When Bat Met Cat
Yes, I realize that this isn't much of a Teen Titans tale, but it's still a very important part of my version of things. Not to mention it's a very interesting story to tell: the dark, broody crime fighter, the friendly, sexually attractive super-thief, and the rather ambiguous relationship between them. This version of Catwoman is inspired by the great Chris Dee, and her Cat-Tales series. Read it. It's like a combination of comic books and a sit-com! You might not like it if you're a Star/Rob fan, Dick Grayson/Teen Titans Robin marries Barbara Gordon/Batgirl I, but that shouldn't stop you. Some of the lines may have been taken from her writings, but I see it as more of an Homage than anything else.
An announcement: I have revised this story. I have made corrections in wordings, items that make little sense, and added little bits of info that should be in here but weren't. Thank you.
Log entry 000-00-000138.
A new criminal has taken residence in Gotham. It is a thief of a caliber I've not witnessed firsthand before. In the past fortnight, nine private homes of Upper Class citizens along the Kane Beach and the Upper West Side, three major stores selling expensive jewelry and the Gotham Museum of Classical Art were all broken into, the only thing reported as stolen were items usually Cat-related in nature. Since the Art Museum was hit first, I had first suspected it might have been an inside job, but with the similar break ins taken place since then, I have changed my theory. All the targets had high-scale anti-theft security systems, the most extensive commercially available to the parties involved. The identical pattern of breaking and entering, and subsequent thefts supports the police department's theory that this is either the same person, or a ring of highly trained individuals dedicated to recreating an exacting MO. Though if the latter is true, then why were the targets hit one at a time? In the fourteen days of the theft wave, on only two occasions were multiple targets hit: on the ninth, two of the residential houses were hit, but the times of the break ins suggest that they were not simultaneous, but hours apart, while on the twelfth, all three of the jewelry stores were hit. Again, only hours apart. This is the work of one individual, and a highly skilled individual at that.
A motive is unknown, and it would be foolhardy and potentially dangerous to think of one without evidence suggesting what it is at this time.
Log entry 000-00-000140
A breakthrough in the cat burglar case. In the Art museum and Jewelry store break ins, all of the cameras were by-passed, and any footage of the estimated time between suspected break in and escape of the criminal destroyed. However, last night after late patrol, another residential home was broken into. The owner was Carl Sedgwick, of the old Sedgwick Rail Road fortune, and a high profile PETA member who owns a considerable collection of crystal sculptures of various felines.
When the first residential homes were hit, Mr. Sedgwick himself installed a hidden camera to observe his glass menagerie at night should he be a target of what the media is calling "The Cat." Early this morning, Mr. Sedgwick was startled awake by his security alarm. Since no knowledge of how the thief would have reacted to being discovered by a civilian target is known, it is fortunate that Mr. Sedgwick stay in his bed until the Police arrived, when, after examining the footage, we have our first real photographic evidence of the thief.
At 03:20 AM, the footage shows the thief walking in from the patio. The thief appears to be a woman near her mid-twenties, about 5' 9" with hair reaching her mid-back or waist dressed in a tight, possibly leather cat suit complete with a cowl with cat-shaped ears sewn on. (See Footage File #00-63A). The woman started to use what appeared to be a sophisticated lock-pick on the glass cage holding the figurines. I will make a point to visit Mr. Sedgwick early tonight before patrol to examine the case.
When the case was opened, the woman turned around to pick up a briefcase, possibly with an insulating foam interior to protect the figurines, and noticed the camera. With a start, she triggered the alarm, and subsequently ran out, remembering to take the briefcase with her so as to not leave any incriminating evidence. Normally, I would suspect that she had forgotten about disarming the alarm, and/or was getting sloppy, but since all the alarms at all the other targets were left on as well, it is possible the thief enjoys challenging herself.
Now that I have a visual of what to look for, and a thorough knowledge of the thief's Modus Operandi, I can now orchestrate a proper search for her. I will conduct sweeps of the Upper Class residential areas of the Upper West Side, Kane Beach properties and surrounding areas, as well as Museum Row and the Diamond District.
