Here is next chapter of Neville Longbottom. Thanks to my beta hades, you rock. I hope everyone likes it. After this I will update quicker to give you the halloween chapter and then the musical christmas chapter.

Hades requested the blink-182 bit.

Disclaimer- I do not own anything except my twisted ideas. GO PINK BUNNIES!

Chapter 3

The next day Neville woke and went to breakfast. As he sat down the frizz ball came and sat next to him. Damn it. He turned away from her and incidently ended up facing dumbledore dancing with the ravenclaw lad to YMCA while they were dressed up as the builder and the cop. Sighing he turned back to Hermione.

"I can't wait for the post to arrive" she said.

Neville just looked back and forth wondering where the hell that came from. Just then, Ron walked in looking very pissed off. He sat down next to Neville and glared at him.

"Where the hell is my chocolate?" he demanded

"..."

"..."

"Err...what chocolate?"

Ron just stared at him blankly and turned to look at the food on the table.

"Ooh look, sausages!" he exclaimed.

"OMG I'M SO EXCITED! AREN'T YOU EXCITED?" Hermione gushed.

"Err...what's so exciting?" Neville asked confuzzled.

Hermione started squealing like a pig then as hundreds of owls flew through windows that weren't there a second ago. The owls landed in front of people and gave them letters. Neville then understood that this was what Hermione was talking about.

*SPLAT*

The noise echoed around the room and everyone turned to see what it was. All the students had owls, but Neville had a toad. Trevor had just fallen through the window at the top of the wall and landed on the floor. Amazingly it wasn't dead. Neville cursed its survival under his breath as the slime ball hopped down the table (landing in everyone's breakfast) towards him.

It had a parcel strapped to its neck and it seemed to be strangling it. Neville contemplated over whether he should just leave it on and let it die but seeing as though everyone was watching he took it off and opened the packet.

Inside was a letter from his gran.

Dear disappointment

Seeing as though you're an absolute idiot, I have enclosed a present for you. And no it is not edible. It is called a "stupid/smartarse alarm". Every time you do or say anything stupid it starts flashing and screaming "NEVILLE IS A DIPSHIT" and if you do anything smart it will scream "LOOK AT ME, I'M A SMARTARSE".

I hope you like it, love Gran.

Neville sighed and put the alarm in his pocket and headed to first lesson. But as he walked out the hall he was suddenly ambushed by a mob of pink and yellow bunny rabbits throwing eggs at him.

It was potions first and it was Gryffindor's joint with Slytherin's. As they walked into the classroom, Neville saw Harry and waved. Harry dived and hid under a desk as Neville scrapped off the remaining yolk from the bunny attack.

A creepy looking man with extremely greasy hair walked into the room.

"I am Professor Snape, open your books and make any potion. I want to see what level you are all at".

Everyone immediately began to make their potions. Neville stuck with an easy one called "Toad poison". Ron began to make one that turned whatever is dropped into it into chocolate. Hermione began to make one that when poured on the floor, summoned the pourers favourite fictional character and harry and draco were simply making out under the desk.

At the end of the lesson, Neville still had a damned toad, Ron was eating a chocolate bar that still had some potions pages in it and Hermione was gushing over her summoned Anakin Skywalker.

"Well done to those who succeeded, which is everyone except Longbottom." Snape said in his cold voice"

As he said this Neville's alarm went off and he banged his head down on the table.

"NEVILLE IS A DIPSHIT, NEVILLE IS A DIPSHIT, NEVILLE IS A DIPSHIT..." it went on and on.

"How do you turn this bloody thing off?" Neville screamed as he pulled it out of his pocket.

"Face it Neville, your just gonna have to live with being called a dipshit your entire life" Hermione said as she began to stroke Anakin's arm.

The bell went and Snape whipped his wand and Anakin disappeared, making Hermione sink to the floor and begin to cry.

Everyone in the class made their way to the Quidditch pitch and as they walked down the corridor 3 naked guys ran past them singing "whats my age again" with Dumbledore running after them still wearing his poice outfit.

One of them ran over to Neville and yelled "Save me!"

"We just got out of his office after 5 long years of wearing tight leather pants."

One of them turned round and said "Actually, I quite liked the leather pants."

"GAY!" the other two yelled.

While they were arguing, Dumbledore had put chains onto their dog collars and was dragging them back to his office.

"NEVILLE IS A DIPSHIT, NEVILLE IS A DIPSHIT, NEVILLE IS A DIPSHIT..." Neville sighed as Hermione tried every spell she knew to get it shut up. As you can see it was failing miserably.

Madam Hooch walked onto the pitch and looked at Neville and sighed. After that the lesson continued normally until the point where Neville somehow ended up on the roof.

"DON'T JUMP!" everyone yelled. They all thought he was suicidal.

"I'M NOT GOING TO!" he yelled back. Why do they all think I want to kill myself?

Then randomly out of nowhere Ron yelled up "DO A FLIP!"

Slowly everyone turned to glare at him. "What?" he said in a defensive voice.

Everyone just shook there head and turned back to Neville. Suddenly he had the most brilliant idea ever. He pulled the alarm out of his pocket that was still screaming and threw it. It collided with the ground and smashed into a million pieces. Neville started to break dance and "here it is, merry christmas" began to play out of nowhere. "Hey does anyone know where Trevor is?" he yelled down but in his victory dance he slipped and fell to the ground.

He awoke in the hospital wing. He looked to the side and saw Ron sitting there eating chocolate that clearly had been labelled with "Dear Neville, get well soon".

"What time is it?" Neville asked in confusion.

"Time for third period, you missed break" Neville just sighed and thought about staying in bed but when he saw a yellow bunny sitting beside his bed with blood red eyes he decided to go to lessons. He climbed out the bed and went on his way to his next lesson with Ron trailing behind him with his arms full of chocolate.

"Oh yeah and by the way, you're the seeker for the Quidditch team." Ron said through a mouthful of chocolate.

"WHAT? How? Why?" Neville asked.

"Because Harry is in Slytherin so therefore he became Slytherin seeker and also you're the only one in Gryffindor that could get off the ground."

"Damn"

HOPE YOU LOVED IT! Sorry I didnt notice I was writing in capitals there.

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