Chapter three
Alex had not been home since she discharged herself from the hospital. She had worked for hours on end, Hotch left at his normal time, never attempting to persuade her to go home knowing it would be futile. He knew that rather easily he could get Garcia to hack in to Alex's medical history. However that was invading her privacy thus losing the little trust she had in him,
When Alex knew she was truly alone in the dim bullpen that was only illuminated by the glow of the desk light and computer screen. She would take her bottle of rum out of her lowest desk drawer, taking large bitter mouthfuls, feeling the burning sensation spread throughout her desk, numbing her frayed emotions.
Alex was not much of a drinker. She simply enjoyed good quality alcohol from time to time. Yet despite this she had a rather high tolerance. But the past two nights she drunk an entire bottle each night, lucky for her, she only kept two in her desk which meant by the end of the second night, she had run out
And after she ran out at about quarter to twelve. She then had to be nil by mouth as her biopsy was in 10 hours. A section of her hair was to be shaved off and then then cut to expose her skull would be made. Her brain would be dug through and a sample of the tumour would be removed so that it could be tested, The risk of stroke, bleeding on the brain niggled at her however she also had been told there was a risk of diminished mental capacity if any areas of her brain were damaged during the biopsy and she knew if that happened, she wouldn't be able to work, She would potentially be dependent on a carer, doing the simple and complex tasks that everyday life entailed. And to her, that wasn't a life. that was simply existing in the world
"Stop it Alex! thinking like this isn't going to help" Alex muttered as she walked to her car, leaving her desk which was much like a safety blanket behind. However, her handbag contained a large amount of files. She was aware that she would be unable to come in during the day when the team was there so if she was aware enough to drive, she would come in at night to get more files and put the completed ones in the needed places. She had stayed in her white shirt and pant suit teamed with sleek designer heels. She didn't see point in changing when she'd be in a hospital gown, She had changed at 3 in the morning for the past two days. After she turned the key in the ignition so that the engine purred to life and she fastened her seatbelt with shaking hands, before she pulled out of the parking garage and on to the road, which was already beginning to fill with morning commuters. By the time Alex was walking in to the neurosurgery ward, she had completely shut of each and every emotion in her body as if emotions were available on tap. Due to the fact she was booked for the first appointment of the day, Alex was taken straight to a small clinic room next to the OR. As the operation was explained to her, she didn't really listen to any word he had said. She knew what was going to happen before the words had even come out his mouth, Changing in to the dreaded and flimsy hospital gown. Alex ran her fingers through her long, dark and silky locks that she would soon be styling to cover the wound and bald patch
She was going to do this alone and in private. It was her life and her body at that.
Before she knew it, Alex was laying on a poor excuse for a bed with a cannula in her right hand
As she laid staring at the off white ceiling, a admittedly good looking anaesthetist came in to her field of vision and spoke "We are going to put you under now Mrs Blake" then the mask that stunk of anaesthetic came over her mouth and nose, she felt herself drifting off in to darkness. The last thought in her mind before the darkness drowned her was this
"I am going to die"