Hello all! And for the next chapter of Hurt!

I owns me nothing, just the random little idea I have here.

Hurt

Chapter 3: Hamato Donatello

I'm known as the genius, the smart-aleck, the 'Fix-It', the whiz, any name and every name that my brothers and our friends could call me that describes intelligence, I've probably been named it.

But I am no god. I'm not even a doctor.

I'm just a teenager.

I had this nightmare once, not too long ago, in fact. In the nightmare, I was running away in a dark forest, and I could hear footsteps behind me. They sounded close, but not so close I could defend myself.

I don't know why, but in that nightmare, I was too scared to look back! It was like.. I knew who was coming after me. I could feel a presence I could easily recognize in my sleep and maybe that was why I never looked back, who knows.

When I awoke, I shot straight up out of bed and looked around. I could remember my heart was beating so hard and so loud I was shocked I couldn't feel it falling into my hands. It felt like I was losing a part of myself and, while I am not one to leave things unexplained, I could not explain this for the life of me.

Every night afterward, for almost three weeks, I'd have the same nightmare, and I'd be too scared to look to find out why. One night, however, my nightmare changed. It answered a question I sometimes wondered if I wanted answered.

Instead of running endlessly, in this case... I looked back. I had to know who I was running away from and why it felt so familiar.

And right there, covered in blood from head to toe, holding what I thought was a large, gleaming scalpel... was ME. Below was my baby brother, his head sliced clean off. His eyes were wide open, baby blue forever staring at me, asking me why did I do this to him, why would I kill him?!

And that nightmarish version of myself just stood there laughing, cutting pieces of my baby brother... leaving him to rot in a pool of his own blood...

I couldn't take it.

I woke up screaming, and the next few things I did, I will admit, I cannot recall. All I know is that in the whole process of that screaming I somehow wound up in the room where my second oldest brother Raphael was staying after he got hurt in a fight.

I do not know what possessed me to go crying to him like that. Maybe because he fights his own inner demons so much, I thought he could fight mine for me.

Now I know that was impossible. But nothing that was coming out of my head made sense to me at the time.

For a long time, all I heard were my owns screams and cries as I tried to shake off this nightmare I had. When I could finally begin to process things and voices around me, I shocked myself even more.

The person who I thought was Raphael... was actually Michelangelo, my little brother... in his bedroom. Raphael's room was next to his and I think it was still empty. To this day, I still have no explanation as to why I ran there. My only hypothesis was that it was more of an emotional rush than anything, like with Raph.

I had to make sure he was alright.

"Donnie?! Hey, are you okay? What happened?" he asked me, a question a minute. I don't say anything... audible, at least. To me, I sound like a sobbing wreck of a turtle.

"Donnie... what happened, bro... what's wrong?" he tries again. I realize that I'm holding onto him for dear life and I shake my head. He's trying to calm me down, and his touch on my head makes me shiver.

I can't be near him... I don't want to think about what I am capable of doing!

I hurt you, Mikey! I hurt you and I have all that evil in me and I'm scared outta my shell!

Once I slow down crying, I notice the room is quiet. I look up at my brother and he's looking down at me, baffled.

Wait. Did I just say that all aloud?

"Evil? Hurting me? Donnie, I know you." he said quietly. He's a little afraid, I know he is, but he's smiling a little too... why?

"Donnie, you fix more than you can ever hurt. You're not a doctor- trust me, you've said that for years- but... we see you as one. You're the only one out of all of us who can heal us when we fall and hurt ourselves. You're the only one who wants to learn about what makes us, us. Don't be afraid to face your fears. You're scared you'll kill us by mistake... by trying to do what you've done for so long... right?"

I just stare at this creature- my 15 year old brother, who can barely pronounce 100 words in a human dictionary and who reads nothing but comics and plays nothing but games... he just said... that?

"Wha... h-how did you... know?" I finally stutter. Mikey chuckled and leans back, allowing my frame to rest against him more.

"Honestly... I don't know. I just... felt it, you know? I know you've been having these for a long time now. You look beat up even before Master Splinter begins training in the morning, and we've all caught you nodding off a few times the past few weeks." he explained, grinning at my blushing face- I feel all that heat rising in my cheeks.

"And... at night... I hear you crying in your sleep. I just didn't want to tell the others why you've been so scared to go to your room or your lab anymore. I wanted you to face them before we faced them for you."

He takes my hand in his and stares at it for a while. My hands are the least calloused of all my brother since all I do is wield a bo staff, but there are some evidence of my battles.

"You're not a doctor, Donnie. We know that. We know you can't always save us, and when and if that time comes... we don't blame you. We know you're always doing your best to keep us going, even when we drive you insane trying to hide."

Mikey holds my hand tight and looks at me. "You're NOT evil, you're afraid. Your hands could never harm anything- you're sensitive to everything around you. Leo told me that once. Heck, you barely fight to the death! You can't kill anyone on purpose, Don."

He pushed both our hands against my plastron. "You can't because this is too kind and too caring to let you. But you're afraid you'll do something to hurt me and... I won't make it. Right?"

His innocent eyes force me to crack; I can't look into his eyes and not be reminded of that nightmare... so I focus on the beat of my heart instead. "Y-Yeah... that's right..." I whisper. He nods once and his other hand is soon rubbing circles on my shell. I fight the urge to just relax and go back to sleep...

"Don't be. We trust you. Me, Leo, Raphie, Dad... we all trust you. And we KNOW you. We know you'll always do what you can to save us, and that's all we ever need or want of you. Okay?" he whispers right back. I nod yes and just lay my head on his shoulder. I feel exhausted. Under both our hands, I feel a steady thumping sound and I smile to myself.

I can't let him lose his heartbeat. I can't let any of them lose that. Not until its time...

"Don't be afraid of your skills, Donnie. You're a awesome Mr. Fix-It." I lightly chuckle at that.

"Love ya, big brother." I smile and finally allow myself to drift off back to sleep.

"... love you too, little brother."

This time, my nightmarish version doesn't scare me. Its not really a nightmare. After what Mikey said, I look closely and realize it IS my fear that materialized; how, I'll never know.

But I guess it's my fear, something I know will forever haunt and hurt me if it came to pass, no matter how much time has gone by.

I fear I will not be able to save my brothers one day, and that I will lose them and never know why. I fear that, even with all the education, knowledge, and experience I will gain over the years, it will end up just like that future I was forced to see- my brothers will die and I wasn't able to stop it. I fear that I will lose myself trying to figure out where I went wrong trying to save them.

I stare at myself. He stares at me.

I allow myself to accept it. All of it, even the parts that hurt so bad I was to curl up and cry.

MY fear is what really hurts me the most right now.

I am just a teenager. A weak, caring, intelligent turtle. I shouldn't even be here!

I'm no god. And I'm certainly no doctor.

But... I know I'll do what I have to to keep my brothers and my father safe. Even if I am afraid, I have to... for all of us.

And done! Tricky chapter this is, but it came out alright.

Next is the trickster Michelangelo.

Please leave any thoughts on this chapter as well as how to best improve it, advice, etc.

Until next chapter!