Chapter Three

Sami walked into her bedroom to find EJ stretched out on her bed, lying on his side with Johnny and Sydney beside him. They were all fast asleep. Sami gave a tender smile at the sight. She walked over to the bed and pulled the sheet up over the three of them, tucking them in. EJ was just wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt and the children were already in their pyjamas. Lucas had arrived earlier in the night to collect Ali. He'd heard what had happened and wanted to spend some time with Ali himself. Sami understood. It was times like these every parent wanted to hold their children a little closer.

EJ had come home from the hospital, quiet and obviously still in deep pain, which Sami had expected. She'd ordered him to her apartment, cooked him dinner and just let EJ be with his children, their childish chatter clearly what EJ needed. He and Sami didn't really talk, their time consumed by the energetic children and when it was time for bedtime, Sami had told EJ she'd clean up and he could read them a bed time story. They were used to Sami reading to them in her bed, so the three of them had gone to her bedroom and by the time Sami had finished cleaning up, it was to find they were all asleep. Sami didn't blame EJ, today had been an emotionally draining day and she was glad he'd managed to find some rest. She turned to leave when a voice came from behind her.

"Samantha."

EJ's quiet calling of her name had Sami turning around. She looked down at EJ who was looking up at her in the low light. "I don't want to leave them," he said in a low voice.

"You don't have to, EJ," she assured him. "You sleep here tonight. I'll sleep on Johnny's bed, it's okay."

"I don't want you to go," EJ implored her quietly. "Stay, Samantha, please."

Sami hesitated for only the briefest second and then she was climbing into bed and snuggling against Sydney as EJ lay with Johnny protectively cocooned against his body. She pulled up the sheets and covered them all.

EJ gave a sad little smile. "Thank you," he said softly.

Sami lay on her side, mirroring EJ's position as they talked quietly over the slumbering children. "How are you feeling?" she asked him compassionately.

"Sad, angry," he looked down at Sydney and Johnny, "blessed." EJ swallowed hard. "Sad," he said again.

"I wish I could make this better for you, EJ," said Sami hopelessly. "I wish there was something I could do to take your pain away."

"You've done more than you know," said EJ and looked down at their children. He shook his head in quiet wonder. "How did two such deeply flawed people manage to create these truly perfect children?" he marvelled huskily as he stroked Johnny's mop of wild curls.

Sami smiled tenderly at their children. "I don't know," she said tremulously, "but I think God for them every day." Sami studied EJ's face in the darkened room as he watched the children sleep, her face serious. "You were right, you know," she admitted to him. "You were right about everything."

EJ lifted his eyes to meet hers, a measure of surprise in them. He cast his eyes up at the ceiling and then back to Sami, as a wry smile touched his lips. "I always figured the world would end when you said those words to me, Samantha." He gave a dry laugh. "I guess I was wrong."

"I deserved that," said Sami, unoffended. "I've been a complete bitch to you, well, since we've met really."

"I'm not looking for apologies, Samantha," said EJ, going back to looking at the children. "We both made a lot of mistakes with each other. I'm not interested in keeping a score card."

"I know." Sami frowned, looking at him curiously. "You know that isn't normal, right? People usually hold grudges."

"I always knew the reason why you did the things you did," said EJ simply. "It's who you are and all I wanted for you was to understand why I did the things I did too."

"I didn't want to for the longest time," Sami admitted sadly. "But I did, right from the beginning and that was why I've been running away from you ever since. I saw the real me in you and it scared the hell out of me."

"I know," said EJ huskily. "I know."

Sami couldn't help but stare at him in amazement. "How can you still love me, after everything that I've put you through, EJ?"

EJ's head was on a pillow, as was Sami's on another, facing each other, as they held each other's gaze over the heads of their children. "Samantha, I loved you from the beginning. You have been at the heart of the greatest highs and deepest lows of my life. Loving you has formed the architecture of my soul and there is no way to change that and I wouldn't want to even if there were."

Bittersweet tears welled up in Sami's eyes at EJ's beautiful words. "EJ," she choked, "I don't deserve you saying those words to me."

"Don't say that," EJ pleaded with her unevenly, "because if you don't deserve those words, then either do I and I need them so badly from you, Samantha."

"But how can you have any faith in my words?" she asked him despairingly. "The way I've bounced between you and Lucas and Rafe, what weight do my words even have anymore? I've been so fickle."

"You haven't been fickle, Samantha," EJ corrected her quietly. "You've been lost and that's not the same thing."

"Why are you being so kind to me, EJ? You don't have to be."

"I'm telling you the truth, even when I've lied to you, I was always telling you the truth."

Sami looked at him in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"It means my lies were always wrapped up in my love for you, so no matter what I was doing, good or bad, it was always about me loving you." EJ grimaced. "It's not pretty, but that's the truth about me." He looked at her with serious eyes. "The truth about us."

