[A/N: Now, before anyone goes all.. Hey! Self-inserts are BS! ..I just want to remind you that this is a parody of DBZ fics and DBZ in general. ;) ]
---
"Gohan!" an abrasive female voice called from down the hallway.
Gohan sighed mournfully and pulled the covers off from over his head. Soft violin music floated in the air of his room, accentuating his solemn mood. He proceeded to stare at the ceiling for a few moments, thinking deeply, before shifting his gaze over to his door when the knob began to turn. The door opened to reveal his mother standing there, looking rather aggravated.
"Gohan!" she snapped, putting a hand on her hip and tapping her foot on the ground. "What are you doing in here with the lights off?"
"I was just…" Gohan began with another mournful sigh. "…Contemplating what life could have been like if only we had tried harder… Been… stronger." He clenched his fist and ground his teeth in a very forlorn manner, the lamentable violin music bitterly reflecting the boy's lifetime of regrets in a most poetic manner.
"Gohan— Ugh, will you turn that crap off?" she grumbled, and crossed the room to a CD player that was sitting on Gohan's desk to turn off the lamentable music. "Gohan, no one cares about your pathetic whining about alternate timelines," she said. "If you want to change things, then maybe you should figure out a way of traveling back into the past and warn everyone about Alef and his followers instead of sitting here and whimpering like a crybaby and listening to that doleful music every time the sun goes down," Chi-chi said, rolling her eyes at her constantly crestfallen son.
"That's it! You're a genius, Mom!" the boy exclaimed, sitting up in his bed and sweeping back a lock of raven hair from his face. The lock of hair fell back into his face, partially obscuring one eye.
"Not really, I'm just more motivated than you. Now get out of bed, Chris Carrabba," his mother replied, shaking her head and shutting the door behind her as she left.
Gohan ignored his mother's lack of faith in him and scrambled over to his desk and began opening drawers with purposeful haste. After a few minutes of searching for a pen and being unable to find one, he sighed for a third time and collapsed into his chair, hanging his head and allowing quite a few strands of hair to fall into his face.
"Why does this always happen to me? Why can't I ever find a pen when I need one? Why is my life so like a dead, blackened sunflower—once beautiful, but now reduced to nothing more than brittle petals waiting to be stepped on by passersby? Why— Ow!"
Gohan bit his lip when a pen hit him on the forehead. Rubbing a throbbing red lump where the pen had hit him, the emotional teenager bent over to retrieve the pen and inspected it. He looked up to see his mother once again standing in the doorway.
"There's your pen, now quit feeling sorry for yourself!" she snarled and stormed away.
"Oh thank you, Mother!" Gohan cried, kissing the pen as though it were a long lost treasure. "I shall use this pen to devise a way of traveling back to the past and preventing this dark and desolate future in which I reside! I will warn the others about Alef and his followers and their incredible power! I will write a song about my pathetic existence and its lack of pen-finding skills! I will… I will…" He paused and scratched his head. "I need a Mountain Dew first," he concluded.
Meanwhile…
"Wh-wh-who are they, Goku?" Krillin stammered from his usual hiding position, which was cowering behind Goku and clutching desperately at his pants.
"Let go of my pants already!" Goku snapped, waving his hand to shoo away the pathetic bald man. Krillin flinched and backed away obediently, his fists opening and closing neurotically in withdrawal as they now had nothing to hold onto.
"Oy," Goku groaned. He rubbed his temples and shook his head and thought, Why me?
"Dad, look!" said young Gohan as he peered into the two stranger's faces. "They're waking up!"
The first girl opened her green eyes and blinked up into the gathering of unfamiliar faces. She promptly screamed, causing the second girl to leap to life, her blue eyes as wide as those of her green-eyed companion. The second girl, upon seeing surroundings alien to her, also promptly screamed. Krillin, who was jumpy and neurotic to begin with, covered his head in fear and screamed along. Together, the three of them screamed and screamed, causing Goku and Vegeta and the others to clap their hands over their ears and scream along in agony. Someone from outside screamed just for good measure, although no one had any idea who it was that was screaming from outside and this mysterious scream was lost in the pandemonium of screams of those who had began screaming first and was promptly forgotten.
"Rachel!" the blue-eyed girl cried, scrambling away from the strangers and over to the green-eyed girl.
"Christine!" the green-eyed girl cried in response, throwing her arms around her blue-eyed companion and shivering in fear.
"Goku!" Krillin cried, and leapt off the ground and into Goku's arms.
"Krillin!" Goku reprimanded, and promptly dropped Krillin onto the floor where he landed on his bottom with a simultaneous thud and crunch.
