Katnale continues!
Getting up from his warm embrace and soft coos of comfort is hard, but possible. Untangling myself from him, I walk over to the shower and turn the water on, reminding him where we are and why I came in here. Blushing furiously, he gets up and offers me one more hug before walking out. Stunned, I just stand there like a moron for a minute before undressing and stepping into the hot water and letting it wash away all the dirt and pain for the moment. Slowly, simply out of habit, I begin scrubbing myself to rid myself of all the grime on my body. When I finish, the water feels so good, I stay in for a minute more before stepping out onto the cold hard tile, bringing back all the pain and welcoming my depressing thoughts.
Slowly and mechanically, I begin dressing myself in some clothes that are neatly stacked up there. Mentally, I make a note to thank Gale for that. When will I be able to stop thanking and owing people? I decide it's what makes me human and move on to trying to brush my hair and put it up in a manageable braid. Putting all my focus into my hair, I try not to think about the fact that soon this small chore will be over and I will be left alone with my thoughts and memories again. If what it takes to keep my mind above the grief and mourning is as many pointless and mind-numbing tasks, I'll gladly do as many as I can get my hands on.
Stepping out of the warm swashing room is like a punch in the stomach; all the thoughts begin flowing freely again, and it's all I can do to make it to the bed before collapsing into a sobbing, shivering mess. Gale must have heard me, because when he walks in, he's carrying a tray full of food and two cups of coffee; black. Just how I like it. It seems I haven't changed much in the past two years, because Gale has all my favourites piled up in heaps on the tray. But what I notice isn't the food; it's the rope. The rope with a few starting knots. The rope reminds me of Finnick and dimply starts me off again. Finnick, who died fighting the capitol. Eaten by vicious mutts. Finnick who helped get me through the loss of district 12, Peeta, and who helped me through everyday life in district 13.
Crying, I curl up in a ball and just wish the world would fade away. After a while, I am disgusted with myself. If it had been me who had died, Peeta would have told people and made sure something REAL was done in my memory; and here I lie just sniveling like a git. Sitting up, I notice Gale curled up next to me, breathing lightly and evenly. Lightly shoving him, I wake him up.
Sitting up, Gale laughs. "how you doing Katnip?"
Shrugging, I decide not to mention the fact I feel like a train hit me and I just want to lie down and let it take over me. "Fine. Gale, I need you to take me hunting."
Obviously stunned, Gale replies cautiously, "Okay. But I want to check your weapons and I don't want you out of my sight for a moment."
It takes a moment for what he's saying to sink in, but eventually it does. Feigning offense, I gasp indignant. "Gale Hawthorne! How DARE you think I'd even ATTEMPT suicide!"
Leaning into me, so he's only inches from my nose, he whispers, "But you HAVE tried before, so not impossible."
Shoving him away, I can't help but giggle; he doesn't even know how he affects me sometimes! He's always been so much like a brother to me; yet, he's been something more too. I wonder if he ever got married, but it seems too... rude to ask, so I don't. But I make a mental note of it.
We both sit there for a minute or two before getting up and getting our hunting clothes on. We haven't changed much, so the clothes still fit nicely, but it all feels weird; an attempt at normalcy. Cleaning off our weapons, we head for the door. Thinking quickly, I grab a couple sandwiches and some pop and stuff it in a bag while heading out the door for our usual hunting grounds. Heading over there; we're as silent as mice, lost in our own thoughts. But when we get there, we seem to come alive again; talking as we set traps and in between shots.
Finally, I get up the nerve and ask, "Gale, did you ever marry?" and instantly I wish the words back.
Looking up and grinning, Gale asks slyly, "Why? Does someone special want to know?"
Blushing furiously, I stammer, "N-n-no! I was just... curious!"
Smirking, Gale shrugs and smiles, "Well, to be honest; I never did marry because every time I see a girl, all I can think is; she's not you"
Gasping, I look at Gale with what is probably the most comically surprised face anyone could possibly display without intending to look retarded. He just looks up at me calmly, and without words, confirms it. Suddenly, a wave of guilt and sadness overcomes me; I chose Peeta because it would save my life, and now that he isn't here to help me; I don't miss him as much as I should. I don't miss waking up next to him, I don't miss seeing him off at the bakery before going hunting, I don't miss shim as much as I should.
And just as suddenly as the feeling came; it disappeared. Looking deep inside myself, all I saw was recognition. I didn't feel guilty, I didn't feel sad, and I didn't feel the loss as keenly as I should have. I made the choice to stay with him because everyone else believed it was right, but all this time; all I had wanted was the boy who knew me the best. The boy who loved my family as his own and who's family already loved me as their own. The boy who understands.