Thank you to all the lovely people who have left such wonderful reviews so far. I'm glad you're liking it. I hope you enjoy this next chapter.
Another week had passed by and Alayna was still no closer to remembering anything about her past. She had no clue what her real name was, no idea if she had any family out there, hell she couldn't even remember if she liked coffee or tea. Maybe she didn't like either of them? Maybe she was a hot chocolate kind of girl? Who knew? She sure as hell didn't.
Negan had been visiting her every day in between his usual duties of running the sanctuary. As usual he walked on in to the infirmary where he found her asleep for a change. He thought about leaving, but over the last week his little obsession with Alayna had only grown stronger and he found himself compelled to just sit in the arm chair and watch her while she slept. Of course he knew it was creepy as fuck, but he just couldn't help himself.
He stared at her silently as she began to whimper in her sleep and the sound almost broke his heart. He stood up and approached her bedside to wake her when she suddenly let out a loud scream and sat bolt upright.
"Woah Darlin'" he soothed. "It's okay… you're safe" Negan reassured her.
"I… I had the worst nightmare" she whispered between pants as she tried to catch her breath.
"You wanna talk about it?" he asked.
"You'll think I'm crazy"
"I doubt that honey… trust me. I know a bit about crazy" he smiled sweetly.
"I dreamt that an awful virus swept over the world. A lot of people died, but they didn't stay dead…" she whispered, the terror clear in her trembling voice. "It felt so real… stupid huh?" she said with a small laugh, trying to pretend like it didn't have her so shaken.
"It's not stupid Darlin'" Negan assured her. He wanted to tell her the truth, but the last thing he wanted was to freak her out completely. "Have you remembered anything new?" he asked.
"No… nothing" she sighed sadly.
That you know of… Negan thought to himself.
"When can I get out of here? Doc says I'm healing up pretty well. I really want to get out of this room. I'm tired of being stuck inside, I want to feel the sun on my skin" she told him.
"You actually remember what that feels like?" Negan asked.
"I… I don't know" she replied a little confused. "I guess I kind of do. I remember things, words, objects, feelings but I don't remember anything about myself or my life" she said sadly. "Do you believe in karma Negan?"
"Karma? Fuck no. If I believed in Karma I should be dead" he chuckled and she looked at him confused. "I make no secret about the fact that I am not a good man" Negan told her. "I've been a right asshole in my life".
"There are plenty of words I would use to describe you Negan, but I'm not sure asshole is one of them" she smiled sweetly.
"Maybe if you knew all of me you would think differently".
"So tell me"
"In time Darlin'… In time. We should focus on you for now" he told her.
"What's the point, it's never going to come back, I don't remember anything" she said, a look of defeat washing over her face and Negan couldn't help but feel bad for her.
"That's not necessarily true…" Negan said softly, taking a leap that he wasn't sure was going to pay off the way he hoped, but he had to try.
"What do you mean?"
"Your dream… Alayna…" he sighed. "It wasn't a dream, it was a memory" he told her, a very serious look plastered on his face.
"Yeah right! You're fucking with me again" she laughed, over the past week she had gotten a pretty good insight to Negans twisted and somewhat dirty sense of humour. It's something she really liked about him, she guessed she must have been a bit the same. But when Negan didn't even crack a smile her expression suddenly changed.
"Wait… you're serious?" she asked worriedly.
"Serious as a fucking heart attack Darlin'"
"But… how? Why? I… I don't understand Negan" she replied, confusion written all over her pretty face.
"It's hard to explain Darlin' and I know it's gonna be a lot to take in. How about you and I take a little walk and you can see for yourself what has become of this fucked up world"
"Umm Okay" she said as she scooted to the edge of the bed and stepped down. Negan offered up his arm like a gentleman and Alayna willingly took it. As they left the infirmary she saw the doctor give Negan a strange warning kind of look but Negan just shook his head at the man and grabbed up a rather brutal looking barbed wire covered baseball bat that had been leaning against the wall outside her door. "What's with the bat?"
"Her names Lucille, and you'll see why soon enough Darlin'" he told her as he took her through winding corridors and down some stairs until they reached a door that said exit. "Are you ready for this?"
"I'm still trying to figure out if this is some kind of joke, like you're trying to see how long you can get me to fall for it" she laughed.
"I wouldn't be so cruel to you sweetheart" Negan smiled softly as he turned the handle on the door and gave her one last look and she nodded for him to open it.