"I want you to know it's over with Rafe," Sami told him earnestly.

EJ looked a little sad. "I know, because of the baby lie."

"No," said Sami quickly, "that's not what I meant. I meant it's over with Rafe in the way that I'm over trying to find a man to fix me, to make me acceptable to my family. I'm over trying to make this world into a black and white place. Rafe, my family, they can all seem to do that and I tried to be like them but the truth is, I could never figure out their world. The rules seemed to keep on changing and I felt like I was always playing catch up. Like there was some secret book given to every Brady or Rafe kinda guy in the world about how to be perfect in this world and I was never allowed to read it." Sami closed her eyes. "And today I realised there is no book, no secret formula to being perfect because it isn't possible. All this time, I've been beating myself up for being less than perfect, and while I was doing that, I couldn't see that my family and Austin and Lucas and Rafe weren't perfect either. I mean, I knew they weren't, but their imperfections seemed so much smaller compared to mine that I had nothing to offer them. It always left me grateful for any scrap of attention or love I did get."

Sami opened her eyes and gave EJ a mock accusing look. "That was why you were so freakish to me, EJ, you didn't pretend to be anything you weren't and you loved me. I didn't know what that said about you, I didn't know what it said about me. I couldn't get the good guys to love me, but the crazy DiMera, I couldn't get rid of him." Sami rolled her eyes. "I spent seven years trying to run from the answer to that question and it's only today when I stopped running and realised it's not about the black and white, it's about the greys. Being loved by you doesn't make me a bad person, EJ, anymore than being loved by Rafe makes me a good one. Neither one of you have that kind of power because neither one of you are all good or all bad."

EJ gave a soft smile. "It makes me really happy to hear you say these words, Samantha. I've waited a long time to hear them."

"I've been waiting my whole life," Sami confessed. "It's taken me a really long time to get here, but I'm here now." She hesitated. "EJ, today is about your son and your grief, and it will be for a long time. I don't want to make it about me." Sami wrinkled her nose. "Even though I've been talking about myself non-stop since I got into bed," she said self-deprecatingly. "I'm not going to tell you I love you and promise you that you'll always have my heart, even though it's true. I feel like today I've been woken up from the longest dream and I'm seeing the world for the first time. I feel like I've been reborn and I want this new Sami to find her feet and to win your heart."

"You already have my heart, Samantha," EJ pointed out gently. He gave her a lop-sided smile. "It's non-returnable."

"But you gave that heart to a Sami who didn't understand its' worth," Sami pointed out. "I want to win that heart all over again, EJ, as the real Sami Brady. I want to woo you."

EJ's eyes crinkled at the corners, softening the sadness held inside of his eyes. "You want to woo me?" he asked with a little laugh.

Sami arched a challenging eyebrow. "Do you have a problem with that, DiMera?"

"Do I have a problem with being wooed by you?" EJ repeated with a smile. "Hardly. It's just that we already know I'm going to be madly in love with you within seconds, sweetheart. It hardly seems worth your effort."

"The point of wooing is not the destination, it's the journey," said Sami determinedly.

"When did you become such an expert on the subject of woo?" EJ teased her.

Sami knew the answer to that. "After watching you woo me for the last seven years."

EJ groaned laughingly. "Oh God, please tell me you're not going to use my template for trying to win your heart, Samantha? Hasn't there been enough bloodshed and pain between us already?"

"I wasn't thinking of what you did, EJ," she countered. "I'm talking about what you saw. You saw me, in all my weaknesses and in all of my strengths and you still wanted me. That's what I want to give to you, EJ. I want you to know I see who you are, all of it, the good and the bad and that I love all of it." Sami reached over the children's head and slipped her fingers through EJ's fingers as his hand rested on the pillow between them. She threaded her fingers through his and squeezed. "I want you to see the real Sami in action, all the time, not just in fleeting glimpses and I want you to know without a shadow of a doubt that she is here to stay. I want the words I say to have weight again, EJ. I want them to mean something and that is why I'm going to woo you. Because when I do finally stand in front of you, and tell you I love you, you're not going to be able to have a moment's doubt or hesitancy that I know exactly what those words mean and I own them completely."

EJ was looking at her in adoring amazement. "I think I'm going to like this wooing business."

Sami gave him a wobbly smile. "Damn straight."

EJ closed his eyes and looked torn. "How can this day be both the worst day of my life and the best at the same time?"

Sami squeezed his hand tightly. "Because life isn't black or white." EJ opened his eyes and looked at her and Sami smiled back at him softly. "Someone very smart once said that to me and I was afraid of hearing that then but I'm not afraid any longer. You're going to get through this, EJ. You're going to miss Danny every day for the rest of your life, but you're going to get through this and I'm going to be with you the whole way. We'll take this slowly, we've got time."

EJ squeezed her hand back and sent her a grateful look. "I know, and I can't wait."