Bruce Wayne saved the entry and powered down the computer. As he stood up he removed his gloves and laid them down next to his cowl. He then turned toward his attention to the map of Gotham he had spread out earlier that night. On top of the map was a sheet of Overhead Projector film, which he marked on the locals of this Cat Burglar's exploits. The Bijoux Impériaux had just received a large shipment of a wide variety of precious stones last week, and the jewels would more than likely be safely tucked away by now, just like the other three stores. The thief had yet to make another swipe at another high end jewelry store, so the Bijoux Impériaux would be a most likely target.
"Master Bruce," Alfred Pennyworth, Wayne's Butler, closest friend and compatriot on this War on Crime, even if he did dislike it tremendously, and said so at any opportunity, "It is well past Midnight. Need I remind you of your meeting with the board at precisely nine o'clock this morning?"
Though the sudden appearance of the man may have startled most, the last of the Wayne family was more than used to Alfred's silent ways. In fact, Bruce may have subconsciously learned a few things from the man's silent feet.
"Not to worry Alfred, I've not forgotten, I'll be up in a minute. You go on to bed, I won't be long."
Alfred cocked an incredulous eyebrow at this, though the rest of him remained just as stoic and restrained as before. The British butler merely gave a small hum of disapproval before walking upstairs as silently as he had entered.
The next twenty hours saw Bruce Wayne stumble through a board meeting, as per usual, a lunch with friends at their favorite restaurant, and a date with some airheaded heiress whose name he had long forgotten. Little more than a bimbo who babble almost nonstop of the most inane and dull dribble he had ever imagined.
How he longed to dawn his cape and cowl and roam the rooftops to silence crooks, but since it was summer, he had to put up with her since it just simply wouldn't do to have Batman roam the rooftops in daylight.
And finally, those final few hours saw Batman on the roof of the Bijoux, squatting in the shadow of a ventilation duct, waiting for his quarry to come to the party.
The trouble with preemptive stake-outs such as this was that you didn't know if your hunch was correct. Fortunately, the Bijoux was surrounded by a half dozen other likely targets, and since the Bijoux was the tallest building in the district, Batman would easily see anyone trying to break into the neighbors. Still, that didn't mean this mysterious feline wouldn't hit a target clear across town.
However, Lady Luck was with the Dark Knight this evening, for a chance glance over the edge allowed him to see his prey just as she slipped into the housing of a ventilation duct of the next high-rise over, seven stories below. With a determined smirk, Batman waited for his prey to enter the duct, following only after a moment's pause.
The thief had obviously done her homework. This particular building was a recent annex to the Bijoux, mostly for storing the more valuable merchandise then for showcasing them. As such, the name of the company was not on the building, but rather the name of its previous owners: Kane Brothers & Sons, a now defunct insurance company. Augmenting this, no transfers occurred between the Annex and Store Proper above ground, but through a secret tunnel connecting the two buildings, lest unscrupulous eyes were watching. The theory being that most potential thieves would attack the Bijoux Impériaux proper, which held items of lesser value, as well as much tighter security, and half a police department worth of security guards.
Granted, the system was more geared toward thieves that were incompetent, amateurs, unobservant, or just plain stupid. Any thief that may have had any hacking skills, or had access to someone who did, it would take only a few hours at most to gather information on patrol routes and intervals, schedules, possibly even access codes. But at any rate, the security in the Annex was not something to laugh at. Since people would notice an Out-of-Business Insurance Company getting security upgrades the likes of which more often seen in buildings holding valuables, little was done to what was already present. But what was there was subtle, but very impressively shrewd, and every week, the security guards practiced running from the Bijoux Proper into the Annex via the underground tunnel in the guise of a Fire Drill, so that once the silent alarm sounded in the Annex, half of the force would apprehend the felons so fast their heads would spin.
Batman walked silently and purposefully down the dark and quiet halls of the annex, careful to set his feet down slowly so as to limit the sound in the echoing corridor, his shadow one of many in the darkened building. On the fifth floor, in a normal-looking office, a false wall hid the main vault. It was in this office that the thief was more than likely would be. As he snuck up to the open door frame, he heard the gentle clicking of a dial, followed by the clank of the handle being turned.
"Bingo."
The Caped Crusader leaped around the door frame to catch the crook in the act, cutting off her escape, and was about to spew a rather witty comment… When he saw her.