"Kakarot!" Vegeta thundered over the noise, his hands still over his ears. "Why are we all screaming?!"
"Whaaaat?!" Goku responded, wincing from all the screaming.
Finally, after several minutes of ceaseless, deafening screaming, everyone ran out of breath and sat there panting instead. Christine, the blue-eyed girl, opened her mouth to begin screaming again, causing Goku and Vegeta to exchange a look of exhausted exasperation and warily move their hands towards their ears for round two, but suddenly snapped her mouth closed instead and blinked inquisitively at Rachel, the green-eyed one.
"Rachel, your hair!" she gasped, pointing at it. "It's… it's blue!"
"And yours!" Rachel also gasped, pointing at Christine's in return. "It's pink!"
"What the—?!" Christine's eyes widened in horror as she tugged at her locks of hair, which were, indeed, pink. At that, she drew in a breath and began another round of screaming.
"SIIIILENNNCE!" roared Goku, his eyes narrowed to slits as he glared scathingly, in turn, at each of the people in the room, particularly at the two girls who had started all the screaming and had, as a result, given him a throbbing headache similar to the one he had earlier that morning due to a hangover.
And there was silence, save for the whimpering of Krillin.
"Thank you," Goku sighed and went back to rubbing his temples before straightening up and taking charge of the situation once again. Being the main character of a popular anime can be tough, can't it?
"Now," he began once he had everyone's attention. "Provided all our ear drums are still in tact, why don't you two tell us who you are and where you're from, and then we can—"
"Why's my hair pink?! For the love of StarClan, of all colors, why pink?!" Christine ranted, tugging repeatedly at her strands of lovely carnation pink hair, which seemed to mock her just by hanging there limply.
"Dude, shut up, and listen to me," Goku grumbled.
"No! My hair is pink! You have no idea of how embarrassing this is!" Christine shouted back, but, seeing the vein throbbing on Goku's forehead, not to mention his bulging muscles, decided to submit to quiet whimpering about her pink hair.
"Now, I don't know why your hair is pink, but—" Goku started once again, only to be interrupted by his son this time.
"I know why!" said Gohan in his well-educated tone of voice, "Your hair is pink and hers is blue because we're all anime characters. All anime characters have abnormal hair, and for girls, the most common colors are pink and blue, got it?"
Goku fumed while realization finally dawned on Christine and Rachel's faces.
"Ohhh," breathed Christine with temporary calm. "But why did I get pink?!" she suddenly exploded.
"That," said Gohan, "Is entirely random."
"Okay, seriously, everyone, SHUT THE HELL UP! I'M THE BLOODY MAIN CHARACTER, SO I GET TO DO ALL THE TALKING! SHUT… UP!"
And there was, yet again, silence.
"Now," he began for a third time, his voice laden with frustration, "Please, forget about your hair, and answer my questions."
"What questions?" Rachel inquired, who, by the way, was looking quite pleased by the color her hair had become.
"The…" Goku sighed and was about two seconds from giving up. These two girls, whoever they were, didn't appear to be particularly bright. He was trying to be as patient as he could. "Who are you and where are you from?"
"Oh," said Rachel. "Well, I'm Rachel and this is Christine. We're both perfectly normal teenage girls from the United States. We have no idea how we got here."
"That's right," Christine continued in Rachel's place, still grimacing about her pink hair. "Rachel and I were just sitting around in my room when there was a huge rumble of thunder and our house shook and all the lights went out and…! Well, I don't know after that!"
"Really?" asked Goku, who had trouble believing their little story. Both Christine and Rachel nodded. "That explains nothing, but I suppose it'll have to do. I'm Goku, and this is—"
"GOKU?!" both girls exclaimed in unison. Goku flinched at their sudden outburst. Krillin used his distraction as an opportunity to resume holding onto his pants like a wet-diapered infant. "Like, the Goku?! From Dragonball Z?!"
"I've been standing here the whole time, haven't I? LET GO OF MY PANTS!" Goku snapped, and Krillin mournfully stepped away again.
"Amazing!" both girls chirped and leapt up off the floor to touch, prod, and oogle at the various Z Fighters after they finally realized that a simple thunderstorm had inexplicably transported them across time and dimensions to the Dragonball Z universe.
"You know," said Vegeta, who had, until now, remained silent and observant, "I don't know what's more amazing: The fact that you know who we are and the fact that we are all completely okay with this; or the fact that this all sounds horribly familiar…"
"Just go with being completely okay with this, Vegeta, otherwise… we'll go insane," Goku suggested.
"Good call, Kakarot," agreed Vegeta with a nod. "Good call."