Suddenly she was partially blinded by the harsh light of the sun as she stepped out onto a balcony with Negan. As she waited for her eyes to adjust a putrid smell assaulted her nostrils and she had to fight back the urge to throw up. "What the fuck is that smell?" she asked, horrified.
"The dead" Negan told her simply.
As her eyes adjusted to the light she scanned the area. There were large fences and a huge gate with a lot of men with rifles standing guard. Everywhere she looked people were armed. And then she saw them… just like in her dream, dead, rotting people outside the fence. Some were impaled on spikes and still growling and trying to move.
"Shit… you weren't fucking kidding" she said, shock plastered on her face as she tried to wrap her head around it.
"Sorry Darlin'… I was telling the fucking truth" he said sadly. "I wish to fuck I was lying".
"But… if this is the world… how will I ever know who I am? Is there anyone even looking for me? Or are they all dead?" she asked tears welling up in her eyes. She tore her arm from Negan's and wrenched the door back open, running into the corridor trying to catch her breath as overwhelming fear and panic overtook her whole body.
Negan followed quickly behind and pulled her into his arms. "It's ok Alayna… I'm sorry Darlin', I wanted to break it to you nicer, but honestly there is no fucking nice way to tell someone the world went to hell and they don't remember it" he whispered as she sobbed into his chest.
Alayna felt more helpless than ever as she clutched Negan tightly, her tears trailing down his leather jacket. "This is so fucked up" she sobbed.
"I know Darlin'" he soothed.
"I… I can't breathe… I can't think" she cried as violent sobs wracked her body.
"Relax Alayna, I got you. You're safe with me" Negan tried to reassure her as he ran a hand through her hair.
She tried hard to take deep breaths, but before she knew what was going on darkness overtook her and she passed out in Negan's arms. "Fuck" Negan cursed. "Not exactly how I wanted this to fucking go" he sighed. Picking her up in his arms he carried her towards his room. He could have taken her back to the infirmary, but his room was closer. There he could just radio for the doc to come and check her over.
He lay her carefully on his large bed and asked one of his men to send the doctor up. A few minutes later he arrived, and Negan explained to him what had happened. He checked her pulse and her breathing and everything was fine.
"I suspect it was just the shock and maybe some exhaustion. Her body has been fighting pretty hard to heal itself and her mind has probably been doing the same trying to remember her past. She will come back around soon enough" the doctor reassured him before he turned to leave.
"Fuck…. Fucking mother fucker!" Negan growled as he slumped down in the armchair in the corner. He knew that revealing the truth to her would be hard to take but he didn't expect it to be this difficult on her. All he knew was that he couldn't stand keeping it from her any more. She had a right to know. And the longer he kept that secret the more he risked her hating him for it in the end. As he leaned back with his head in his hand and Lucille at his side he watched her as she slept.
God damn it woman… what the fuck are you doing to me? Why do I care so much? And why do you have to be so god damned beautiful!? He thought to himself. Jesus Christ… the things I would do to you he imagined as his eyes roamed over her sleeping form like some kind of pervert. Of course he would never take advantage of a woman, especially not one in her state. But god damn he wanted her so bad. His obsession was growing stronger by the day, the need to be in her presence was overwhelming and it made him feel like a fucking stalker, but he couldn't help himself. So fucking inappropriate he growled in his mind as he looked down at the large bulge beneath his pants. Here she is, passed out and vulnerable and you're thinking about all the dirty things you want to do to her… you sick fuck he scolded himself.
His fingers itched so badly with the desire to touch her pale skin, his lips tingled at the thought of kissing her. Whatever this was he had it fucking bad. Getting up out of the chair he willed himself not to move towards her, instead opting to shut himself in the bathroom away from her. Just seeing her, being in her presence was too much for his senses, he had to remove himself from the temptation. Locking the door behind him he stripped down and turned on the shower.
As the warm water washed over his body he grasped his hard member and began pumping it with long purposeful strokes as he thought about her. He knew it was wrong, and he knew it was perverted but he needed a release. After a few short minutes he came hard with her name a quiet growl passing his lips.
Fucking hell Negan… you god damned pervert he thought as he sighed. He washed himself off, shut off the water and put his clothes back on. With one final look in the mirror he headed for the door, hoping that he could keep his obsession under control once more. Emerging from the bathroom he saw that Alayna was still out to it. As much as he knew the proximity would send his senses into overdrive he wanted to be near her, the need was overwhelming. So quietly he climbed into the bed next to her, leaving plenty of space in between and making sure to keep his hands to himself. Negan lay there on his side, watching the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed slowly in and out until he himself fell asleep.
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