Well, her hind-end, but still. …..It was a nice end.
Bruce didn't know just how long he stood there, jaw dropped like a fish just staring at how the moon seemed to spotlight that large, tight, round-GAH!
Batman shook his head vigorously to snap himself out of it, then made his presence known.
"Your crime wave is over! You are coming with me!"
If the woman was startled, she didn't show it. The vault was not high, but it was deep and wide, forcing her to either get on all fours or squat. Batman barely saw her face as she turned her head around to see who had entered, mostly just a glimmer of an eye really. Then she backed out of the vault, stood and turned around.
And what a vision she was. If just a glimpse of her gluteus maximi could stall the mind of the world's greatest detective, then beholding the entire package was like activating an electromagnet on top of a computer. An hourglass figure, encased in soft lavender leather, thigh high boots, a partially wound up bullwhip was attached to the small of her back, giving the effect of a cat's tail, thick ebony hair flowed from the back of her purple and black mask, faux cat ears adorned her crown, full red lips, legs that went all the way to the floor, and two beautiful large…. luminous green eyes.
The lovely feline gave a seductive smirk as she slowly advanced on him, "Well, well well…" Her voice was smooth as silk, and sweet as chocolate, "The legendary Batman finally comes to pay the new girl a visit after being in town for over two months." Her eyes moved up and down his intimidating figure, the smirk turning into a fully fledged smile, "I'm afraid I'll have to agree with Pammy, you certainly are the essence of a man." A gloved hand rose over his developed chest, "Though I have a feeling that my intent is quite different from hers."
A quick blink brought Batman out of his haze as he stealthily fingered his Bat-Cuffs from his utility belt.
"I see you've been social with Gotham's unique nightlife miss."
The lady subtly shuddered and positively purred and how he spoke. "Well, I've just got back in from studying abroad and thought I'd see how the old stomping grounds have changed."
He hardened his features, "A pity how you've done so the wrong way. You are charged with over ten counts of Breaking and Entering and grand theft, I'm taking you in. You have the right to remain silent and to an attorney-."
The woman interrupted with laughter, "Oh ho! We barely meet and you're telling me what to do? I don't think so. A Cat is notorious for her unwillingness, and a Woman scorned has worse fury then Hell, and I'm both. Think you can handle me still?"
The clicking of handcuffs clamping onto their target was the Bat's only answer. And from the look on her face, the Femme Fatale was surprised beyond her imagining. This pleased Gotham's protector, so much so that his mouth actually went up into what some may call a smirk, if not an outright smile.
"I think I can. Catwoman."
Catwoman looked wide-eyed at the cuffs around her wrists for a moment, before that seductive grin returned to her lovely features.
"Ooh, Kinky!"
Batman actually blinked in response for that. Didn't she realize what was going on? After a grunt of dissatisfaction and a squint of the eyes, he picked her up and hefted her onto his shoulder, turned around and walked down to the ground floor, signaling to the Batmobile to be at the door. He thought this would jar her into realizing that she was going to jail. He thought wrong. She was as chatty as ever.
"So, where we goin'? Back to your cave or wherever it is that you live?"
He figured ignoring her would give a hint. Again: Wrong.
"What're we gonna do when we get there? …You don't talk much do you?"
Stoic silence and the tapping of his boots on the linoleum floor was the only answer.
"Hey! Are you a Vampire or something?" A horrified gasp echoed in the emergency stairwell they had just entered. "You are, aren't you?! You're going to take me to your dungeon and make me one of your harem! Bite my neck and make me one of your undead Brides of Dracula! You'll tie me down and do unspeakable things to me! You could tell I'm a virgin couldn't you? I bet that made me a prime target."
They had finally reached the lobby, the Batmobile was thankfully waiting for them. A nervous tick was working its magic in Batman's eye. He decided the Silent Treatment would not work as well as hoped.
"Hardly."
"Hey! It specks!"
Batman grunted in annoyance, he would be glad to have this obnoxious beauty out of his hair.
The hatch of the vehicle opened automatically, and Batman more dropped then placed Catwoman into the passenger seat. She looked around herself, looking all the while not unlike a curious kitten.
