I flushed as I turned around. "Can you put on some clothes please?" I waited while I hear her shuffle behind me.

"You can turn around now." I turned around and found her fully dressed and standing. "What is it that you came here for Spencer?"

I can't believe her question. "Are you kidding me Ash? What exactly were you doing with Shannon? You don't tell her that she needs to go?" I lost all control of my anger, I can't believe I was acting this way. This isn't me, I don't even recognize myself. "You kissed me, and then you tell me to go. Then I find you fucking that bimbo? Honestly Ash, I don't understand you."

"She doesn't mean anything to me." She replied lamely.

"Oh ok I feel better now" I huffed sarcastically.

"Spencer," she started, but I couldn't bear hearing her telling me to go again. I had to cut her off.

"I don't understand Ash!" I yelled. "I know you feel something for me, just like I feel something for you!"

"Exactly!" She screamed, she caught me off guard, I've never seen her lose her cool before. I looked at her questioningly. She dropped her head and rubbed the back of her neck. "I care about you Spence." I couldn't help but smile at her confession, and her use of my nickname. "I've cared about you since we've crashed here" she gestured at the beach. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, it made my heart flutter, something I didn't even know it could do. "I don't know what it is about you Spence, but you make me feel something I haven't felt in a long time, something I have no business feeling."

I couldn't hold it in anymore, I rushed up to her and cupped her face with my hands. "Me too Ash, I feel the same way" I leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled away from me again.

"It can't happen Spencer!"

"Why not? It happened with Shannon. Are you telling me you want to be with her more?" I accused, I felt rejected, insecure, and vulnerable. I remembered why I don't get close to people in the first place. Finally, defense mechanisms I've build up all these years kicked in. Emotions drained from my face. "Okay Ash, have it your way." With that I walked out of her tent.