"Wow. This is a big car." She looked at him with a curious glint in her eye, and a tilt of her head, then that insufferable grin returned. "Are you compensating for something?"
The slam of the hatch was his only response.
As the engine revved and pulled into the street, the woman continued to baffle, exasperate and frustrate Batman all the way to the Gotham City Police Department HQ with just her talk, so much so that he chose not to bother looking at her. He didn't know it yet, but her attitude towards him and life in general was something that he would find would be a key element to his relationship to Catwoman.
Finally, they arrived at the station, Lieutenant Gordon and three other officers waiting for him at the stairs.
"The GCPD? You're really gonna lock little ol' me up?"
Slowly, the Dark Knight turned towards her, pupil less white eyes stared into her lively green ones. A long pause permeated the cockpit, a single syllable was his only answer: "Yes."
That curious and admittedly adorable head tilt returned, before that horrid grin returned. "You going to join me?"
Blink. "What?"
"I had no idea you were into bondage Batman. You even paid off Gotham's 'Finest' to arrange this little fling! You know, if you just wanted to have a night of fun and games, all you had to do was ask."
The silence that followed was brief, but memorable, with Batman's blank face, and Catwoman's pleased smile. Batman left the cockpit and walked around to the passenger side just as Gordon walked up.
"So what have you for us tonight Batman? I've not known you to personally deliver criminals."
"Lieutenant Gordon, Gentlemen," Batman greeted as he opened the hatched and lifted Catwoman from her seat, "I give you your one woman theft-ring: Catwoman."
"Hi handsome!" and a happy smile was her only greeting.
Gordon smirked, "Hello yourself, let's take you in for prints so we can find out who you are."
Catwoman gently smiled demurely as she turned her face away like a blushing belle. "Why lieutenant, I'm shocked! We just meet and you want to be on first name basis like we're old friends? I'm flattered."
The clicking of handcuffs around wrists was heard as Gordon reached to take her arm, "Completely uninterested, but flattered none the less."
Like a shot, she jumped up and onto the roof of the Batmobile. Batman and Gordon both reached for a batarang and sidearm respectively, but found that their movements were hindered by the fact that they were cuffed together by Batman's own cuffs.
A late night shuttle had just ended its run for the day, and was driving down the road towards its shed until the next afternoon. Catwoman used the opportunity to take another leap and onto the roof of the bus as it sped down the street.
"Ta-ta boys!" was her only parting call, just as the vehicle turned, and she leaped off into the shadows.
The three officers that joined Gordon and Batman were speechless, frozen by the unexpected and brazen escape, one man looked as though he was tempted to applaud. Batman and the lieutenant were stunned still as well, but Batman was the first to break the spell and reached for his keys as Gordon returned to the living.
"Wh-what a woman."
"Indeed."
The other men in blue snapped out of it as well. "How did she pull that off?" one asked.
Once Batman freed himself and Gordon, Batman pondered the question. "…She was distracting me."
"What?"
"From the very start, after I cuffed her, Catwoman grew more and more obnoxious and deviant in her language. She became such an annoyance I ignored her completely, all the while she was most likely picking the locks where I couldn't see." He looked at the now emptied metal rings and the chain connecting them carefully, "I need new Batcuffs."
3 Weeks Later
Catwoman stalked out of the stairway and onto the roof of the Gotham Museum of Ancient History, pack full of booty on her back. After her foiled robbery of the Bijoux Impériaux, she laid low. The Batman was as handsome and well built as she had heard, but she knew he would be a skilled opponent. She would have to be cautious.
Of course, that didn't mean that she wasn't anxious to go up against him again.
She had decided to diversify her costume wardrobe in the meantime. Not only so that she could go 'hunting' multiple nights in a row without having to worry about cleaning her outfit, but she could have certain suits made for certain jobs, as well as confuse the authorities, since there would be more than one reported description of her, delaying response. The little number that she currently wore was a black PVC cat suit with built in boots and gloves, the zipper situated in the front, said zipper was not a metal flap, but a ring. Her cowl was different as well, it being attached to the suit, with goggles on a strap that was attached to said cowl in the back, designed to help see trip lasers. It was by far one of her least favorite outfits, but she swore to only wear it on very specific occasions. Heaven forbid she get photographed in it.
"I don't believe that those items belong to you Catwoman."
That voice. That oh so deep, resonating and rich voice! He was here! She turned around to see an onyx shadow, with glowing white eyes. Catwoman put down her pack and jutted out a shapely hip, planted a fist on it with one hand, and gave a mock salute with the other.
"I salute you World's Greatest Detective."
Those white eyes narrowed as the figure walked out of the shadows and into the moonlight.
"You're going to prison Catwoman, you've got a lot to answer for."
"This again?" She asked, and she stretched languidly, turning so that he would see her curved profile. "Please, it's not like I offed the commissioner or something. I've got standards ya know. Come now Handsome, that didn't work out last time, and I doubt that it will now."
"I beg to differ, your little games won't work on me this time."
She turned her head towards him, a little disappointed that her trick didn't work as the man in black walked right up to her, but from the smirk on her face, one would be fooled. She put her hands down, meeting him chest to chest, "What, you bat for the other team now? I bet Richard Simmons must be very happy for you."
"I'm sorry Catwoman," he smirked as the sound of clicking handcuffs resonated on the rooftops, "But this is the way it has to be."
They stood there for a long moment, when the cat lady smirked a self-satisfied smile, then gave a petit snort. The Batman was confused for a moment, when he remembered that he didn't even remove the batcuffs from his utility belt.
Looking down, he saw that somehow she pick his proverbial pocket and cuffed him again! Quickly he palmed his wrists, hoping to gain his lock pick, not finding it, he searched the belt in horror, which magnified when he realized that that one was gone as well.
"Looking for these?"
Looking up, Batman realized that somehow Catwoman picked his sleeve and his belt, gaining his picks that now dangled from her hand, held above and between them like twisted mistletoe.
"Ya want 'em?" she asked, inclining her head mischievously. At his silence, Catwoman looped a finger through the ring on her zipper, pulling down to just below the mid-point of her breasts, which now rose like a tide with each breath. Painfully, Batman watched as she slowly placed the two picks between her breasts, leaving enough visible that he could, in theory, grab them with lightening quick reflexes, if propriety were not an issue. Then, just as slowly, she pulled the zipper back up, concealing his captured picks.
"Come and get 'em."
With that, Catwoman back-flipped over and over across the rooftop, jumping backward once she reached the edge, leaving her booty behind. With one last jest, Catwoman formed a cannonball as she fell, giving one final wave as she disappeared over the edge.
For a long moment, Batman just stood there, awestruck at the woman's boldness.
"What a woman."
He stood stiff for five minutes, until he realized that he was still handcuffed, and was in for a long climb down because of it. With a grunt of frustration, the Batman readied a grapnel gun for his descent.
The Titans laughed long and hearty as Robin finished the story. Beast Boy and Cyborg had tears in their eyes, while Starfire was having to lean on Robin's shoulder to keep from falling over, something he wasn't to unhappy about. Even Raven, the more subdued member of the team, had the largest smile he had ever personally seen on her graceful features.
"Dude!" Beast Boy called out, "I can't believe it! Batman trumped by Catwoman! AHAHA!! And not just once! But twice!!"
Cyborg joined in, wiping the tear from his organic eye, "And it's not only that, but how she did it!" Rambunctious laughter flew from his mouth as her doubled over.
Starfire couldn't answer right at that moment, but the look in her eyes told him everything.
Raven put her tea down on the coffee table in front of them, she leaned back and crossed her arms. An eyebrow cocked itself as she asked her question.
"So, how did your first meeting with Catwoman go?"
Silence fell on the room like a crashing airplane as Cyborg and Beast Boy looked at each other, then slowly turned their gaze to their leader, eyes wide in eager anticipation.
Robin in the meantime, had frozen. Eyes wide and skin pale. For a good twenty seconds he did and said nothing. Finally, the Boy Wonder coughed and found his voice.
"Uh… Well, it's really not that interesting a story really, she always seemed more interested in Batman then me so-."
The alarm interrupted him, the red lights flaring, with a relieved smile, Robin addressed his team.
"Sorry Titans, but we've got work to do."
"That's okay," Raven said with a smirk as Beast Boy and Cyborg looked on almost evilly, "you can tell us when we get back."
THE END…?